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longhaircats

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  1. longhaircats
    When we were in DC, he told me that he was interested in finding a job there. He also told me that he could come to visit me every other weekend if I move back there....... I thought those commets were too serious. We've only known for only a month and half!! This is why I thought he was really into me.....weired.
  2. longhaircats
    Blender, you are so right. I don't want a friend who doesn't respect me or my time. My time is valuable. He has been a gentleman, and that what I liked about him. I thought he was different from other guys. Seems like he has changed completery. After all, I don't know much about him. Batya33, that's what I was wishing too. It is sad that I thought he was someone I can trust and be friend with, but I guess he's not.
  3. longhaircats
    And if you are sick, do you consider going to a gym?
  4. longhaircats
    Hi, thanks for your reply. Phone calls and sending text take only 2 mins. I wonder if you are sick, you really don't have time for that?
  5. longhaircats
    I posted this a while ago, but another issue with the same guy came up, so here is the story. I went on 5 dates with this guy. I wasn't attracted to him first, but we had a lot in common, and I liked him as a person/friend, so gave it a try. He is 36 years old, divorced and was very nice and kind. He put a move on me on the 4th date, and we become intimate on 5th. That night he told me that he wants to take it slow, because him and his ex-girlfriend of 6 mo moved too fast and she ended up getting back to her ex-boyfriend, and he got hurt. Then I went on 3 weeks holiday. During the first week, we exchanged email every day, but I didn't hear from him over the Xmas I guess because he went back to his hometown. Then right before the New Year, he told me he wants to come to visit DC. I was not sure if he came to see me or just wanted to visit the city since he has never been there. Anyway, he came in town and I showed him around the city, and we had a great time. It was romantic and fun. He stayed a bit longer in the city with his friend, and called me when he got back in London. We were supposed to see each other the next day, but I didn't hear from him, so I text him in the evening asking if he is still up for meeting up. Then he text me back saying that he got a sore throat and wants to go to sleep that night. I said fine and get well soon. I sent him text twice and called that night and next day, but I didn't hear back from him. I got a bit worried and called on the next day. He picked up the phone and our conversation was normal. I mentioned that I was a bit worried since he didn't return my calls, and he laughted and told me he has been sick. I asked him what is up to that night (Friday) and he said he was thinking to go to a gym, but if I am interested in meeting up for drinks afterwards. I told him that it might not be a good idea to drink if he is sick and suggested to get together on the weekend so that I can cook for him. he said "that would be very nice " He said he would call after work but he never did. I left a voice message asking to call me back. No response. That was last Friday. Next day I got an offline message "are you there?" but I didn't reply. So today (Monday), I sent him an ims asking some irrelevant stuff about computer issues I've been having (he is an IT specialist). He was online, but no response. Then his status became "feeling sick when I was away from compture for a while. What a hell is he thinking? He's backed off because he got scared? I have no hard feelings if he is not into me, but I just got so confused. I still like him and would like to stay friends if we don't work out. Was it because I showed more interests in him after the trip? Was it because we were moving too fast? Was it because I came out of a long-term relationship fairly recently and he is afraid of me getting back to my ex? Funny thing is that it was HIM who wanted to come to DC and he told me he had a great time. He is acting soooo weird. Guys, any ideas? What shall I do? Move on?
  6. longhaircats
    Hey, I know, I am in pain too. I was pressuring myself for a while to move on. It's been 7 months since he moved out, and 4 months since we really ended. But you know what? It takes time to heal, and am not pressuring myself anymore. Be kind to yourself. You are doing good.
  7. longhaircats
    What's wrong with being sweet? I like sweet guys. No offence, but she sounds like a bit inmature for her age. Anyway, I wouldn't call her. Let her call you and ignore her calls when she does. It will drive her crazy and she will run back to your arms.
  8. longhaircats
    eb, Do you really want to be with a man who most likely give you hell of the rollercoaster ride? Would it be better to have a nice, healthy mind man to be your children's father in a long run? I'm 37 but I don't want to give up on meeting someone better. You deserve so much better.
  9. longhaircats
    eb, I am going through a similar situation, and I understand about the guilt you are feeling. We were never engaged, but he told me several times that I was the "one" and he wanted to spend rest of his life with me. He made me believe I was his special woman. I felt guilty to give up on us, and always blamed myself "I wish I tried harder to make it work". But he is with someone else now and they are already living together. He had lots of issues and he told me he would work on himself, but he never did. He jumped into a new relationship. These people cannot tolerate emotional pain, and they try to ease their pain by using other people. We are not a doctor and we can not rescue them. So don't blame yourself. Let go of the guilt and be extremely nice to myself. You are a good person and it is always the one who is unselfish gets hurt. We will get through this. Hang in there.
  10. longhaircats
    friscodj, Thanks a lot. I am feeling fine this morning, but am really down now. I'm in pain and wondering how long does it take to be able to think of him without feeling pain. How long did it take in your experiences? I've been in pain for the past 7 months. I can't hate him. Do I want him back? No. But I still miss him (or memories of him) after all this. Other people say it will pass but it just doesn't seem like going away. Any thought anyone?
  11. longhaircats
    Hey meantime, Hang in there. I cried all night, but I feel better now. I think I was still in love with "the idea" of him, but he was not the same person I thought he was or hoped for. It was a harsh way, but I feel like I am awake from a dream now. I don't want him back at all, because he is weak and selfish. I felt guilty because he wouldn't have left me if I committed to him 100%, and this is what preventing me from healing. For the first time in 7 months, I am agry with him. It really helps me moving on. I don't regret contacting him. I got a closure. So don't worry about what you did. I can get throught this, and so you can.
  12. longhaircats
    I am so angry I want to say hurtful things to him. I won't send it, but I want to get it off my chest. Please bear with me! Frank, I'm hurt because you didn't spend time alone at all to work on yourself like you promised me to. The fact is you are such a coward and does not have strength to deal with the pain of the break up and face the reality of being alone. You jump right into a new relationship and replaced me so quickly. It hurts me because I wasn't such a special person to you after all. It hurts because you didn't care my feelings at all, and told me the truth so that you don't have to feel guilty. You did this to make yourself feel better. It's sad because I spent 3 years of my precious time with this cruel person. I was a complete waste of my time, but I learned the lesson. Very painful lesson. You better see a counselor to heal from the damage you had in your childhood. Otherwise, you will repeat what you did with me and your ex wife. They will soon realize your dark side and who you really are, and fall out of love. You can't find happiness in someone else, because no one can make you completely happy. Your love is conditional: "I will love you as long as you love me back". I understand because you never received unconditional love from your parents. You have to be happy by yourself first, and that's when you can truly love someone else and they will reciprocate. I told you that I'll be there for you if you need me. It is still true for the emergency case, but I don't want anything from you or your new girlfriend. Because it's not real. My friends will never ignore my calls and they will help me when I need them. You can't do it for me, because your friendship is a fake. You just want to stay friends with me to ease your pain and guilt. I don't need a fake friend in my life. Good bye and have a nice life.
  13. longhaircats
    friscodj, Thank you for your words. I've been in sad and angry cycle all night. I'm sad becaus I was replacable. I wasn't that special to him after all as he made me believe. I feel like an idiot.
  14. longhaircats
    Trying to sleep (it's 5am now) but can't. I deleted his email, phone number and my favourite picture on my birthday where he looks good and I look happy. 5 days later he broke up with me. I didn't see it's coming. Sorry I am rambling. I can't get hold of my best friend in Japan. I don't have close friends in London who I can call up 5am in a morning.
  15. longhaircats
    I just cannot believe I was with this guy for nearly 3 years, he was practically living with me most of the time. And he is already living with someone else within 3 months. Lady bag, you are right. I am angry and am free of guilt now. I'll never look back again. I had a closure already yesterday and I was feeling great today. I am just so sad that he had to hurt me by telling these things to make himself feel better. He did not care my feelings. At the end, he said "I miss you" and I said "thank you. I have to go now" and I hang up.
  16. longhaircats
    He said he still wants to be frieds with me, and his new girl has no problem with we talking or we stay friends. She was right there besides him telling him that. How could he possibly do this? He called me 3am in a morning and tell me that he is happly in a serious relationship.
  17. longhaircats
    He hang up on me yesterday because his girl screamed at him. He apoligy and he wanted to let me know that he is in a serious relationwhip with a new girl. I told him that I didn't want to know, but he said he had to. His new girlfriend was upset that I didn't know he is dating her. Why can he move on so quickly? Why they are living together already? It's been only 4 months since I saw him last time (we slept), and 3 momths since we talked on a phone. Why did he have to tell me that he is in a serious relationship? It just hurt so much.
  18. longhaircats
    My ex just called. It was her, the voice. He's been seeing a new girl from work and they are already living together. My hands are shaking....
  19. longhaircats
    Hi everyone, Thank you so much for your advice. I sent an email to my ex last night before reading those opinions that oppose to it, but it was too late. He hasn’t replied, but that's okay. My ex wanted to have me badly in his life. He fell in love with me so quickly and I was taking it slow because of what he did. Although he was always sweet to me and treated me like the most wonderful woman on the earth, he had a very dark side, so I always had a doubt if this relationship was going to work. When my ex moved into my apartment, I felt pressured. I never had my own time since he was always there (he doesn't have many friends and was always home). We started fighting a lot, and I kicked him out several times. He got hurt and broke up with me. He fell out of love. We tried to stay as friends, but we ended up sleeping together, yet he kept saying that he didn't want a relationship with anyone, because he wanted to work on himself. This situation lasted for 3 months, but it hurt me so much I couldn't do it any longer. One night over the phone he told me he was open to date other people. I was divested, because I realized that he did not want a relationship with "me." That's when I initiated NC. He went so see a counselor and I was the one "messed up" not being able to commit. I always felt guilty what I did. I cannot take back what I did, and only thing I can do now for him is to be there when he needs me. I was delusional. Clearly, his silence shows that he does not need me. It hurts, but am accepting the reality and I know I can move on. I feel better about myself now. If I never hear from him, that's okay. That's his loss. I loved him all my heart regardless of his problems and he is such a fool to let go of me.
  20. longhaircats
    renaissancewoman, Thanks for your reply and you got a point. I need to work on my insecurity. And you are right, he is not my ex. I need to learn to be patient. It's almost 3am now, I should go to sleep! Thanks again for all of you who replied to me so quickly! I am much calm now thanks to all of you. Love, longhaircats
  21. longhaircats
    friscodj, Thank you for your encouragement. I will send my ex an email and tell him that I am happy that he is happy. I will do this for "me" and I think I will be fine. I sort of motioned this new guy already that his not replying to my text or phone calls got me worried when we talked on a phone this morning. I told him that I worried if I teased him too much about his gray hairs since he didn't return my calls and he laughed, and told me that he wasn't just feeling well. But if he is fine enough to going to a gym, what the reasons not returning my calls? I suggested I cook for him this weekend, and he said "that would be very nice." Could you tell me if I am still over reacting? I should stop calling him and wait and see what happens, right? If he ever calls me again, I will tell him my issues with ex, because I cannot handle the situation very well.
  22. longhaircats
    Thank you guys, I really needed to hear that I am doing okay. I want to tell my ex what I said earlier, and that would be the only unfinished business from my side, but I am not sure if I should be bothered telling him that. I don't know. I am overly sensitive about the new guy not calling me, because of my ex. My ex disappeared 3 weeks after we started dating, because he got scared and decided to leave me before getting hurt by me. He did it 6 month later, and 1 year later. I freak out when the new guy does not reply my text or phone calls. This happened once or twice before the trip, but he still put an effort and money to come to visit me, and I became more interested in him because of this. Now he does not seem keen on seeing me. I don't know what's going on, and I can't help worrying because of my past experiences with ex. I worried if I talked to much about my ex to him (he hardly ever talk about his ex) or I did something wrong etc. I just don't have a confidence in me like I used to.
  23. longhaircats
    friscodj, You are right about me not moving on completely. I was always telling myself that "I need to move on, it's been 7 months, I should be moving on" and I wasn't allowing myself enough time to heal. I just realized that now. I was panicked first, but surprisingly I did not regret I called him. Perhaps I needed a closure. We had a bad breakup. Knowing that he's moved on made me realized that it's really over. 3 months ago I could not bear the thoughts of him being with someone else, but I came to the point where I just want him to be happy. He had a rough childhood and he doesn’t have family to support him, so I still want to be there for him if he needs me, even as a friend. I wanted to tell him that, though I didn't have a chance to tell him. I’m happy to know that he is happy. Now about the new guy, he also came out of a relationship fairly recently. He told me that him and his ex girlfriend moved too fast and she ended up getting back to her ex after 6 months of intensive dating and he got really hurt, so he wants to take it slow this time. I really like this man as a parson and it hurts me to lose him now. I know I am over reacting. What shall I do now? Do I still have a chance with him?
  24. longhaircats
    Thank you guys for quick responce. It's been 7 months since my ex broke up with me, and I've been trying so hard to move on, but I guess it will take more time to heal. It was quite clear that my ex has moved on, so may be it was a good thing for me. A part of me always had a doubt about NC. A part of me still believed that he loves me. He always told me how special I was and how much he loved me. When I initiated NC, he send me email saying that he was hurt that I am not going to talk to him any more, because we used to be the best friends. Sorry I am just rambling, but I just wanted to get it out of my chest.
  25. longhaircats
    I just made a bad bad mistake to call my ex boyfriend. It was his birthday last week, and I was in the same town where he lives, but I did manage not to call him, thanks to my friends' support. I've been doing fairly well and moving on with my life. I kinda got stood up by my date tonight, and I felt so invisible and insignificant. I tried to call my friends to talk, but I couldn't get hold of any of them. A moment of weakness got me, I dialed my ex's number. ex: Hello me: hey, it's me, XXXX ex: what's up me: I'ts a bit late, but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday ex: thank you. How have you been? me: the same, hang in there ex: good. me: how about you? ex: not bad. I'm quite happy me: good. the weather here is quite depressing ex: it's very cold here me: I was there last week ex: Really? I didn't even know me: cause I didn't tell you ex: of course me: are you angry with me? ex: no, not at all then I heard a woman's voice, and then he said he gotta go. And that's it!! I just feel so afweful. I just want to die. I said I was doing fairly well, because I've been dating a new guy for over a month, and he came to US to visit me while I was there for holiday. I started to really like him after the trip, cause we had such a great time together. It was romantic, and fun. We are supporsed to meet on Wednesday (two days) ago, but he canceled on me at the last minutes over text since he got a sore throut, and I didn't hear from him since, although I called him and sent him few text. So I called him today, and he told me he has been sick. I asked him what he's doing tonight, then he said he was thinking to go to a gym, but maybe we could meet up afterwards for drinks. I told him to call me after the gym, and he said he will call me after work. It's 10:45pm and I haven't heard from him. I left a voice message, but I just felt so frustrated that and hurt. Then stupid me ended up calling my ex. What the heck was I thinking to call my ex. I just got hurt again and again. Why am I doing this?
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