lostandhurt

This is a great learning experience for you. Things start off great and those quirky things or mannerisms are cute until they aren't anymore. Think of it like a puppy. All puppies are cute and adorable but then they grow up. Sometimes they are cute dogs you fall in love with and other times once the cute wears off it is just a dog. Be kind but be direct so he doesn't think he can fix it or somehow win you back. Lost

I knew it!!!! Awesome news. Good on you for stepping up and being brave. I am so happy for you and fingers crossed it all goes wonderfully. Check back in and let us know how the date was. Lost

Yes it is. Can you see how your fear of the answer you wanted to ask kept you in knots? It is better to ask and know the answer no matter good or bad than fret over it. If you are okay with the status quo then all is good. You are okay with it right? Lost

Let it go. Sometimes things go so well and suddenly end and that is why we date. We find things out about each other and sometimes they are deal breakers. In this case he is butt hurt that you wanted to leave after agreeing to sleep over. Then you had another guy pick you up which made his butt hurt even more. Doesn't matter that it is an old friend or not. You probably should have woken him up and let him know you had a wonderful time with him but you can't sleep so you are heading home. Then you could explain you have a friend getting off work soon or whatever and he is picking you up. This guy is not very understanding and more than likely thought he was going to get sex even though you made it clear to him earlier that you wouldn't be doing that. Guys can be sweet and fun just to get sex sometimes so you were right to make him wait and see his true intentions and character. I think he did you a favor by ghosting you. Lost

If she isn't into you I would be stunned, especially since she does not behave that way with other guys. You are overthinking this big time. Stop waiting for her to approach you, it is time you step up and reciprocate so she knows you like her. When you see her from afar walk right towards her with a smile on your face and when she sees you say "Hi, I was hoping I would see you today" there may be some chit chat or she may ask you why you were hoping you would see her today. Either way make a point of saying how much fun you had playing pool with her and want to know if she would like to get a coffee/juice/ice cream/drink or what ever and get to know each other better. She seems super friendly and a nice person so no matter answer I am sure she will be nice about it. Asking a girl for her number or out on a date is nerve wracking but not fatal. Don't let it get all up in your head, just go for it before you talk yourself into chickening out and she gets away. Lost

He may be clueless so asking him in such a way so he understands it is a date and not just hanging out it is key. Of course you could just hang out with him and see how things go if you like too. How about this: "Have you ever been asked out on a date by a woman?" Assuming the answer is no then "Well now you can answer that question with a yes, would you like to go on a date with me?" The question upfront brings his mind to the possibility and then you follow it up with the ask. He is just a guy that is more afraid of you than you are of him. Be brave and ask. If he is so skittish it is like walking up on a deer then he may not be the guy for you after all. Lost

A few simple questions: 1. Are you divorced or in the process of divorcing or only separated? 2. Did you cheat on your wife? 3. What did you think would happen when you dumped your wife for another woman but never let go of your wife? It sounds like your gf thinks you are taking her for a test drive and keeping your ex close by just in case you want to bounce back to her. You seem to be perplexed as to why your gf is upset. Seriously??? Lost

He may be afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid in your eyes so he freezes up. Keep doing what you are doing and help him relax around you. Be playful and fun and get him to smile and when he does compliment him on his smile. In the end you will need to ask him out on a date. When that happens is up to you but don't wait to long though. Have you ever asked a guy out before? Lost

Of course this is normal since you shared 4 years of your life and dreams with this woman. As time goes on we tend to remember fondly the times we shared and then it tends to stick for a while until it fades again. You are doing well to remember the bad times and the reason it ended though. Nothing has changed except time apart so it is best to keep your distance if possible. No need playing with fire since you know for sure you will get burned. I am sure she thinks of you as well but does it really matter? This is just your ego wanting to be her special guy she will never forget when in reality having her forget you and steer clear of your life would be the best thing for you both. Your last sentence leads me to think you want to be friends with her. Very bad idea, make friends with other women if you must but she is not the droid you are looking for. Lost

I think there are way more important things in life and in this world to be bothered by than being called sweetie or honey by a stranger. There is nothing disrespectful about what they are doing because they are not doing it with ill intent, it is just how they speak. Is it ideal? Perhaps not but is it worth getting all worked up over? Not in my world. I actually like it when older ladies call me sweetie or honey. To me it shows a caring personality. Now if they were calling you derogatory names and personally setting out to insult you that would be totally different. There is a path past this but you will not find it until you discover why this bothers you so much. Sometimes it is something you cannot control that is really bugging you so you focus on something that bugs you that you think you can control to feel better about everything. Reading your other threads could be a clue... Lost

Child of alcoholic parents here so I have witnessed just about all of it. Her timing is suspicious to say the least. When you were a drunk she didn't want to divorce you but now that you have made a huge improvement she suddenly wants space??? My guess is that there is something else going on and now that you are clean she knows you will start figuring it out. I have no idea what it could be but there is more to this than a fed up wife sick of her drunk husband. So what can you do? Nothing as you have zero control over what she decides or does. The sooner you accept that simple fact the better off you will be. This is where you keep the focus on your recovery and sobriety. This is a major emotional cut for you so the temptation to drink to numb the hurt needs to be fought off like your life depends on it because it does. Trying to make sense or figure what you should do to win her back or whatever is a waste of time. What you can do is be the best version of yourself, get healthy physically (walks, workout, eat right) and become strong on all levels of your life. That means looking and feeling good all the time. If she isn't attracted and wants to be with the man in front of her then no amount of flowers, date nights, apologies or penance will change her mind. I know this sucks to finally feel like you have beaten your demon only to sober up to this but what would you rather have: A wife that pretends to love you and secretly despises you or for you both to be able to find happiness away from alcohol? This isn't the end no matter what happens, just one more step towards a better life. Lost

I wouldn't say mad but you are being naive. Divorce is not easy but living with your ex and children AND actively dating tells me he isn't a solid guy. Dating 3 months and he has been separated 9 months so that means he was separated only 6 months before meeting you. Way to soon to heal, figure himself out, figure out how to be a single dad and start rebuilding his life. From what you wrote he has done none of that and is making excuses. Tucking the kids in at night? Seriously? What did he think would happen when he broke off the marriage? They would both live in the same house with their new partners and still be mommy and daddy? I noticed you said separated not divorced. Have they even started the divorce paperwork? You should tell him you cannot be in a relationship with a man that hasn't even started closure on his old relationship. Let him know he has a long way to go to build a life for himself and his children before he is ready to share it with anyone else. He is to weak to leave but wants you around to play relationship with. You are almost a side chick... Lost

She knows you what you want so do not ask again. If she is interested let her bring it up. In the meantime if you want to keep her as an option then get your mindset that way. There is a possibility she is into you but super busy and that is all. She will make time for you if she wants to. What you need to do is stay out there living your life, going out with friends, having fun and staying busy yourself. Pay little or no attention to her IG and focus on other parts of your life and school. If she thinks you are losing interest she will reach out more often. Sometimes it is hard to tell when you are getting jerked around and when the timing is just horrible. Are there any other women you are interested in? Lost

You are assuming that you need to put a disclaimer on yourself which is totally incorrect and could do the opposite of what you want. There is an old saying "If it aint broke don't fix it" You are not broken, just excited and nervous probably just like he is so please leave the admissions out of this and just be yourself even if yourself is a little nervous. He went on 3 dates with you without a disclaimer so he obviously likes you. Have fun practicing kissing with him! Lost

Do you date locally? When was the last in person date you had? I agree that in person socializing is key to you resetting not only this but your life. I know artists like to be around other artist because they get each other way better than us non artists. I dated an artist for a while and she was unique for sure. Lost

Yes definitely ask her if she wants to study together for an upcoming test or exam. If she is interested she will say yes, if not you haven't risked to much by asking. If she does say yes then you need to know where this study session will take place. Figure that out BEFORE you ask her. Baby steps and see what happens. Lost

Letting these little small things sidetrack us from enjoying our lives is a big problem more and more lately. The big thing in all this is your parents 63rd wedding anniversary, not what you were asked to bring. Throwing a family cookout/BBQ to celebrate 63 years married and helping make it a joyous day for your parents was the number one thing. If that means bringing food you may not eat so the party is more of a success then why not? It is a very small price to pay for their celebration. Just last night there was a family going away party for my best friend/brother. Now he isn't my blood brother but his family took me in in my late teens as my parents were alcoholics. 40 years later they are my adoptive family in spirit. Out of 5 other siblings no one was planning a going away party for their brother so I started making calls and put it together. I brought all the food to my mothers house. Now it didn't seem right that the guy that isn't even blood family had to put it all together but I gladly did because I love my brother/friend and his wife and wanted to make sure the family was together one last time to say goodbye. To me it was the least I could do. Losing sight of what is really important (your parents happy day) and holding onto this is not good or healthy. You helped make their celebration a wonderful gift and that is all that matters. Lost

Not that complicated from the outside looking in. Reread your words above as a stranger looking at the situation. I think it will become clear to you. Nobody is that busy. I am sorry Lost

And this is how you find out right? Take your time and let the real person show themselves. He rushed it and blew it which happens a lot. Don't be surprised when he contacts you again. Why don't you actively date in your own city/area? Lost

Move on towards what? Finding someone better? Shouldn't be hard because he is a jerk that used you for sex and then ghosted you, then let you think there was a second chance, banged you then went right back to who he really is. What you need to realize is you view him as you want him to be, not as he really is. This is the problem. You are enamored with an idealized version of this man, the version he uses to get women in bed but it is not real, just a prop to trick women into sex. If you really need to get the permit back then just wait by his car with a friend and get it back. You will not be accused of stalking since you are not stalking, you are retrieving your property with one attempt. If that doesn't work report that someone else is using your permit without your permission and let the governing body handle it. Getting over someone by getting under someone new sometimes works but if your ex is an imagined perfect match in your head it will never work. Time to take off the blinders and see clearly. Lost PS He got the letter...

Who knows what his expectations were when this all started but you do know for sure what his expectations are now. He is a guy and of course he wants to have sex with you just like a lot of guys. Does that mean he is a creep JUST looking for sex? Maybe, maybe not but since he has been missing in action for 4 days since you set him straight it does not look like he wants what you want long term whether or not you had sex with him or not on the first meet. Lets say you were up for sex when he came to town and you two had a lot of fun in bed the issue would still be what you are looking for and what he is looking for. You live in different cities so what was the plan there? An LDR and travel to see each other every few weeks? Then one of you has to pull up roots and relocate for the other. These online connections are fraught with unseen issues and relationships are hard enough sometimes without throwing them in the mix. See if he contacts you and see what happens. There are millions of men that want sex on the first date but don't get it and go on to have wonderful relationships with the same woman that made them wait. The ball is in his court, lets see what he does with it. Lost

Great advice above so please follow it. All you need to be is cordial and nothing more. One word answers will put the brakes on anything she tries to start or pry out of you when you see her. "How have you been?" Fine "I haven't seen or heard from you in a while, what have you been up to?" Not much, just busy "We should get together and catch up" I will check my calendar and get back to you Of course you will NOT get back to her. Get some canned responses in your head for if and when you need to deal with her. In time she will fade and attach to someone else. Lost

Very good to hear indeed! This is going to come down to you being brave and asking. Since you know each other pretty well and talk frequently just asking him out on a date seems off to me. I am thinking you ask a different question like "Have you ever thought about us being more than friends?" This would start the conversation that really needs to be had between you two. I would bet good money his answer will be "Yes I have" I know the preference these days is to hide behind text messages but you know this needs to be done in person face to face. You can totally do this and need to do this so figuring out when is the next step right? Lost

You are very close to this so it isn't clear to you is all. Way to much what ifs and how comes crowd out our common sense thinking when it comes to matters of love and relationships. Let us know how it turns out Lost

Put yourself in his shoes. You are his sisters good friend and now his friend. He is in a more awkward situation than you are at the moment if he has feelings for you. I am guy so I will tell you this coming from a mans point of view. Jerks will hit on you at a funeral but good guys get stuck in their own good guyness. I am a good guy and have lost out more times than I can count because I simply did not want to do the wrong thing even if it was just perceived as wrong. You need to help him a long, make it easy on him any way you can and pay attention. Does he comment on how pretty you are? Does he compliment you frequently? Has he ever touched your hair? Do you ever catch him staring at you? When you walk together does he ever guide you with his hand on your upper back or lower? If you walk on the sidewalk does he take the street side? What I am saying is there any signs he likes likes you? Watch and see what you see. Then you will know if you should even consider giving this a shot. You could go high school on this and ask his sister if she thinks he likes likes you. That would break the ice with her as well. In the end you will need to be the brave one and do the asking. Like I said I am a man so trust me when I say this: If a guy is into you it will not matter how you ask him. You could be wearing a clown suit and a red nose and he will say yes. Let us know how it goes, I have a good feeling about this. Lost