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this week i have really let myself down, last week i was so positive that i was moving on after 3 months of split. but this week has been hard, it would have been r 4 year anniversiy this week and also her b'day...i still miss her so much..i phoned her 2day we chatted..telling me what she is getting up to...out all nite drinking with a new set of friends i don't approve of to be honest..but its not my problem..but it still hurts.. don't think she has a new man in her life as i think she wants to play the field abit, don't know which i would prefer her to do mind u!!it just sounds like she has moved on and is having a great time where heres me feeling really down again! sorry people i feel like i have let myself down..will try and stay positive!

u r in such a similar situation to me, i have been split 3 months and its my exs b'day this saturday. we have remained in contact since the split, though i feel its me making the effort. anyway i will send her a card but im not sure of a present. i know shes out this friday nite to celebrate, as we shared the same friends i have found out they have been invited. i havent had an invite yet, now if were still the best of friends why havent i been invited then!!! we shall see if i get that invite... anway for u its abit tricky u said u didn't want contact...i would still send a card, as u do still care and how could u forgot her b'day..to me the date will be etched into my memory! i say got for it..just don't be to upset if u don't hear from her after!

im in the same boat as you, 25 and single for the first time in 4 years..its hard especially when its not your choice to be single.. im also very wary, i don't know what to suggest, just trying to have fun and when the time is right i will meet that person.. not ready for love just yet, when you have been hurt i imagine that its hard to love again, that is waht i think anyway... im pulling for both of us, miss right is out there somewhere

we were friends for 6 months, and were than best friends in the relationship,, and soul mates. perhaps ur right, as in a way i do hate her for ending the relationship... theres no contact from me don't worry about that

Well 3 months down the line and ive finally accepted me and the ex are not getting back together. She told me shes over me yesterday as some of you already know. Hopfully we can stay friends but who knows, I can say im not over her but im getting there. She is still in my thoughts a lot but im trying not to think about all the good memories I have, I will keep them for another day. This is the hardest thing I have had to do but im a stronger person for coming through it. Thanks for all yours help, I will continue to post on here, helping people when I can, and one day hopefully post about my new relationship as I know shes out there somewhere…. Lets go find her.. thanks

well my ex still wears her eternity ring on her engagement finger and we have been split up 3 months, at first i read something into it but now i just relise she likes the ring. but perhaps she should wear it on the other hand. if ur new man doesn't mind then why should u...but what happens if he buys u a ring??

Anyone done this to find out what their future holds/if they will get back with their..just someone recommened it to me but i would rather not know i think.. just wondered what the opinion is on this?

i was communicating with my ex 2day through email, we have been broken up 3 months... anyway, she said this to me "I would say I'm over you, its getting a little easier I suppose, getting back into some kind of routine now without you, it is still hard...." so at least i know..but shes struggling with it... don't worry im not reading any hope into any of it!

Well its been 3 months since the break up of my 4 year relationship and this staying friends thing isn't working….it was her break up and her idea to stay friends…ive tried it and for abit it worked…I feel im nearly over it and in a way staying friends has helped. But it now seems its me making all the effort to stay in contact, she never iniates contact. So why should I bother, well I don't want to lose a best mate. But then I need to show abit of self-respect. I don't want to get back together ive accepted it now, but then I don't want her and everyone else thinking "he can't let her go can he, won't leave her alone". Its just so hard not speaking to her. I need some self discipline..sorry for the rant but I needed to tell someone!!!

hey mate, its not all bad..i was friends with a girl for 6 months and we gradually got closer and closer...in the end she told me she liked me...after i thought about it, i thought i like u too... we stayed togther for 4 brillant years, just recently split up and trying to going back to friends(which is hard) so i say tell her yiu just never know.. she could be thinking the same thing

I know where your coming from. My ex split up with me 10 weeks ago. We agreed to stay friends, but it seems like im the one making all the effort to stay friends. The trouble with me is im not over it and staying friends is hindering my recovery. So I have decided to not make the contact, let her come to me, I think you should do the same. Let her call you, let her suggest dinner dates. A friendship is a 2 way thing, and I feel both of us are the only ones making the moves. If she never contacts you then its her loss and she has lost a good friend, that's how im looking at it

I would give her total space just tell her you love her and you respect her need for space, as it seemed to work the first time. Im in a similar situation so I know how hard it is not to contact them, im struggling big time. But you have to do it, if she has you around then she why would she need you back in the relationship. Let her miss you and come to you. Then speak 2 her about it, she needs to decide what she wants. Also you can have time to reassess what you want. Your in the relationship too and by the sounds of it she was spending a lot of time with this other guy, that is a tricky one as hes her mate so she has every right to see him. What you don't want to do is over react and push her into his arms. My ex had a lot of male friends and I was so cool about her seeing them, and she loved that. As long as you trust her then you know nothing is going to happen. Perhaps deep down you don't trust her??? Try to chill and im sure it will all blow over.

thanks for the kind words, i know your right..i have cut all contact!! its the only way, but like u said its hard to lose a best mate!!

Its been 10 weeks since my break up, and im slowly getting there. I have tried to be friends with her but its not working. Shes happy with it as she was the one breaking the relationship up but me I still love her though im coming round to the fact that we won't be getting back together anytime soon! Or proplay ever!! So I need to cut contact Im 25 and went out with her for nearly 4 years. The thing that scares me is starting again with someone, when u truly believe someone was the one for you how do you find someone else. Im going to stay single and enjoy being single again as I can no way jump into a another relationship. Trouble is I didn't choose to be single. I didn't go out with anyone serious until I meet this girl, which was when I was 21. so ive lived the single life. Its not for me anymore. Finding someone else scares the hell out of me, and of course there is always that worry of not finding someone else. Im told im a good looking bloke, but this has knocked my confidence big time, rejection does!!! I just need to drum it into myself that I have a lot to offer and its her loss!!! Any advice on how to move onwards and upwards would be helpful!!!

well its been 10 weeks 2day...were still mates but for the foreseable future i can't see us getting back together..ive hit the angry stage of hating her for what she has done and what she gave up!!! obvousivly i still love her but hate her as well!! ive tried staying friends but its not allowing me to move on.. it does make me feel that she thinks she can find someone better..it has knocked my confidence rejection does..but im trying to think i have alot to offer someone else and when i find that person they will deserve me, as at the moment she doesn't!!!! it has got easier but we live so close and share the same friends its so hard to not see her..just got to be strong and get on with it.. thanks for listening!

thanks for the kind words...we did/do still have something very special. i will wait for her to make the contact from now on, its her 21st b'day so i will send her a card, it will be hard for both of us being apart that day..if we ever get back together and we both think we will then will be so much stronger for it... we were friends first, so perhaps we can move on from that stage again... she still talks like were together, even calling me babe, this is 2 months on now... at the moment i need to think about myself, it makes a change to put yourself first. if it happens it will!!! fate will play its part, it certainly keeps me bumping into her! thanks for listening

segagirl.. update, well we went to lunch 2day....had a nice meal...we still get on so well and its so obvious we still have chemistry between us. she says she stills thinks about me all the time and she even went up are local pub last nite thinking i would be there. i wasn't though. we still chat often but i never bring up getting back together, she needs to do that as she split up with me, she knows how i feel!!! i just think this being friends will never allow me to fully get over it, i still love her and i now we could work it out, even though i never got a proper reason for splitting "just somethings not right" "We became friends"...well after 4 years u do..she doesn't relise that... i so tempted to cut all contact from side, and see what happens she may not contact me, least i will get over it.. its her b'day in a month perhaps i will cool it till then and send her a card... theres no one else involved on either side...perhaps we just can't let go..she still wheres my eternity ring and still has photos of me up in her house,,, help!!

its been 6 weeks since my girlfriend finished with me(reason being something wasn't there anymore though she still loves me and fancies me, im 25 shes 21 being going out for 4 years, soul mates etc!!) and im beginning to feel better, last week i went on holiday with family. she was meant to be coming, it was hard at first but got easier. anyway when i was away she went to a wedding, i was meant to be going as well..anyway she starts texting me on my phone saying "how she is lost without me at the wedding and is devastated that im not there...i don't reply to this directly.. when i get back from holiday i see her out with her friends, we chat just general chit chat..anyway when i leave she text messages me again, saying how she nearly cried when i left, and then asks me down her house for sunday lunch....i know i should havent gone but i needed to..so i went, she was very sad and got upset at one point, i was fine and acted really cool... it seems the whole situation has reversed and now she is feeling bad,,,what do i do?? i want her back but i think she needs to suggest it... after 6 weeks and she made the split she shouldn't be feeling like this surely, im better and at frist i was obviously more hurt... she stays she still thinks of my constantly as i do her.. do u think she is having second thoughts, i really don't want to bring this up with her as i could push her further away... i would love to get back with her as bar the last month we were so happy, theres no one else yet, she says she just needs to be on her own for abit, she says she knows im the one and we will get back together one day, but don't they all say that??? ideas??

just a quick update, its been 6 weeks since the split now and im beginning to feel better, last week i went on holiday with family. she was meant to be coming, it was hard at first but got easier. anyway when i was away she went to a wedding, i was meant to be going as well..anyway she starts texting me on my phone saying "how she is lost without me at the wedding and is devastated that im not there...i don't reply to this directly.. when i get back from holiday i see her out with her friends, we chat just gneral chit chat..anyway when i leave she text messages me again, saying how she nearly cried when i left, and then asks me down her house for sunday lunch....i know i should havent gone but i needed to..so i went, she was very sad and got upset at one point, i was fine and acted really cool... it seems the whole situation has reversed and now she is feeling bad,,,what do i do?? i want her back but i think she needs to suggest it... after 6 weeks and she made the split she shouldn't be feeling like this surely, im better and at frist i was obviously more hurt... do u think she is having second thoughts, i really don't want to bring this up with her as i could push her further away... ideas??

i really want to be her friend but i know i can't..its so hard though..but its the only way i will get over and/or make her relise what she has thrown away.. all her talk about getting back together say 6 months down the line, i don't believe is her stringing me along...i know her or thought i did and really don't think she is like this...only time will tell... i still think she is the one for me but perhaps not at the moment....i just wish i could get her out of my thoughts..shes there all the time and its doing my head in!!! im going away for a week in a couple of days she was meant to be coming, her loss!!! anyway that should help me and no contact will be good for me

thanks 4 the advice, i think your right..she needs to go and find whatever she is looking for, if one day we get back together then we will be better for it...im going to go out and enjoy being free and single, who knows i could find someone better. at the moment i don't think that but i need to look...the contact has to be kept minimal as like you say she will never need me back fully in her life!! its summer here over in the uk so its party time!!!

i split up from my ex girlfriend 4 weeks ago. We had been going out for 3 1/2 years. We are great together best mates etc. But over the last few months we started taking each other for granted and not doing enough things together etc...anyway we have had quite alot of contact since the split as were best mates. But last nite i said i can't handle this as i want to get back together. She says she doesn't want to yet as she needs to be on her own. Which is fair enough but she keeps saying that she is 100% sure we will get back together one day. What should i do i know i shouldn't wait for her but its hard not to when she says this!! we still love each other,. find each over attractive....it just doesn't make sense...theres no one else involved...im 4 years older than her and i just feel perhaps she is a little immature shes 21. Help as i don't understand whats going on now!!!

i split up from my ex girlfriend 4 weeks ago. We had been going out for 3 1/2 years. We are great together best mates etc. But over the last few months we started taking each other for granted and not doing enough things together etc...anyway we have had quite alot of contact since the split as were best mates. But last nite i said i can't handle this as i want to get back together. She says she doesn't want to yet as she needs to be on her own. Which is fair enough but she keeps saying that she is 100% sure we will get back together one day. What should i do i know i shouldn't wait for her but its hard not to when she says this!! we still love each other,. find each over attractive....it just doesn't make sense...theres no one else involved...im 4 years older than her and i just feel perhaps she is a little immature shes 21. Help as i don't understand whats going on now!!!