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Same thing here. Seriously. What you described is exactly what I dealt with for a while. It got so bad that I would take sleeping pills to stay in bed and would take so many I actually slept two days straight. I use to drink so much too. I just didn't care anymore. I couldn't deal with social situations and I couldn't deal with being by myself. I tried to kill myself several times because I just felt so helpless. My only suggestion to you is.....go to a doctor and get some meds. I know it is hard, but they seriously help. I am not kidding. I noticed like in two weeks my negative thoughts were cut down. My anxiety went down. Panic attacks were cut to none. Now I can't even imagine doing half of the things I use to like cutting and crying and wasting my days in my dark room sleeping and the feeling of paranoia. I take paxil. Apparently what i have runs in my family. My dad is on zoloft and my grandfather was on prozac. Maybe it runs in your family too....just I suggest go to a doc and get some meds for it before it gets worse like mine did...

well there is many ways to go about this...I suggest first off...do you hang out with him? If you got a friendship with the guy it will be a lot easier to go about this. I suggest before you do anything..try and hang out with him or something.

hmm..but as for life saving tips. This girl sounds very frustrating. I think she is either testing you or is going through a mood swing, hence why i think she has depression problems. She seems negative..another hint at depression. Saying that will change on the mother of my children comment..means she doubts your love for her...wanted a ring for a long time..means again..she doubts your love for her and thats the only way she knows. No matter how obvious and blunt you are about your feelings, people with depression don't let themselves believe it. They also say things like, I "pretend" to be happy. I should know. I said it to my boyfriend before. I think if you think I may be right on the depression thing..that might be the reason for all of this. You should ask her if she thinks she has problems with that and tell her your here for her. People with depression problems tend to push people they care about the most away and act stubborn but in a way..want those people to come back..to show they love them. So the thing that usually works for me in this case...is when my boyfriend keeps bugging me to talk..then gives me time. A few days. Thoes few days let me think how important he is to me. Then will leave me some kind of message saying well if you need to talk about anything I am always here for you. Then I will get rid of my stubborness and talk to him. Maybe you should do the same? That is if she has depression problems. If she doesn't. then well it sounds like she is just playing games with you. I think you should just give her time then. If she answered all the questions you asked...and sticks with those answers, than giving her time is all you can do. Just tell her you will be there when she is ready to talk about what is really bothering her whenever she is ready before you step back for a while. I hope all this makes sense..cause now my mind is getting all jumbled with things you could do...

Hold up....does she have depression problems cause from what you describe of her..sounds like things a person suffering from depression problems have...Do you know if she does or not?

WHOA. Okay hun here is my partake on this. First off, seems like for such an old relationship and how close you guys are...you guys were lacking in talking. Something is funny with her reasons also. I think you seriously need to talk to her. You guys have gone through alot of tough times it seems and this is just another one to add to it. What did you guys do the other times you broke up? I think you need to talk to her and rationalize through her reasons. Are you a very jealous guy? Why can't she have guy friends? I think you should allow her to have atleast guy friends and let her know that is fine. It is better to have her in your life and with guys as friends than without her I am sure. Did you tell her when she made it official that you are madly in love with her and want her in your life. That you wanted her to be in your future. You dont have to mention the proposal, just say you wanted her to remain a big part of your life years from now. Ask her why she feels she needs to worry about what you think all the time? What kind of relationship is that? And the whole pretending to be happy with you, thats crap. She really needs to explain that to you. She owes it to you. Ask her why she felt she needed to pretend with you. Tell her that isn't fair not just to her but to you too. A relationship like the one you guys had doesn't seem like the type that either one of you should feel you need to be dishonest with one another about feelings and I think you need to talk to her about that. I wouldn't wait around for her to come around. I would talk to her as soon as you can. Be honest and tell her to do the same. Tell her how you feel about her and about this situation and ask her to do the same. Good luck and post on what comes of this plllleaase. I wish you the best.

Yah. This sounds like something my boyfriend said when I first told him I loved him. Actually the first several times I told him I loved him he said the same things. SOunds like the same kind of relationship I have too. Cept I have been dating him a few months longer. We are really good friends too. SO here is the thing and what I did. When I told him I loved him one of the times he said he didn't know, I said that its okay if he isn't. That it means more when he knows for sure and means it. I said that everyone has different meanings on what love is to them and it takes us a while to figure out what it means to us. I then told him what love meant to me. To me it means someone that makes you happy. Someone you can't wait to be around because being around them can completely brighten up your day. That you feel complete around them. That you can be yourself. Someone you care about alot and is a big part of your life. He then awwed like a girl and said well he thinks he loves me but isn't sure yet. Then after a few weeks he came up to me kissed me on the lips and said he loved me and he was positive of it. Its hard for boys to do this love thing. To admit they are in love is like vulnerability. But don't push him. As much as I know you want him to just say it, doing that is just going to make it harder for him to mean it when he says it. Let him know its okay thathe doesn't say it, but when he is sure to let you know. Maybe go about it like I did. Tell him that everyone has different meanings and that its okay he doesn't know his yet. Maybe tell him what you think love means to give him an idea of what it could mean to him. As much as its hard to do...try to give him time and understanding...In the end..when he says it, you will know he means it and it will mean so much more than you not knowing if he is just saying it to shut you up..Good luck hun!

YOu poor thing. Hi. I am a girl...and let me tell you..Same thing has happened to me...cept im the girl in your situation. I was dating this one guy for about 6 months. I thought it was love and he proposed and all of this crap, blah blah blah. Towards the end of summer I broke up with him. I came back to school, I go to a university in the US, and began to get really close with one of my guy friends. I didn't really know him too well before we began to really hang out. It started with me just hanging out in his dorm room, to me taking naps on his futon, to cuddling...and pretty much scenes you described. Even though we would cuddle and hug and stare into each others eyes, it never truly hit me he liked me until one night I slept in his bed. We would take naps together, its wonderful when you have someone to cuddle with..makes you feel very safe, so one night I decided to sleep over there. Nothing sinful. Both clothed and such. I woke up in the middle of the night to him holding me, rubbing my back, brushing my hair behind my ear..things that totally made me see he did infact have feelings for me. I then kissed him on the neck, I was laying on his sholder so it was the closest I could get to his face..plus i was chicken shit to kiss him on the lips. I was still afraid of rejection. The next morning he act like nothing happened. He apparently thought I was asleep and too infact didn't realize I liked him after all of the obvious flirting. I was about to give up hope on anything coming from this, because I was too afraid to speak up. Gave up so much that I spoke to my ex and begged him to take me back. I was convinced I was still in love with him. He was going to infact take me back too. He treated me like shit before yet I just wanted someone so much and the cuddling with my friend reminded me that I am not going to have anyone. Then the night that I spoke to my ex, the guy I liked spent the night in my room after falling asleep to a movie we were watching. We both woke up in the middle of the night and got to talking. I got flustered and told him I liked him, because I knew it was the only thing I could do. He was shocked and said he liked me in return. Alot of things came up to this, but in the end..I have been dating this guy for going on 10 months and I am completely happy. Sounds very similar from your story. So moral of the story? I think you need to go out with her..like on a date again. Go somewhere private and talk. You need to talk. Don't whimp out. You need courage. She was probably flirting with you, but couldn't say it. Tell her how you feel...be as sweet and truthful as humanly possible. Let her know you can treat her right and you felt something in her eyes. This other guy she is trying to get back with sounds like an ass..i think you seem alot nicer and could treat her alot better than he could. Just be honest with her and be prepared for anythign that may come with the discussion. Like embarrassment or being turned down is the worst it could get, but in the end...you may miss out on something. Just thing how disappointed you will be if you never say anything at all and she ends up going out with that jerk and being treated horribly. And think of the positives to speaking up, being happy with someone and sharing wonderful times with her...I wish you good luck on this..and I beg of you to report on what happens with this. I would love to find out.

That saying has gotten me into so much damn trouble, I swear. I think yes and no. If you go after every person you think you love, then you end up doing rediculous things, getting hurt, and dating people who are not meant for you at all...even worse..missing out on someone who is really meant for you. Which has almost happened to me. I think if your positive it is love, if this person means everything to you and its not just puppy love, infatuation, or something you want to feel so much that you believe is true....then yes. It is better to love than to have lost. SO trick question you have there

I am so sorry to hear this story. That sounds absolutely horrible. I think thie advice given to you already is some pretty decent advice. Minus the love triangle sex part. That is sooooo not gonna happen in the real world. Plus I figure if you are in love as much as you claim, you wouldn't want to do that in the first place. Second off, as good as the advice given is....its going to be very difficult for you to decide what to do. "1) Break up, because it's too painful to be a third wheel, when she's with the girl." This is the same as the other advice given. Tell her its either you or the girl. Problem with this, what if she picks the girl and leaves you. Well you have to think of it as..why be with someone who isn't as much into this relationship as you are. Why be withsomeone who can't give themselves completely, but you give them your all. Its not fair. Okay, so this is my suggestion if you take this root. Don't be so harsh about telling her its you or the girl. Do something seriously sweet. Set her down and tell her everything you feel about her. Be completely honest and when your done say, I have given you my all. I have given you my heart completely, why can't you do the same? Tell her that what if you were dating this other girl on the side, ask her how she would feel. Isn't that cheating in a way? Tell her that it hurts you so much to see her doing this and it is tearing you apart. Tell her if she really truly loves you and cares about you, that she would only date you and have this girl as a friend only. That you hoped what you guys have was so much deeper and if it isn't that she needs to tell you, so you can try and move on without her in your life instead of feeling this pain day after day having only part of her. Okay now that option one is done, you have option two. "2) Accept it, because you have more to gain than lose." I dont know what you have more to gain. I think if we really look at your situation, you dont have anything to gain. Only someone to lose. As much as I think you should select option one, it would be really hard to do and hard to accept the negatives to doing it. However again, would you want to be with someone who isn't giving you all of them when they are taking all of you? Either way I think you need to seriously talk to her. No matter what option you choose to do your going to have to talk. It isn't fair to have her lose her friend and person who she does love. This girl sounds like she was a big part of her life before and she isn't ready to give her up yet, but you sound like a wonderful part of her life too. If she picks you over the girl, have a talk with her about how she can be friends with the girl still. That you can love a friend, but you want her to be with you completely. I could dwell on this more, but I think I am writing too much as is. Anywho, I think you need to ask her about this other girl and how she feels about both of you. When you love two people, its still different. The reasons are different, the feeling is different, and the people are different. Ask her why she thinks she is in love with the girl and why for you. Why she likes spending time with you and why with the girl. Try and get her to see the differences in you guys. Seems like she is blending you both together. When you separate the two, you start to see flaws and positives to each person. You then start to weigh who has more and vice versa. You then begin to see who is better for you and who you love more. We want her to take a good look at this before you do any of the options. Use her answers to help you choose what to do. Option one or option two. I seriously wish you good luck with this. PM me if you need further advice, to tell me how it went, or just to talk. I am willing to do anything to help

Okay hun. First off, did he say he is picking you over this girl? Another one, as much as I would like to say that online dating isn't much compared to reality dating...i can't. As much as I would like to say this internet girlfriend isn't much compitition, I can't. I had a boyfriend over the internet. I knew people who knew him and thats how I began chatting with him over AIM. They went to high school with him before coming to college. He lived eight hours from where I was at school. I lacked all common sense after a few weeks after talking to him and became so wrapped up over him before I even got to meet him. So much that I almost lost out on this guy I liked. I had a crush on one of my friends who I had a feeling liked me, but I thought it might ruin the friendship. Then all of the sudden this internet guy dropped down and viola. I totally forgot about the feelings for my friend and I thought this internet relationship was something deep and romantic when it really wasn't. Summer came and I went down to where I am from for break. He lived two hours away, so I finally got to meet him and spend some time with him. I fell real hard then. However, my friend and crush was near by. He would always go out of his way for me, was absolutely sweet, and everything I ever really wanted in a guy, but I never took the time to notice he had these. Plus, he lived right by me and even accross the hall from me at school. Dating him, I would have someone physically there to talk to me and cuddle with. Unlike internet boy who was just words off of a computer screen and an occasional cold telephone with a voice without a face infront of me. So I dumped the internet guy for my friend. There is alot more to this like the internet guy moving to be closer to me and proposing, but I feel that is totally missing the point on the story. The point is... Don't judge the poor guy too much. Be there for him when he comes back and try to have real fun with him. Show him that you are wonderful to be around and that you are AROUND. Not an internet. You are a body to hug with a voice. Not just words off of a computer. When you think the time is right, tell him how you feel. Tell him that you like him and that you know he has an internet girly, but you feel you can treat him much better and can be here for him physically..and that she can't. If he is smart...he will eventually see the light and go straight for you good luck...

someone please reply. I see tons of viewing of this..why not reply with anything...please

whoa.. wait didn't you post a story entitled TELL ME IF I AM RIGHT? Anyways. My reply on this whole thing is....wow. That sucks. But no seriously. All I can suggest to you about your woman friend is..write her a letter..in good english grammer and in no caps..about how much you care about her. How you feel. How you realize all your horrible mistakes and again...how you feel about her. I hope you have gotten over your drug habits..if not. You might as well forget this letter idea. That is the only true way you can get over this guilt and such. Stop the thing that had a part in this whole thing getting ***ed up in the first place. Try and stop for her. Maybe she will see you did such a great thing because of her and she will give you a second chance...

Ya. You shouldnt have given in. Of course she is missing that partner type relationship. She came to visit you and you guys had sex..she assumed it was more than that. You can tell because she came to visit. you really should have clarified before you did anything. If you were really friends before this you should have been able to talk about doing this before taking such a bold step as to adding sex into the picture. I think you need to hurry and set her down quickly. Try and becareful how you put it and not sound so "jerkish" telling her you just wanted the hotsex not the love and relationship part. So word it very carefully or you are not going to come out on top.

I dont like mindgames too much, but if you are going to do it..make sure you do tell her how much you care about her and how you feel. Its important you tell her how you feel before playing any mind games. I know if it was me and then all of the sudden my guy stopped treating me like his girlfriend I would take it as it was over. So...be sure not to forget to be honest, tell her how you feel before anything

I understand why your "complaining" but believe me. Its normal from what I observe from myself and others. My boyfriend and I currently don't have sex very much at all. You have me beat. Just some guys don't get the urge. Its strange. Plus some guys are lazy. lol. I wish to have it all the time, but with some guys its different just like not all girls are the same with their urges. Yours sounds prefectly fine.