eponymouss

A text message tonight. "Did you Get my phone message last night?" Am I a complete a@@ for not responding? I miss her. And it's messing with me. As sick as it sounds, part of me is happy that she is pursuing again. At the same time I can't be what she wants me to be. Is it time to just "man-up" and respond letting her know these things? Or would I be better off just walking away completely? A friend told me today I should just play along. Like I was stupid not to. Play the game, detach myself from the possible hurt of the outcome, and have fun. I'm not sure I can do that.

She called and left a message this evening. Along the lines of "Hey it's me. Just wanted to know what's up with you. What's new. And wanted to see if you wanted to hang out sometime in the future. So call me back." As though our last conversation had never happened. I probably know the answer to these questions. But, I'm gonna ask anyway. I like the various points of view. Plus, to be honest, I never played any of these games when I was in my 20's. It was two very long relatively happy relationships. Is this just the hook she's trying to keep me on? Am I a fool to call back? What are the possible outcomes of this?

It's funny that even at my age, we still search out the things we want to hear. My heart is still telling me to hope. Anybody have any other views?

I started seeing a younger woman about three months ago. I am 38, she is 22. I know, I know... I knew what I was getting into from the very beginning. The saying "Younger women don't know what they want" rings true. But, she was beautiful and smart, and we had so much fun together. I had been single for almost four years, and it was nice to finally find someone again. Things started out very fast and furious, she was very into me. Probably just into the "idea" of me. We had sex way too soon. And I kept trying to take a step back. I was reluctant, and this seemed to increase her interest. For the first time in my life I was swept off my feet. The first two months were really fun and happy and wonderful. I found myself falling for her, and she could tell. Then the red flags started. Her ex of four years was obviously still in the picture. They were high school sweethearts, and had only been apart for about three months. She also has a slew of young guy friends, that she spends a good deal of time with. None of this really bothered me. I told her as long as she was honest with me about things we would be fine. She started becoming more distant over the last month. Not seeking to spend as much time together. She still called every day. But, she was definitely less affectionate. She started becoming secretive about what she was doing, and who she was doing it with. And like a puppet I responded. I started showing more affection, and became the pursuer. Like a supreme dumb-a@@ I fell right into the trap. When I brought up any mention about the possibility that someone else was in the picture, no matter how gently I put it, she would become very agitated and angry. One night at a club, a friend of hers, who obviously thought I was only a "friend", made a comment about her and her ex still being together. I brought this up to my girlfriend and it all culminated in a huge blow up, where she called me crazy for believing she was seeing someone else without proof. We made up after that fight. But, I knew it was already over. She was only coming back because she felt guilty. And she made little effort to try and see me for two weeks. Although she still called and sent texts daily. Then, more drama. About a week later I got an anonymous email from someone telling me that she was cheating on me with her ex, AND another guy. The person sending it obviously had a grudge against her (my first impression was that it was her ex trying to stir things up) but when I replied to the email, it bounced back to me. When I told her of this, she told me she had also received a message telling her that I was cheating on her... and things sort of slipped away from there. Last week we had "the phone call" where she said she was feeling differently, and wasn't sure if we should be together. The conversation actually went a long way toward clearing my head up about things. We actually communicated. She was very open for the first time, and explained a lot of her issues with the ex that she had rarely spoken of before. I told her that we were having a conversation that we should have had a month ago, and that it actually had me feeling like things could work out. She didn't seem to feel the same way. She said I would never trust her. She just wants to be my friend. Something I am not comfortable with right now. But she told me when she returned from a trip home (she would be gone a week) she would call and we would talk about it. We have had no contact since she left. She returned two days ago. Everything tells me that it's over, and I can accept that. She's very young and has many other things in life to experience. But still, a part of me still wants her back. Or wants that possibility someday when the drama dies down. But, I won't allow myself to be the "back burner" guy. I guess my question is how do I proceed? Should I write her telling her I understand it's over, thank her for the good times etc, and start no contact from there? Or should I just leave it be until she wants to contact me? If I want to be "with her", should I even consider the idea of being friends? And if I did want to have a possible future with her somewhere down the road, what can I do now to make that a possibility?