shoong

hi, I'll give you a bot of background, I'm 29 yrs old from the UK. At this point in my life my group of buddies are all getting engaged, married etc. They all have stable relationships or are successful with women. I'm not. All my life up until this point I've tried to be the best person I can. I try to be cheerful, considerate & friendly. I've no physical defects & try to treat others as I would have them treat me. Two friends of mine are biggoted, selfish & have no quibbles about treating women badly, hurting their feelings, having affairs with much glee & not calling them back again. Yet the women are all over them. I don't understand. Why is it that no-one finds any good qualities in me yet those who treat women poorly have constant female attention? First of all I put this down to age, but I'm 29 now & the women of a similar age still seem attracted to these guys. I have failed. Part of me says that I should have been more like my flippant friends. Treat women like dirt & they come a flocking. Even when they tell each other that the blokes a no good so & so, they will still actively pursue them. Why have I wasted my teen years & 20's trying to be a decent man when that's obviously not what women are after? Why am I alone? I don't come accross as desperate & I just try to be myself. So why doesn't anybody like me? It would seem that women are attracted to what you have rather than what you can give. I've heard it time & time again, 'just be yourself & it will happen for you'. Absolute rubbish. I've tried to treat women as equals through out my adult life. But that's not what they want is it? Have I come accross as soft because I've done this? There's the also the other problem: if you're into your 30's & single you are quickly forgotten about by your hooked up friends as a singleton doesn't fit in with parties etc. And, there seems to be an attitude around if that you have not sorted something concrete by then, you are some kind of weirdo. If a young lad was to ask me on how he thinks the best way to treat women is I think I'd have to say: Lie, cheat, be inconsiderate & make sure you don't answer their calls. Don't attempt to come accross as a nice guy whatsoever: they'll just see you as soft & not a man. Why am I alone? shoong

as always, thanks for the advice. I don't plan to drink as it seems to cancel out wood. Maybe some wine though

She says she HAS SOME but are there any dangers to be wary of? how long does it take to kick in? I think docs is out of the question, im in the UK & its difficult to get a docs appointment in 2 weeks let alone get any drugs. thanks for the replies y'all.

hi all, lets get this over with first - i'm a 28 yr old man & I've never had sex with a woman. Imagine my surprise then when I got friendly with a lovely girl on Friday night & we ended up goin back to hers - so far so good. I wanted to prolong foreplay as much as I could because I enjoy it. I was able to get semi hard but not enough & a few foolish attempts to penetrate. We put this down to the alcohol I had consumed & used my fingers on her which she loved. I visit her the next day & bless her, she jumps me as soon as we get in from a meal. Same again - despite oral & everything else I can't get past the 'semi' phase. I'd had nothing to drink & was completely sober. I was embarrased. Sunday morning, wake up together, same again. What the hell is wrong with me? I should be desperate to get wood & have full sex, why couldn't I do it? I like her, she likes me & I didn't even get morning wood on Sunday morn. Also, when I got home I tried to masterbate but , yep, same again. Luckily she was very understanding & said she had a good time but I want to be able to go the whole hog. Am I impotent? Has this happened before I get a chance to 'use it'. Has anybody else had a similar experience & do you have any advice? I thought it may be because I was nervous, but I didn't feel nervous. Help! shoong

You're only 18! Is he of a similar age? Boys of this age often find it difficult to convey their feelings. It may come sooner than you think. Just give it a little time. Tip: Don't rush him or you may scare him off. In my experiece (&from my own) , at 18 they find it easier to convey their feeling to their friends. Don't take it too personally. Many people say the 'L' word & don't mean it, would you prefer that? If you get along & are having a good time just enjoy it! Words can be cheap. good luck anyhow.

... but I'm afraid you come accross as very shallow & superficial. There is no excuse for being chaep but you sound l;ike you just enjoy free rides, this is the 21st century my dear! good luck!

I'm love with someone but she doesn't feel the same way. She has no moved to another county. We occasionally stay in touch but she has indicated to me that she has found a boyfriend. My question is: 1) Stay in touch hoping thaht one day we will come together or 2) If I tell her that we should not have anymore contact, will it help take the pain away..?

The thought of her being withsome else, sleeping with him etc makes me MURDEROUSLY ANGRY.

shae HAS moved away - we've been in touch for 2 years, she lives in Cornwall, UK. I live in Winchester, UK. It's about 200 miles away.

antzca2000, thanks for your words of advice but the letter does state: 'm sorry I'm not very good looking. Unfortunately I was born like this. I was trying to convey that I am not good looking & that she will always meet better looking men. shoong

I have typed up this letter to a girl today, I believe it speaks for itself... 2 questions: 1) Am I doing the right thing 2) What reaction might I get? Thanks. This note to you maybe completely irrelevant by now. I may have already told you. If I did, I can assure you that it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I've never had to explain my feelings to anyone before, I've never had to. Because I've never felt like this before about anyone before. Have you ever been so in love with someone it hurts? Maybe you have, but the chances are you have been able to be with them. I can't see how any man would turn you down. To me you are kind, generous & caring. You are also the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I have had to watch from afar as you have a relationship with a good friend of mine for 4 years. I also then had to watch you move far away after that came to an end. You'll always love him though won't you? I find it hard to believe he could have ever loved you as much as I do. I cannot imagine loving anyone else on the planet as long as you exist in my life. This is why I have had to make a very hard decision. I think that we should not keep in contact anymore. I'm sorry I'm not very good looking. Unfortunately I was born like this. I'm sorry I'm not tall. It's in your nature to find taller men more attractive. Being 5'8 does not endear you to me I guess. I'm sorry I'm not loaded. I'm not saying your current boyfriend is, but I'm sure he has more wealth than I & will earn more in the future. You deserve someone who can provide for you, I think I could but by not the same volume. You have seen the bad side of me, but I also feel that you bring out the best in me. I would dearly love to dedicate everything I am to you, forever. I would gladly do it. It might sound a bit sad but I guess what I'm really trying to do is apologise for not being a better man. Perhaps if I were, then you might find it within yourself to give me a chance. I try really hard to be a good man, I set my standards to those which I think you would approve of. However, I am still alone, I don't have you & I still hurt to the point of physical pain when I think about you. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for being my friend. I realise it cannot have always been easy as I can act, & have in the past, like a bloody idiot. Maybe I will always be alone. I don't want that. This is a long shot but I've thought about it a lot. Perhaps if we abstain from keeping in contact I can get over this. I can't see myself ever forgetting you, but the pain might subside I may be lucky enough to meet someone who will let me be part of their life. I know now that I won't be a part of yours, I don't blame you. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to get accross, although words will always be inadequate really, especially when it comes to my feelings for you. I genuinely wish you all the best for the future. You deserve a man who will love you, take care of you & make you feel wanted. I'm sorry that man is not me. Forever,

Boxcar1134, thanks for the reply. I'm glad you had a nice time but I'm not really interested about your Val Day to be honest. The day is supposed to be about love but it isn't anymore I'm afraid, it's about selling stuff. But then you're only 18 (thanks for reminding what I didn't get the chance to on Val Day by the way) & one day when you're older & more experienced you'll see what I do. Oh to be young & naive again! shoong

Yep, gotta go with pchellak on this one. It's the world we live in. Does Valentine's Day represent all that is shallow & materealistic western world we live in? Do you think if people actually sat down & thought about it they would care so much? It seems to me most men would not be offended at not receiving a gift but most women would take it as 'your dumped'..?

I freely admint to being 26 yrs old & never having a date!

akatoro, I prob get a ticking off for this but your statement: 'Perhaps You need to get past the belief that relationships are started through physical attraction.' and 'Relationships aren't always started by physical attraction.' is utter twaddle. Prehaps that helmet of your is blocking 'reality rays'. I don't like it but that's the way it is. Image & how you look means everything nowadays. Would people buy, let's say, Beyonces music if she was ugly? Of course not. Chicks can find a perfect match but won't go out with them if they are not considered good looking. They would not do it becuase they will be chastised by their friends & it's just 'cool'. Sorry! ShoonG