trash mail

Actually, i think it is the truth. I know that i am not HOT, i don't have to be, what matters to me is that she wants to be with me and values me for more then ONLY looks. though it is not a compliment neither is it an insult. I'd be glad that she isnt superfical.

stay out of it and keep your distance. You are the third party.

the question was, "Who do you love more, God or me?" There is a very simple answer to that n this case, he loves God, and to many people(roman catholics included) that is just a natural FACT. No person can compare themselves to God and to even do so is just plain silly and immature. Religion defines people for who they are. A matured person will know that, IF she knowingly dates a guy that is thinking to become a priest, what right has she got to challenge his beliefs? It is just one of these take it or leave it situation and thus she should not be throwing a tantrum because he chooses God over her. To me it is quite a brain dead situation. As for Protex, stand by what you believe in, understand the re-processions of becoming a priest. Remember, you can believe in your religion and follow it without being a priest. You have options, but if you feel you have a calling talk to your priest and see where it goes. As for your girlfriend situation, the problem arises from the fact that you are not firm and you are trying cater to her but not giving her an answer from your own beliefs. You fear of the relationship ending is working against you. Know what you want, figure out where everything sits in your life (prioritize) and then stand by it. After that if she wants to stay or go is up to her.

live, experience and learn. Not a bad thing at all

Another game. Another grab for attention. Sounds to me that this girl wants to think she is the center of the universe in your life. My opinion is that she is immature. I have seen couples mixed religious priorities and still get along well, why? because they understand why something are important for their partner and respect it. What you should do? Just because you love your religion doesnt mean that you have to be a priest. It sound to me that your religion is something you feel defines you. Things that YOU believe defines you are not worth giving up for a woman. Maybe, it is time to look for someone that matches you and your beliefs. Let her go, you will not regret it in the long run.

sometimes it make me wonder why people are so suicidal, it only happens in the mass in developed countries. I have been depressed but sometimes it requires a sharp kick up the * * * * to get moving. It was a long process to get to where i a now. One of the things that helped me realize that there is more out there is going on a trip to a 3rd world/developing country, it forces you to see that there is a harshness to reality but these people can still laugh and be joyous with what they have. Buy a depressed people a ticket out of their 'comfort'zone.

Do guys get deterred often? Not often but we get tired of games. I liken it to a jar of sand, (sand means patience/tollerence) every time you plays games and make him wait or test him a little sand come out. The more you test him the more sand come out. It comes a point here there is no more sand and he simply can't be bothered. Whether you test him delibrately or not, whether if it is your indecisions to be with him, he will see it as a test. He might feel that he has been tested enough and there isnt anymore 'sand' in the jar. He too tired of the crap. Decide if you want to be with him or let him go. No more games.

Mate, do you know about the muslim culture and i MEAN really KNOW about the culture?? Or do you really not give a damn about the consequeces of your advice?? If your answer to the muslim culture is NO and you dont really give a damn to the consequences of your advice then better hold your tongue. In this situation it hasnt a damn thing to do with the AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. If you use that line in a asian/middle eastern family argument the answer you will get is "you can take the AMERICAN government policies and shove it!". As we all know, american governemnt policies just suck when it comes to family structures and boast ignorance before common sense and understanding.

lay low. Focus on your future. The problem in which you are going through is not new, it influences many teenage kids that are being brought up within an middle eastern culture in a western country. It JUST get really confusing!!!!! whether to adopt the western culture or hold on to your cultural/religious roots. This is when you weigh things and maturity comes in. You asked whether you are doing the right thing when it comes to disconnecting from the guy, I would say that you are doing the right thing. Looking at the bigger picture having your education and eventually gaining your independence where you are able to choose without MAJOR reprocussions is the more matured way of handling the situation. Sometimes we have to hold back on what we want now for what we will have in the future. Ssituations make us at times give up on boyfriends, you are young and there are many more fish in the sea/ocean. THere isn't "THE ONE" there is "THE ONE AT THE MOMENT" which means there can be many "ONES" over our life times. When time is right and situation is right, the "RIGHT ONE" with the same situation will come along.

The amount of past partners is irrelevant, as EVERY relationship is new... its about how two people bounce off and relate to one antoher, not about what has happened in the past. I would disagree with this, every relationship is not 'new'. You carry your past experiences (good and bad) into your NEW relationship. I dont believe in a 'new' slate, because if it was then you would be making the same mistakes. It has everything to do with the pass. If a person has a tendency to continue having negative relationships i would be less likely to have relationship with that person. If someone has a high number beucase they dont want to setlle down, but theyre partner has a low number because they are only into long-term monogomy, thats not an issue of the number, its an issue of communication. i would more likely say it is a compatablity problem and not a communucation problem. Its PATHETIC to base a desicion like that off a number... it can be ONE out of many factors, sure, but not the deciding point of a relationship. Again, I dont quite agree. I don't believe it is pathetic to base a relationship on the number of ex lovers. It is about choice, people have the right to say what they can put up with and what weight they put on the number of partners their S.O has. I think many here would rise an eye brow if they found out their S.O has had 100+ partners. (it just says that the person might have a problem) In a relationship we all judge and we all test. The problem lays with acceptance. We are afraid of RISK, risking of telling the truth and facing the reprocussion of our past behaviour. IF you can live with yourself great. If your partner cannot live with the truth then MAYBE he/she isn't the right one for you.

trust requires an extent of risk. Accept the risk that you will get hurt and you can then work on building trust.

I never said the stigma doesnt exist. What i am saying is that women are part of the equation as well. They are not the 'victim' of the equation they are part of the equation and the create the equation within themselves when they refuse to be truthful to themselves and their partners.

I trust you retract your baseless "Women are stigmatizing themselves because when and if the question is asked they refuse to give an honest answer" comment You know what, i won't retract it, just because my gf will give me an honest answer doesnt mean that the stigma doesn't exist. Again, the sentence " a woman never tells" says it all. Yes, it is a generalization and we all know how this forum feels about generalization and the fact that everyone WANTS to feel they are independent and different from everyone else, but unfortunately for these people statisitc proves otherwise. A prime example of women stigmatizing themselves is the fashion industry, so please please don't tell me that women dont stigmatize themselves, they do and this is only one aspect of it. she was being sarcastic... and i am as well

Yeah..he should just get it over with. Then they both can move on...either together or apart. But another question...if he asks every woman he dates...how can he be SURE they aren't lying? Hmmm...you know how women are.... It's called TRUST. That is his problem, not ours and not has GF or future GF. Are yo putting a Stigma on yourself that you are a liar??

i have actually asked because i wanted to know the woman that i am with. I dont want to know half the woman with half truths. It is pointless if it is full of halves. I trust she is telling me the truth and she trust that i will handle it. I have done stupid things in my past, and i mean STUPID but i dont regret it because that is what shaped me to what i am today. If she cant handle that and if i cant handle her past then we had better move on.

Sometimes you have to risk. Love isnt guaranteed. sometimes to move from one stage to another requires a risk. if refusing to take the risk you refuse to move to the next stage. Building a relationship is challenging, the challenging bit is trust and honesty, if it cant go past this then the relationship stops here. Again, i say again, it is not about Winning and Losing. it is about TRUST and honesty

Trying to turn it around on women is blaming the victim (as though women are stigmatizing themselves). Women are not victims in this so stop saying that women are 'victims', this is just BS. Women are stigmatizing themselves because when and if the question is asked they refuse to give an honest answer. This in itself is a stigma created that she carries within herself. Yes society has a part, but she has her part in it. I have known women that would matter of fact say they slept with 30+ men and not blink an eye. They don't carry the stigma simply because they don;t play the victim. Get real, women are not 'victims'. If you believe that women are victims then you allow yourself to be a victim.

my question is.. why is i so hard to tell the truth to someone you love? if you cant tell the truth, (the way it is), the it is better not to be in the relationship. Not because he asked, but because you cannot tell the truth and have the trust that he will try handle it and not be judgmental. Why be in a relationship without the most 2 fundamental importance, TRUST and HONESTY. If you don't have both, you hve none.

Errrr...this would be germane if the question were from his girlfriend: "How do I hide all my sleeping around from my BF?" But it isn't. He wants to know how to tell if his girlfriend has slept around (which, again, I'm not sure what he was expecting as an answer..."well, dude, just sneak into her vagina and measure her cervix...every millimeter = 10 boyfriends..."). Hahahahaha.. Funny the measurement part. Which, I mean, is a no-win question. There's no way for her to answer without risking him dumping her. What if the magic number is '0'. She has no way of knowing and just has to answer and trust that he isn't a psycho. This is where i believe you are wrong, it can a WIN or a LOSE. If he chooses to handle the fact that she slept with many men then the relationship has grown stronger, because she will know that she can be HONEST with him and TRUST that he will handle things when they come along in the future. But if he cant handle it, then she lost the relationship but she WON knowing that this guy is not someone that she can be honest with and trust that he will stick in there. It's not the hiding that is the issue. It's that he feels the need to ask the question, and will base his decision to be with her on the answer. What is wrong with that? Either he handles it or not. If he can't then it is better NOT to be with him.

Poster, there is a saying, "Be careful of what you ask for, you might just get it" Remember, it can go either way. Prepare yourself for both answer and the worst. Know what you are getting into before you ask. If you know you cannot handle worst the answer, then maybe, it is better off not asking. It just comes down to...... HOw badly you want to know against how badly you DON'T want to know.

it is always an issue and always will be, Denying that simple fact doesnt make it go away. If you are going to have to keep secrets like that then your relationship will never be able to grow because at the back of your mind you will alway be thinking, "what if he find out i slept with the whole choir". You cannot build trust if you cannot give trust. If he cannot handle it that he has to move on, but if he is willing to try handle it, then it only strengthens a relationship. Otherwise, it would be pointless to have this relationship. Trust isnt built on HIDING.

seems to me that women in this threat are really annoyed by this question. It is his business if he wants to move their relationship to the next stage. It matters to the poster so i don't think anyone should say that it shouldn't matter. The fact is, you will want to know if your potential S.O slept with a prostitute, so please don't give me this privacy BS about not needing to know. There i saying that women will divide by half and men will multiple by 2. It is a sigma that a women are sluts if they sleep with many men and men are studs if they sleep with many women. Seems the Stigma is alive and well, because it is rude to ask a women how many men they screwed and the fact that they might have fallen under the current social '5lut' category.

Move on. Wayyyy too young for you and you should expect things like this to happen. They have to much life to live and you have already lived it. At in a matured way and handle this is a business manner. Thank you for the good time, hope all is well, Good bye.

you are cutting and it is your problem. you are stressed but she doesnt have to put up with your problems. As a girlfriend they are not have to put themselves in bad environment even if you are your girlfriend. I think it is time to see someone for your cutting or she will not be sticking around, and to be honest can you blame her. You and ony you can change you habit.