lostandhurt

Trust your gut. Your bf is showing all the signs of someone that is doing something they know they shouldn't be or are thinking about doing it. He has turned his attention away from you and to this other woman and that is what she is, the other woman. It doesn't matter if they work together or not this is not okay at all. The worst part is he is lying to you. If it is all above board why lie? I am sure he will say because "you get all upset when I talk to her" which is BS. I would keep my eyes and ears wide open and my mouth shut and see what you see and hear. If you accuse him of anything they will just be more careful. I am sorry but this does not look good. Lost

What country are you working in currently? Your boss should not be commenting on your personal appearance unless it deviates from office attire. Lost

It sounds like you hang out in person correct? This isn't just an online friendship. Regrets from not taking a chance suck. Losing him as a friend is really a non issue because he obviously like likes you so if nothing ever happens between you two and you both date others the friendship would be to awkward to continue. Plus having some guy around you crushed on hard is not good for a new relationship. How to move the needle from this stand offish flirting? Well you want to play it safe but that will not get you anywhere unfortunately. You need to be brave and ask him a simple question. "We have known each other a long time and are so good together why haven't you asked me on a date?" I know it seems like a super huge deal to ask that even if you do it in a text but in life the things worth having often require a leap of faith and to be brave. I promise you no matter the answer it will not be fatal. If you look at it another way this is a way for you to put a pin in this whole crush thing. If he answers that he does want to date you but was afraid to ask then great but if he says no thanks then you can move on and kill the crush you have on him so you can meet a date other guys. In time you will see this isn't as scary as you imagine. I have been guilty of talking myself out of asking far to many times and regret each and every one. Funny thing is when I do ask it is ALWAYS not a big deal no matter the answer and usually a relief to get it out of the way. Lost

Think of this current job as a stepping stone to build your resume. Put in the time and be observant of others that seem to be climbing the ladder easily. If you can make friends with a senior member of the team and ask for advice on expanding your career skills. As you have probably witnessed just being smart or having a diploma does not translate into success. Unfortunately working hard and being a great employee isn't enough like it used to be so you have to learn to play the game such as it is. I agree a change of locale may help and also a change in your views on how you want to use the degree you worked so hard for. Many people I know do not even work in the field their degree covers and are doing very well. How long have you worked at your current job? Lost

If the reason for the breakup was resolved why break up? Why wait 6 months to resolve it? Most of the time people forget the bad parts and only reminisce about the good. They could be lonely, horny or truly think time has healed the problem but it usually shows back up pretty quickly once the super fast honeymoon phase ends. I did try to reconcile with an ex who promised she had changed and was no longer the way she was. I believe she wanted to change and worked hard not to let the demon out but eventually her demons found their way to the surface. She is a wonderfully caring, beautiful and sexy woman but she needed more help than just really wanting to change... I think it is a good idea to give it another go as long as whatever caused the breakup was fully discussed and resolved. Hey why not because you will know pretty fast one way or another if it will work out. Lost

Don't hide it. It is perfectly normal so don't be ashamed that you have the hots for your gf. Let her know and see how she responds. Your cautious behavior and being afraid of insulting her or whatever at this point is not warranted. Take a chance next time you are cuddling and get turned on by kissing her passionately and see what happens. Living on hope that one day she will want to be intimate with you could leave you waiting a very long time and then finding out hoping was a waste of time. She may be wondering why you haven't made a move yet... Lost

What does he need to dump her cheating butt to the curb? Her getting pregnant from this other guy??? Or maybe he will raise the child for her and her bf. Nice birthday present coming home with some other dudes sweat and other stuff on her. Maybe she was hoping to give him an STD for his birthday. There is no defending this selfish and hurtful behavior. He is better off alone than with her. Lost

Here is his answer right here in her own words. If she was remorseful and wanted to make the relationship stronger to get past this she would jump at the chance to have a third party expert help. Instead she refuses to go. If ever a couple ever needed counseling it is after cheating. He clearly needs it so if she really loved him she would go for nothing else but to be supportive and caring of what he is going through. Instead she is being the typical cheater which is selfish and uncaring. This is his choice to stay or go but he will never get what he wants from her as she is not capable of it. It's like squeezing a potato and expecting orange juice to come put, it just isn't going to happen. Lost

After such a short time dating and being exclusive this is your answer right here. You have seen a side of him that is not attractive to the point you wouldn't even sleep in the same bedroom as him. Today it was shoes (which I am sure were found later and not stolen) but what if you have children together? Kids can be super stressful right? I am all for second chances and grace but his actions were so upsetting to you that you view him as a totally different person, a person you do not see as attractive. Talk to him and be firm on your stance that you cannot be in a relationship with someone that cannot control their anger, especially over something so trivial as misplaced shoes. Then what he does next will tell you what you do next. Lost

Stop acting naive, stop playing the victim of the dating scene and stop making excuses for trying to mess around with a married woman. Reading your words is like reading a cheaters laundry list of why they cheated. It is always someone or something else's fault. Dating didn't do this you did. Being single for 12 years didn't put you here you did. There is no excuse, justification or reason for cheating or helping someone else cheat which is what you wanted. You imagined she would cheat and fall in love and you could steal her away from her family. Is this the person you are? Seriously? Frankly if it is stay single until you build up your character and honesty. Lost

What is the point of your question?

There is ALWAYS a reason someone cheats. ALWAYS but the cheater often does not want to face that harsh truth so they deflect, gaslight, make excuses or simply try and ignore what they did and hope it goes away but it doesn't. They are still a cheater that betrayed the person they said they loved. Now knowing why she cheated does nothing for your step brother because he didn't cause her to cheat. She was selfish and thought nothing of him and went out and had sex with some other dude because she wanted to. It is that simple. Any mitigating circumstances she wants to use for an excuse do not matter because she is an adult and made a conscious choice with plenty of chances along the way to say stop, I can't do this to my bf. I want you to tell your step brother this true story from my past which is the reason I am on this forum. I caught my wife of 20 years cheating and I mistakenly thought like your brother that if I knew why or knew how it happened it would help. She very coldly told me all the details with a smirk on her face and yes later even tried to lay blame for her actions at my feet. I listened and stayed very calm and over a few weeks digested her words. Guess what? It did not help one little bit. She still cheated, she still lied, she still was not remorseful, sure she was sorry she got caught but I could tell she was not remorseful. In the end all those gory details that took time to leave my thoughts only helped me see who she really was but if I hadn't been so blinded by my love for her I would have seen clearly. Can a relationship recover from cheating? Yes it can but not your step brothers. Do you know how I know? Because if he would have cheated and given a second chance he would have moved heaven and Earth to make it right, figure his stuff out and worked hard to rebuild the trust he ruined. After 2 years she has done none of that. I am sorry but he is wasting his time on a cheater. Lost

All I can tell you is that if you are serious about meeting and building a great relationship with a woman this "friend" needs to be an acquaintance not a super close you run to save her all the time female friend. Any woman worth being with will take a pass on you with you tied so close to her. Why does she behave the way she does? It is simple to figure out by putting yourself in her shoes. Lets say you had this woman friend that you know has a thing for you but you have told her friends only but she hangs around taking you out, talks for hours, cares for you and dotes over you. Then this woman suddenly starts dating and has good success at it and you see your back up plan, your emergency gf fading off into the sunset. You don't want her as a gf but you don't want some other guy getting all the attention that you have grown accustomed to. As a good friend, a true friend you would be happy for her and back off but if you were a selfish friend you would try and pull her back in just enough so she stuck around and kept focusing on you. She isn't as good a friend to you as you are towards her by a long shot. In time you will see this more clearly but that will take space and time. Don't initiate calls or meet ups and focus on dating and finding a woman worthy of your friendship and love. Lost

This is troubling. Usually physical intimacy moves forward and becomes more and more passionate but what you have described is not passionate at all and even going backwards. Making out is deep passionate kissing where your heart races and you both can't keep your hands off each other. It does not mean it will lead to sex but it can when the time is right. I know this will be difficult to bring up but it is better sooner than later. Asking her questions about how she feels about kissing, your touch and if she feels a strong physical attraction towards you. The answers might be hard to hear but you need to hear them. I dated 2 Catholic girls in my youth and they were devote but they loved to make out like crazy and some other stuff too 😉 but made it clear they wanted to wait till marriage for sex. They were very passionate and physical so just being averse to intercourse for what ever reason does not mean a young woman cannot be passionate and physical with you. Something else is going on here I think. What you don't want to happen is to date her for a year and then find out you are not compatible. That is why we all date to get to know each other very well so ask the questions when appropriate. The money thing is just one more red flag in my opinion making me think she is not the girl for you. Lost

Let's call this what it is. He is threatening you with leaving you each and every time he does this to have power over you and the situation/marriage. "If you disagree with me I am done with you" Is this the marriage you want? A husband with one foot out the door every time there is a disagreement? This is not a healthy marriage and not a healthy place to raise children because they are imprinting on how relationships are and should be. Being a step parent is not easy and he is making it impossible. Time to have a serious talk on whether this marriage should continue or not. I know he says he is sorry but so does the husband that beats his wife, it doesn't make the beating go away does it? Lost

It seems pretty obvious he still has feelings for her and WANTS to be near her which puts you in second place. Is that where you want to be in a relationship? I imagine her new bf is not liking having him around either so it shows that neither of them consider this particular boundary a problem. Actually on this forum this comes up very frequently and there are people in each camp with their own thoughts on the matter. As has been mentioned above if you have to contort your emotions into a twisted ball just to be with this guy then I think you know it needs to end. You have made it clear to him how you feel so trying to convince him he needs to change his boundaries will not result in a genuine change because he is doing because he has to, not because he wants to. He has feelings for her still and would get back with her given the chance I would guess. Set yourself free from all this pain and feel good that you stood up for yourself. I know it sucks but you have a lot of options and other guys interested in you I am sure. Lost

It always seems way harder to talk about sex than actually having sex for some reason but they are just words between two people that really like each other. Do you make out? If so does it get hot and heavy or kind of clinical? Do you touch each other? I know you won't force the issue but you can move it along gently. I can't say the percentage but in my experience women like sex too but your gf may be scared of the unknown, have some hang ups for what ever reason or simply has never been this far either and having similar thoughts as yours. Give it a little more time and then when you are together in a place and time where it is safe simply ask her her views on physical intimacy. The time not to do it is when you are cuddling or making out as she will feel pressured like you want it right then. Bring it up on a walk or something while you are holding her hand as you will feel her comfort level through your bonded hands and know how to proceed. As far as your libido goes it is perfectly normal for a young man to be a walking hard on so don't resort to meds, just take care of yourself or think of something or someone to turn the temperature down a little. Be brave and talk because knowing these things lets you both know if you are compatible or not. Lost

Who cares what he is filling? That is his issue isn't it? He is fresh out of a marriage and just having fun with who ever will let him bang them. People do it all the time but rarely are those people emotionally ready or healthy enough to be in any kind of relationship or agreement like FWB. Basically they are still figuring things out. You totally did the right thing but hey at least he was honest with you so you could make an informed choice. I am sure there are tons of guys out there that would love to be your companion what ever you meant by that but this guy isn't for you. Lost

Nice! Carts are fun and if you really want to beat him give the attendant a $10 and tell him to slow your bf down so you can pass him 😁 They always seem to hit that button when I am just going good. Batting cage is a great idea, let him go first so he won't know what he has gotten himself into. Lost

Great news. I always love to see good outcomes on here. Who had the fastest time? Lost

To clear things up here. My friend was on bachelor years ago and told me all about the staged arguments, producers whispering in contestants ears trying to drum up drama and worst of all misleading the "contestants". He was an aspiring actor like most of them. Whether "contestants" are still together or not doesn't remove the fact that it is staged nonsense for entertainment that some people seem to love like watching horrible singers audition for American Idol. Luckily there are virtually endless options so it is easy to avoid what you do not like. Lost

You do know that they all are fake right? WWE is more realistic than any of the so called reality shows and it is pretty fake. People watch though, why is the big question... Lost

You are ex's not friends and since you still have feelings for him a true friendship is not possible. It sounds like you are cordial so no need to be mean but you do need to be firm and let him know you need to stop talking with him so you can move on properly. I am going to guess that you do most of the initiating and if you stopped he would almost never initiate a convo. After some time has passed (years) and you have truly moved on a friendship could be possible but not now. This "friendship" you have with him right now is just you hanging on hoping he will change his mind. That is a horrible place to be so do yourself a huge favor and put major distance between you two and focus on other friends or making new ones. Lost

Even if he wasn't paying for the mortgage this situation is not good for you. He hasn't ended the relationship with his ex before dating you. If he was serious he would have worked out child support and living arrangements with her and to have her live somewhere else rather than his home. He has had plenty of time to figure all this out but he is just cruising along with you in tow. Lost

Sounds like things are going well. Very happy for you. I have no idea what your area is like but it sounds like you want to do something different than the usual. Is there an indoor rock climbing place near you? I have spent some time at one here volunteering and seen a few "dates" going on. Seemed like they had fun. I am sure what ever you choose he will be thrilled to just be with you. Have fun and let us know what you ultimately picked. Lost