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Honestly i’m not moving only for him. I’ve always planned to move back there way before I started talking to him again. I lived there before and I’ve always wanted to go back but it got postponed because of work, my father passing away and now covid. Even if I don’t end up with him because of this, I will still work on my original plan to move back. It’s just that since I want to be closer to him, I might want to put more effort on it and try to not postpone it any longer. Sometimes we also think if the reason of this whole situation we are going through is because of the distance. But I think even if we are together physically, if she still tries to get his attention is that way and he still happily responds, I will still feel bad about it. So right now, I just want to see if it’s a relationship worth investing time and effort for, because I know for sure he will never change and will always be there for her if she needs him. He asks me to try to see her just as his regular friend but it’s not something that I can just accept easily at the moment.

Yeah the whole situation is not ideal at the moment. I’ve always planned to go back to where he is right now because I lived there in the past and have been planning to go back even way before we started being in a relationship. Because of the distance, we didn’t make it official at first but for some reason in the past 1-2 months we felt the need to make it official especially since that I always plan to go back and settle there regardless of his existence. So he isn’t someone I cannot see in person, it just needs a little bit of time since the whole covid situation. So it isn’t exactly a “mission impossible” kind of cyber relationship.

True, but the reason I have trust issue is mainly because my last relationship didn’t end well and I got cheated many times. And my breakup is what brought me and my current boyfriend together. I’m honestly very conflicted right now. When I confronted him about it, he told me that the thinks he never crosses the line for instance, he told me he kept distance when they were together, he told her about being in a relationship with me when he sensed that she likes him and he rejected when she offered him to stay the night. He thinks talking to her whenever she needs him isn’t crossing the line. So you see the problem we have here is setting the boundaries itself. Something he thinks is normal, is not appropriate for me to be done between friends. And I don’t know how he still thinks of her in a positive way when she even tries to make him stay the night with her. I think the fact that this girl has been writing him everyday since although she said that she will stop talking to him or delete him, is just her testing the water and see if my boyfriend will leave me for her. Do you think I’m overthinking about it?

You’re right. Yeah I think I will give it a few months to see if she cut contact with him, although this will just be a temporary solution for me. I think I personally also need to work on my trust issue as well. But I’ll see the whole situation. If my boyfriend keeps defending her no matter what she does, I think I will just end the relationship. Even if that happens, I think he would still choose to keep her as a friend rather than do anything to stay with me. He told me himself that we would never do anything just to please me that involves leaving his friends. So yeah, I’ll see if anything changes these few months, and if it’s still toxic for me, I will just leave.

I know because he tells me everything especially after this whole stress I’ve been through. So whenever she texts him or calls him, he always let me know. The thing is, she helped him overcome his depression years ago and my boyfriend thinks of her as a very good person. In this case, I agree that you shouldn’t ditch a friend who was there for you just because you have a girlfriend now. But the fact that she tells him that she likes him especially right after she knows that he has a girlfriend now, just makes it worse for me. I feel like she doesn’t respect me by still writing to him knowing that I am uncomfortable about it. My boyfriend believing that she is a good person and has no other intention, always defends her no matter what and makes it look like I’m the crazy one here. I am seriously considering to end this relationship if this keeps going on. Because I see that my boyfriend only cares about not losing her as a friend and she only cares about her feelings, but nobody really thinks about how I would feel about the whole situation.

I knew him in the past but ever since we started dating, we’ve never met in person. Sometimes I think he still likes her too, the fact that he cares that much about her. But he always assures me that he treats her just like any other friend. I do admit that he is equally nice to all his other friends regardless the gender, but I can’t accept this particular friendship knowing that they had a history and especially now that she likes him. I mean, I always knew but I whenever I told him that she likes him, he always defended her by saying that I don’t know this girl and he is the one who talks to her so he knows her better. Honestly the whole situation is affecting me so bad mentally, and since my boyfriend doesn’t want to change anything, he asks me to get a professional help instead to overcome my trust issue 😞

Hi 1a1a thanks for responding. I really need someone to talk to at the moment tbh. My boyfriend is super friendly and nice to all his friends (both male and female), but it’s just this particular friend that I’m jealous of because he used to like her before he met me and as you know she likes him now. Even if she deletes his contact, I feel like this is just a short term and once she comes back, I will start feeling bad again. I do have the thoughts that I will be the one who leaves if I can’t learn to accept it and he doesn’t want to do something differently about it. Do you think it will be better once we are together physically in person? I plan to move close to him next year but I don’t know if i can deal with this *** my whole life

I have been feeling like *** for a few weeks now. Long story short I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a few months now. What bothers me is that, he has this female friend that always requires a lot of attention from him and he thinks it’s normal. He used to like her for 3 years but she didn’t want a relationship due to different religion issues. My boyfriend stopped talking to her for 2 years to be able to move on and a month before he met me, he started writing to her again as a friend. I always feel like this girl likes my boyfriend more than a friend, but my boyfriend keeps telling me that I just assume. For example, after I go to sleep, my boyfriend often calls her and talks to her but he thinks it is normal to hear from his friend once in a while. Especially because years ago when my boyfriend was depressed, this girl was there to help him and now that the girl is the one who isn’t doing well, he feels like he should be there for her. This summer, my fear and speculation came true. This girl went on vacation in a city one hour away from my boyfriend. I suspected that she chose that particular place so that he would see my boyfriend. But of course, my boyfriend defended her by saying that she has always been wanting to visit that particular area. My boyfriend decided to drive an hour to meet her as a friend. I was doing so bad the whole week because I knew she likes him and might try to do something with him. I puked for the whole week and lost 4 kg because of this, especially on the day he went and he still went anyway because he thought it wasn’t appropriate to ignore a friend who came to visit. During the visit, my boyfriend told her that he is in a relationship with me now. The night after my boyfriend came back from spending 13 hours with her, she called my boyfriend and told him that she likes him and she doesn’t know what to do with the whole situation. She said she will stop talking to my boyfriend so she can move on, but ever since she said that until today, she has been writing to my boyfriend everyday. Last night my boyfriend ended the call early with me because he was sick, but when I was asleep she called him and they talked. According to him it would be their last phone call because after the call, she would delete his contact. Well knowing how clingy this girl is, I think this won’t even last a month and she will come back again. I’ve been feeling like *** for the whole week because my boyfriend always makes it look like I’m the one who is overthinking and jealous for thinking that the relationship and the amount of communication and attention they share is not formal for friends. And I feel like this girl doesn’t respect me because my boyfriend told her that I am uncomfortable about the whole situation and she still writes and calls him regardless. But of course my boyfriend always defends her saying that she isn’t crossing the line or trying to steal him from me. My boyfriend told me he would never do anything differently for me because she is a good friend to him and he will always be there when she needs him. I will never ask him to stop talking to her as well but I wish they both understand my position and feeling. They make it look like I’m the one who is crazy to worrying and overthinking. To be honest, I was doing fine until this summer because they met in person and she told him that she likes him. Now my boyfriend is extremely sad for losing her as a friend and I’m still doing bad because of the whole situation but I try to hide it from my boyfriend or else he will say that I am too dramatic again. What should I do if I will never be able to accept her as his friend?