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longhaircats

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  1. longhaircats
    This is exactly what happened to me too. I had to grieve 4! I realized now that I didn't allow myself enough time to heal. When I look back, I wasn't even myself. I was more sensitive than normal, less confident and I was unable to put my best foot forward while dating. So I think as long as you feel like you are youself, and able to enjoy dating, it should be fine, but if you are still sad and depressed, I would't recommend dating so soon.
  2. longhaircats
    Wow, that's nice. Lucky him! However, from my personal experiences, dating too early could be harmful as well. Case1: I went on casual dates and they made me miss my ex more. Case2: I had a rebound with guy A and hurt him, because I was in love with my ex. Case 3: I had another rebound with guy B and he hurt me because he was also in love with his ex, and they got back together when I actually became to like him a lot. Case 4: I met guy C and he was my first non-rebound, but he bailed with no words, so I got hurt and more depressed. So now I am taking time off from dating!
  3. longhaircats
    BeStrongBeHappy, you gave me a hope Thanks!
  4. longhaircats
    I always offer to pay, but it would be nice if a guy pays on the first date. It makes us feel more special. I will def pay for drinks after meal though because I don't want to be a free rider. I have a female friend who is kinda stingy, and her stinginess gets me and other friends sometimes. Of course she expects a guy to pay for evetything on a date. If I were a guy, I would not want to date this type of women.
  5. longhaircats
    I have two adorable cats that I absolutory love (yes, they have longhair They are just like my family. They come to my bed and lick my face whenever I am sad or down. They may be not as intelligent as human, but they have ability to sense these human emotions and feelings. I can not imagine not having them in my life. I’m already scared because cats only live 15-18 years and someday I will have to face the reality. When my ex boyfriend and I were living together, he treated them well with a lot of love, but when we split, he told me that he would have no problems if something bad happen to them and never see them again. He didn't abuse them, but I couldn't help but wonder if his love toward them was a fake. I realized now why he is my ex.
  6. longhaircats
    Hey Orlander, How are you feeling today? I can see your strength in your post and how much you have changed! I am too going through the similar situation as yours, and I've been severly depressed in the past 2 weeks. I called my mom, and she said "You don't always have to be strong. Don't try too hard. It is okay to be weak or give up on what you have started. Just come back home." This made me realized that how much I've been hard on myself and how happy I am to have such a wonderful family. You do have a great father!! I spent 2 hours yesterday in a book store, trying to find how to get through my depression, and came up with the same answer as yours. It was ME who has been beating me up. It was my negative thougts that brought me down. My ex is now out of my life and it was me who keep hurting myself. I know exactly what I went through and yes I made mistakes but I am only a human. I am still worthy and lovable. I have decided to be my "best friend", who understand me the most and love myself despite the flaw. We are the best friend of ours and if we love ourselves, we will get through this!!
  7. longhaircats
    I think you got lucky because this guy seems like a normal guy. If you are doing online dating, you better develope thicker skin to deal with this kind of situation. I have tried online dating for a bit, but decided not to because of this. I did get emails from guys between 18-45 when I clearly stated in my ad that I was looking for a man in his 30s. They just gave it a shot, and there is nothing wrong with it. Avoid any conflicts on online dating sites. This is for your safety!
  8. longhaircats
    Hi everyone, I just came back from my first session. I liked it! It was a nice lady therapist, and she asked me few questions about what has been bothering me. Wow, I realized I've been going through a lot! Moving to a new country, new culture, away from my social network I've developed, becoming a student from a career woman, breakup, and other relationship issues. I haven't gotten any advice from her yet, but just talking to someone nice and professional made me feel a bit better already . I can't wait the next session! Thank you guys for your help Love, Longhaircats
  9. longhaircats
    Hey janeok, you are too young to worry about being single forever!! Thanks for the kind words too. Last night I tried to think about things that I like about myself, and it helped me a bit. icarus27, the girl you were interested in at least contacted you by email and that's a lot better than being ignored! I met this guy at a club. I worried that maybe I scared him off by telling him that I wanted to get married in 3-4 years when he asked me what I was looking for. I regret that I called him twice (he didn't pick up the phone and he has no voicemail) to let him know that I had a great time on last Sunday as we cooked together and he paid for everything. He even played a guiter after the meal. I regret that I didn't play games with him (to be hard to get). But I realized now that I can't pretend to be someone who I'm not. numbhead, it snowed in London this morning and I missed my class, the only class I have in a week! It was too late when I got there. So I was feeling the same as you were! My life sucks at the moment, but it will get better I hope. Orlander is right!! SadOldMan, I'm glad that you enjoyed the session. Mine is tomorrow morning, so I'll keep you posted! Love, longhaircats
  10. longhaircats
    icarus27, thanks you for your kind words. Yes I am very sensitive and maybe I need to take things less personal. The guy didn't returned my calls or text. I would never do something like this to anyone. I always treat people with respect. It's hard because I really liked him. I felt like I don't have a good judgement in men anymore.... janeok, thanks for sharing your experience. You are right about alcohol. I have been having trouble falling asleep, and a few glass of wine makes me sleepy, but it doesn't last long. I am hoping that the counselor could help me on this. Last night was rough. I couldn't help thiking about what my ex said in his last email, and it really hurts me that he blamed me for eveything. I was crying 3am in the morning. After all this, I still miss him and it made me more sad.
  11. longhaircats
    Hey HDD, I'm a couple months ahead of you and I understand how you are feeling. You guys are split, and there is no need to tell him about the trip, like other said. I know it's hard, but just let it go and enjoy the sunshine and looking at the hot beach boys out there! I love Hawaii.
  12. longhaircats
    Thank you guys for your advice. icarus27, sorry you are hurting. It is so sad that you meet someone new and you become interested in, but they decide not pursue a relationship for whatever reasons. It was probablly not my fault, but I can't help wondering what did I do wrong. arnold hanky, I don't know what to say. 25 years! You must have being going through a hell of the pain. I'll let you know the result of my counseling sessions. Orlander, thanks for your words and telling me not to blame myself. It made me cry! I thought I have done enough self blaming, but the last email from my ex made me feel like I'm such an awful person. I made an appointment with a counsellor on Friday, and hope this helps me to feel a bit better about myself. Thanks again everyone! longhaircats
  13. longhaircats
    Thank you very much for your quick responce. Desma214, "why continue to love someone who dont love you back?" this is exactly the word my ex told me. It was me who wanted to end the relationship, because he had so much problems (anger issue, money issue, lack of ambition etc) and I had a doubt of our future, so I picked up fights and kicked him out several time from my apartment. So he ended for both of us. After I lost him, I realized how much emortional supports he had given me, and I regret that I took him for granted. I realized my mistakes but it was too late. I did 3 months of NC and my ex took it badly (he interprets things in negative ways). His last email was full of resentment towards me. What hurts the most is not the fact that he is engaged, but the fact that he hates me. The person I spent 3 years together and trusted the most as a friend no longer wants me in his life. anggrace, thanks for sharing your experience. Like you, I am not sure what exactly I am expecting from therapy, but I just feel like I need help.
  14. longhaircats
    My breakup was 5 months ago (8 mo from initial breakup), and I have been doing fairly well, but I have been depressed lately since my ex told me he is engaged. I'm happy that we are over, but I still miss having someone so close to me. He was my best friend, and I don't have his support anymore. I've been on dates and was fun at time, but I'm still single and lonely and I feel like I am left out. I was supporsed to have a date today, but the guy hasn't returned my calls for a week so I guess he wasn't that into me. I'm fine with it, but I feel like I am not myself anymore. The confident woman who used to smile a lot and enjoy life is gone. My depression has been affecting on my academic performance, and I've been drinking a lot. Last week, I stayed home alone and did nothing while I was supposed to be working on my research. I've been trying so hard to stand on my own, by attending social groups, going to gym, and tried to look at bright sides of this whole experience of living in a new city, but I am tired of trying. I just want to hide in a cave. So here is my question. I am considering seeking a professional help. I've seen a counseler once about 4 years ago, but I discontinued because one session didn't really help anything. I am wondering if counseling is really helpful. What made you to decide to seek a professional help? Was it helpful? How many sessions would be necessary to be effective? Is it worth it? Any comments would be very much appreciated!
  15. longhaircats
  16. longhaircats
    Hey, Outdoorcrazy, am happy for you that you are doing well. I am on 5 months after my breakup from living-in boyfriend of almost 3 years, and I just started feeling better lately but last night I had a major set back. I was crying again, thinking about my ex. He met someone right after and now they are engaged! Me? I dated 3 guys of which 2 of them are completery rebound, and the last guy who I felt spark and chemistry with for the first time after my ex, is slowy fading away. Dating is fun, but when it ends it really hurts and I don't know if I want to date anymore. So I can totally understand what karvala and distroyed_one are talking about. I guess it just takes time to heal, and it's OK to take that time. My best friend took almost 1 year to start dating again, and after 2 years she met someone special and they are very happy!
  17. longhaircats
    Hi Parsley, Lboogie23, Thank you very much for your responce and for telling me that it's normal to feel this way. After my rebound relationship failed, I told myself that I am not ready to date and take some time off from dating, bececause I wasn't over my ex. Even I'm over ex now, I guess I am not completery myself yet. I do feel that I don't have a good judgement in men anymore. And my confidence level is still not fully recovered. I do want to meet new people and have fun, but maybe I am just not ready for a relationship....
  18. longhaircats
    I am totally over my ex-boyfriend after finding out that he has been engaged and he was resentful towards me. I had two short relationships over the past 4 months after our breakup. I guess I was on rebound, because I wasn't remortolly attacted to them but I forced myself to like them. Now I am completery over my ex and I am feeling a lot better on my own, I have to admit that I am scared to start over. I don't know what I want. I miss having someone close in my life, but at the same time I don't want to get involved with someone who could hurt me. Is this normal? Is this a part of healing process? For example, I met someone who is a lot younger than me few weeks ago. I was very attacted to him, but my brain told me stay away from him because he could hurt me. In fact he was the first person I felt the spark and chemistry after my ex. I didn't feel those with the two rebound guys. But I kind of pushed him away by telling him that we want different things because I want to get married in 3-4 years. Then I asked myself, is this what I want? Should I just forget about relationship and enjoy the moment? I'm quite busy for my school work, and other activities that I have started (swiming, belly dancing etc). Why am I worrying so much if the person has a potential to have a long-term relationship with? Am I overly protective? Am I not ready to date? Thanks for reading!
  19. longhaircats
    I know, I don't want to go back to the US!
  20. longhaircats
    Yes it's the same guy, and I will not ask him because it doesn't really matter at this point. I just didn't want to make a false assumption. I need to change my Americanized ways of thinking on dating!
  21. longhaircats
    I can't agree more!! It could be age related, but I was always upfront even when I was a teenager, so it's more about personal thing I believe. You will be better off without these people anyway!
  22. longhaircats
    I was amazed too when I moved to the US 6 years ago. It was actually shocked to find out a guy I went out on a date was dating a lot of girls in one week and he acted like it's a totally natural thing to do. Even if you two are sleeping together, it is okay to go out on a date if you are not exlusive. To me, casual dating is somewhat understandable, but sleeping someone while still looking for someone else is totally unacceptable. It is disrespectful to both people. I'm happy that there are equal-minded people! Now the guy in question is Austrian who lives in UK, but he has lived in the US for while. Hummm.....
  23. longhaircats
    Thank you guys for your quick responce. I'm so happy to hear one girl at a time deal over here!
  24. longhaircats
    I moved to UK about 4 months ago, and several friends told me that guys in the Europe date one girl at a time. Is it true? For example, my German male friend told me he dislike dating rules in the US, because people date multiple people at the same time in the beginning, but in Germany there is no such thing as "exclusive" because all relationships are exclusive. I'm from Japan and we don't have exclusive talk either. Maybe it depends on how two people meet, but if I get hit on by a guy in a bar/club, I just assume that he does it often and he has a list of girls he is interested in and date all of them at the same time? Am I wrong? Thanks for your input in advance!
  25. longhaircats
    Hey! I'm so happy to hear that you feel that you turned a corner! That's exactly what I felt today! I was on the way back home from a grocery store and while I was walking I felt like I was so happy, free from my ex and the past. I felt like there are a lot of possibilities and fortune ahead of me! I'm doing positive thinking as well. I am also trying to use a magic word "thank you." It's about acknowleding the good things you have already and feel happy about what you have, like good family and friends. It really works! You are on the right track Orlander!
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