BR98

My social anxiety would sky rocket at these events, I've tried to go to some type of these before and 90% of the time I get really bored and want to isolate, even sometimes I went to toilets just sit there 30 minutes, it was more pleasant to be there than try to socialise 😅 My other hobbies is electronic music and skateboarding. It was cool when I was a teenager, now i'm 29 so that's not really what people my age are interested in. I like the stock market and crypto too. 0 interest in politics. I stopped drinking alcohol years ago as being drunk just made me anxious - so even socialising over drinks I feel a bit outcast always saying 'I don't drink' etc.. Yes I think I am too easy going, chill, too calm etc.. I often stay in background and don't take the lead, I am a bit more on the softer side. Not most attractive trait for girls. @Sam1986 Thanks for your advice. The irony is that at work I am actually super social and talk to everyone easily and bounce off conversations well. But when i'm on a date there's like some anxiety monster haunting me and I can not be relaxed. I never talk to strangers on the street though, often people try socialize with me I quickly end small talk or don't really reply. I realise there's some attitude work I have to do. You know what, maybe I will continue to go. But first I will try to be naturally social with people around me to gain that skill. The thing is that i'm 90% of my time on computer for work and also personal time, so when I go meet a girl it's a bit like a 'huge social situation' for me so it's like i'm out of my comfort zone AND the stress of a date on top. @boltnrun My 3 recent exes, all on Tinder. I was not having such a hard time before this year.

@rainbowsandroses I understand your point. I think I was trying too hard to create artifical chemistry that i'm giving off a weird vibe. And from trying too hard to create it, i'm not myself so it's not giving the opportunity to create the chemistry. I am never relaxed on dates. I was eager to go on these dates because I feel a girl will 'complete' me but I have to feel good about myself alone first. Congrats on your 4th date @Wiseman2 Completely right, i've been brainwashed by these red pill youtubers giving advice. Maybe i'm trying to impersonate a 'player' type which is not at all in my nature to do that so it will always feel forced. And it's true i'm always trying to artifically build attraction. I greatly appreciate your advice guys it really helped thank you.

It might be ego. In beginning I didn't care but the more dates I'm telling myself something is wrong with me. I feel them really hyped up at the talking stage, very available etc and after the IRL meet up they switch really fast and become distant even though I stay the same. I am absolutely looking for that type of chemistry not based on looks or status. I don't act rich or talk about material things, just looking for something simple and genuine. Like I said, I will take a break of these dates and work on myself, right now it created too much anxiety on that subject it's affecting my self-esteem.

Thanks for reply. I am 29 years old, the girls I dated are all about my age, 24-28 range. I know they are seeing me as friend because they literally tell it to me lol. So my most recent date, she told me 'I give a weird vibe', there was no follow conversation to that. The one before I tried to kiss her at the end of the date she just reject my kiss told me she like take things slow, 1 hour after we separate she told me she is just seeing me as a friend. The one before the first date went well, we planned for second then she told me she needs 'time for herself' (a kind way of saying not interested I presume) then the conversation died after that. The ones before more or less same story each time - you see the pattern. You are absolutely right about talking IRL to women - I never do, If I have to talk to female cashier I just want it to be over quick, I am not too interested in social interactions to be honest that is probably why I lack in social skills, I am never practicing it. I know women are attracted to guys that are at ease in social interactions, make them laugh etc... There might be a girl somewhere that would accept me as I am but it is a very small minority, probably not even on dating app. The thing is that I go to dates with rather attractive girls which probably have a lot of options so they won't have the patience with me if I make a bad first impression. I do want to highlight the bad impression part because i've had a couple of of relationships of 1/2 year each where I was completely normal with them. It is a recent problem now that I become a bit more introverted and less social therefore I really make a bad first impression, even though I know how to be 'in a relationship' I don't lack experience with it. Of course, I can not say to the girl 'please be patient i'm just a bit weird at the beginning' lol. I exclusively dated girls from the apps, and no they are not super social media types I do not like that type anyway, they are just simple normal girls. @Batya33 I don't recall anything specific what I ask, I just bounce off of what they say and say 'what about you' ? Then try to develop on the reply they give, if they talk about their family I ask for more specifics etc. @rainbowsandroses Most of the time, I do not. I felt it maybe 2 or 3 times out of the 15 but it was only on my side ahah. Most of the time I want it to be over quick to be honest. At the first rejections I would try to 'convince' them , obviously a bad idea, I cannot force. The recent ones I just say 'ok' now and go to next one ahah. I think those apps are a bit toxic because it's like you are 'hiding' behind your phone then IRL it's completely different. I absolutely do need to chat up women IRL and ask about their day etc like Lost said, I think i've never done it even once in my life. If I work on that, it will probably increase my ability to have that 'gravitational pull'.

Guys, thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify, I am not catfishing them at all, not on my photos nor my height which I put in my bio (180cm, 5'11 in us i think), so no 'surprises' on the physical side, the photos are recent, sometimes I even send live photos during the talking stage before meetup so no issue there. I think the problem is purely on body language / communication style, maybe I am bit closed down IRL or look too cold. I am not tactile and also a bit shy, maybe I show lack of confidence. I am able to talk with them throughout the date, there is no 'awkward silence', I know how to bounce on questions etc. I think I don't know how to 'romance/seduce' them so they see me as a sexual partner - that is why they always see me as a friend, i'm not showing strong 'masculinity', I am a bit of a discreet and very calm person. So everything stems down more to my personality type and the vibe I give off. I think that is what I need to work on. It is hard to analyze myself, I would need to film a whole date and get some exterior feedback. I did ask some female friends about this and all they say is they don't know the problem because I seem normal and easy to talk to. Maybe they don't want to hurt my feelings with the truth. To reply the others, I am always nice with servers and humble about myself, I don't brag about anything. It did happen I talk about my exes though but nothing major. I am a bit of a geek, do not have too much social interaction, I stay a lot on the computer. It just seems crazy to me to go on 15 dates and all of them reject me. At the beginning I thought they were not just suitable but I do not think it is just coincidence now, there is some personality work I have to do in order to create that 'attraction/gravitational pull'. Is it a 'skill' to be able to create that pull or it's something that supposed to come naturally ? Thanks again for all the replies guys I really appreciate.

Thank you for reply, you are right, I am always the one 'feeling' it and it's never mutual. Maybe I come across as too needy too. I will take a bit of a break , work on myself then come back in the game refreshed. Thanks !

Hello, I had quite an interesting year. Since I broke up with my ex (beginning 2023), I have downloaded Tinder and some other apps to get back in the dating world. I have had, in like 6 months, 15 dates, which seems like quite a lot. None of them amounted to anything, not even a kiss. I would say I am fairly good looking, I often got told that by people in my life. Probably the reason why I am easily able to get the first date IRL - but as soon as I actually meet the girl in real life, I am never able to get the second date, most of them say they just see me as a friend. I got a bit fed up of it, trying to switch 'tactics', be less 'friendly' and more mean but then I just come out as rude lol. Last date I thought the date was going really well I tried to kiss her and she just reject me instantly and say she see me as friend - I was sure I had all the 'green lights' at that moment, so I made the conclusion I have absolutely no 'skill' in reading the signs and for dating etc. Girl before that told me I was 'weird'. I have even watched videos about 'how to talk to girls on dates' on youtube and stuff like that, the techniques applied have still not amounted to anything. This seems to be a recent problem as when I was younger it was 'easier' for some reason. Towards the last dates I was going like a 'gamble', like I had no idea if it will go well or not, it kind of created me this whole anxiety about dating now. I don't know what i'm doing wrong. I dress nice, good hygiene, respectful - maybe 'too' nice? For some reason they don't sexualize me. Anyone had similar experience to this and tips on what to do ?