lostandhurt

Funny how they don't tell you this stuff. To get those profiles back in your search go to settings (icon on the far right next to your little profile pic. Once there on the left side of the screen you will see "Account Settings" select "removed profiles" and it will show a list of profiles you X'd out. Any profile you want back simply click "show" and they will return your search. I was doing the same thing you were figuring I would circle back but then they were gone until I figured this out recently. To avoid this I look through the profiles they email to me and click on "View", check them out and then close the window without Xing. For a company that is supposed to help you meet someone they sure make it way harder than it should be. It seems like they just show you enough to keep you signed up... Lost Just read what you posted how this only affects profiles you hit X or the trash can icon. I am going to do some more research and maybe hit up Match and ask how to reset everything. Big help, thanks

Day 57 So I have been widening my search hoping to see someone I missed or for some reason weren't in my search criteria. One of which is "has photos". I removed all the filters and figured I would scroll through women that smoke or were not single and on and on and I saw several profiles without a profile picture but one caught my eye so I scrolled down in her profile to read about her. Guess what? She had pics but not a main profile pic. I started scrolling down on all profiles without a main pic and found about 30% had pics. Not sure why they are doing that and unfortunately none were what I am interested in but it was good to know that is a thing. So Match sends you "Highlights" and you can click through them one by one and I saw a woman I was interested in reading her profile so I clicked and got to her profile and wanted to send her a message but there was no way to send her a message. Turns out Match only lets you send someone a message that is in your highlights if you send them a Super Like first and yep you guessed it super likes are not free. They give you one like once a month or something. So I thought I would out smart them and simply search for her profile. I put a tight age range and hit search, she wasn't there. I put her exact age and closed the distance so her profile had to turn up and still nothing. I tried searching for every woman in my Highlights and they were all excluded by match so I had to Super Like them to open up a message window to send a message. This doesn't seem right to me for two reasons. 1. If they disclosed this it has to be in very small print when I signed up that not all people on Match can be found by searching public profiles. Secondly if they put my profile in "Highlights" and some woman wants to message me she has to pay extra. Not cool. I actually got a message about 2 weeks after I signed up and the woman said she had to super like me to send me a message, at the time I didn't understand what she meant but now I know. No good news. Just received a message from a woman that graduated a year before me from my high school, sigh not interested. At least I am figuring out the game Match is playing... Lost

Sounds like a great idea. Let me know how it works out when they restart. Lost

Haven't been on FB in at least 5 years and do not miss it one little bit. FB market place is pretty cool from what I hear. Maybe the dating thing is too. Lost

I do not have a personal IG account. One of my profile pics is me on my You Tube channel and one woman asked if she could get a link to check it out. She could see me in all my glory from every angle and hear me talking away. I have nothing to hide and will share anything asked of me. I am pretty sure Match and others block any reference to links or email or phone numbers these days. I used to see it years back but now I haven't seen it once. Messaging you can certainly send links or addresses, just not on your profile. Super happy you met someone and it is going well. Lost

Not at all. He has made his choices in life as you have. If you are not attracted it is not superficial, it is human. Forcing yourself or talking yourself into seeing someone is never a good idea. I have been told I am to picky which is not true. I have a lot of grace and understanding in me but I know what I like and don't like and what attracts me so I stay true to myself. The last thing I want is to be with a woman that thinks she settled or sits there looking at me thinking to herself "I can do way better than this guy" Mutual attraction is a must and not just physically. Lost

You asked her out so you pay. Plan on paying for the whole evening and if she offers to help out or pay half and the date is going well then you say "You could pay on our second date?" or something along those lines. Of course if they insist the offer of getting the tip is a good plan. Treat the wait staff with respect and be friendly to them and she will notice. Have fun Lost

Day 50 I spent a solid hour looking through profiles and came up empty. I even kicked the distance up to 100 miles with no luck. I guess the new year rush in my area didn't materialize after all. I will give it a few days and try again. I am thinking of trying POF again as well and look into some other sites. My online adventure wasn't very much of an adventure after all... Lost

For your own mental sake could you move up the meet? Is he super far away that you couldn't meet half way for a date? Dragging this out for 5 months does not sound like a good idea. Lost

When are you meeting in person? Where?

That is why I made sure to mention "in her prime" I saw a pic of her recently and she has had hard life as of late. Sad. Don't worry about hijacking or derailing this thread, the more the merrier. I will take a look at hinge and check it out. Thanks Lost

Welcome to the mans world of online dating. I do pretty well with a response rate of over 30% right now which is pretty good I think because I only message women I am interested in. I do receive a fair amount of messages from women for what ever reason. So far none have interested me enough to reply except for 2 or 3 but they lived way to far away. I don't think being passive for a man or woman is helpful. For example when I was last doing OLD a woman sent me a message first so I checked out her profile and read the message which was well written. I was convinced it was a scam or bot or something because she was way out of my league in my mind. She looked like Heather Locklear in her prime with a fitness model body. We chatted and she was real. We went out a while but I found out she was separated not divorced and there was still some stuff between them. The lesson here is I probably wouldn't have messaged her but since she made the first move we met. People are all different and have different likes and looks they are attracted too. Don't sell yourself short. I did POF in the past and actually did pretty well. Interestingly some women I saw on Match that were not subscribers were on POF since it is free so I messaged them there. I need to make a new profile over there too I guess. I don't know anything about Hinge. Lost

If you are brave enough to do the cold walk up you are more than half way there to having some success but as you have read from the ladies here it is all how you go about it. Telling a 20 yr old she is hot is way different than telling a woman she is hot. If you want to compliment them do it after you have spoken a few minutes. I will give you a little secret here. Learn a little about fashion. If you tell a woman she looks great in that dress or outfit it will go way farther than a blanket "you are gorgeous or whatever. Don't overdo the compliments though, keep it simple. If you talk to much about her clothes/shoes she may think you are gay, not that straight guys can't like fashion but it is a stereotype. Practice is key. Talk to all the women you encounter throughout your day. Not just the pretty ones or your age group, all of the women. Be nice, be talkative. Ask the clerk or woman behind the counter how her day is going, mention how busy the place is and how well she handles it all. This will smooth out your conversations with women you are romantically interested in. Talk to them all like they matter and are not just a pretty face and a hot body, if you do that they will notice. Lost

I do not do likes, if I like the profile I send a message. That simple. It is good you have full body pics and don't hide anything about who you are or what you really look like. If you are getting attention it is working! The not sending out messages first is something I just don't get. You are a smart woman that knows what she wants so why leave it up to some guy to decide, take control and swing for the fences. You never know and after all it is a few key strokes with zero to lose. The one word answers and stupid 3 word messages are a waste of time and do more harm than good in my opinion. I read their profile a few times and find something interesting to message them about and I always end my message with a question to make it easy for them to reply and break the ice. Being lazy with "Hi" or Hey gorgeous" must work on some women or they wouldn't keep using it I guess. Is there a man or two you would wish would message you but haven't? Lost

Thanks but I have been down that path before where I tweaked things just to get more meets and they all failed. I know what I am looking for and what attracts me and stick with that. I am not apposed to taking a chance and have many times with half me being pleasantly surprised. For instance there is a woman I really want to message (attractive, smart, fun, close by) but reading her profile I can see her identity is wrapped up in politics. This has happened to some of my dearest friends and changed them into a very negative judgemental person that seem to be upset about something everyday. That is the opposite if what I want in my life. I could care less who someone voted for but when it becomes who they are in a negative way it isn't for me. Lost

The cold walk up is not easy these days in a non party/club/bar type scene because the women are not out looking to meet someone, they are just out and about with their noses in their phones. It doesn't mean you shouldn't chat a woman up and see if she is responsive. I do it all the time and if nothing else I have a nice talk with a woman. "It was so nice talking with you, here is my number if you would like to get a coffee and chat some more" You have to have formed some connection and seen signs she is at least somewhat interested in you though. If you have a real business card with your cell on it is the best. It shows you have a job and are willing to expose some of your information to her. Lost

I was just reading up on the "MEET" tab. Is that what you used to set this date up? Lost PS Best of luck on the date!

Match has a thing where the sender (me) can pay for each message sent to a non subscriber so they can read it. I will not be taking part in that cash grab... Lost

I was surprised how many hoops I had to jump through to sign up. It was a process which like you said weeds out scammers but it doesn't seem to weed out time wasters. No luck so far. I get a fair amount of messages from women which seems like a good thing but none are anyone I am interested in unfortunately or they are a few hundred miles away by car. I have a decent reply rate to messages I send out but the convos haven't gone very far. Lost

Day 48 I received an interesting email from Match this morning about the woman I thought looked a lot like Gal Gadot that I thought had deleted our conversation. Here is part of the email from Match. Dear Lost, At Match, we work tirelessly behind the scenes to cultivate a safe and positive experience. After all, your safety is a top priority. With this in mind, we recently discontinued Sandy’s membership due to what appeared to be fraudulent* behavior. We are notifying you because you exchanged messages with this member. I have never had this happen but it does explain why our conversation was removed. Her profile didn't seem shady and two of her pictures looked like she was posing with her daughter. Of course the pics could have been lifted from someone else's profile. She didn't ask me to wire her money or buy gift cards and send her the info but maybe we didn't get far enough into it for her to try. Anyways the new year has brought what seems to be more women to the site so I am back to searching for someone to message. Lost

Carrot, If you aren't sure and want to make sure then by all means see him again but do it for the right reasons. You are very correct that he could be much deeper than your first impressions because he was nervous so if you are attracted to him and think there is more there than meets the eye find out. But if you are trying to convince yourself to see him again when you know deep down he is not the guy for you then you need to remember he is human and has feelings too so tread carefully. Dating is all about learning and being surprised by the things that transpire while you are looking for someone to share your life with. As you go along your ideas, preferences, likes or dislikes may change or soften which is perfectly okay because you change as well. This is where none of us can help you because the lessons have not been learned yet. Your presumptions turned out to be very accurate which is good so you know to trust your gut. You are doing well so keep learning and keep an open mind and you will know when it feels right. Lost

Yeah Match reminded me of that Sunday thing several times. It does look like there may be some more women in my area that have signed up. Lost

Day 46 Took a break for several days to recharge a little. The 55 year old I messaged at the end of December sent me a like 4 days after I sent the message. She is a subscriber (I checked) so I was a little confused as to why she didn't simply respond to the message so I sent her a super like that Match had been bugging me to use. That night about 1am she replied to my message and then asked how my day went so it looked promising. I responded the next morning with a nice message and figured I would get a reply. I gave it a day or so then logged in to Match to read messages two different women had sent me (not interested) and saw that she appears to have deleted the conversation. Now of course I was disappointed but I felt way more disappointment than I should have, she looks a lot like Gal Gadot so there's that that... Back to the search. I will spend some time looking through profile tonight and see what I see. Lost

Agreed. I have been guilty of the same thing and really needed to let that go. Now I try my hardest not to compare women to anyone I have dated in my past, even the ones that seemed perfect that got away. It simply isn't fair to them or me. If you are not excited about the possibility of seeing him again and are just going through the motions then please don't. Text him that it was nice meeting him but you aren't feeling the sparks you were hoping for or something along those lines. No need to get his hopes up. So as far as all those doubts you had upfront about meeting him. How many assumptions came true? Lost

First off congratulations on the birth of your baby. Secondly the baby is your first and foremost concern and all else is secondary at best. Breastfeeding does not exclude therapy and I strongly suggest you talk to your MD about halping you find a therapist asap. He didn't cheat and you know he didn't because he was open and honest from the start that he loved his friend and you chose to go along on the ride anyways. That is on you, not him. I agree with smackie that you need to tell him he is free to hang out with his friends (all of them). This will allow him to make his own choice on where he wants to be. Father to your baby or chase after his childhood crush that has been using him as a back up plan all these years. Free will is the key here, not imposed rules to keep him around. Let him show you what he wants instead of making him. Find a therapist to help you unpack all this so you can focus on being the best mommy you can. Lost