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lebensweg1a

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  1. Hey, lately I've (22F) been dreaming about a guy (23M) I had a ONS with like two years ago almost every night. Back in 2019 we've met over an dating app. I was in a pretty ***ty relationship from 2017 to 2019 and had only been single for 2 months then. So I wasn't looking for a new relationship, I just looked for a date for the night. So the both of us met and suprisingly spent like 2 days together. He only was on vacation in my hometown and actually lived pretty far away on the other side of the country. Although the both of us were just looking for a one time thing, we ended up really liking each other. I remember it feeling like "love on first sight" and I guess he felt pretty similar about me. In those two days we only had sex once on the very last day and it just was the best sex I've ever had with a stranger. We promised we'd stay in contact not letting this end as a ONS (haha). Well long story short we actually planned on meeting again, but never did. At first we texted each other regulary, but after like one and a half months he eventually started answering my messages very slowly and I got the hint and stopped texting him after some time. I also started seeing other guys and tried forgetting about him although I compared him to every new guy I met. After a few months I met my now boyfriend (M22) and I was completely over him. Although I felt like I wasn't ready for a new relationship (and he said neither was he), we got together quite quickly. I love him like crazy! I've never liked anyone as much as him. We've been togehter for almost two years now and it's still magical. We've moved together during covid and he even made that horrible time feel great. Of course, we sometimes fight, but I feel like the both of us are putting so much effort and love into our relationship that it could last many many years. We're just very similar in our personalities. So actually everything's pretty perfect except for the fact that I'm dreaming about this ONS guy almost every night. In the beginning of my new relationship, I never thought about this old ONS, but after a few months he occured into my mind quite often. I'd describe it as "phases". Sometimes I'd think about him all day searching for him online and stuff - and sometimes I wouldnt for weeks. So a few months ago, I even started dreaming about him. Nowadays I dream about him like every second night. The dreams usually are somehow "realisitic" like that he texts me or he visits me or he got a new girlfriend or something. Usually I think it's true for a few seconds after I wake up. Honestly it's quite exhausting because it makes it so hard for me to forget him. It's been two years, I'm with the perfect guy and I'm still dreaming and thinking about this dude from two years ago. You might be wondering if I ever texted him or something, but I didn't. He texted me once (in 2020) asking if we ever wanted to meet again. I replied something like "Acutally I'm a relationship now so no" and he said "Congratulations that's great".Now here comes something I'm not too proud of. At the end of 2020 my best friend and I got very drunk together and called some people anonymously... yeah, um, so she called him and they talked for a few minutes (he also was drunk). I don't think he knows it was me and it's extremly childish, but in that moment it just felt great to hear his voice. I never told my boyfriend. I know it's not that bad, but I don't think it would help the situation. I literally don't know what to do. It's not like I'm stalking this guy online (not anymore), I'm in no contact with him whatsoever and still I'm dreaming about him. I just don't know what to do. And honestly I don't know what would happen if I ever saw him again? I even thought about asking my boyfriend to take a break in our realtionship just so I could see this ONS again, but that would just be so rude and stupid. That kind of idea only feels great for a few seconds. It's just like sometimes I wish for it so bad. And it's very hard for me to admit, but like 3 times in the past I even thought about this ONS when I was having sex with my bf. I feel extremly bad about that. I don't even think I would like to be together with this ONS guy. From an objective point of view this ONS is not a great guy. I just don't understand myself. Maybe some of you know what to do. I really do not want to break up with my boyfriend and I'm not sure if it has gotten clear, but our relationship is amazing. I really do love him and most of the times I do not think about this ONS.
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