grantw

I split with my partner about 2months ago... have found it difficult, not calling her, dealling with other life crisises such as setting up my business and my mum dying of cancer last year. today I got a call from my ex... she with held her no, so I didnt know it was her that was calling.. she acted like we have been friends and nothing had happened, she knew I was hurting not just because of her but also because of the other issues I mentioned. can you believe it she asked if my dad was still in the positon he was in the company he works for and that she would like to know how much a particular contract was worth to his company... She is in sales, she knows that my dad couldnt give out confidential information. It seemed really cheeky that she thought I could help with something like that... it was only for her gain. I am angry, but also taken a back... I said I dont think I could help, and that its a little awkward... she snubbed me and said ' ach you'll live! very condesending if you ask me! what do you all think... a bit weird... cheeky and a little unprofessional?

Its my ex's bday this weekend I am like you in many ways..didnt want to be with someone that wasnt fully committed, listened and tried to give her what she needed, time to think...I needed space though, I have confusing things like my mums death and starting my own company and that makes matters worse. My friends have said that she doesnt deserve a card..and even if I did want her back not sending her a card may give her the wake up call she deserves. I dont know really....I think if there are no really hard feellings cool go for it... if not I would leave it.. you could always drop and email or txt instead..

it really hurts doesnt it. I recently split with my GF, she found someone else, I met some friend for a quiet sunday drink and found her sitting with this guy(first date sort of look to it, even though they met out in a club) she told me hes young and she doesnt take it seriously, saying that she didnt leave me for someone else....its hard to believe though. I think it is a rebound thing, but you never know. I just spoke to my first love via e-mail recently, (I had not spoke to her in 8 years, she sent me a bearevment card when my mum died and sent me a emial...she tried hard to get in contact!) anyway she did a very similair thing when we broke up,....she moved all the way to New York and married the guy she left me for...makes me feel better now, not at the time though. In all honesty I hate how someone else being there with your ex poisons your mind, I feel inadequate and feel so hurt. Nothing we can say cause you really never know. Probably wont be anything though. I still think he is keen. Take some time to build your confidence... he liked you and is still thinking of you.... I dont know about my situation...isnt it amazing how we all give out expert advice but cant help ourselves!!!! g.

Its my ex's bday this weekend. even though I have told her I dont want to be friends and not to contact me anymore I want to send her a card to show her that I care. I still feel so much love for her. I am not movindg on this week...I am wondering if I have done the wrong thing and telling her to stop calling me may have pushed her away...see its a balance isnt it... I want to move on, but I dont want to give up the chance that we may get back in the future. I want her is a subtle way to know that I am still here for her...without saying that. I cant stop thinking about her, and its coming upto 2 months now that we have been separated. 2 weeks without any form of contact now. I have been in love before and have met many people... now I didnt want to marry her at the time...there was so much other things going on in my life (my mums death and starting my own business) but I cant stop thinking of her at all. She is in all my thoughts, I have been mountain biking alot. Excersise helps focus me and feel better about myself...but 50% of that time is used on thinking and analysing my ex. I am 28...so I have time to meet someone else, but I want to be with my ex...even though she has been horrible to me... not really nasty, just mindgames and being inconsiderate. what will I do? argh......

I really miss her today.... She has made me realise what I want....her..and the relationship we should have had. There were issues but I think due to me grieving an dnot funlly being myself, she has left me for the wrong reasons. She saw the stressed hurt and worried me...not the person she fell in love with. Saying that I was still very loving to her. Its confussing to think that. I want her back so much, trying to do the right thing though. Miss my mum too and that is getting to me as it make me low, then I think about my ex. Really struggling sometimes. I do think she was right for me in many so many ways...I am thinking about how we may get back together in the future....god need to get out of this train of thought. mondays I suppose are allways down days for me... I think I will send her a bday card though... just happy bday...g. on it. I do want her to know that I am still out here.

my recent break up is still getting to me... I meet an old GF(not my ex) on sat, we kissed and that was that. I felt guilty even though my ex and ! broke up over a onth ago, and she has found somone else. She had been calling me and playing mindgames...not saying she was in love with me, but sent me a card saying she hast forgotten about me etc. I told her not to contact me anymore, and she hasnt...but I really miss her, and I cant stop doing the typical guy thing, thinking where she is, who she is spleeing with etc. If you have read my other posts I am still grieving my mums death, this can make me strong sometimes and weak other times. Today I feel weak.. and I want her back so bad.. how best do you move forward after a break up.. I still feel guilty that I didnt do enough in the relationship and that I let her go.... but I suppose if she was the one I wouldnt have given thought like that at the time. Its amazing that sometimes you dont know what you had until it is gone. its her birthday this weekend I was going to send a card.. a hand made one, with just a simple message on it. Thing is I know I miss her, but I am beginning to think it is for the best as she didnt treat me well either, my friends think its a good thing (spilting up) as they saw her using and abusing me. Maybe I just want her to want me to soften the rejection I feel, then move on. I think sexually you miss your ex to, and that doesnt help matters as you can begin to fantasize about them too, turning them into something they were not. Then when they have somone else, another realisation kicks in...they are having intimatacy with someone else...that hurts so much. mmmm. bit confused today.

your right...I also re-read my post... reads Like I have only lo0ved one girl...not the case.... I have been in love twice...my first love at college and my last GF, who I met just after my mums death. even though I had GF's inbetween and really liked one girl, I never got deep with anyone inbetween, making it a 8 year break and even though in my previous posts about my current situ, I am getting over things. I am concerned that I might be going about things the wrong way. I had thoughts of spliting with both my 'major' ex's as things were not right. However I realised I loved them too much, only for them to dump me and find someone else either before they did a 'runner' or straight after, leaving me hurt. I am a loving a sensative person, but I have been down recently, so that has confused matters. So dont know if I will have to wait another 8 years...I really hope not! I wasnt looking for love when I met my last GF, god it was two weeks after muy mum had died...I supppose that gives me hope. I am not doing well today miss her, and wonder If I was at fault more than I am making out?

well things recently took a turn for the worst. posted my probs elswhere.... so I am 28 and single again... I loved my ex very much, and I am not looking fro love right at this moment but want to give myself hope. The last person I loved was my first girlfriend that I started seeing when I was 17..she ran off with my roommate at college! so 8 years later (many girlfriends inbetween, but no love) I met my ex..which tured bad. I am shy and dont really go for anyone that I dont truly think I could introduce to friends or now I have some kind of future together. what is the best plan for me... become more open? I am stuck in a smaller town and the social life is not great but I am travelling to visit friends at weekends etc. and am out as much as possible. I have my own business tro focus on too, and this may put people off. I am also scared of love, because I have been hurt everytime, and know I am vunerable.

yep... still going through the grieving process. I have had some anixety and panic attacks..had my first when my girlfriend was around. I do resent her still though as she hurt me and played the mind games trick. I feel the email I sent yesterday though has closed out all the doors for her to say something snidey and hurtful back, as she would just look bitter. I worry that I will always remember my mums death and remember my ex too. As much as she did help me...she didnt care for me like someone that was truly in love with me would.

I am not old 28, but I think its a matter of if you want to meet somone sincere, they should be attracted to the things that make you who you are. If your younger, then you will have energy, fresh opinions on life, but they will like you fro who you are. I kinda understand where you are coming from with this, but let your true self shine through, and shw that you have a mature head on your shoulders first. If you are attracted to someone older that you, then you should have all the assets in place that will make you attractive to them.

If you look at my earlier podt you will see my current situation.. I am 28 my mum (who I was amazingly close with) died a year ago..met someone straight after she died...she left me recently (though I had thought similair things at the time because things were not right) hence I am struggling with the loss of my ex and my mum..fitting into my new family sett up (my dad has returned home from working abroad) I moved back home to help my mum durning the final months and have now set up my own business etc...my sister has 'come out' fine with me...not so with my dad I think! god its been a confusing time. Out of all these things all I want is to have some affection form my ex...which I got alot before...like a drug though its just something I am used to. She met someone really soon after we decided to take a break...(there are all sorts of things that caused me concern about her-check out my previous post) I got an email from her yesterday that was cold distant and slightly rude...I wrote a long but to the point email back. I basically said that I was beginining to move on.. as I felt she was taking comfort that she was able now to go out have fun, holiday, new guy (even though he is 6 years younger, and really cant see the attraction.. think its a rebound thing- she has hinted at that-dont care though, its someone new on the scene) That pissed me off. So I told her that the importance of my mums death and the way I have grieved has made things difficult but thats the way I handled it at the time. I told her that I missed her, but that I am also looking forward to moving on and meeting someone new...a soul mate, that wouldnt have abandodned me in my greatest time of need. God, when she lost her job just after we met, I took her in... paid her expensive car payments, supported her though all her interviews for new jobs and when her mum through her out of the house. I am ambitions, she is too, I am a creative, she works in sales and is aggressive and needs to see progress, in business and in life. I am not as defined as that, but ultimatley want the sme things, she didnt see things moving quickly enough for her... Well in the weeks since she left, when I was inconsolable and had some major decisions to be made in my business ...I dug as deep as I ever have and managed to get a partnership going with a new company..I could only do about 2 hours work a day.. but hey I made it. Now a month after all this I have got a nice big fat cheque on my desk and work in the most beautiful office... my ex wanted all this and she has missed the boat by a month. I feel my motivation coming back...I live in a picturesque part of scotland and when I was out on my bike last night I decided that I will take up drawing and painting again (my training was in art and design at art school) and do some really inspirational stuff that will complement my business and lifestyle. I suppose I am just using this forum to pour out all my thoughts and show that even though I paniced twice this morning driving into work (I thought I saw her car twice) I am moving on and beginning to think more positively. I loved this girl more than anyone before. But I loved my mum, and we had such a close relationship..I miss her dearly and know her support would have pulled me through this much more easily. Grabbing onto those people that care for you is the best thing to do... your friends help you see your for who you really are. I thought that I had been a crap bf of late, but my friends, who have watched me closely over the past year, thought I was doing an amazing job with my ex, my company and my mums death. hearing that and getting their biased views helps alot. I found one of my ex's books last night, and in it was my xmas tag for one of her presents, she had been using it as a book mark...wrenched at my heart as it had a romantic message on it. But I can take a positive from that..I know she cared at some point, and I never stopped telling her that I loved her. She didnt need love as much as I though..she wanted fun and attention...she is the one that will have to go through what I have gone through to be able to love someone dearly. So who is the winner ....well no one really, but I have got some good things out of this whole thing. God this is turning out to be a novel! I suppose I want to get people thinking. I think over analysing things can help sometimes, as we have to learn and understand what happens to us in times like these. I went to the doctors two days after the inital split with my ex, I was inconsolable, I couldnt stop crying and I had to have business meetings that day..My doctor wanted to put me on anti- depressants! no way...not that they are a bad thing, but I thought, losing my mum, dear girlfriend and having so much riding on my business was alot to handle. My body was saying 'wait a minuite...can cope. I didnt self destruct. I just dug deep and tried to hold on to the emotional rollercoaster that I was going through. I feel at the moment that I have come through the loop the loop part and am know facing up the right way with just some twisty bits to go through now. g

I am still struggling big time..I just emailed a clousure esque email to my ex today... she played mind games with me called me.. emailed me.. gave me running comentry on her new guy etc... It tore me apart. the best advice I was given is that if it is ment to be then you guys will get back together... but give it time just now.. you both can begin to build yourselves up and learn. When you do meet or contact each other under different circumstances then you will be much more attractive to each other..not giving you false hope, but beginning to distance yourself is the best way..I dont believe in time limits do what you think is best and read the situation with a clear head (very hard to do I know)

I understand where you are coming from and think it must be hard as I am going through something simliar, but she seems to have been through a rough time, and with the long distance and her sisters death, thing will be hard and hence she is looking for as much attention as possible. But you should be the one she is spending time with.. can you not through caution to the wind and spend some time with her. fight fro her...or else you will have to move on. I think it maybe too much hard work and painful for you. there is no real right or wrong... you know what is best. I you looking for her needs. I know that before I split with my girlfriend I was asking her for some space... so I could grieve..and I wasnt 100% commited to her, but I loved her dearly... see it that way that she needs you but is confused and does need space... if you can show her you are willing to show her some understanding(not that you have been totally the opposite) she may realise what she needs...YOU... not some other short term relatonship with someone else.

thanks for the comments.. I wrote a long email to her..getting most things off my chest..but I was nice about it...she has always been the resentful and aggressive one. I have realised that my down moods lack of motivation in the last few months of the relationship were down to the way I was griving and that if she really cared she would have helped me... not put more pressure on me to go away on holiday, spend money etc. I am not really spiritual..not that I dont believe, I just find it more comfortable to climb the nearest peak on my mountain bike and talk to my mum up there. My mum went through a horrific amount of pain before she died, and I have learnt alot about life and how people can just latch onto you..I am a guenuine person with a caring nature...I think I cared for my ex too much when I should have been looking after myself, thats not in my nature though, hence I am heartbroken again. It is difficult that within a year I lost my gran to cancer my mum to cancer lost my job, moved house, started my own company and spilt up with someone that I thought was the one. It has been hard. But as some of you said this can only make me a more understanding and better person. I know my ex could sound sincere, but anyone can read books, watch films and hand out advice (aimed at my ex) but if they havent experienced a life chnging event then its usually said without understanding. just bought myself a new mini cooper s... so having fun with that and going out with friends more. things look up... being a typical male though I suppose I still linger on what she is doing what the new guy is doing...etc...that hurts..and after seeing them together.. my imagination is fuelled...but cant see that she has learnt anything about herself...if she is just wanting fun all the time until the money runs away, or she loses her job again then fine...going into a new relationship straight away wont help either she wont have time to reflect want and know what she needs...I know I want someone that understands me, and loves me for who I am and not the ideal me. a soul mate and I know its going to be hard.. but hopefully I can find them one day.

I met my now ex-girlfriend over 15 months ago, 2 weeks after my mum died from a 2 year battle with cancer. Things went well and we both fell in love. We both lost our jobs together and I decided to start my own business. Its been a tough last 15 months and over the last 4 I believe I have become depressed. This is mainly down to missing my mum, but also with the pressure from starting the business and with the increasing pressure that my ex put me under to take her on holiday, go out all the time etc..I had helped her finacially when she lost her job, and I was beginning to worry too much....but I thnk I had to as she didnt mind getting into debt, living for today not tomorrow. Id say we were very similair, but I was worried about some of her extreme actions that lead to her drinking and driving, getting herself in some stupid finacial situation etc... that worried me, but I loved her passion for having a good time. I began to ask for a little space and looked rationally at things I tried to do the things she wanted... I suggested we go to florence for a long weekend break... she liked the idea until she got her new credit card through(again he finaciall troubles I helped solve) so she went to dubai with a friend. I was gutted. When she came back she went away with someone alot younger. this relationship has knocked the wind out of my sails and I feel rejected and a bit of a mug. I know she liked me though, just think when there is some hard work ahead she gets up and runs. I resent her for leaving me and have really struggled with finding out what is more hurtful... the loss of my mum or the ex. I realise I wasnt the cheerest person to be around of late, but I think she helped to dilute the grieving process... until now. I dont know how to look forward, I am exercising alot, but I am always on the look out for her. She took the new guy to lunch recently accross the road form the new office I have moved into..she works half way accross town..did that to hurt me. really struggling.