lostandhurt

Absolutely! Especially when you see a couple and you are way better looking than her date and wonder how the heck did he pull that off? Now when I see happy couples it makes me smile and feel happy that they found each other because we know just hard it can be to make that happen. My friends get frustrated because I do get attention from women but rarely is it the right woman for me. I know myself and what I want in and for my life and will not settle just be to with someone. Frankly I would feel terrible pretending to be into someone just for companionship. I don't get frustrated any longer and just roll with it. If I do feel myself not feeling it I back off and live my life and then jump back in refreshed. I am on Match trying but haven't logged in for a few days because I want to be on there because I want to be, not because I feel I have to be. Lost

You would 100% not meet anyone staying home right? This is great that you are getting out there so each time it is more natural and relaxed. Being totally okay going places alone and being adventurous is a good thing that will only help you in life. You are doing great. You never know when it might happen but you are putting yourself in a position to succeed for sure. Lost

Fantom, As far as the house goes she cannot just take over the payments. She will have to get a totally new loan to remove you off the deed and on top of that she has to pay you half the equity on the house which means she either over borrows to pay the old loan off and pay you or the house gets sold, the equity is split evenly and you both go your own way. Putting the house on the market can possibly make you a little more money but it is not a sure thing and it takes longer and you both have to agree to the selling price. If she gets a new loan the house needs to be appraised by a reputable appraisal company or two or three and then average the appraisals. This is faster and is cleaner. You do not want your name staying on the deed, insurance, power bill or anything so think about what you want and then discuss it with your legal advisor. This is all assuming there is equity... The discussions with her can leave you scratching your head so it is best to stop trying to make sense out of nonsense. She is thinking she has all the cards so let her keep thinking that while you plan and execute. Here are a few things you need to be thinking about. Your sons healthcare, if she pays child support or alimony she needs a life insurance policy with you as the beneficiary, child support, custody, vacations, holiday, alimony, retirement accounts, debts, credit cards, cell phone plan, car insurance, who will claim your son on taxes and pick up drop off arrangements. These are a few things for you to start figuring out so when you do sit down with someone you are ready to go. Hang in there you are doing great Lost

Classic I could not imagine waiting to meet someone I had deceived online, it would be like standing there with a sign around my neck that says "Liar" Lost

It depends but you do not want to have your number written down in your pocket like you are giving it out like candy. I usually just say let me give you my number and then see what she says or does. If she reaches for her phone then I give her my number, if she hesitates or looks like she doesn't know what to say then I will say "let me find something to write on" I don't want this to sound like it will but I am usually the one getting the phone number either by them handing me a piece of paper or them offering their number or flat out asking for mine. I have been incredibly lucky over the years I guess. Once you get more relaxed and can read their body language better it happens more naturally because they are as into you as you are them. If you are chatting a woman up that is just being polite then she isn't going too call you no matter how the number is received. The key is seeing that and cutting the convo short so you can chat someone else up that might be into you. I have seen guys offer their business cards with their cell on it which seems a little more natural. Lost

Reading your other thread on this guy it sounds to me like you want more than a FWB with him. Is that true? Be honest with us but more importantly with yourself. Lost

Day 12 So Match sent me a status on how I have been doing but it doesn't look right. It says I have received 38 messages, 10 likes and 12 views this week. I have received some messages but not 38 in a week. I wonder how much they work at manipulating subscribers to keep them signed up? Anyways I haven't been on Match today but I can see in my email I got a couple of likes from two women I might be interested in and 1 message. I will check them out tomorrow if I have time. Nothing to report from the 45 year old after I sent her a message the other day to let me know if she has a favorite place in her area she would like to meet at. The weekend is days off still so I will worry about that later, not worry but contemplate 🤔 Lost

Been down that road a few times. When I met one of them I called her out after dinner and she tried to continue the lie but I wouldn't have it and she finally told me her real age. The thing is she looked great for her actual age. Pretty much changed my excitement down a few notches. She turned out to be a little 🤪 Lost

Sounds like you are doing great so keep it up. Transitioning from chatting to asking for their number can be tricky. "I have really enjoyed talking to, would you like to meet for coffee sometime so we can get to know each other better?" if they say yes "Here is my number, reach out and we can figure out a place and time" While you are sitting day dreaming at work think up canned responses and questions for just such occasions and run them trough your head so they are right there at the tip of your tongue when you need them. You really sound like you are doing very well so good on you. Lost

This is very common but not that big of a hurdle. Women feel safe in pairs so they are more likely to open up and talk to you more. What you want to do when you catch their eye is read the signal. If they smile back and look at each other then walk up to them both and talk to them BOTH. Do not single out either one at first. If you are interested in both of them see who is more engaging with you and then turn your shoulders more towards her as you continue to ask questions about them and chat. If you are only interested in one of them then you need to slowly turn towards her and ask her more questions and engage with her more. Now if you smile as you look their way and they give you that quick no teeth little smile then look away don't even bother. Watching other men that seem to be doing okay with the ladies is a good idea too. Be brave and remember rejection is not fatal. What do you say when you seem to have a connection and want to ask for their number? Lost

I know you want to go off on her if she brings some dude around your son but please refrain from anything and take the high road. She may even bait you into getting upset just so she can use it against you later. Stay calm and if need be walk away but always take the high road. It is uphill both ways but once you reach the top after all this is over you will feel good that you did the right thing. Besides explaining this to a cop on your door step because she called them is not something you want your son to witness. I know this will sound kind of stupid but her not caring is a very good thing for you. Right now she more than likely has been having sex with someone else for a while and is in the fantasy phase that she wants to stay in so she will make bad decisions do keep it going. She wants out and wants it fast so play in to that while you keep a calm head. As far as custody goes offer something up so she has a lot of freedom to run around with her bf's while you have your son. I saw my son 6 days a week, had him every weekend and holiday because my ex saw it as freedom to do her own thing. Be smart, stay silent and look for advantages you can use. Talk to your parents but do not move out. Basically make plans so you know you and your son have a safe place to go at a moments notice which will relieve some of the stress and fear. Then the business of selling assets and the timing of that will not be a big deal to you. It is good you have a friend to talk to that has been through this and that you can also see he survived it all. Lost

When you say they are with a friend do you mean another woman? If so they often travel in pairs or more for these types of things. Rarely will you see a lone woman but it happens. Lost

Time is what is needed for these nerds to get used to having you around. Remember they probably aren't around pretty and sexy women very much and are intimated by your looks. Actually you are probably helping them some by helping them interact with an attractive woman. As far as the other girl goes she sees you as an interloper in her group. She was the only woman with a group of guys and I am sure she enjoys the attention. My best advice to you is to talk to her and tell her exactly what you wrote above about how you view her. I am sure she will love to hear it and it will reduce the tension between you two. What you do for a living is none of our business but please be safe. Also don't put yourself down that you are not smart enough. I am sure you make really good money at what you do but if you are playing DnD well you are smart enough for other vocations. Next game night go totally make up free, dress in loose fitting clothes and let your guard down. If nothing else you may have improved the hygiene of the men in the group 🤪 Lost

fantom, You are doing great under these circumstances and no matter what anyone says this is not your fault. If someone feels their emotional needs are not being met the solution is not to ask for permission to go out and bang someone else. It appears she is not a monogamous type of person and neither is her brother. It takes time to let go of the love you have for them and see things with perfect clarity so give yourself a break and take one day at a time. You will waver on your decision as it is not an easy thing to do but I think you can see now there is no other option left. From this point on she is no longer your concern so distance yourself from her as much as possible physically and emotionally. Getting started on the divorce is the hardest part because when you do it becomes real and then acceptance that the marriage is really over is hard to swallow. Once you get the ball rolling it will get easier as you will start to feel the weight of all this becoming lighter and lighter. Do you have any divorced friends you can talk to about the process they went through? The unknown can be scary but you can totally handle it one step at a time. Keep posting Lost

You are trying to solve a problem with the wrong equation. You freely admit you avoid social interactions even with the safest women to talk to. If a woman goes as far to actually tell you that you gave off a weird vibe either she was not a nice person, you pushed her for a reason or you put off I really weird vibe. You are not dating girls with no experience, you are dating attractive women that have been on a lot of dates so they know when a guy is trying to hard or is using a formula he saw to get women. Please stop all that because you are getting dates with attractive women which is the hard part. You need to do as I said and I mean tomorrow but first you need to hide your profile for a while so you can get to work on you. This in real life problem has come home to roost and you need to break out of it. I have no idea what your days are like but you need to interact with women so you become relaxed and natural around them. They are just people that have issues, poop and pee just like you do, are insecure at times and even nervous on a first meet/date. Make it a point each day to talk to a woman you have an interaction with. This is not going to solve itself and hoping to meet a woman that gets you and will wait for you to not be weird around them is not going to happen. I am curious what happened to cause you to regress like this since you said you weren't always like this. Lost

Yes and no. Yes some people are naturals but others learn it and that usually comes from being relaxed. First off it sounds like you are not doing that bad. You are chatting them up online and then getting first meets which for a lot of guys is extremely hard so feel good about that. Next you need to understand these women have a lot of options and exercise those options by being selective who they will give a second date too. This comes to my next question. How do you know they just see you as a friend? Are you asking for a second date at the end or during the first date? I will let the ladies chime in here but I do not think the problem is that these women do not see you as a sexual partner, I think it is something else. If I had to guess I would say your lack of social skills in person. This is where learning to talk to women can be learned but it requires practice. Each and everyday you interact with women and that gives you a chance to practice. It doesn't matter if they are to old for you, not your type or anything, all that matters is that they are women you get to chat with. Cashiers, clerks, baristas and on and on. Instead of the simple polite exchange step it up a little. "Hi, how is your day going so far?" "I can't believe how crowded this place is, must make the time go by fast?" I could give tons more but you get the idea. These women are your captive audience so to speak and why not treat them with a more engaging manner and have a quick pleasant conversation while the transaction is happening. Don't linger on or go on and on but expand your interactions. As far as the women seeing you in a more romantic/sexual way that is very hard for me to say. Dating is a numbers game but you are smart to question why this is happening and how you can be the best version of yourself but do it because you want to be more social and friendly, not to just get a second date. Could it be you are shopping at the wrong store for what you want? If you are the nerdy type and are going for the hot social media type chances are there will never be a connection. What ages are we talking by the way? Lost

Tips on what to do: Pretty hard to say as we are not there. Here are some general things you need to pay attention to. 1. Pay ATTENTION. Do they look bored? Are they checking their phone? Does the date start off good and go down hill? If so what are you doing or saying at that moment? 2. Talk to them as a person you want to get to know, not someone you want to sexualize you. Women can tell if you are just looking to get laid so be mindful. 3. Do not over compliment them. When you do, make it specific and genuine. "Wow I love that dress, it looks great on you" If they are talking and smile really big compliment them on their beautiful smile. Pick carefully and only do it naturally. 4. Ask questions and show interest in who they are as a person. "Have you lived here long?" "Oh really, do you have family here too?" See what I mean? Each answer can lead to a new question. 5. If a woman is touchy feely with you during the date you can THINK about a goodnight kiss but in your case you sound like you have a hard time reading signals so best to just plan on a nice warm hug if things are going really well. 6. Do they ask about you? If not they are either nervous, super shy or not interested. If they are not asking questions about you then say something like "I have been asking all about you and haven't given you a chance to ask any questions, is there anything you want to know about me?" 7. Don't talk about yourself too much without prompting and when you do be super humble. Bragging or trying to impress them will more than likely turn them off. 8. Do not cuss, talk about your ex even in a good way, look at your phone, bring up negative things, complain about anything or check out the server. 9. Treat the servers with respect and kindness. Something is off but hard to tell what it is unless your profile picture looks nothing like you or you are way shorter than you say you are on your profile. Lost

Day 10 Haven't sent anymore new messages out but did receive two more. One woman double messaged me, first in the morning with "Hello Lost" and then in the afternoon "R u interested or not, I am not a pen pal type" I was busy all day and not on Match and even if I was interested I wouldn't be now. Got 5 more likes most way far away from me though. The 45 year old I have been chatting with for almost a week now replied and to my surprise would like to meet for a drink the upcoming weekend. I don't have her number but I will offer mine up to firm up the plans. Going with the flow on this one, kinda new to me. Lost

Meeting someone for coffee is pretty benign right? It isn't like you are leading him on and using him for entertainment, just getting to know a new man better is all. BUT if elevator guy has you all Twitter Paited (Bambi reference for you youngsters) then trust those feelings and have fun. Lost

Yep, ay best you sound like Mr Right now, not Mr. Right. You really have nothing to lose by having the conversation as it seems your other option is to simply hope she comes around to something close to what you want. Hope is not a strategy... Talk to her but know exactly what you want before you do. Walking away without having the conversation will leave you wondering which sucks. Lost

Does it have to be a "date" with the new guy? Since you are new to dating after the end of a relationship and things change quickly in the dating world perhaps you should look on this as a way for you to learn what you are looking for. You don't owe anyone anything right now so if you are curious satisfy that and it will help you in the long run. Heck neither of these guys might not work out in the long run but you will learn a lot about yourself in the process. Dating is learning not only about them but yourself. Of course if it feels wrong to you then don't do it. Strange that it seemed you where all set to be alone the rest of your life and now look at you beating men off with a stick! Lost

The one thing that is stopping this whole thing from going anywhere is fear. You are afraid of spooking her by actually speaking your mind and telling her what you want out of this dating/hanging out situation. Right now you have little to lose as I see this not going anywhere fast. I know you do not want to hear this but you sound like a place holder to keep her company and yes even have sex when she is horny but she is not that into you. Even if this is just a hang out and have sex once in a while type of thing that isn't even going to well. Be brave and ask her what she is looking to get out of you two "hanging out" The answer may not be what you are looking for but at least you will know. There could be someone else out there more in tune to what you want and are looking for and you will miss them if you keep spinning your wheels with this woman. Lost

Day 9 Skipped a few days sorry. The 45 year old I was chatting with seemed to open up and I have asked a lot of questions and she replies pretty quickly but shows little interest in asking about me. She has but not on a level of someone wanting to get to know me better. She is a paid subscriber so if she is just killing time there has to be a better and cheaper way than this. I prompted her again if she wanted to know anything else about me and she did ask a question which I answered but this time I did not end my message with a question which always gives her a reason to reply. Been about a day and a half so I sent her a message with an offer to meet in person for a drink or coffee. I am not holding my breath... Received a few more messages over the last few days but I am not interested. I don't do likes but have received a handful also over the last few days as well. I get why a woman would like my profile to let me know they are interested without actually sending a message but if I am interested I send a message. Some likes are coming from women hundreds of miles away or other states, not sure what the purpose is of that though. I did run across a nice profile of a 61 year old that I think I will message this evening. So far I have a 30% reply rate to my messages so not terrible. Lost

Maybe he likes the strong confident type of girl. Be brave and have a plan and then don't overthink it, just go for it before you get nervous. He is just a boy that won the DNA lottery is all. Heck he may be a boring knuckle head once you get to know him. Best of luck and let us know what happens Lost

This is perfect. Don't get drug into her cheating and lies. This guy is just going to use her and dump her and it sounds like she won't listen so back off and keep your distance. Nothing good will come from this and her asking you to lie for her is so wrong. I guess you don't admire her as much as you used to. Lost