LuckyDuck

Hello everyone, Can someone shed some light on how I can clear my head and not think about this. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me several months ago to go back with her ex-boyfriend. We still talk on the phone but I always get mad when she tells me she goes out with him to eat or the movies. But my greatest fear is when she eventually sleeps with him again. She has not slept with him yet and I do believe her and that she lives with her parents and she calls me everynight before she goes to sleep. I wait by the phone to make sure she calls me before I go to sleep. I hate weekends most b/c that's when they go out late and come back late after hanging out with their friends. I always call around 2:30-3:00AM to make sure she is home. I can't do this anymore. I sweat at night waking up at 5:00AM just thinking and missing her. I can't stand the thought that someone else will sleep with her. I guess it is because I still value and love her too much to accept that. But I don't know what to do.

Hey austingunner, I can empathize with how u are feeling. My ex broke up with me because she is not sure if she wants me or her ex-boyfriend. she says she still loves but is very confused. I tried very hard to give her space but always fail by calling her and checking up on her. I really I was very selfish and was not concerned of the pressure I put on. Your post helped to see her side and maybe it will keep me from calling her. I now realize I call to comfort myself emotionally so I can feel better neglecting how she would feel. She probably thinks I don't trust her now. I hope good things work out with your situation.

Hi Swingfox, My situation now is that I want to get her back. But she feels like she needs to give him a second chance even though she says she is in love with me. She has never said that to her ex before. She is feeling pressured from her parents to get back with him and the harsh ways she treated him before they broke. She is feeling lots of guilt thereforeeeeee feels more at ease if she just gives it another shot with him, even if it means losing me. I know I need to do something now but what. I can't change her mind. We have talked many times about this. It seems to draw her further away from me. I am trying not to contact her and just let her do what she needs to do, but it's so hard. I am lost.

I will give a short history about my situation. My ex girlfriend left me to be back with her ex boyfriend. Last night I met my ex after a week of not seeing her. Once she got in the car, she held my hand (like she always does) while I was driving. She would kiss my hand and bite my arm very affectionately. This made me feel like it was old times. We went to the park and held each other. I did not make any moves on her. She kept touching me and kissing me. She tells me she does not feel comfortable around her. He would try to be close to her and she would make an excuse to push him away. She says that she does not feel like she is his girlfriend but she feels like she belongs to him though. I don't get it. He comes over her house any time he feels like it and talks to he parents if she doesn't talk to him. He is trying to be around more. But, when she sees me, she holds me so much. We feel so comfortable with each other. Can anyone shed some light on this? Thank you

I have slipped and fallen again. I called her last night at 11:30PM and she was sleeping. It is 9:15AM EST, and I just got off the phone with her. She is always honest with me (so I think). I asked her what she did this weekend (trying to find out if she was with him). On Saturday, she went with him to Foxwoods but also with her sisters and friends. I asked what time they got back and she said they all ended staying in a hotel at Foxwoods. She said every one slept in one room but they shared the same bed. He tried to make moves on her but she pushed him away. I could not believe what I heard. I know she is telling me the truth but eventually she will give in. I told her that I wanted to see her tonight at 10:30 or 11:00 and she said yes. She said she would have to pretend that she is sleepy so that can get off the phone with him sooner. My question is why does she still want to see me? I know right now that I am still weak and I need to do see her to realize how low I have placed myself before I can get back up. It is easier for me to move and accept things when I look in her eyes and see for myself, a transparent wall that used to cry out so much to me with love and passion that she once had for me. I don't like to assume, I need to hear and see her actions and expressions in person. I need to feel that almost unbearable pain before I can move on. I have always been and in person kind of guy. Even if I wanted to break up with someone, I would tell them in person. I am doing all this because I want to move on faster. The more I see in her that there is no chance for us the faster I can let go. I know I am still weak because I am letting her dictate when I could let go. All your support is helping greatly, I just have to go through this weakness before I can be strong. Thanks for listening

loner82 I am sorry for your sadness. I know people tell you that is takes time to heal and 9 months is not pathetic. It will end sooner when you finally accept that he has moved on without you and with somebody else. You did not do anything to deserve such harsh treatment. Reality is that that's the way he is. The person that you love so much just does not love you back in that way. This is why you cannot cope with the pain b/c you are not accepting he is not the one. I know you continue to hope maybe he made a mistake and will come back to you. Just imagined if things did not work out with him and his new girl. Le's say he comes back, if you think about it, he is say "I took a risk and dumped to test out the other girl, since it did not work out, I know how weak you are, you'll take me back". Would you want to be his backup. Right now, hurt and confusion is making you lower your dignity by ignoring all he did wrong to you and putting him a pedestal. He made a big mistake. Let him realize it by being stronger. Show him you don't need him. I know what you are going through. I am trying to deal with my ex who broke up with me a month ago for her previous boyfriend. I am still trying to cope with the hurt. I have lost 5 pounds so far, can't eat, sleep, or evern watch TV. You are not alone. Keep writing, it helps. good luck to you.

Cobro, It seems like I am just following your experience right after you went through yours. I must be in the "want to get broken to pieces lane" and I am next after you. My heart just jumped out of my chest when you said that you lost weight, checked you email, trying to get her back. I have lost 5 pounds so far. Every time my cell rings, I pray it would be her. I am always checkin for missed calls from her. Even though I have not gone through the full painful journey that you have traveled, I know that my turn is near and it's unavoidable. I will meet you on the other side of recovery soon. Thanks man. Cruisin Sorry for misspelling you name earlier. For my whole life, I have always bottled my emotions to myself fearing the risk of getting hurt. I never felt comfortable expressing my feelings to people especially strangers. By doing so, I learn on my own through experience and experience only. I could have avoided a lot of unnecessary decision if I had opened up more. I am glad I took a chance and found this site. I am overwhelmed by the support of the members on this site. Now there is a way for me to channel my thoughts with those that can empathize with me. I know I have a lot way to go, but with the care that you can cobro, the road is brighter. Thank you both with all my gratitude and appreciation to help me through this.

jafreak, I don't think you can keep this from your parents since you are under age. Try to gather some strength and confront them. You have alot of options, don't go through this on your own. Your parents will always be there for you, no matter how upset they will get. you are still their child and mistakes do happen. Talk to them and best of luck to you.

babes, that was a funny one

How pathetic am I This is the second attempt at trying not to contact my ex. The first failed because my ex called me and so we continued to talk after that. And now I am so desperate to call her that I am telling my that it is ok to call this time since she called me the first time. I want to kick myself in the a**. But I have not called, my will power is weakening. Must fight this evil force.

bikergirl, I have never been with someone for that long so I would know what it takes to loose all you have spent your life with. Just remember that the lifestyle you planned to live with him was much different from what is happening now. You are right, sometimes we are so much more comfortable with the situations at hang (at least we know how bad it is) rather than facing the unknown (even a possible better life). Since we don't see it, we end up settling for the present. I know the situations ahead will be tough. If you love him, keep trying to find a way because when you do find a solution and bring him back to reality, he will see that you stuck by him and will appreciate you even more. I too am going through a tough time with my ex whom broke up with me a month ago to go back with her ex. I have decided to leave her alone but it is hard to forget. Even though our problems are different, our feelings for our loved ones are similar. You are not alone. Good luck

hey me33, I don't think she can get over me that fast or i am just tricking myself. I is just hard to believe someone that says they love you can do that. I treated her well. I am still confused and weak. Thanks for the advice

bikergirl, You deserve what you think you are worth. You made a choice to put up with "this", then you must face the consequences that follows them. If you is abusive in the past from drinking, the more this problem progress, it will eventually get worst. You are afraid of him and that does sound like a good relationship. Yes, you do love him and have great laughs together, but does that mean you should settle for his disrespect by the way he talks to you "take the f*****g car". I don't if you have tried sitting down and talking with him. If you are not feeling comfortable due to his unpredictable reaction when you do confront him, I suggest you seek a relationship counselor. I know it is tough since your live in a small town where words spreads fast. But what would you sacrifice, putting up with the fear while keeping the town quiet or seeking help and everyone knows. You deserve the love and treatment that you give to him. I wish the best of luck. P.S. be careful, don't let him find out you have been seeking help online. He may not like it. Just be careful ok.

Hey Sweetpig, I am sorry to hear about your situation. I will be frank and ask you if you know anything about her past other than her last relationship. I mean has she ever been sexually abused by anyone close to her. This may cause her to feel uncomfortable for her even with you, the one she should feel closest to. Try to find out more about her past. But before doing that, try giving her more compliments if you have not done so already. Look at her and tell her she is beautiful. Tell her she is sexy. tell her you love ever inch of her body and that you can't get enough of it. when you touch her, let her know how good she feels. but give it to her a little at a time. try to pay close attention to how she reacts when you say them. I wish you the best of luck

soul I think i driving her more to him since i have tried to not contact and ended up calling her before and blaming her for leaving me. This is my second attempt to give myself time away. man you hit me like a brick when you said to let her go. it is so hard to grasp it but i know it is right. thank you soul cruisine you must been deeply scared in your past to know my situation so well. you right, she is confused to really know who she really wants. I am trying to be there hoping it will have some infuence on her. You are right, i am taking this time off to plan a way to get her back. after what you said, i am back to sqaure one. I am so desparate that I think of her being with him every second. I only have 5 hours of sleep everyday now b/c I wake thinking of her and how happy we were. I almost called her but after reading your post, it made think again. cruisine, i truly think she does love me but the way she had treated him to be with me was harsh and now quilt surfaces and she needs to correct. I gave my heart without hesitation b/c I wanted to feel true love, without my head saying" be careful, is she right for you". The consequence is that the pain will be far greater, I feel and taste it now. But I would do it again. Thank you cruisine for your wisdom

My ex g/f broke up with me a month to b/c she thinks she needs to give her ex b/f a second chance. She broke up with him to be with me in the first place but his persistent is changing her mind. He only lives 5 min away. Since then they he only comes over her house and talks to her and her family. She still refuses to go anywhere with him when he asks. She still talks to me and still has strong feelings for me. She said she loves and don't love him. She is happy with me but feels that going back to him just to give him a second chance is something has to do. So far nothing is happening b/c I think I am still talking to her. But everytime I talk, I have feelings for her again and start bothering her about why we broke up and she gets upset again. I don't know what to do. I told her Friday that I need a month off to try to accept that we broke up. I'm not sure if it was a good idea. I am terrified she will see and spend more time with him and my absense will draw them closer together. My hand itches so much to want to call her and ask if she is seeing him more now that I am out of the picture. I have never loved anyone this way before. Right now any Advice will help me greatly.