Whyithappenedwithme

It's around 2 months. We met online 4 months ago and we helped each other in our learning later we loved each other very deeply. She told in general discussion, earlier she pretended to be modest and shy. I am not going to breakup with her, l don't want to change my love like cloths and she is my first and last. If not her then l prefer celibate unmarried life long. Yes, l belongs to that that culture where sexual activities before marriage is not acceptable

I am college final student, l practiced complete sense restraint and monkhood from last 7 years and never even spilled my seed. I only respected women, treated them as sister or mother. Later, l found someone with whom l became deeply connected spritually connected, l started to love her immensely. I unable to identify her extravagant bold behaviour which was uncomfortable for person like me. l thought this girl is exactly like me but after around 2 months of relationship she told me about his past sexual relationships. My face became as if thousands of ants scorching on me. I wish to end my life. I started to visualise her with her ex. I feel why this happened to me. Help me someone help me. I can't even want to leave her alone since l am committed to one, l can't replace my heart with someone. My feelings are so deep that crosses mundane expression of love. And even l don't have any issues with her past rather l became expired, seems everything ended for me.