CareBear53187

i'm in the same situation.. i think that what you really have to do is completely separate in your mind the two things that are going on here: interest in a new guy, and still getting over the old guy. they are two separate parts of your life, and don't the bad shadow the good...just let the good help to push out the bad. i would say spending the night isnt the best idea...i've noticed that the times when it hurts the most is when you feel like it should be more intimate than it is, because you are so used to the other person-so, for example, waking up in the morning next to a new person will feel strange, because thats something that's intimate and perhaps you aren't ready for....but in your mind, you think, if i were waking up next to my ex....but that's not really the case. it's simply that you were with your ex LONGER, and thereforeeee had more intimacy...if that makes any sense. i don't know if that's the type of thing that you're dealing with, but that's what i've found stay strong, you will love again

i sent that response, and he emailed me back about an hour later saying that he'll respect my wishes, he's been thinking everything through lately, he hasn't put me out of his mind, he misses his best friend, it's hard not to talk, blah blah blah, it sounded like a lot of bull * * * *. but i feel like i've washed my hands clean of it all. now i just have to recover from actually hearing from him ugh why do we let them do this to us

freeindeed, i do feel potential for the person im seeing. sometimes its hard because i am so used to having the intimacy of a three year relatioship...so i think that's the only thing that im really missing about my exboyfriend..and yes the guy that im seeing now has SO many qualities that are exactly opposite of my ex, that i am highly enjoying...my ex was the jock type, cared what everyone thought all the time, acted different around different people..the guy im seeing now is very "coffee shop-ish" if you know what i mean, a different kind of attractiveness, very laid back and very comfortable in his own skin...and so much less superficial when it comes to the way that i look, and the reasons that he likse me. its refreshing. but still, i feel weighted down at times by my old relationship, so i fear at times that i will hurt my new relationship because of that. but it seems to be getting better all the time, so im just waiting it out...i am also studying abroad in uganda next semester so that kind of takes off the pressure of it being ultra serious.

what do you say to this response to his email? hey, i really don't think it's necessary for us to talk at this point..if you just want to make friendly small talk, im not really up for that..and if you have unresolved guilt and that's why you want to talk to me, i really don't want to take part in that, i dont need an apology/explanation, that's kind of what the letter was saying..i wrote it more for me, not for you, and if you benefited from it, all the better....ive forgiven you, but on my own terms..i'm sorry..im at a really good place right now, the best ive been in a long time, and i dont want to jeopardize that. Again, best wishes. Carrie ...i feel like he really wouldnt expect me to say anything like that, when we broke up for very short times before i would always be the first to cave..i feel powerful sending that..but will i regret not taking him up on his offer? the way im looking at it now is that he couldn't really want to talk about anything that would help me at this point, the only thing that would be remotely helpful to me is if he wanted to get back together, which is not the best thing for me....so send it? or just not answer his call?

That's exactly the problem..i wrote it thinking i didn't but as soon as i saw his message in my inbox, it felt like i was back at square one..i hate this..i don't want to lose how far i've come, but i don't want to pass up a chance to hear what he has to say...a large part of me does NOT want him back, but a small part of me knows that if he showed up at my doorstep it would be hard to turn him away. but the point is that's 99% probably not what he wants to talk about he probably just wants to ease his own guilt...

Hey guys, i don't know if you remember me, it's been awhile. Brief summary: Boyfriend broke up with me after three years because he simply "didnt feel the same way about me anymore", told me to stop calling him on Christmas day...since Christmas, I have remained in strict NC-aside from looking at his facebook page and i unblocked him on AIM about the end of january, but didng IM him. I'm seeing someone else as well. So last night, i sent an email that i wrote about two weeks ago. I let it sit in my drafts folder to think about it. I decided last night to send it. I also sent all of his things in a box with no note or anything this week. I kind of looked at it as "creating my own closure" because he cut me off so quickly, we never even said goobye. So im going to post the email that i sent him, it's rather long, if you don't want to read the whole thing you don't have to. Dear ...., I've begun so many emails and letters to you, and normally, what happens when i try to write someone a letter is that I can just write and write and write. And then, even if I don't mean to, I hit the send button..because I feel so proud of how well I've expressed myself that..the other person HAS to see it. It's just too good for them to not see it. But everytime I try to write you a letter, nothing ever seems right to say. One reason is that in a lot of ways I feel like there's nothing more to say. But at the same time I feel like there is so much more to say. Another reason why writing you a letter has proven unsuccessful thus far is that what i have to say always just turns into hurt and anger, which helps neither of us. And in a lot of ways, I have been waiting for you to make the first move...after all, you were the one who made so clear how unwanted my efforts to communicate are. So what do I want to say? What could i possibly have to say to you? Why am i even writing you now? do I want closure? I don't know, the more i think about it, the more i think that there's no such thing as closure...For a long time, I thought closure would be to make you feel how i felt. I wanted you to feel how i felt on christmas day. I wanted you to feel how it feels to spend three years with someone, and have the last thing that they say to you is "stop calling". Or how i felt the entire last six months that we spent together, and how badly you treated me, which in retrospect, was extremely bad. Or how it made me feel after the first few weeks, realizing that you never were going to call...when you never called or wrote or expressed any kind of apology or sadness. And that's probably what hurt me the most. But i have realized that none of those things would help me to move past the fact that i lost my best friend, which is ultimately, the final thing that I have to get over. And it's still a battle, just not having you in my life. To me, it's so strange how everything turned out okay, and how i didn't die. i really thought i couldn't live a day without (his name). It's so weird how you wake up the next day breathing. And realize that life does go on. and it's funny, when i met someone else..i wanted to call you..not to rub it in your face, but to share it with you. to be like this is so exciting! maybe out of habit, or maybe out of the fact that regardless of everything your friendship meant everything to me. i mean, same thing with ben folds, or for anything else good or bad that happens..i miss having your support, i miss having your input, and i miss hearing your voice. i miss being able to call you and tell you what's going on in my life. i miss my best friend. I really, truly do. You hurt me so badly (his name). I don't think i've ever felt more betrayed or let down in my entire life by the way that everything happened. And my guess is that this letter is going to mean practically nothing to you. That you wish I would just let it go, or something of that sort. And I understand that this did not affect you as much as it did me, because you had begun letting go of me long before we broke up. I also understand that the person that i was holding onto for so long is not the person who you are today. But someday, when you come accross something that reminds you of me, or a song that makes you think of me, or you just want to call me--and your heart gets very sad, just know that i am thinking of you and praying for you. please know that my love for you extends beyond solely boyfriend and girlfriend, and that i will never stop caring for you. i'm not saying that you need that, but i'm just expressing to you that nothing you could do would completely burn the bridge that we spent three years building. I'm glad now, that I have waited this long to write you a letter, because at this point, i can write this letter knowing that even in my subconscious I am not trying to accomplish anything by writing this. I'm not trying to prove anything to you, and I owe you nothing. This letter is as real and as sincere as it gets and i mean every single word of it. I am not trying to make you feel a certain way or bring up old feelings. It is just time. i hope that you find what you are looking for, no matter what that may be. i want the best for you. And as hokey pokey as it all sounds, just know that in spite of everything, i will remember you with a smile, and that your memory will always hold a special place in my heart. Love changes, but it still never fails. No regrets, Carrie okay, so a couple hours later he replied with this: you're wrong. your letter means a lot to me. we'll talk, i promise. in a few days, im working through some stuff. (his name) ps its great to hear from you I'm confused by his response. I didn't think that my email was asking him to contact me. But i'm also going crazy. He's back in my head now, which is awful. I wanted it to be overwith. What do i do when he calls? (He will, hes not that big of a jerk)...do i not answer? do i email him back? in a sick way i want to talk to him, but probably for the wrong reasons. And it would break my heart if he just wanted to be "friends" or have "small talk"...ugh..what do i do?

thanks guys, it really means a lot to have people that care and understand. i'm having a much better day today, and a couple guys have asked me out on dates-and while im not ready, it wasnt so bad for my crushed self esteem

I just arrived back on campus after a month of being of for holidays..and i thought i was doing so well..im in such a rut..i'm on day 23 of NC..and i'm starting to realize that i thought by now he would have called me or done something to contact me....even though i blocked him on aim, he hasn't emailed me to apologize or anything..i just don't understand how you can just cut someone off like that without even feeling guilty..it just doesn't seem fair that he can go on with his life and i'm stuck in the past. i have no desire to contact him, i've come too far. i just wish that he was hurting as much as i was. i wish that he would tell me that it was a mistake and that i could laugh in his face. i just wish there was some type of light at the end of the tunnel, some type of way to close the book and say 'i am done'. but i cant find it. it doesnt seem like its in sight..

really? it would cost so much money it would be a HUGE box-you dont think that would look like i took too much effort?

I was just wondering, what is the best way to give back stuff? I have so many sweatshirts and T-shirts...and I do NOT want to break nc. my situation is that my ex boyfriend lives an hour away from my house, and 3 hours away from my school...so either way, i would have to make a drive to drop it off. There is a possibility that ill be visitin my friend at his school sometime this semester, so would then be a good time to just drop it off in front of his dorm room? I reallyyyy dont want to contact him before doing so-but do i have to? Or should i maybe just wait until the end of the semester, so that i dont do it with any subconscious motives? haha sorry that im hashing through all the possibilities. I just want to do the best thing that will make me appear the most in control, and also make me feel in control. so...any ideas? ps i love you all you keep me sane.

Legally blonde is not stupid!!! its perfect. also: kill bill, BETTER OFF DEAD (one of john cusacks not as well known films), Bridget Jones, The way we were, Shallow hal, HOPE FLOATS, Sliding doors, America's Sweethearts, Waiting to exhale (of course). but always, always, always legally blonde. nothing competes

This girl has issues. Big issues. As in-she isn't mentally healthy. If it makes you feel ANY better, i guarantee once you let go she will eventually come back around, because she isnt going to find happiness having sex and drinking as a pregnant woman. Honestly, I would focus on your child. Do you really want this woman raising your baby? When the baby comes, you are going to have so much more to think about. I know how bad it hurts now-i know, i really do-but that type of behavior you shouldn't even be crying over. i have a feeling that once your panicking and crying subsides, your anger phase will be very very long-and you deserve to be angry. You obviously can't cut her off because she's carrying your baby, but do not humor her when it comes to discussing your relationship. If she brings it up, you say it's over, end of story. Honestly, this is something that you will be glad happened one year from now. First priority=baby. Second priority=you. Twenty billionth priority=worrying about that skank.

im in-the challenge for me will be not going to his facebook every 10 minutes. like HUGEEEE challenge. like i dont even know if its possible. but im going to try superdave, for you because your posts are always inspirational, and im willing to try anything - so bring it on. day 1.(its actually been TWO weeks-yay!...but if we arent counting the days that ive visited his page, its been about two minutes...) ill keep yall posted!

I really dig that, blender. That is so true. My ex boyfriend said something along these lines as though he was doing me SUCH a favor...oh please...i really like the idea of turning that around..don't let your ex have so much power over you...

here i go again-whitesnake walk away-ben harper song for the dumped-ben folds dont think twice-bob dylan stronger-faith hill

Listen guys. For an entire week, i wept. I cried. I bawled. I wandered around my house aimlessly, pathetically. Between bouts of being depressed and weepy, I would literally panic-this can't really be happening. In these bouts, come the temptation to break NC. He still loves me. He has to. i lost 15 pounds that I could not afford to lose, weighing in at 95 pounds. I made a COMPLETE fool of myself to the guy that broke my heart, lost all of my pride. Twelve days later....and I haven't shed a tear for four days. Do you want to know why? he's not worth it. They aren't worth it. And I know that this sounds so annoying from people telling you it all the time, but this is coming from someone who literaly would have done anything to get him back. I've been spending so much time in prayer and doing devotionals, spending time with me--and while of COURSE i am not completely healed, and of course i feel like a part of me is missing--i have come to the realization that you know, he really wasn't all that i had cracked him up to be. In fact, he really ISN'T going to get better than me, and i can honestly say that. And you know what else? them. If we had made them hurt this bad do you think we would be able to just walk away the way that they did? NO. Because we loved more. We loved and cared more than they did. And I'm "saving all my love for someone who's loving me." Seriously, folks. You don't deserve this. Lamentations 3

So i was just wondering if any of you all just have your up moments--like, for about 3 or even 4 hours, its not that bad! like, you can TOTALLY live without them-heck, why were you even crying about it in the first place? this leaves your future wide open. and everyone's advice seems true and good, and you know that you are an independent and fulfilled person without them. but then, it sinks in again...and you cant stop crying and nothing from your emotional up seems to be even remotely relevant. i was just wondering-is this normal, is this going to go on for a long time, or am i actually beginning to heal? ohh and i have to quote billy joel for yall "cuz the good old days WERENT always good. and tomorrow AINT as bad as it seems.."

this post makes me happy

Okay soooo I had been going four days strong with no contact. (this is very good for me). Simply, 5 days ago, he broke up with me after 3 years saying that he didnt "feel the same way about me." today, thinking it would be such a great idea, because hey 4 days of not talking to me must have changed his mind right? wrong. i texted him saying, "if your sure this is what u want, tell me. just one last time." and he said yes, im sorry blah blah blah. then ten minutes later merry christmas. then of course i totally blow EVERY ounce of pride that i had and start mercilessly telling him i know were in love and we can make this work blah blah blah. he says "its over", i call. oh my can you see the downhill of it all? he doesnt pick up, i call back he has TURNED OFF his phone. now please. i am not a psycho. i dont call call call. i havent called him for four days. he broke up with me OVER the phone, i mean doesnt he owe me more than this? its so frustrating to be made to feel like i am overreacting!!! and now i just feel like even more crap than i did to begin with...and it's christmas wow i just feel so alone. do i just go total NC? my sister changed my password on facebook so i cant get on it and obsessively look at his page. i just feel.....so sad. i gave him everything i had. i feel like no one will ever want me again. i feel so abandoned. help.

I know exactly how you feel. Its like this hopeless, empty feeling. Sometimes i wish that i could just hug myself because i'm hurting so badly. I don't really have any advice, my wounds are only 4 days old and very fresh. i know what everyone else says though, time heals all wounds. keep pushing forward, one day at a time. don't blame it all on yourself either or you will drive yourself mad. living in a world of "if onlys" will LITERALLY get you nowhere. make a list of the REASONS that you didnt trust him--because i'm SURE that there are reasons. im at a loss for as to how a person can move on so quickly while we are left here in the dust, after giving them our entire hearts. it truly is a mystery to me. i also have the same problem as u do with myspace, but with facebook, which can be worse because people can put pictures up of him even if he didnt put them up. its horrible. its awful. just thought id let u know theres someone else out there that feels the same way. merry christmas..

Hello all. I didn't sleep at all last night. I've been up all night. I spent a good amount of time on this forum. It helps to know people are going through the same thing as me. I'm 19 years old. I know I'm young, and i know that a lot of you are healing from broken marriages which i can't even begin to imagine. But for my age, I am probably the equivalent of a 25 year old. Just a little disclaimer if you may be thinking i know nothing about pain. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me last night. He broke up with me the Sunday after Thanksgiving, but we got back together a couple weeks later. The first time we broke up he said it was because of the distance, and because of all of the problems we had been having recently. Last night, he told me he realized he just didn't feel the same way about me anymore. This is somethng that you cannot argue with. Which, perhaps is for the best. I don't feel quite as tempted to call him because I know it wont change things. I feel like my heart has literally been ripped out of my body. I feel literal physical pain. And I know everyhting that i'm supposed to tell myself. It will get better in time. There is someone better for you. This is not the end. This is the beginning. Stay busy. Let yourself feel. Cry. I know all of this. But right now I feel as this could kill me. I am a happy, attractive, well adjusted, intelligent college student. But why do i feel like a psychotic ex girlfriend that is obsessed and can't live without him? This morning, i literally was wishing that i would get in a car accident so he could "realize how much i meant to him"..i mean, how much more psycho can i get? I feel like i've lost everything. I feel like i've lost my happiness, my best friend, i feel like i can't recover. I feel like i can never love again. I feel like no one will ever fall in love with me again, and even if someone does i will never be completely over him. I mean, how does one stop loving another And of course, comes the pathetic feelings of no self worth. What is wrong with me? I can sit here and give myself advice i KNOW that i will go on breathing but i don't WANT to. I read someone elses story where they said the darkness just might swallow them up. That describes the way that i feel perfectly. I want a checklist, a plan. Something that tells me how to get my life back on track. I feel like my story may sound just like everyone elses. But oh well.