lostandhurt

Yes but they are usually to young for me. I do go to a lot of car shows which do not attract a lot of women. I really don't do social media but I am sure it is the best place to find upcoming events that would attract a diverse crowd. Spring is almost here and my area does a lot of outdoor concerts, vineyards that have live music that one of my buddies band plays at. He has asked me to help out with equipment in the past so I am going to let him know to send me the bands schedule so I can hit as many events as possible and help the band out a little too. Lost

You would think since I am retired I would have all kinds of time on my hands but I seem to be more busy than when I was working 40 hours a week. I often joke that if there was 3 of me I would still be busy. I do agree I need to get busy outside my normal orbit. I have done tons and tons of volunteering but stopped during covid. One organization has made it clear I have a paid job there anytime I want it helping with mountain adventures for the disabled but I don't want a job. I will reach out and offer to volunteer this summer though. Lost

Thanks, I appreciate that. Lost

So the adventure comes to an end, at least on Match. My last day was yesterday so before I lost access I went on and hid my profile so they couldn't leave it up to fill their profile quota. I saw a lot of women that were not subscribers and I know many of them were old profiles. Match did give me a questionnaire to answer on why I was cancelling. I checked "To hard to search for people I am interested in" It was the closest thing I could find to what they are doing there. Interestingly enough I got two messages and 3 likes my last day and with each one I crossed my fingers as I opened them. Like all the others no match... I am still on POF and get a lot of likes but I have received zero messages. On Match I get a message every few days so not sure what is going on there. I will leave it up for now and see if I can find anyone there. So using my last day(s) on Match I did some research. I did a lot of filters, no filters, expanded my search area and looked at every profile available to me. I was also curious if it was my age range so I lowered the age search to 22 to 65 and there really were not many women under 35 on Match in my area. Not that I would message them or date them but it did show that other sites have eaten into Match's ranks. This is something I should have done right away because it showed me that there were actually a very small number of women I was interested in. Now I am selective but I am not a picky jerk as I am far from perfect and there still were very few. Now if I could have I would have liked to filter showing only subscribers but they do not have that option. The list would have shrunk a lot if I could have filtered out the non subscribers. I will remember this if/when I check out any other sites. I am sure many have trial memberships so I can be more scientific right from the start. So in conclusion the adventure wasn't much of one in the end. I think my reply rate to messages sent was around 30%, I received around 25 to 30 messages and triple that in likes I guess. I only spoke to one woman on the phone and never met anyone in person. I don't regret trying, spending the time or money or even feel down I didn't meet anyone. I am glad I tried and it has gotten me back into that mode so if I do get flirted with out and about it doesn't go over my head like has happened a few times in the past as I go about my day. I just realized I am one of those people! Yikes, what has become of us??? Lost and single 😀

I am very social but not over the top and I haven't gotten back to pre covid days so I do need to step it up for sure. In real life is not like it used to be as I have done both back in the day. Just watch people while you are out and about and you will see what I mean. Very busy, face buried in their phones and worst of all if they are single and have or are on a dating site you get compared to all the profiles they have seen, even if they haven't had any contact with them they see them as potential dates. It is almost like they have shut down in real life because they are online. Yes I would love to be found but it takes as long as it takes... Lost

This guy was NOT flaky, he was playing his game. These guys look for insecure women to add to their call list. Now if you would have allowed this he would have continued to reel you in until you would stick around no matter how inconsiderate he was. Good on you for for giving him grace and being understanding but also good on you for putting a stop to his inconsiderate behavior. You didn't know who he was or what he was about so you gave him the benefit of the doubt until there was no doubt and cut him loose. You did absolutely awesome so hold you head high and feel good about how you handled the whole thing. Lost

Not knowing your ages does change things but not that much really. People make choices and she chose to kiss another guy twice, enjoyed the attention and only thought of you after the fact not during. These are the facts of that night. The question is this: Can the trust be rebuilt? Forgiveness is one thing, letting this go and moving forward is another but trust is the crux of the issue you face here. You say you know she will never do it again but before this happened you also thought she would never do something like this so... Cheating is an extremely selfish act full of betrayal and deceit. They are not only deceiving you but mostly themselves. The first lie a cheater tells is to themselves, remember that always. I can see you do not want to dump her and it is totally possible to come back from something like this but it takes brutal honesty no matter how much it may hurt. Stop asking for gory details of that night and start asking the questions you really need to know the answers to like: 1. Why did she kiss another guy when she is in a exclusive relationship? No BS, just honesty. Is she ready to be in an exclusive relationship? 2. Why was it so easy for her to forget about you while at the party? 3. Where was her character and honesty when she was at the party and tempted by another guy? 4. What is missing in the relationship that lead her down the path to betrayal? Alcohol is a excuse, not a reason. Accept no excuses or justifications from her when she answers these questions, only brutal painful honesty. This is the only way you both can heal from this and grow. You sound young and we all have done stupid things in our youth and hopefully learned from them. Most times we are not condemned because of being young and dumb but if we hurt others in the process youth cannot be an excuse. You both are old enough to be in a relationship and that comes with responsibilities. On you part you CANNOT punish her for this as it is not your place to do so. Stop bringing up what happened and start figuring out the why. Lost

How to handle it? Walk right through it like it didn't happen. Yes send her a text. Find something fun in your area you think she might like (exhibit, play, show, art display) and send her a text saying: "I had a great time with you insert day and would like to get to know you better. There is a ___________ I was wanting to go see and wanted to know if you want to join me" You have zero to lose and if you phrase it this way it takes the pressure off and keeps it more low key. If she is fresh out of a relationship you need to take it slow anyways of you will end up being a rebound. Lost

I can see how you might think she had a good time on the date. Sex was off the table (her words) but it sounds like she wanted to go as close to it as possible with you. Best not to even try and figure some people out as it just wastes your time and mental real estate. Good luck on your continued search. Lost

If you have to convince someone to see you again it is probably best to let it go. Although I do agree since she had a lot to drink she wasn't exactly her normal self judgement wise and memory. What did she say when you in the end? Lost

At this point just take her at her word and don't stress over it. If she bails on talking on the phone tomorrow then you can start to wonder if she is not feeling it anymore. Give her space for now and send her a text tomorrow after lunch letting her know you are looking forward to talking with her later. This does two things. 1. Lets her know you are interested and thinking of her. 2. Reminds her and prompts her about the call. It is very very early on and neither of you know much about the other so live your life and let this happen, forcing it will not work. I know it is hard when you feel there is something off but you have to be patient. Lost

3 months, sorry should have been more clear. Still introductory price is 20 bucks a month then it doubles when the first 3 months run out. It really isn't even about the dollar amount as I can afford the price, it is the principal of it and all the games the sites play to try and keep you hanging around. Lost

I don't get discouraged by this stuff as I keep my expectations pretty even. Like I said I am all good right now but it would be nice to share my life with someone. I might try out some free trial memberships on some other sites just to look around a little and see what I see. I do know some sites do well in one part of the country while it sucks in others. Lost

Just watch tomorrow they will throw a bunch more "matches" my way I have never seen before to try and keep me signed up. The last time I was on Match and cancelled a few months later they started emailing me all kinds of discounts so we shall see. Couldn't imagine staying on a whole year as it only takes a few months to go through all the people you may be interested in. Lost

Day.... Near the end My subscription is up in a couple of days so I will be cancelling Match. To sign up was 60 bucks for 3 months but if it auto renews it is 120 or 150 I think. Received a message from an attractive woman but once again she was 3 hrs away by car. Several likes and 3 -4 messages in the last few days but no one I am interested in. POF I get a few likes a day which they blur out their pic until you pony up 20 bucks a month but they don't blur them enough so you can't figure it out by going to recently online and scrolling until you find a match. Unfortunately none of the blurry likes I am interested in either. 3 more days and my adventure on Match comes to an end. Lost

Multi quote all you like, your thread means your rules. The best part of all this is now you know for sure. No wondering or second guessing, you met him, have it some thought and made a choice. Often times it takes less time and effort to just meet the person than ponder it for days and days and then never really know if you made the right call. Best of luck on your search. With each encounter you hone your skills. Lost

Yes as Startlight mentioned we still get the grid in search. Then there is "Discover" and "Highlights" The biggest problem is that you pay to see everyone signed up but they do not show you everyone that is signed up. They parcel them out to you over time which I imagine is to keep you from spending a few hours scrolling through profiles, picking a few and sending out messages and if you don't get a reply cancel and try another site. If I search for women within 75 miles ages 50 to 60 that don't smoke I should see every last one of them. That isn't the game they are playing though. Seems crazy that they would do what you described. The help section sucks on Match so don't count on that and the bot that offers to help is worse... Lost

I know their old boyfriends either personally or friends of friends. One is my brother in laws sister who was/is married to a car guy I know but they haven't been together in over 7 years I think. Still not divorced... Others someone usually says "hey see the blonde over there? That is ___________ ex. The very last local show last year the promoter (he is a friend) drives by with 3 women in his cart, stops and yells at me "Hey Lost you are single right?" I was not interested so I told him to keep driving. They are there and you are right you have to go where the fish are and there are a ton of men in their natural environment at a car show. Unfortunately there really isn't the equivalent for women that I know of. Lost

And there is your answer. After only a first meet he is pushy and prying into your personal business. Big red flag. Can you imagine what he would be like if you were in a relationship with him? I am sure you have other options right? Good luck on your other date today. Lost

Yes and no. Yes in that it is none of his business and you do not owe him anything but no because it exposed his nature. It was the first meet, not even a real date because you were a total stranger up to that point. Also you are very correct that it is way to soon to even imply being exclusive. That kind of talk scares people away. You are dating and getting to know people and that takes time so give it time. I can't tell you if you should see him again but in my mind he dropped a little on the desirable list. Next time just tell who ever that you are busy. If they pry and want details just tell them you are busy. Never discuss a date with someone else you are meeting or dating. Strange he would even ask for you to do that. Yikes! Lost

For a time I was volunteering about 8 to 20 hours a month for a few organizations and even sat on the board of one. I did spread myself too thin but covid shut them down for a while and it also gave me a break to recharge so I do need to get involved again. Problem is not that I am retired I have less time than when I was working 40 hours a week for some reason. I need to start looking around for a new one to help out. Lost

Interesting. I have a few extremely attractive women acquaintances and while talking about OLD they showed me their profile and then messages. They received a lot of messages, now they are 10 years younger than I am so that might be it. Hey I am on there to meet someone so I send messages and reply to the ones I am interested in. I have in the past received messages from women without profile pics and when I saw their pics the first thing I thought was "this is a fake profile" "she is way to attractive to be interested in me" I was wrong each time. I wonder how different regions affect online dating results? Lost

That wasn't me, I don't think I have ever said the word aficionado while chatting up a woman. There are some single women at shows but most are ex's of some car guy... Lost

Never dated? Boy are you in for a huge surprise. You will do great I am sure but it will be fun to hear about your adventures. I am at about 8 to 10 car shows a year so I will keep an eye out for you. Lost

Good on you. I have been to and been part of some of those "events" and it is like they just want bodies in the room to make it look like it is something special. I was briefly helping out with a Matchmaking Service and the woman running it wanted me to show interest in a few of her clients so it looked like she was doing her job well. I wasn't interested in them and I didn't want to be that guy so I passed. I did make several appearances at events like you just went to for the sake of having a good balance of people. I am not so sure any of them are actually trying to achieve what they say they are. It sucks when you come up with the perfect line later isn't it? Lost