mustbefate

melrich, I appreciate your response. Up until recently, I've tried my best to be professional... and even to a point, friendly about the break-up and sale of house. But, the frustration is finally starting to get the best of me. And, as of a result, we've been having some really nasty fights as of late. I told her that I had no intention of fighting; but, she has driven me to this point. And even after the fights, I try to regain composure and getting back to the task at hand. She makes it out that I should grow-up and move-on. However, she seems to think that if she has moved-out most of her stuff, that's enough to sell a house. But, in reality, there is much more involved than that... with the sale of any house, for that matter. For example: up until now, I've been doing all of the interior painting. Well, now I'm getting tired of it, and had requested that we hire professional painters to finish the job. And, she's all like I'm not paying for anything unless I agree with the price quote. To a point, that's understandable; but, not very encouraging. Moreover, she lacks any sort of motivation to start working with a realtor. I've been really pushing this since the start; but, she finally convinced me to list the house FSBO. Fair enough... but, I'm realizing that I'm the one doing all of the work and things are starting to get nasty. And, I'm to the point that I really don't want to be the one also stuck showing the house, too. What would you suggest? I'd prefer using legal action as a last resort. I just want to get this house sold and not to get stuck in court. Granted, we weren't married... but, I've been talking to some divorcees... and I'm really starting to get nervous about what I've been hearing. Most cases, they took 1 to 1.5 years to fully break after the divorce. One horror story was 7 to 8 years before they finally got the house sold after the divorce! -Brian

Hey All, I'm starting to get fed-up with my ex. We've been broken-up for about 1.5 months now. Problem is that we still own a house together. And, I'm the only one who's been doing any work on it to get it ready to list. You read that right, this house is still not on the market! To make matters worse, she's obviously in no hurry to sell this house. We've already made two dates to list the house, and they've come and gone. Now, keep in mind, that she was the one who intiated the break-up. To make matters worse, I'll be at the house getting it ready to list, and she'll be out with some other guy. I'm like, why don't we get this house ready and on the market, then you can have playtime. This is plainly immature and disrespectful. Moreover, I told her that I'd rather her not to even be around. That I'd rather work on the house alone then having to deal with her. And she's all like, its my house too, and she won't leave when I ask her to. I was hoping that we could have at least some sense of honor and respect after the break-up. But, I'm amazed with how she's been behaving. I'm trying my best to make the most of the situation and move-on with my life. But, to be frank, I'm starting to feel burnt-out with this whole house situation... honestly! And, it doesn't help knowing that she has no plans for when we sell this house (where she's moving to). Everything else in my life has taken a turn for the better. And I'm getting to the point where I start to at least meet new people. Let's just say that... oh, and by the way, I still own a house with my ex... is not exactly the best of ice breakers or pick-up lines. How the hell do I get her butt in gear on this house?! -Brian

Try using the shaving cream product called "Coochie". That helps a great deal with the ingrown hairs. I just never seemed to have lasting results with waxing. Whenever I tried, it just ended up seeming like more work than it was worth. -Brian

Five years is a long time... and in my opinion, three months probably isn't long enough. This situation is beginning to look a lot like a "rebound". Just understand that you two probably have very different expectations...

From my experience, senseless drama eventually makes a man less and less emotionally available. It burns him out emotionally. Keep up with the drama queen routine, and you will continuously find yourself in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy. My $0.02.

I look at it the other way around... at least in my case. I think that the problem is that she never had to deal with this on her own. Hell, I know that she was getting relationship advice from her prior ex when her and I were together. I'm not putting myself through that! ...And nor should you Keep this motto in-mind: "My life is a full-time job."

I agree. This was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience. Having to watch the person I had planned on spending the rest of my life with repeatedly make the same mistakes. This time around, I think that she's on the verge of self-destruction. Any idea how hard that is having to sit back and just watch?! I suppose that's why they call it "tough love". Good luck to you

I went through something like this several years ago... I've even known her for 7 years... Anyways, she studied aboard (and to think that I was her #1 supporter of this idea)... met a guy... and well, you all know how this story goes. I am going to explain to you what happens when you try and stick out something like this. It took us about 3 years to rebuild trust back to 100%. We ended up getting engaged... even bought a house. Two months after owning that house, things took a turn for the worse again. This time around, it was her boss. People like this are in denial of their behavior. They will blame anyone but themselves. Take my advice, the sooner you get over her, the sooner you'll be doing yourself a favor. You are going to have to accept the fact that you may never fully understand the intent behind her actions. So, don't drive yourself crazy trying to understand a person who's not sane of mind.

How old is she? From my experience, some women in their mid-20's simply are not ready to commit. Especially, when they've "matured" early on and missed out on that whole girls just wanna have fun. I bet that the other guy was a co-worker. -Brian

I would definitely agree that this relationship hasn't exactly done me wonders for my self-esteem. Since the break-up, I'm starting to realize how messed-up I've become over this relationship. With regard to the house, I would definitely agree with the comments made about building-up equity. Its totally frustrating that this is the first house I've ever owned... and look how things have turned out. I have thought about the whole roommate idea. But the thing is that this house already has such emotional baggage. Every room I walk into, I can recall a fight taking place. Plus, I'm not exactly wild about bringing girls (in the future) to this house. I'm kind of at that point of selling it for what I can and minimize my losses. Consider it an expensive learning experience. -Brian

I'll be as delicate as possible about this one... All I can say is that you've been dating for nearly six years. There must be some plans or discussion of marriage. As such, keep in mind that his behavior towards you may not necessarily change once you get married. Something to keep in mind when planning for the future. -Brian

He's either controlling... or something happened to betray his trust... or he has a guilty conscious. Did anything in particular happen before his change in baviour started? -Brian

The great debate was either wedding or house... At the time, we were living with my parents saving-up money. We decided that we didn't need a marriage ceremony to prove our feelings and bought the house instead... with the plan of getting married in about a year after buying the house. I know that owning a home is stressful... but, I'm having a hard time understanding why it took getting a house for her to figure out that she didn't want this relationship. I mean... if she was having such doubts... why get a house? I digress... Anyways, about getting back into the saddle again... Before I started dating this person, I had waited two years after the prior relationship... that one was also pretty serious, but not this serious. Problem is that my 28th birthday is just around the corner... and I'm starting to feel as though the best years of my life to find a life partner are drawing to an end. I fear that I'm starting adopt that mindset of all the good ones are taken -Brian

Hello Everyone, I've been a long time lurker. But, seeing as how my 7-year relationship ended just before Christmas... here I am. As with anyone dealing with a break-up, I'm having a really hard time. We'd been engaged for about 2.5 years and owned a house together for about 4 - 5 months. I've having a really hard time moving-on (as she was the one who intiated the break-up). Not only was I emotionally involved with this person for so long... but, the break-up during the holidays is not helping. And even after the holiday, I still have to contend with the fact that we now have to sell this house. I've forgotten what its like to be single. I've already been approached by girls; but, I simply lack the mindset for it. Given that I first get the house sold, what's recommended for someone who practically had a marriage with someone... Is it best just to be alone and reflect for a while? Or should I get out there and meet people for the sake of helping me move-on? Thanks in advance for all those who comment! -Brian