longhaircats
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Oh lvlyldy, I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurting. I totally understand how you feel. I felt the same way in the past two experiences, but I moved on quickly. You will move on too. He might try to come back to you later on, but don't let him. If he did it once, he will do it again. Yeah, he is a coward and not worth your time! Hang in there.
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Hey lvlyldy, You did the right thing to confront with him. I did the same thing when my ex cut me off the contact. I told him that I am not a bag of potato, am a human with emortion and deserve an explanation. He replied and explaned to me what was going on. Your guy could have been just busy, but your feelings are totally normal. No one wanted to be treated like you don't exsist. Oh god I really don't understand guys sometimes.....
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Hi lvlyldy, I hear you, I am exactly in the same situation, and am kind of paranoid because similar things happened to me twice in the past. The first one was 3 years ago. I went out on dates about 5-6 times with a guy I had a huge crush on, and all the sudden he stop taking my calls or replying to text messages. Later on I found out that I became too serious too fast and he was not looking for anything serious. (he was a player, and he continue to text me once in a while for 3 years!) The second one was my recent ex boyfriend of 2.5 years. He did the same after two weeks of intensive dating and later on I found that he thought I was out of his reach and decided to pursuit another girl he was dating. Those are my bad memories of dating in general. Now I' ve been dating a new guy for little over a month. I thought he was really into me since he came to visit me to the US during my 3 weeks holiday. He called me 2 days ago from the airport to let me know that he came back safely (I came back in town few days early). I called that evening to see if he is awake so that he won't get a jet lag, but he did not return my call. We are supporsed to see each other yesterday, but I didn't hear from him by the evening, so I sent him a text message. He sent a text back saying that he got a sore throat and not feeling well, and wants to go home and sleep. I said that's fine and get well soon. I was quite sad, because I was very much looking forward to seeing him. I sent another text message, asking which one he miss 1) me 2) sunshine and 3) crab cakes. No reply. I did not hear from him all day today, and I was paniced! I sent him a text and called him, but no reply...Am I just being paranoid?? I know I need to calm down, but my past bad experiences are haunting me.
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I did not sending him a text yesterday, but I am still feeling down. I have this urge to contact him and tell him that I still love him. When I started NC, I set a goal of at least 3 months (until his BD) and I didn’t know what to do after my initial goal has been achieved. I know it is more likely that I get hurt by contacting him, but at the same time I want to let him know that I loved him much more than he think I did. I know it's a silly idea. Like Deejay, Joewho and others said, there would be more harm than good. Scout, to answer your earlier question, my feelings for him is nothing to do with my loneliness, because I have now few good friends in the city I moved to and I have started meeting a lot of new people. One guy in particular really likes me and he even came to the US to visit me during my holiday here. I like him very much too, but I don't think I am going to fall for him. I dated several guys since the breakup, but the more I date others, the more I miss my ex. Most people I dated were great. They seem to have no issues of insecurity or childhood trauma and are very successful in their lives, but none of them made me feel the way I felt with my ex. What's wrong with me? Am I just obsessed with my ex? ](*,) Blender, my ex has not called me even once for the past 3 months. He told me in his last email that he will "let me go" because he does not want to hurt me anymore. Do you think a guy would still call if he want to hear from me after saying that?
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Hi all, Thank you so much for all your advice. So far I have managed not to send him a text and am glad that I haven't. I know that if I send him a text I would wait for his responce and there would be more hurt feelings than good feelings aftar all. I just needed to hear that from you and made my head clear. I will buy a nice gift to myself tomorrow if I get through this without doing anything stupid!! The day is almost over and I would be fine tomorrow. I wish you a happy new year to all of you!! hugs and kisses, cats
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Thank you so much for all of you who responded me so quickly. Scout, thank you very much for taking your time to read my old threads. You are right, it was a rollercoater ride, and a part of me feel releaved that it's over. But I miss him so much, and my heart still controls my actions sometimes. I'm back in town for a holiday now, and I feel like old emortions came right back to me. I still love him after all these bad times
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I am about to send a text message to wish him a happy birthday. Most of you would opporse to it, but why not? Please give me good reasons why I shouldn't. My ex boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me 6 months ago. I never cheated on him, but I took him for granted and made him feel insecure so he ended it. It's been 3.5 months since I saw him last time, 3 months since I stop calling him. He sent me a Xmass e-card, and I responded to him by email but it was very brief. I've been doing well moving on with my life since I initiated NC, but he is always in my mind. I don't want him to think that I don't care about him, but I am not ready to be just friends with him. But is it really a bad idea to send him a simple happy birthday text? I am aware that he might not reply to my text, but I have nothing to lose.... Any advice appreciated!
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Hey, I agree with Grokker. It seems that he is mentally/emortionally damaged person. I would stay awaaaaaay from him. He's done that twice, he will do it again. Period.
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Sounds like speed dating is just for fun, nothing serious. I'd try it when I'm really bored. Hey Alina, I've been single for about 6 months. I've been in long-term relationships in most of my adult life, so I'm quite new to this too. Hope you are doing well. Cats
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She knew from the beginning that if she told you the truth you would run, so she did't tell you the truth. She is not confident who she really is. Would you like to be with someone like that in a long run? I think you already know the answer, but since you are a nice guy you don't want to hurt her. If I were you I would not try to get involved with her. There are so many quality girls out there! Good luck!
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Since I am single and looking, a friend of mine who is also single asked me if I wanted to try a speed dating. Apparently you'll get a "score" based on how many people wanted to date you at the end, and her male friends tried it together so they can compete each other which person gets higher score. I guess it is just for fun?? Just curious....
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Why don't you send her an email and ask if it is still okay for you to go there? You might hear what you don't want to hear, but it is better to find out now than later. When my ex broke up with me we had a trip plan to go to Aruba. He initially agreed to still go there with me, because everything was paid. Then he cancelled on me 2 days before the trip, so I booked a ticket to go back to my home country to see my family and friends. If she was fed up with you because you asked her time too much, I don't think going to see her will change her mind. Give her some time and space and let her miss you.
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Betya, 100 men! wow! I'm just curious, did you meet anyone nice? I am asking because I put down my ad after this and am not sure if it's worth keep trying. I talked one more guy I met online but he seems like a player, because he initiated a chat but he did not remember who I was and asked me to send my pics..... Annie, I would certainly not want to spend 9 hours for a first date either and he was upset by you because you couldn't make it is even worse! Jayar, renaissancewoman, the dealbreaker for me was that he made me feel bad by telling me that he took a day off just for me. He just left an offline message saying how dissappointed he was me cancelling. He didn't have to take a day off because we were supporsed to meet at 5pm (despite my wish to meet after 6pm)!!
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Annie, Thanks for your note. I thought at first that it was a good sign that he really wanted to see me, but I felt pressured. I told him after 6 pm would be good, but then he pressured me to meet up early and I felt unconfortable so I asked him to postpone. I got creeped out when I heard that he took a day off for a date!
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I posted other thread about being out of dating scene so long and I really appreciate your help. okay, I put up my ad on a dating site and I replied to one of the guys who wrote to me. He asked me out this Thursday and I initially agreed to meet up with him since he seemed like a decent man based on his profile and his first email. He initiated a chat last night and wanted to talk to me on the phone. After talking to him, I got an impression that he is taking this very seriouslly. (Red flag 1. He asked me to meet at 2pm on a weekday. I said I have a class so cannot make it that early) Right after our phone conversation he initiated a chat again (Red flag 2)and told me I have a nice voice etc. There are other things but at this point I felt it was waaay too much expectation from him. So I wrote an email to him asking to postpone our date and get to know each other more via email etc before meeting up. (I know I should have done that for the first place) He replied to me telling me he arranged everything and got off work that day....So I said "hope you didn't take a day off just for meeting up with me." And his reply was "yes it was for you and you changing your mind shocked me because I was so happy to meet you" Ahh.....okay, but it's creepy!! I don't want to be rude to him, but how to tell him the truth that I'm not interested in talking/meeting up with him? Or is it better not saying anything?
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Chai, I used to feel that way, and deep down I still believe it. But maybe culture here in England is a bit different from where I used to live (US, Japan) and I was a bit surprised that people here often ask my age upfront--I am not used to this. Dawn, you are a lucky woman to have a man like your boyfriend in your life. I met my ex boyfriend when I were 34 and he was 30. It's been only 3 years since but I just seem to be worrying too much these days because I am single again. hosswhispra and teddy bear, you are doing so well taking care of yourself and looking young! I admire you that you won't be afraid of teling the truth. Seems that the point here is that not being afraid of expressing who we really are. All of your stories really made me think that I need to be proud of who I am first, and then some guys would see it.
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haha Carley, no it does not matter. As long as I am attracted to a person, nothing matters. I lived in the state for 6 years and I have asked my ID so many times. Here in England the legal age is 18 so I don't have to carry around my ID anymore!
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Charley,your observation sounds sooo right. My ex boyfriend fits in the first category and others fit in the second one--the ones who came on to me were all bad ones (game players). My ex didn't know anything about good food or wine, and he hadn't even had sushi before when we first met. He used to tell me I was such a great catch.... BeStrongBeHappy, I am actually worrying about biological clock, I want to have kids before it's too late. I as actually asked out by a guy who was 20 years old recently but I don't want to date anyone who is not ready for a commited relationship. You are right, maybe 37 is not so bad, I just have to be confident who I am just like I used to be. BellaDonna, I totally agree with you about liying. Every time I did lie I felt bad and am not proud of myself. And you are so right, I should not care those people who don't even try to get to know me because of my age!!
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Charley, thanks for your responce. I agree, it is depends on people. Maybe the problem is lack of my confidence. I used to be a confident woman, and am just sad that I don't feel the same way. Maybe this is one of the post breakup symptom. I don't want to mention my age, but guys usuall ask (at bars etc) before even get to know me.
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Thanks for shes2smart for sharing your personal experience. It is encouranging! I'm actually thinking to join a local group to play sports on a weekend. I just moved to a new city, so making friends is my first priority. Day walker, I understand your point, but people in my country look a lot yonger than the people in the same age in the US or Europe. For example my ex husband is 36 now, but he looks like 28. So it is just a physical preference. People whom I find attractive happen to be younger than me. Don't get me wrong, I like mature men. I have dated a guy who was a lot yonger than me for a while but he was not looking for a relashionship after all, and I got hurt.
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I'm a bit out of dating scene so your advice is appreciated. I'm 37 years old female, divorced. I look a lot yonger than I am, like 24-27 since I am Asian and I take care of myself. I came out of a long-term relationship about 6months ago and ready to date someone. So my question is where should I go to meet single people in my age or early 30s? I am attracted to younger men or younger/healthy looking men who take care of themselves as well, but do they even like to go out with an older woman? (in the country where I am originally from, the answer is no) I'm currently a doctoral student but most of my classmates are a lot younger than me or married if not. I've tried bars and clubs and I get hitted on quite often by 20-something guys. I've also tried an online dating, but I got responces from mainly men in early 40s to 50s, so the online thing does not seem to work for me (or shall I cheat on my age?). I started to wonder, where are those men in the age group of early to mid 30s? I know a lot of girls in 20s want to date that age group, so my guess is that they don't want to date older women. (or prefer yonger women) I don't know. It sucks that I don't look or feel old, but the biological clock thing is haunting me. A guy asked me how old I was in a bar the other night, and I said, "ah, am 30..." and I felt bad because it was a lie! My close friends tell me that I should not feel this way because I am still young, smart and beautiful, but I just feel like I am no longer in demand for men I would be atrracted to. Sorry I am just rambling, but I'm a bit discouraged by the whole new dating things and any advice/suggestions would be very helpful! Thanks, Cats
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Hi Babybear, You should tell him that you can't be friend with him for a while, because you need to move on and meeting up with him will slow the process of healing. Also staying as his friend does not get him back either. I was in the exact same situation as yours until a month ago. My ex boyfriend of 2.5 years dumped me 5 months ago because he fell out of love. We remained as friends but we slept together several times cause of the old feelings and chemistry was still there. Then I moved to a new city a month ago and one day on a phone he told me he was up for a date and I need to move on. I was crushed. I decided not to contact him anymore, because I was usually the one initiating contacts. I told myself, I did enough. I still love my ex, but it was not healthy to stay the way we were. Seems that your ex is confused, and if you stay strong he may realize that he wants to be with you. Good luck!!
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Is this just a rebound? Am confused!
longhaircats replied to longhaircats's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Also I just moved to a new city and am lacking a support mechanism (friends and family) so I've been trying to make new friends, so he knew I was looking for friends, both female and male. I've spent a lot of time alone crying at home for the first two weeks or so, but I decided to attend meet up groups to make new friends. How am I going to focus on myself and have fun alone? -
Is this just a rebound? Am confused!
longhaircats replied to longhaircats's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Hi all, thanks for your reply. I know it's not fair for the new person if I'm not over my ex. I told him already that I was not ready for more than friendship when we first met, but he didn't believe it until he saw it himself. He came on to me strong and now he's gone. I feel like I'm left out confused. He told me I was playing games. I don't think so. But I understand his point. My dilemma is whether talk to him or just let him go. My heart tells me I don't want to lose him like this, but maybe I just don't want him to think badly of me..... -
My ex bf of 2.5 years broke up with me about 5 months ago, and it's been a month since we talked. All this time I was holding on to a false hope and I I've been a mess sice he told me he was up for a date. I forced myself to move on and did a lot of stupid things. But I finally met a guy I really like. He was not my type, but he made me laugh and I felt like we've know each other for a long time on the first date. I wanted to be a friend with him at first, because I knew I was not ready for a relationship, and he told me that I can call him whenever I have an urge to call my ex. After a week of flirting over text messages, we went on a second date and everything went so well. On the third date, we slept together, but I freaked out because he was so different from my ex (he was pretty bad in bed). He noticed that I was not happy and was not over my ex. He has been a bit distant from me since and I've been sad because I screwed up. I sent a casual text message last Friday asking what he was up to. He text me back told me he was having a dinner with his friends, and if I wanted to join them. I was with a girlfriend of mine. When we get to the restaurant where he and his friends were having dinner, we realized that it was two boys two girls situation, and we felt like we were out of place. My friend and I were at the bar waiting for them to finish dinner, but we weren't in a mood to socialize with neither him nor his friends. We talk to them a little bit, but not so much and we were just dancing, talking to other people at the bar. After my friend left, I went to talk to him, but he was so angry with me because I was talking to other guys instead of him/his friends. He accused me that I was trying to make him jealous. He walked me home, but told me that it is not going to work out for us because I am in love with someone else (my ex) and I am just going to hurt him. I tried to explain, but I am not sure what else to say because it is true that I am not completely over my ex. At the same time I really like him and he was the first person I can see myself to be with after the breakup. My friends told me it is just a rebound, and I don't really like him. I don't know what it is really about. I feel a butterfly in my stomach not hearing from him or him not talking to me anymore. I don't even know if I have a feeling for him. I wanted to talk to him, and told him to call me. He sent me a text saying that he would try to call me, but I haven't heard from him. I've been very sad and feel like am a total idiot acting like a needy person. by sending him a lot of text. What is the right thing to do? I'm so confused!