LongJohn75

I don't mean to be blunt but friends don't typically F their friends. Then they are no longer friends, you are well out of the friendzone and probably in the cold right now. I hope.you two can reconcile things. As a man, if I were dating your friend and either found out you two were more or it felt like that was the case. I'd dump her in a heartbeat I wouldn't want to be wading into no mans land of who knows what. Personally I keep my female friends at arms length and very platonic. I don't go alone to their place they don't come alone to mine. I absolutely do not go out drinking or doing dinner with them alone either. Had one too many female friends want to become more after too many drinks and that just felt wrong to me. It's made some of them quite angry for a time but better that than a mistake that'd nuke the friendship. After that they are either with someone or I am if we meet up. I've found that way easier and less awkward.

I spent about 7, years as a single mostly because my ex wife manipulated and cheated. I had difficulty trusting again and typically would run a mile if things seemed off in the slightest. Having said that those were the happiest 7 years ever. Can't get hurt if you let no one in and if no one gets in you can't be disappointed. I dated in between a few times and heard similar stories form ladies about men being ungentlemanly. I think my mother would could back from the dead and beat me if I behaved on such a fashion. My advice is build a friendship with someone and see if there's a spark. I tried it many times the other way about and it never seemed to work right. However there's quite a difference in being a friend and being someones partner. The friend can be a different person than the partner.

Thanks for all the replies. I've raised meeting this friend again and again she has promised we'd meet with him and his boyfriend apparently. I suggested we just meet casually for lunch with him but she didn't want to. I asked why and she said it was agreed already she wanted to meet his boyfriend. Which is odd to me but I could also be reading more into that than there is. I agreed to this then the next day she acted like I never agreed to the meeting so I made it explicitly clear I would. I've reminded her numerous times about this just so she'd be clear including by text.

I agree I do not want to project what my ex did on her I also don't want to run from every relationship because somethin isn't right. However not having met this guy is more than just a curiosity at this stage. I've asked to meet him a few times and every time either something comes up or it's so last minute I can't possibly make it which could to be fair be just how it is or it isn't. They are coworkers and do seem to have regular lunches yet their offices are about an hour apart which to be honest is very weird but she says it's work, again I've no evidence either way to suggest otherwise. I don't want him in my house but I think I will take your advice. I'll ask her to tell me of their next lunch meeting as a venue for me to meet this guy. She's very intelligent. I've no doubt she knows I intent to check him out. She know I'm going to be quite through and will want to size him up. However if there's never any meeting this guy I'll assume the worst and be forced to move on. I've already mentioned the whole staying with him or sharing a hotel room with him is so far beyond my comfort zone I'd break up. I hate to be like that but I find it so wholly disrespectful to this relationship. I would not under any circumstances beyond a dire emergency share a room with a female friend while in an active relationship.

That's the thing I don't know if anything inappropriate is happening. To be factual all I have is her telling me these things in confidence and her word that the guy is gay. There's only a few pictures of him on her social media and all are identified as being her "friend" or "work spouse". He's either gay or so deep in the friend zone he's calming gay to get close but if so why not act on it long before I was in the picture. The vast majority of her pictures are her and her female friends again not one single picture of this gay friend and her female friends. I don't care for the not telling me about the work event and basically being with him there. Not telling me isn't a lie, she doesn't have to tell me but it'd been nice if she did. Then again she knew I'd be like why would you drive with him there. Then again she didn't have to tell me any of that after the fact? It bothers me because the night before she was on her phone non stop ignoring the movie she said she wanted to watch then said she was texting her female friend. Which she may have been but I found it rather disrespectful so I left quite pissed but she didn't know it as she was glued to her phone. I also feel so very jaded from my ex. I suspect everything now with every woman I've ever been with and I usually cut things off when I feel like things aren't quite right. I'm at that point with her but I don't know if it's me or past experience taught me a harsh lesson. I hate ending relationships because I'm overly cautious but I've also found too many ladies like to have their cake and eat it too. Not all ladies I'm sure.

You need to accept her as the person she is. If she's good enough to open up my advise is to remain quiet pay attention to her and process it. Do not respond right away think about it, don't bring it into the present but keep it in the past where it was and belongs. Don't judge her, it's really not your place place, either accept her as she is or you may have to move along. I tend to compartmentalize just about everything especially ex boyfriends of current girlfriends as it's none of my business and if they open up about their past I pay attention, there's a lot to learn there.

I've been dating a lady for a number of months. We were friends/acquaintances for a couple of years prior. Back then I knew she was friends with a gay guy but everyone thought they were a couple as they were always together, holding hands and going to dinner etc. Since I'm not the type to confide in others anymore I'm seeking out some helpful impartial advise from the wonderful people of the internet. She's admitted to sharing a bed with him she said they never had sex, to be honest that's none of my business but it makes me very uncomfortable they have that level of a relationship and I feel kind of like a third wheel. I think because he's seen her naked before and they've been emotionally intimate and still appear to be. When we got together she didn't see any issues wanting to stay at his place or sharing a hotel room with him again or going to gay bars with him. It made me feel very jealous. I do not want to feel like this but I can't help it. She says she's very independent however spends most of her time with me now. I don't want her to abandon her friends but I find these types of relationships abnormal, maybe it's because it's another man? I don't feel this way about her female best friend. I did something I hadn't done in other relationships I opened up and explained my feelings to her. Explained how this made me feel uncomfortable to put it mildly, she said she understood. However they still hang out, talk a lot on the phone and right now they are in the same hotel together for work which she didn't tell me about until after they got there together. She said we drove together it was on the way. It was 20 minutes out of the way. Again I felt jealous but I got the "but he's gay". It just rings back to my ex wife saying "but he's married" or "he has a wife" or "they have children". She cheated, that doesn't mean my gf would do the same but I cannot escape that very same feeling. In all this time I've never once met this friend, I've met her family and most of her friends so far but not him. He also is never with any of her other friends not once. It does raise a level of concern however, I'm conflicted. I do not want to progress with this relationship further until I meet this guy that I oddly feel competitive with. All I know is right now my gf told me nothing about spending a week for work at a hotel with this guy and all i get in return is the "he's gay" and it just makes me want to get out of this relationship. She did claim they have sperate rooms but I can't help but think that's a lie, thanks ex wife. My feeling is I'll probability end this relationship if I don't meet this guy in the next 6 months. I cannot shake the feeling their relationship is abnormal and maybe that's because he's male but, I don't know.