lostandhurt

Sounds like things are going well. Very happy for you. I have no idea what your area is like but it sounds like you want to do something different than the usual. Is there an indoor rock climbing place near you? I have spent some time at one here volunteering and seen a few "dates" going on. Seemed like they had fun. I am sure what ever you choose he will be thrilled to just be with you. Have fun and let us know what you ultimately picked. Lost

What is the context of your view? What happened in your recent past that has you feeling this way? I have been extremely fortunate to have women contact me first either on an app or in person and show interest only to later be distracted by lots of other choices they have. I am not complaining as it is their prerogative to choose who they want in their life but I mention it to show it happens to men too. Having a good picker is important for sure which means you have to learn as you go and unfortunately learn from mistakes. If you are attracted to the player type or are taken in with a players lies then you will keep getting played. Not everyone is just trying to have sex with as many people as they can and not everyone is looking for a serious relationship so you have to be smart and keep your eyes and ears open. Dating is tough and can be very hard for some to navigate. Lost

You are definitely filling a void but being a seat filler with non of the benefits is a crappy place to be. Back off and when she asks why simply tell her the truth. "You have a bf and I think we have become way to close and my feelings have started to go from friendship to more than friends so I think it is best that we don't spend so much alone time together" She will ask so tell her the truth then it is out there so if she ever ends things with Houdini bf who knows. Lost

Yep She didn't hear what she wanted so... Maybe some of it will sink in Lost

I have a few questions for you OP -Where did you get these expectations? -Why do you feel that he needs to continually needs to prove himself worthy of being with you? I have noticed a tend among some very attractive women posting how if your bf isn't doing this or that you need to kick him to the curb and find someone new. Interesting enough there are a lot of very attractive women posting how they cannot find and KEEP and good man. Is there a correlation? Some of this stuff you mention is cute for the first few months but after that it is just silly. This isn't high school anymore. I kind feel bad for your bf Lost

Another one and done post... Seem to be a lot of these lately. Lost

Could it be you fell in love with who you wanted him to be and now you see him for who he really is? It happens when people get back together. They miss each other and only remember the good times but once back together things are different. The honeymoon phase end quickly, old troubles find their way back and the fondness has faded so we tend to look at our partner with a harsher light and many times do not like what we see. Let's say he quit that job but some time down the road there are other stressors in his life. Then what? Maybe you have children, maybe a big mortgage? How people handle the hard times shows a lot about who they are and what kind of partner they will be long term. Lost

I didn't realize she was a diamond expert, my bad. Nobody gets out their lute and checks out someone else's diamond. All you really need are these few things: - It sparkles - It is clear - It has a nice cut that compliments the setting/ring - It is a real diamond Anything else is just added money you cannot even see with the naked eye. Curious if you have talked about where you are going to live after the wedding. Is she from a well off family? Does she aspire to wealth? I really don't know what to tell you because the ring is supposed to be a symbol of your love and union, not the measure of your bank account. Lost

Does your gf have a style in mind? I think browsing for rings to figure out what she likes and doesn't like should come first and then try and find a ring with that look. Then price and time frame can come later. I guess what I am saying is being rigid on how much it should cost is short sighted. What happens if she falls in love with a ring that costs $3,200? Will she not want that ring because it doesn't meet some threshold? Finances are a big part of a marriage so figuring these things out and seeing how you both view large purchases in life is a big deal. The wedding, a new SUV a house are all things in your future so you can see how figuring out where you both stand on all this matters a lot. Lost

Have you two even gone looking for rings? Picking a number out of thin air and then looking for a ring to fit the cost is pretty stupid. It is like walking up to a used car salesman and stating "I have 5K to spend on a car, what do you have?" Go looking at rings and not just at upscale jewelry stores with sky high overhead. Many small stores do custom work, rework old rings into new works and have a large selection in all kinds of styles and prices. She is correct that she is going to wear the ring everyday for the rest of her life (hopefully) so she needs to love it but she should love it by appearance not by the cost. If you had 100K for a ring would she want a 100K ring? Lost

Why not? This person is your gf very close friend and coworker. You don't even know the man, what he is like or his character at all so why wouldn't you want him in your house? The lunch thing is fine but it will be less revealing than dinner at your place. I get the feeling that she is not telling you the whole truth. How many months exactly have you been dating? Lost

So first off don't punish this woman because of what your wife did. My wife cheated as well and I make it a point to never treat a woman I am dating like she is or may do something like that just because my ex did. It simply is not fair. If you just break up with her that is kind of cowardly frankly because as of right now you know virtually nothing about this guy. I do agree it is pretty sketchy that you have never met this guy since you have known her a while now and he has never been around when you are. Since you already expressed how you feel about all this to her (good on you btw) then the next step is to suggest the three of you have dinner at your place. Make sure it is at your place so you have home field advantage. See what she says about the idea. If she is enthusiastic about the idea then that is a very good sign but if she is dodgy and makes excuses and tries to keep it from happening then she is definitely trying to keep him away from you. If this guy is her bestie then it seems like she would want you to meet him pretty soon just like family and friends. Take the initiative and suggest the dinner the next time you are together. Do it in a way that shows you want to meet someone that is very important to her and you want to meet them, not like you want to check the guy out and see if he is a threat. Your feelings are perfectly valid but most of them are coming from your past and not from actual real information. Replace those thoughts and imagined ideas of this guy and what goes on between them with real life information from a nice in person meeting. Lost

Worrying about might happen is useless. You have no control over if word gets out or how the people around you will react. What you did was pretty creepy there is no doubt so your gf may by embarrassed she was dating such a creepy guy and not tell anyone else. I am curious why you confessed to your gf since the consequences are so high. Lost

He is wasting your time plain and simple. I agree he only stepped up to this new cuddly guy after you refused his advances. In a way you made him change, he didn't do it because he wanted to. Clearly you have feelings for him and he does not for you. You want something he is not capable of but yet you hope he will change like a Hallmark movie or something. He is a safe bet for companionship which skews your dating experience and choices. The guy you really want is only a text away so you are more than likely more critical of anyone you meet even if you know logically you cannot be in a relationship with him. Read your thread back carefully from a third person view. Do you see how he played you? Do you see how he lured you into this situation and now after all these years lured you back? It is interesting reading how you give him so much credit for change. The bar was so low to start any amount of emotional sharing from him would seem like a big deal to you. It is like walking through the desert dying of thirst when you come across a muddy puddle and think it is the best water you have ever had in your whole life. I am sorry but wasting one more minute waiting for him to become what you want is 60 seconds to long. Lost

You need to let this go and please never argue or work out problems through texts or any electronic media, in person only! You feel like you do probably because you feel like there are unresolved issues you want or feel need to be resolved. Letting go of all that will set you free so accept that you cannot talk it out with him and let him alone to be who he is. The first words of your thread are "My Ex BF" This is all you need to know. Lost

Cheating is extremely hard to recover from and most of the time couples stay together out of fear, usually the fear of the unknown so they stay with what they know even if that means being miserable. Either he has forgiven you or he hasn't. Either you have forgiven yourself or you haven't. I would say since you tolerate this treatment you feel like it is part of your penance for cheating. He will never forget you cheated and obviously doesn't trust you by his extreme controlling behavior. Has he forgiven you? I doubt it and he uses your cheating as an excuse for the way you are treated. This is NOT how you recover from cheating. Your husband was absent from the family before you cheated and continues to be absent now. He is in the house but not connected to the family. The cheating should have been a wake up call to you both that change needed to happen but it seems the only thing that changed was the way you dress, your social life and your passwords. There is no excuse or reason or justification for cheating but it can be a catalyst for change. Sometimes that change is the realization that the relationship needs to end and sometimes it shocks all involved into action to repair the relationship and double their efforts to support, love and nourish the relationship and family. I don't see any of that from him, all I see is more of the same. What the therapist had you work on was stupid. It was like you saw a therapist because your husband beats you and the therapist helped you work on the things that make him mad enough to strike you. See my point? Where you go from here is tough since your husband doesn't seem to care. I am sorry but you have very limited choices in front of you. Stay and be miserable, insist on marriage counseling or start planning your escape from the marriage. Counseling might work but he needs to be all in on saving the marriage and if he isn't you should stop going and start planning your escape. Lost

No he is supposed to end one relationship BEFORE he starts a new one. He is still married and tied to his wife and this hangs over everything he does. He will not be losing money, he will be dividing it up fairly with his future ex wife or more correctly the court will be dividing it up fairly. It is not his money, it is THEIR money. It seems like you are trying to convince yourself this is all okay when clearly you know it isn't. Continue as you like but keep your expectations very low on the level of commitment from him. Eventually his wife will grow tired of all this and take him to court to settle the division of assets. It will happen sooner or later... Lost

What to do? Continue being his side chick while he is separated or Dump him because he values his assets more than he values yours. He will simply keep stalling you both. Lost

Seriously? If a woman bends over in front of someone 3 times it means they want to be in a relationship with them, 2 times just means they needed to pick something up twice. Do you see how silly your questions are? What is your definition of "relationship?"

Then a proper date sounds in order don't you think BEFORE you have sex with this guy? It doesn't have to be anything big, maybe a walk in the park and get an ice cream. I am really familiar with disabilities, what is the nature of your disability? Lost

Wait what? In 90 days she had sex with 20 different guys? So she banged a different guy every 4.5 days? Did she start a new job as a porn actor? This all seems pretty unlikely. If it is true then she is not ready to be in a relationship with you or anyone else. Lost

I am assuming since you are 32 and your father is involved you live at home and are working towards your independence? There is nothing wrong with waiting but I totally understand how you feel. Is this your first sexual experience? How long have you been dating this guy? Have you been on a proper date? No matter when it happens please make sure he wears a condom every single time!!! Be smart and be safe. In fact if you are going to be sexually active you need to bring condoms with you so there is no excuse or risky sex because he forgot and you couldn't help yourselves. Best thing to do is spend time with him out in public getting to know each other so you can get to know the real guy and make sure he isn't just going to use you for sex. It will also worry your father less knowing you are being smart about all this. Lost

Can you please explain to us and maybe yourself exactly what you will be losing? Frustration? Lies? Deceit? Disrespect? Disregard for your feelings? Feeling sick when he is texting someone? Always wondering who he is flirting with? Lack of trust? These are things I see you losing when you kick him to the curb... Lost

Perfect! For you this puts a pin in it with nothing left for you to do but get on with your life and if she circles back after she returns great, if not then you have kept living your life. It was only a few dates anyways no matter what words were said. Send the text sooner rather than later as it lets you move on from this that much sooner. Lost

This is exactly what you are a party too. You are her ex that wants her and are having secret meetings. What exactly do you call what you are doing? Lost