geri

Hi Guys I just wanted to add a happy note to all those messages of heartbreak out there. I just want to say to those of you who have broken up with somebody and are very sore - trust in life and it will bring you where you want to go. Don't try and force a situation with your Ex - just go with the flow. Be nice to yourself and get on with your own life without them - if its meant to be it will happen again. Fate will intervene. I won't go into my saga but its enough to say we both went our own ways, got our with our lives as best as we could and then after a six month break of NO contact other than by e-mail (and we never got deep- kept it light and easy) we met up for a pre Christmas drink and the rest as they say is History. We're getting married in Italy this Christmas coming. My rule is look after yourself, be nice to yourself, forget about the other person for a while and develop yourself. Only when you are happy with yourself should you meet them - nobody else should make you happy, that comes from within. The other person should add to your happiness not MAKE IT FOR YOU. My advice - let them off - set yourself free - life will look after you - trust in it. Miracles do happen if you let them. Good luck everyone P.S - Don't visit this website too much - it helps for a short while but i think it keeps some people stuck in their misery because they use it as an excuse not to move on...

Hi there I am meeting my exboyfriend of 4 years (we broke up in July) for the first time since then this weekend. He has asked for the meeting repeatedly over the last two months - I kept putting it off because i was/still am afraid of being hurt but I miss him and need to put an end to the confusion. Any advice - I really miss him but am afraid to let him know in case its just a meeting of "friends" - he says he just wants to talk...I'm anxious and worried. I want to hear him say he misses me but ahhh - i don't know - anybody been through this before?

Hi all My Partner and i broke up after four years together 3 months ago. We have not seen each other since and there has been little contact other than to sort out a legal issue. I was devastated by the split which was mutually agreed as he was unable to commit (not talking marraige but wanted to be FREE to find himself) so I decided not to fight it but to let him go. Its being really hard but i have somehow managed with the help of my wonderful family and friends to keep going and date again (recently). Thing is i still love him but now i love myself more and am not prepared to get hurt again in case he want s to be Free again. I got this mail off him (SEE BELOW) out of the blue this morning thanking me for sorting out the legal thing....He had asked to meet before but i suggested we wait until the legal thing was sorted...What do you think of the rest of I want to be happy in my life but i don't want to shoot myself in the foot by ignoring it. He was a good guy going through tough times. What do you think i should do? Hi, Thanks for sorting all that out, I'm trying to organise a month away at the moment so the next few days will be really busy with that. I still think it would be nice to meet at some stage - and certainly before I go [mid-novemebr]. Got a strange call from aussi secretary looking for your phone number - a strange request. D.

Hi I broke up in July with MY B/F after 4 years - it was a mutual decision though to be honest more on his side than mine. There has been no contact since early August. I was and am still very hurt but determined not to contact him because i was so afraid of rejection again so i stayed away to try and let it sink in that it was over. Over the last two weeks i have got two emails, two voicemails, two texts and one letter. Calls were about if i needed anything to call him, letter was about how he still cared about me and what he is doing to change his life BUT NOTHING about us getting together again (He did say he missed me). He wants to know if we can meet - said 'it would be nice if we could'. How can he ask this - the last thing i said to him was that i loved him and that we were soul mates but i wasn't going to destroy myself fighting for him as he was so confused. So how can he say it would be nice to meet if he knows how i feel? I don't understand. I have not responded to anything because i am so afraid of being hurt again. I am really upset again now. I really do love him to bits and i tried to do as people say - stay away and if you love someone set them free but now i am so tempted to call him back but am terrified its all some stupid game. I have a pain in my stomach writing this. Please help.

Thanks Guys I'm really afraid because i was with him for a long time and we broke up because he needed to be on his own so i wanted to give him time and me time to get our heads together. I'm terrified of ringing and being told 'I've met someone else etc' or something hurtful - if he doesn't want me as a girlfriend i don't think i could cope with being his friend - i'm not a big enough person for that I don't want to play games or be dishonest - i want to be happy with my decision and i want him to be happy with his. I just want to be sure that i'm not being played with here and find the safest route..... But yes i think you're right - theres enough hurt in the world without intentionally causing more and there may come a time when we need each other. Darn it i feel like crap again - perhaps i should leave to see if he'll call again?

Hi there I really feel for you and the pain you are in. I'm in a similar situation myself. From reading your mail you've obviously hurt him a lot and he, unfortunately has not been able to forgive you. Men i think in general find it hard to accept that YES you can change. Can i suggest that you go to counselling - on your own for a while and tell him you're going. After the first two sessions you could ask the therapist can you bring him along - then ask him to go. If he agrees thats a good sign , if he doesn't i would think (from my experience) that he is using his fear an an excuse. In that case cut off contact for ONE MONTH go to the counselling on your own and i can nearly quarantee what will happen is that a) you will feel better and stronger and may not want to call him at the end b) he will get in touch again AND THEN you insist he goes to at least one/two relationship sessions with you. hE WILL IF HES ANY WAY INTERESTED In YOU. IF HE DOESN'T HES NOT WORTH IT and the counselling will have helped you move on. I reaLly think the only way this guy can trust that you've changed and THAT you can trust you have changed is through counselling -by getting professional help you're showing yourself and him you're prepared to do what it takes. BUT REALLY THE BOTTOM LINE IS GET YOUR HEAD TOGETHER FIRST AND THEN WORRY (IF YOU'RE BOTHERED AT THAT STAGE) ABOUT HIS.

Hi guys Will someone out there please give me some advice re this. We broke up over amonth ago and i chose not to respond to previous mails/messages from three weeks ago as i was really hurt and afraid to respond. I am going away on hols tomorrow for some more breathing space but then out of the blue i get message on my phone at 10 am this morning saying Hi, ringing to see how you are, hope you're well, iemm you're not there maybe'll call you again later.... Q i have now is - do i call back or send a text message saying thanks or something to acknowledge his message or do i just leave it? Want to keep the door open but don't want to get hurt if its just a friendly call but as i'm going away for two weeks he won't know why i'm not responding other than to assume i have no time for him????? Ahhhhhh - any quick easy advice before i head off?

Thanks for the above messages. I guess we're all the same roundabout wanting to get off but it just keeps going (i'd love to know what twirls it!) I think i will think about it this weekend. I am afraid of rejection but if i send it and he doesn't get back he doesn't - i'm not going to ring him asking why he didn't get back. So that side of things is ok. I guess its if he does get back ..i don't know. Do we give up too easily = whats pride gotta do with things. Imagine you met them in 10 years and they said 'Oh if only you'd got in touch'. And i wish some good would come out of it. Whilst this website is godd - theres not enough happy stories on it. I'd love to hear of somebody's break up working out for the best - either getting back or moving on and being friends. Surely there is one good story out there? Oh pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be one.

Hi there My ex and i were together for 4 years. We bought a place together and everything but we hadn't moved in before we broke up first time in February. I broke up with him because - i don't know - i just felt he wasn't committed to the house or us and i was stressed out with it all so i blew up. He went off on hols immediately afterwards and was with someone else. When he came back i called him and he asked me to slow down the break up and talk so we did. He told me about ther because he said he wanted a clean slate. I decided to go to counselling as i wasn't coping with work, house etc well and it went really well. I really got my life together and knew what i wanted - changed jobs, new courses etc. He didn't move in and we saw each other maybe twice a week. The rest of it was our time. Things seemed to be going ok until July. He seemed to be jealous of me and didn't trust the new me. I remained calm and open through all this. Then i think i went wrong - he stayed over one night but got up the next day and informed me he was off with his pals for the day drinking. I was really hurt as i thought we would spend the day together. But i let him off- he knew i was annoyed too. I left it a while and then i rang him to tell him i was annoyed and hurt and wanted to know where we stood. He siad he was seeing noone else, saw me the most, what was my problem. I said i wanted more and to think about it. He went awy for a week and still couldn't tell me so i oushed agin - where are we going with this? He came over - cried for three hours - still couldn't say yes or no but in the end he said he couldn't do it anymore, he loved me but wanted time on his own. I didn't push or plead - just listened. We briefly talked the first week re the house and all - i told him i loved him but i wasn't going to force someone to be with me. Then he mailed me a joke but i was too hurt and ignored it so nothing for the last few weeks. Its a month now and whilst the initial horrible grasping consuming pain is gone, i can't seem to stop thinking aout him and i feel i have tears in my eyes all the time. I'm gone on two dates - looked forward to them and felt sick during them. Oh what do i do? I want this ache to go away - its his Birthday soon too and i'm wondering if i send him a card am i being stupid? I feel awful.

Hi again I know i need closure,Charmed,but how do i get it? I've dated and stuff since but i just have this uneasy feeling that all is not as it should be. I've broken up before and when it was over it was over no regrets and i didn't cry for three hours and then bump into the person the next week and come over and say Hallo and say 'I've been thinking about our conversation' The thing is i want closure - where does it come from? Maybe i need to be told to get lost?

Hi Charmed Thank you for that. I guess when its in black and white it looks pretty hopeless. I just wonder if people give up too easy - we give each other space etc only to regret it later on. Fear keeps you from getting back in touch and saying whats on your mind. I think to myself that if something happened to him i would very much regret not saying my piece. I'm not afraid of the rejection just of not knowing. I don't know - 70% of me is saying move on as i have a few dates on but theres this little bit of me that says 'Hang on - close the door properly before you do so and make sure its closed' Does that make sense?

Hi there I hope some of you gentlemen out there can give me some advice re my breakup. I'll try not to over kill the saga! A month ago myself and b/f broke up for the second time. We had originally broken up in Feb but we got back together after a couple of weeks - we stayed in contact and found it very hard to move on. Anyhows background to saga is we bought a house together BUT he wasn't ready for it and though i offered to get it on my own as i could afford to he insisted on being in on it. Then things went rocky - i was very unhappy with his approach to the house and us and he just wasn't happy. So i split up with him in Feb. He went off on a ski trip and was with another girl. He came back we talked and got met each othr once/twice a week for a couple of months. I went to counselling because i really wanted to sort out my issues and become a better person because i felt i'd been unfair to him and had lost myself. Counselling was great (I lost my sister to cancer) and i really began to grow as aperson and really show him the caring side of me. I wasn't afriad of it anymore. Anyhows then we got intimate again in May but still saw each other only once/twice a week. It finally got to the stage in August where i wanted more and he didn't know what he wanted so i issued a 'you're in or you're out' ultimatium. He went away for a week and still couldn't tell me yes or no so i asked him again. It was a terrible scene - he cried for three hours to tell me he didn't want it anymore but he seemed so upset and confused - he said he loved me but he needed time for himself. So i let him go. We had contact for the first week or so as we had to sort out the house. Then i stopped contact and he got back in touch so i ignored it and now a month on we haven't been in touch for a few weeks. I am very calm but still upset. I feel like nothing is finalised - he sent me papers for the house and is accepting a significant financial cut so i can afford the house which is a nice gesture. I'm away on holidays soon but what i would like to know is from a mans perspective should i call him/email him before i go - do i let it go without a fight - i love and care for him deeply and want to leave the door open but without ceasing my own life. I don't want to pressurise him back but i would like him back - can we even be friends? So do i give up or open up communication again? Thank you - Geri