Pinkbubbles

I also think honesty is the only way to make a relationship work. With this whole situation with this guy I wasnt ever worried about having to tell him the truth I just didnt want to have to lay it all out there and get it thrown back in my face in a sense. It doesnt matter though we talked for awhile last night and I've decided that if there is anything there its over. I'm done being manipulated. He doesnt treat me the way I should be treated and I'd rather be alone than play these games anymore. Thanks all of you guys for you advice I think you all had a hand in opening my eyes!

I think that no matter how much a person says they trust their partner the idea of them spending a weekend with a group of friends of the other sex is unsettling in the slightest. You've said that you love him and you trust him so thats what you have to reassure you. Trust him until he proves you wrong. I dont know if you have talked to him about it and I dont know if you want to but he might be able to make you more comfortable with the whole situation. For what its worth I dont think you are a crazy girl, I think its pretty normal. Good Luck!

I know I want to be with him, if he still wants to be with me. I dont want to lay it all out there for him to shut me down if he really isn't interested in me anymore though. Is there anyway I can feel it out without it being obvious?

I know its hard to completely appreciate the whole situation when you dont know all of whats involved, but I do appreciate you guys trying to help me out as good as you can. The whole other guy situation was a mistake and I completely understand that. Good did come of it though, I'll explain alittle more. It was just before christmas, I was incredibly annoyed with the situation between the two of us and I felt that was really not going anywhere at that point. I felt it would be a good opportunity to get over him and move on. ( I decided this before I went out with my friends) I had way, way too much to drink when we did go out, saw a guy I used to work with that I knew wanted to hook up with me before. My guy did not see us. It did not last very long at all. The good out of it was that I realized that I didnt want to be over him. I went to him, after I asked the other guy to leave, and tried to make it known how much he means to me and that I wanted to be with him. Either way the kiss didnt mean anything and he knows it, we've never established our exclusivity and he knows I had no interest in that other guy. The whole idea that he is my brothers fried really bothered me. My brother and I are fairly close, we've only gotten to be friends more so than siblings in the past couple years. This is that reason I kept him at a distance, not to keep him interested. I didnt want to strain their friendship or our relationship. When I realized I was starting to develop feelings for this guy I felt I needed to talk to my brother. I was incredibly scared to though because since the time I turned like 14 I wasn't really aloud around his guy friends for the fact that I was "off limits". The little sister syndrome. Until this day he's the same way. But when it came to this guy he was totally different, like encouraging us to hang out and stuff. So when I talked to him about it his response was that he knows what kind of a guy I deserve and he hasn't meet anyone that suits me better than this guy. He said he knew this guy, he knew that he's a good guy and that he would treat me right, he would be good for me. So that was the turning point of me resisting us being together. I'm not sure what else I could mention that would help you get a better grasp on the situation though, sorry.

Hazey Amber, I totally agree with your advice. I think I should back down, I dont know I just feel that I annoying, even though he says the opposite. I got used to being the one chased now I'm not so comfortable with being the one doing the chasing. Spirits, Our story is crazy and super long so I dont want to ramble about it but I'll try to give you the important info. I met him about a year ago, a week before I left for 3 months in Australia, he insisted that we would date when I got home. I talked to him on the phone once while I was away when he was at my brothers place but other than that there was nothing. Even after I got home there was nothing. He didnt call for a date or anything so I just shrugged it off and figured it was just a ploy to piss my brother off. Then one night I was staying at my brothers place and he was over, they were all drinking in the backyard but he came inside to sit with me and keep me company. I think thats when I first acknowledged that I did like him, he was cute before but now he was sweet too. After that night I would see him out all the time, we would usually just end up hanging out all night, often times we would take off and go somewhere for coffee. During one of these coffee breaks he asked me when I was going to marry him. It was kinda an out of the blue question/comment cause we both knew he wasnt serious so I jsut kinda laughed it off, but he was like I know you dont think so right now but it'll happen, we'll be together. At this point we weren't calling or texting one another yet. I was still adament that we could be nothign more than friends cause of his friendship with my brother. And this was over the summer. One night I went out with a bunch of friends trying to get past this thing with him but as my luck runs he was out at the same club. Immediately he came over and we started chatting and it was like that all night, eventually the people I was with were leaving so I told him I had to go, as I walked away he mouthed and gestured "I love you". I was alittle taken aback and didnt know what to do so I smiled and waved to him before I went through the door. That moment never made things awkward between us though. Everytime we would see one another it would be in public with other people cause I still wasnt ok with dating him. Now in Sept I was hanging out with him again just at a mutual friends place and he asked me to go to Mexico with him to his friends wedding...he then implied that we too could get married while we were down there. He said he would pay for everything all I had to do was spend the time with him. Due to school and my brother I declined. At the end of that night he was like we should hang out tomorrow after your done work. I agreed. He said to call him after work. I did, but he felt it was too late to do anything. This made me feel like he wasnt interested so I avoided seeing him through friends or my brother. Like I was shut down by him or somethign you know. He went to Mexico in October. I saw him once after he came home before my grandpa passed away. My grandparents live on one side of the country and I am on the other so I had to go home for awhile for the funeral and mourning. He made no contact to console me or to see how I was. When I came home a few weeks later my friends had a party/get together for me to lift my spirits. He wasnt invited out, intentional or not on their part I dont know. Anyways he called me to see if I wanted to come out with him and his buddies. I told him what I was doing and where. He left where he was with his buddies and came to my party to hang out with me. That night I went home with him. We spent the majority of the night talking, listening to music and cuddling. Like just being together. It was really nice. He was now working those 2 weeks away and 1 week home so I didnt get to see him again til my friends birthday at the beginning of Dec which was an ok visit but not what I had anticipated for the next time I saw him. After that I didnt talk to him much. So little actually that I figured it was time to move on to someone new, to get over him. I went out one night with the girls and ended making out with a guy I used to work with. To my surprise the guy this is all about was out at the same place. I felt like such a fool and realized I wasnt ready to be over him. I made sure I spent the rest of the night with him and only him. I stayed at his house again. This was right before christmas. Since then I've seen him every week that he's been home except for one and thats explain in one of the previous posts above. The whole 'other guy' thing wasnt a big deal, he was never made about it. But since then I've noticed he gets very territorial, as talked about in a previous post. By deterred I mean like could he feel like this is going no where and he feels its time to give up? By why keep at it this long if your going to give up now?! I know thats super long but I tried to cut it down for you! I hope its enough background to give you a sense of how he is.

Thanks for the advice so far guys. To answer questions about my stand on sex, I'm still a virgin but I am not intent on waiting til marriage. But until I fall in love and I know I can completely trust my partner sex isnt going to be a part of our relationship. I know that he has a sexual past though. We've talked about it to a certain extent before. As for the chasing, I've done the majority of the chasing in the past months. To the point where I honestly asked him if I was the annoying girl. His response to that was no not at all. So I was reassured for awhile, he began to call or text first more than he had been doing, but then when he came home I wasnt available the couple times he wanted to hang out so he stopped until he went back to work, then it was fine again until he came home. He didnt make any contact until I called him 6 days into his week to come out with some friends. He did and it was a good night. He was very "boyfriendish". He would get almost territorial when other guys would come up and talk to me, even if I knew them. Then there was a guy there that I had a bad experience with in the past and he got really defensive of me, cause he knew I didnt like him, not why, and he didnt want him around me cause he upset me. It was cute and reassuring of the way he felt towards me. But now with no contact for so long I have no idea whats up.

Ok so I've posted about my situation on here before but its changed now. For the worse it feels. This guy has been pursuing me for over a year now. The short of the story is that he was adament that we would be together, but I refused his advances for months cause he's my brothers friend. I started to fall for him, he was very sweet and charming. It all came together with my brothers approval and everything. We've never gone on a date though. We hang out when he's home from work, he works a 2 week shift out of town and 1 week off at home during the winter. We have this amazing rapport, are conversations are great, but its never anything too deep like about 'us' or anything. Anyways over the past couple months he seems withdrawn, he seems to get deterred easily if I can not get together with him or I am busy. He would call me while he was away to talk about work and him hating being up there so long, away from home. I've stayed the night with him several times now and he's always been willing to talk and hang out the next time he's home. I stayed with him the last time he was home, the night before he went back to work. But he's been back at work now for almost 2 weeks and I havent heard from him. I'm just wondering if this sounds like he's given up...Do guys get deterred often? I know he's held on for longer than most guys would have, but he has also invested himself in this as I have. Like how long does a guy hold onto hope? If there is no sex involved, intimacy but no sex?

I think that trust is the most important part of a relationship. If your just starting out in a relationship with the knowledge that your partner has cheated in previous relationships and you are uneasy about it then your relationship is going to be rocky from the get go. I know I've been cheated on before and its the hardest thing to look past when your moving into a new relationship. I started a relationship with a guy, who I was good friends with growing up, in high school. There was no indication that he would cheat but he did, with a close friend of mine actually. It honestly took me 2 years to trust a guy enough to get involved with him. Funny enough I knew this guy had cheated on a previous girlfriend but I chose to be naive and look past that with the idea that "people change" in my head. He, too, cheated on me. I think that when you know they have cheated you have to be extra cautious with that person, I dont think that you can rule out a potential partner just because they made a bad decision. Everyone makes mistakes, just how they deal with the mistake is what makes the person. Its really hard to get over being cheated on and to trust someone again, but dont let this bad experience ruin your outlook on potential partners, everyone deserves a second chance. Just remember theres nothing wrong with being careful with your heart!

Situations like these are always tricky. First of all are you sure you took her 'impossible' in the right way? Maybe she was kidding around or implying something else. It doesnt really matter though cause your over it, so there is no point pondering over it unless you are willing to have a straight forward conversation about what went on and what is going on now. People are attracted to other differently. My last boyfriend wasnt into me at all first when we met and I had this huge crush on him. By the time he started to have feelings for me I felt I had moved on and was over him. I felt guilty though, cause I initated the idea of us being together months before. We dated for some time, but it was never a good relationship. It was really rocky, I didnt want to be in it no matter how much I tried to convince myself. He ended up cheating on me due to my lack of enthusiasm. Reason for this story is to deter you from starting anything up with this woman....If your over her your over her. Dont look back. If there are some risidual feelings on your part, I'm not saying there are, only you know that, then I think you deserve to find out whats going on with this girl. If shes just a flirt be done with her. If she says she is attracted to you then ask her to give it a go. The best advice I can give to you is to talk to her if you feel you need clarifying or move on if you dont want to date her at all. There's no use letting her play games with your mind! I hope you figure this out, I too have a person playing mind games with me and I know how frustrating and agravating it can be! Good Luck!

Hi, My relationships in the past have been anything but ideal, especially my most recent ones. My last 2 boyfriends cheated on me (one emotionally and the other physically). Anyways I have super trust issues when it comes to men, so I tend ot shut myself off. My situation right now involves one of my older brothers best friends. Through his friendship with my brother I have come to trust him and develop a friendship with him aswell, eventhough right from the get go he has insisted that we would end up together. He has even gone as far as to ask me to marry him and then say that eventhough I wont now that we will someday. I have been reluctant to get involved with him because I didnt want to make anything awkward between my brother and I or my brother and him. To make a long story short my brother has given us permission, even talked to me about how good of a guy his friend is and how well he thinks he would treat me. Now that I know its ok I'm more than willing to try something out with him. The worry for me is that I already completely trust him and I'm afraid that without the barrier up I'm more prone to get hurt. Also we have such a good relationship already I'm afraid that this is going to jeopordize it, now that I'm showing interest in him he seems to be pulling away almost (its hard to describe without too much detail). I dont want to lose him in anyway from my life, but I feel like they way our relationship has developed so far it could grow into something amazing. I'm not sure if you can get a question out of that, either way any advice would be awesome!

There are lots of different topics you could choose from. Some of those could easily happen to you in your everday school life, or there are others thats arent so common. You could write about a forgein student who has strived all his/her life to come to your country for education. Discuss possible interactions between you that helped you to come to appreciate that persons drive for a different education. I have a friend that just recently left for a 6 month term in a country in Africa. She's going to be spending her time working in a school for under privilaged children. Eventhough she isnt going to be a student at the school her interaction with the children is definitely going to change who she is. Such an experience will change her. You could use such a situation to write about an informal setting. I spent 3 months in Australia in 2006. I had just intended on travelling around seeing some cool things and having a good time. During my travels I met many people around my age, also travelling, who had come down there to learn english. Many of these people were from Asia, but there was also a surprising amount of people from Europe. Interacting with these people helped me to appreciate the importance of education in different countries. I was so moved by this that I have choosen to become a teacher, I'm into my first year but once I have completed my degree I plan to return to Australia and teach english to people like the ones I met while I was there. I dont know if any of those work for you...but I thought I would post some suggestions. I hope it some what helped!

First of all does your friend know that your interested in his sister? If you havent talked to him about it yet I advise you to do so. This past year I have gone through a similar situation with my brothers best friend. Given I am 19 and he's 25 so the age difference creates different circumstance as do other things. The attraction between the two of us had been there all along, he was always implying that we were going to date or stuff like that, but I maintained that we weren't. Simply because by me dating my brothers best friend there would be a strain put on my relationship with my brother and there would be a strain put on their friendship. I wanted to date him, but I was adament that we couldnt be together because of that. This prompted him to talk to my brother about it. They had a good talk about the whole situation, then my brother and I had a good conversation, alittle awkward in both cases but definiately worthwhile. There have been other situations with other guys that my brother is friends with where he has gotten upset with me and pretty much forbid me from seeing them. Only with my best interest at heart. Some guys are really protective over their sister and you dont want to step on his toes. As for getting her to like you, yes laughter is important, more important than most guys think. When you are hanging out at their house or shes around you and your friend make her feel welcome and comfortable around you. Like if you guys are playing a game or watching a movie invite her to take part. If she's interested then she going to be thrilled that you asked. And the best thing you can do is to be yourself, most siblings are similar personality wise, so because you get along so well with her brother chances are you and her would get along just as well. But remember that this type of situation can be very complicated and emotional for all parties involved. If you are wanting to pursue a relationship with her and still want to maintain your friendship with him I think its best to talk to your friend about it first. Decide which is more important to you and how they are going to afftec one another! Good Luck!

I dont think there is anything wrong with marrying at a young age. Marriages break up for all different reasons. And yes some of those reasons are based on the fact the the couple choose to marry too young, but most certainly not always. I personally know how scary it is to see one of your best friends venture into something that you can see them getting hurt by. One of my best friends from high school got married at 19, I was really apprehensive about it and I told her how I felt. I never once dissapproved of the marriage though. Its only been a year now, but everytime I see them I feel that they are more in love than ever, and I'm just happy that she's so happy. I think marriage is based on personal maturity, not age. Talk to your friend, tell her how you feel, don't critisize her decision cause it might push her away. Just have a good heart to heart with one another, cause who knows she might need to talk to you too and get her jitters out!

2006 was a fairly difficult year for me. It was my first year out of high school and I was taking it easy, with a 3 month long trip to Australia from Feb-June. During my trip my Nan, on my mom's side, was getting sicker. While I was down there she passed away on my birthday. It was incredibly difficult to be that far away from all of my family at such a time and I couldnt afford to change my ticket to fly home for the funeral. After returning from Australia in the summer I learned that my Pop, on my dad's side was diagnosed with cancer. I flew home (he lives on the other side of the country) to be with him for sometime, while I still could. During my time home I went to my Nan's grave and house to try and gain some closeure with her death which was really hard aswell since she was the first loved one I have lost and now I was facing the loss of another one. 2 weeks after I got home we got news that my dad's cousin, who was like an uncle to me was also diagnosed with cancer and it had already spread to untreatble area. My Pop passed away in November, so I flew home again for his funeral and to spend sometime with the rest of the family. Then just less than 2 weeks before Christmas my cousin passed away. I felt that 2006 was not my year and I dealt with that, I didnt celebrate the passing of the year on New Years, but I made a resolution I guess to look at 2007 in an optimistic light. I hoped this year would be better, it couldnt be much worse than last year. Last Saturday night I was heading out for a night on the town with 2 of my friends (none of us had had anything to drink). A car came ripping around the corner going between 80kms to 100kms in a 50km zone. The car lost control and hit the car I was in head on, totalling both cars. The drive of the other car was so incredibly intoxicated that she couldnt speak to the police properly. It was the scariest night of my life...like I'm dealing with the fact that I could have died quite easily that night, or either of my friends. I guess I just needed somewhere to vent...I hope 2007 just came in with a big bang now its going to calm down!

I think the best thing for you to do is talk to her, tell her how you feel. I know its easier said than done, but its the only way you will honestly know that she knows where you stand. Good Luck!