shikashika

that sucks.. I work at a university and they get a year of 95% pay(including EI)

well try eating 5-6 small meals a day. we are all busy and can make time... if you can't then you probably do not want to lose the fat that much... How long does it take to dip your hand into a bag of almonds? Prepare your foods ahead of time. it will make it much easier. You need to have protein with each meal.. and you need to do weights heavy weights.. Most important thing in trying to lose weight... #1 is diest, #2 is weights, #3 is high intensity cardio..

true... that would be rather funny if he said that... but... I guess if thats all he wants... why not try and wine and dine me on the weekend.... if all I wanted was sex... I'd want it now.. not in 5 weeks!!!

I used to train swimming... twice a day... when I swam competitively. If you need motivation, what about joining a Masters swim club.. there are usually people of ALL levels doing it... its good fun!.. no more getting up at 4:30 for the first practice of the day!

hmnn... good thing I posted my photo on the photo thread then...if someone finds me.... oh dear!

Personally, I don't think its all about keeping with in the points... its about getting in the right macros.. the right percentage of fats, carbs and protein. I think a good ratio is 40% protein, 30%fats 30% carbs. you can log your food at link removed how often do you do these exercises Try doing cardio ( high intensity) first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.. make sure you lift heavy weights at least 3 evenings a week.. none of this high reps, low weight crap... I don't like the word 'tone' muscles are grow bigger or they do not.. the 'gone' you talk about is really just how much bodyfat you have covering your muscles. Do you eat 5-6 small meals a day? It wouldn't worry so much about your weight, rather than your body fat % or your size. Try and do at elast 4 cardio sessions a week as well as 3 weights sessions. I wouldn't see an ounce of difference in those 'toning classes.. just pure gimick Can you list what you eat, when you eat how much exercise you do, adn when you do it?

thanks for your opinion... I guess.. if there is only one thing on his mind... wouldn't he want it sooner than the end of January?!?!?

it is my problem too... I know this... I don't know what I want either..so I guess thats why its important to me to find out what his intentions are..and why's he's back.... anyway... thanks for your advice, annie i just wish he made some sort of sense..

true.. I'm just a big ole' chicken!!! I wonder though... just because he can't do that ... does that make him a bad person.. or undeserving of anyone (I'm not trying to defend him.. really really i'm not.. really ) but someone people, its just not in their personalities to be direct or forthcoming.. its just not who they are.. yes, it would be very frustrating to be in a relationship with someone like that... but I know plenty of guys, one of my brothers included... a few good friends.. they are all great guys.... but they too would not be able to answer directly.. and it would make them very uncomfortable..

Personally, I say no..I don't know if she would be teased.. its not like her name is Moon river or banana... I just think its an odd name to give to a child.. just my opinion...

I had 3 aunts who had children over 40... my cousins are all normal!! Its hard, because if you have only been together a little while, then it may be a bit awkward to bring up the 'Do you want to have more kids with me talk' but then.. I'm not one for asking questions about the relationships I'm in.. ha! Good luck!

yes... I could ask a question like this... and yes I know I read waaaaaaaaay too much into anything.. but I could ask him... of course he's not going to say 'yea..I'm not sure yet.. but hoping we'll have some sex on the trip " He's not going to say that so I guess... even if I ask him.. I highly doubt he will say ' yeah I 've thought about it and I miss you' and even if he just does say 'I want to be your pal'.. the whole situation doesn't make any sense.. could you, or anyone else, see yourself going on a trip with an ex... and when previously you had always slept in the same bed just said 'well good night buddy-pal' especially if you are both single.. I can't. I just don't see wanting to go away with an ex and just being friends.. It will be just the two of us....boarding during the day, dinner and I'm sure drinks at night..and back to the same room i would be lying if I said I had no interest in getting a little action as well...(that is bad..I know!!!)

Hmnnn.. If you are having doubts this early on... why push further if you know its something you want...and are unlikely to have? If you really do like her, you may fall in love with her, and then it will be too hard to breakup and you will start compromising your wishes because of her. Its not neccesarily a bad thing to forego or give up something for someone... but its definitely something I could not do. I don't think I could date a guy who I knew I could never have children with. If you decide to wait it out... you may have more turmoil and heartache to deal with later.

annie.. I know it was you who said I should just talk to him. and I agree with what you and your male friend said. This is what I think... although I do believe he hasn't met anyone else... I think he is just thinking he can be fickle and decide he wants to try it again because he has no other option. no... I do NOT want to be someone's 'better than nothing. Hmnn.. I'm not sure about the "if he can't answer honestly... do you really want him?" comment. You know what?.. If you ask me.. as you can probably tell from my posts... I'm not sure that I know what I want either. I guess I'm too afraid of asking.. because I don't want to put myself out there and ask... This may sounds silly, but if I don't ask him anything...don't ask about 'us' or the relationship, then it appears that I'm not still hung up on him.. Isn't this supposed to be a good thing? Isn't this what everyone advocates? I hear this all the time..especially on ENA... to NOT bring up relationship things.. then they will wonder why you never bring it up at all. I do know that he's not a very direct person... he does everything through hinting.. its how he is. He talked about a party he was at over the weekend and mentioned that "everyone else there was in a couple but him' and what I mentioned earlier about when his friends tried to set him up but he wasn't interested in her. I guess I would like to know if he met someone else... even when I asked him 6 weeks later after the breakup.. I asked him what was the reason for the breakup, he said, "honestly there is no concrete reason and there is no one else" I'd like to believe him. He may have hurt me, but I dont' think every breakup is because someone cheated. Maybe I'm giving too much benefit of the doubt. Annie, you said your friend told you, that with your ex, things didn't work and your ex wanted back in your life when he realised things weren't so green on the other side... Well, why would my ex plan something so far in advance... if he's trying to sneak back in.. wouldn't he want to do something before the end of Janaury??

ugh... I dont' like to think of myself as a doormat..maybe I am. I guess I tried the complete NC... and being angry at him... but harbouring all those bitter feelings and not speaking to him really didn't make me feel any better. I just can't shut him out of my life... I know this sounds really far fetched... but people die and get terminal illnesses and all these kinds of things all the time.. and i see far more problems with shutting people out of my life than letting them back in. True, he hurt me... I'm sure I've hurt people.. does not make me a bad person. I like to think he was a good person, he just didn't know how to treat me at the time. For a few months there I thought 'why should I be nice to someone who treated me like dirt' i thought about it.. and looked around.. and the most happy content people I know.. have had bad things/people happen to them and they are happier because they forgive adn try and be amicable. The people I know who have shut people out of their lives, with the 'never have them back in my life again' type of attitude... seem to me more tense, have more problems (in other areas of their lives) and in general, less content people with a bit of a chip on their shoulders. i think I would feel much worse if I just shut him out. i certainly didn't initiate this contact... but I was friendly to him I guess if he is trying something agani... I really don't know what he is trying.. I dn't know at all!!

thanks! that is the confusing part... you say you would NEVER go on a weekend trip with just her.. it doesn't seem normal for ANYONe... sure i've had exes.... but I wouldn't want to go on a weekend trip with him unless I wanted some.... and as I said, if thats wll he wants... why plan it 6 weeks from now you say 'he knows you' what do you mean by that? do you mean I'm just someone to hang out with? Don't you think he's THOUGHT about the fact that we will be sharing a room together? If you broke up with your ex.. wouldn't you feel a little bit of tension sharing a room with her, when before all you did was sleep together.. then you just go and sleep in separate beds.. i know I should ask him.... ](*,) I guess i'm just a bit apprehensive of asking because i fear that would cause more problems.... and I'm really nervous about doing so. as you said, I do know him better than anyone... and I don't think thats the best approach... but you are right in that thats the only way i will find out. Honestly though, i think he is the type of guy (and I know this) who will say one thing but mean another.. he could say ' oh no.. I'm just your pal'.. but when we've had a couple of drinks and in the hotel room, he could want that... or he could say yeah i want you back...a dn not mean it at all... this is why... I don't think he's going to give me a straight answer.. (why would you want a guy like that... you all ask? ) but see, everyone i've talked to has said there is NO WAY they would go away with an ex... share a room.. sigh.. wasn't it Cher that said 'Everything I know about men could fit on the head of a pin?"

ok, apologies in advance ... I've kind of asked this before. Ijust don't get it. After nearly 4 months of no talking my ex decides he wants to hang otu and go snowboarding with me.. That went well..a nd fine.. we have NEVER talked about the relationship. I as the one who was dumped. He was the one who decided he wants to hang out with me. i know i know i know.. i shld just ask him.. but i do know him and don't think I would get an answer whether I asked or no... he never gave me ar eason frot he breakup... so why would he give me any answer now. I'm over moping about and feeling miserable about him. what i don't get is how he never said "lets go for coffee..." or "lets go for a drink/lunch to a bar" instead he ( HIS idea) wants to go away for a weekend... just the two of us where we will be sharing a hotel room probably out for dinner/drinks I'm assuming. now if he's just lonley, and wants a bit of action... why doesn't he just try for a drink or coffee then a 'lets go back to my place" he has planned this trip 6 weeks from now... surely if he just wanted a bit of action, he would want it sooner than this? and , if he just wanted to be ' just friends' why plan something so far in advance, when if he has other options... or is on the prowl... that could ruin things with a supposed new girl. why plan something with your ex if something better comes along? I know i should ask him... I guess this is just a strange situation I just can't figure it out. surely if you just wanted to be friends with your ex, you wouldn't want to spend a weekend alone with them in a hotel room? ( I dont' know what to do... we were always intimate together.. so what am i supposed to do... shake his hand and say goodnight???) or, if you wanted to make it clear you were just friends, why would you want to share a hotel room, weekend trip with JUST your ex?!?! and , if you just wanted some christmas loving.. would you want to wait 6 weeks for this? aside from the obvious "just ask him!".. it makes no sense to me... really it doesn't. only other thing I can ponder over and over again in my head an overanalyse is that he told me "so my friends wanted to set me up with this girl, but i didn't like her, I thought she was bla" In my female mind, I'm thinking " Did he tell me this because he wants to let me know in his oh-so-subtle way that he is not interested in anyone else?"" or is he trying to let me know that he is out looking? anyone?? After nearly 4 months of them not contacting you, who would have an ex all of a sudden want to go away on weekend trips? why??!!.. if it was jsut a friend thing, wouldn't you keep your options open instead of bookign a trip with your ex? or just go out for coffee and leave your weekends for looking for other people?? guys... please enlighten me!!!!!!!!!

but what works for some people may not work for others I have a friend who is 110 pounds 5'8 and attributes her 'slimness' to her once a week pilates class. ha! if thats all I did, I'd look like the back end of a bus!!!!! I hear so many women over and over again complaining that they don't look the way they want but continue to focus on cardio and just eating light! you have to eat right to lose weight...and lift weights!! and none of thos sill exercises like the butt blaster or doing ridiculously high reps. Sure it might hurt... or be hard... no one likes to get out of bed at 5:00 to go running in minus 20 weather.... NO ONE... but I think of how much worse I would feel all the time if I DID look like the back end of a bus. This is why lifting heavy weights is so important the more muscle you have the more fat you will burn. Sometimes..the danger of doing too much cardio is that you lose some of your muscle as well. When you lose that muscle, that muscle can't burn the fat. The more muscle you have the easier you can burn fat when you are RESTING. when you do cardio, try to make sure you have some HIIT... High Intensity Interval training.. so that you get your heart rate up... sprinting helps burnt he fat more than moderate exercise... I believe in alternating... maybe one day do a longer moderate cardio.. next day include some sprints in that morning run.. i understand your frustration not everyone is going to have the same results with the same result... See above about my friend and her once a week pilates class. i also wouldn't worry so much about the weight.. its more about your body fat % Have you tried loggin your food into link removed? Even if only for a couple of days, it will give you a breakdown of your protein, fats and carbs. How big are your portions? One thing to remember.. and I have to keep reminding myself too is not to become obsessive... Also, I find I can work at it for months and months.. adn not see a difference, then one day I wake up and I can fit into those skinny jeans again.. I think, in general, we have become accustomed to making excuses for our bad eating habits... and most people do have bad eating habits.. and I love food. Do you have a gym near by? Are you interested in doing weights? Do you live in an area where you can go running in the morning before work? or a gym that has spinning classes... or a friend that doesn't mind doing early am running or biking. I think it is important that cardio is mainly done with weight bearing exercises. I swam competitively for years, but the fat stays on more on swimmers.. I also noticed a BIG difference when I added weightlifting into my fitness program.. in order of importance.. most important being #1 DIET #2 Weight training #3 HIIT cardio Have you ever had a bodyfat test done? do you you know you have only been gaining fat? Are there any other factors in your life that could have contributed towards a weight gain?... new birth control? stress? sleep?

I agree.. I think Annie has great advice as well ( thanks Annie! ) but you are right... I don't want to put myself out there.. for the reasons you've said.. and I guess I feel if I never bring it up and he thinks of me as some friend then I haven't put myself out there and if I he really doesn't like me that much... and I never mention it... then there won't be that awkwardness. I AM acting sad and pathetic!!!! but do guys really want to go on trips with their ex??? just as friends hsaring a hotel room? sure, I've been away with guy friends.. but thats all we ever were... I don't get why ...my head is twirling!

I'm going to be bad( and perhaps wrong!!!)but I'm ASSUMING he's going to say " I thought you didn't want to talk to me' because I DID say that shortly after we broke up... I was angry and hurt and told him he was disrespectful and immature... and that I didn't want him to contact me..which I still think he was at the time. Then I realised harbouring all this anger and bitterness didn't solve anything... so we began to talk briefly.. then he invites himself along on a snowboarding trip.. but I didn't exactly do anything to dissuade him... so maybe I gave him the impression I wanted to be friends again... bla! I just don't get the idea of him wanting to just hang out and be buddies... when we never were!

hmnnn... I wonder if it is too late because I ( ) already agreed to go on this trip.. and we have been having civil conversations now for 2 weeks...

hmnn.. actually I get mixed messages form Christian Carter! It seems like one moment he advocats to be aloof bu that you understand the man emotionally... he also seems to say that you should do something unexpected or don't act how the guy expects you to.. I thought it was christian carter who also said that when you have the talk' or start asking a guy 'where do I stand' then the guy may start thinking' hey... I thought things were going fine until she asked me that' true, who wants a guy who can't answer a question... I just don't know what to do.. I have a friend who is telling me"yes.. he broke up with you. but trying to feel the situation and wonder what is going on... You are playing games with him as well. then I hear not to be there too much or he will just see me as this or that.. ugh1.. I really don't know I will try and find out a way to bring it up to him.. without sounding accusatory or sound liek I'm making demands... any ideas?? we haven't talked about the relationship at all!! and I guess what I fear is that if I ask him "hey whats going on?" he will say something like "what you think I want you back or something?" and people are advocating that I do this...but because of what happened and how we broke up... when I thought things were peachy then... I guess i don't have a very good judgement of how this guy is going to respond..

Exactly! your last sentence is the hardest part... I will just feel so stupid if he says something like" what you thought me wanting to go away with you for a weekend means I like you?!?!" Objectively... it would seem like he does... why would a guy want to go away with his ex?!?... and all of a sudden come back but.. you are right... I guess I just feel like asking him would just push him away even further.. i remember asking a question once on ena .. and I've read it in many love advice articles... that if you ask someone "what is going on?" or a "what is happening her?" question, then that only pushes the other person further away and gives all the control to them...

Hi Ellie, That is what everyone has been saying... 'What do YOU want'.. well I guess what I want is to know what he's doing... is he just back for a buddy-pal friendship?.. it just doesn't make any sense to me why he wants to go off for weekends I would be lying if I said I didn't want him back at all.. Even though I was angry at him for breaking up with me at the time he didn't do anything WRONG in the relationship.. and we had a really great day over the weekend, just hanging out and talking all day.. and I miss that... and I miss him...

I'm no doctor... but I think the reason MOST people have problems with neck back is because perhaps.. their muscles weren't very strong in the first place and were injured that way.. You need a strong core have you ever looked into pilates ( a good personalised one) to see what could be done about your neck and back problems? I always make sure I do compound exercises rather than isloation exercies.. meaning doing weights excercises that use more than one muscle.. .. I've always heard 10 -12 times your body weight in pounds if you want to maintain or lose. but then its different for different people..