Hunny1607307342

Hey… I'm in a really huge confusion mode. I have been for like the past 2 days! Basically, I broke up with my first boyfriend ever, recently (he broke up with me for the second time) and I've been infatuated with him ever since I started college 8 months ago. Even though a few days ago it had gotten to the point where I was over him, I still cared/care about what he's doing etc. and also, recently I've spent more time with him and all the old flirting kicked in, and I was happy having that kind of relationship with him. THEN 2 days later, my best friend who's a guy asked me out. Now my ex; he's the bad boy type, the type that gives me butterflies crazily. The other guy who's just asked me out, he's an honest guy, who I can connect with on nearly every level. I'm really confused. I told him I will go out with him in a few weeks when my exams are over. But I'm not CRAZY about him; I don't feel that "rush" that I did with my ex. But I still said yes. Am I making a mistake?

Okay then, will do so. Thank you very much for your advice!

Hhhmmm thank you for your response I suppose you're right. The reason why I'm dwelling on it is more because I really want him to come on to me so I can reject him; because he has messed me about SO MUCH in the past by playing me and I really want him to try it on with me again so that I can have the joy of rejecting him. I just wanted to know if that's what his intentions seem to be.

There is a guy who I had a "thing" with (on and off hazy relationship) for a while. He has had a girlfriend for the past month. The other day, he asked me to go shopping with him, which I did. I assumed, he asked me 'as a mate' (that's how he would put it). The guy is known to be a 'flirt'. But to the extent to which he was flirting with me, I started to doubt he even had a girlfriend. Comments he made to me like; "Stop it, you're fit when you do that", checking me out and saying "You're hot"..."you're buff when you strut you're stuff". On another occasion, we were talking and I casually asked him about his girlfriend, and he did confirm he still had one. But still, he was making comments like "oh stop it, look at you, you're like a tease" (when I didn't even do anything). He was touching me quite a bit too, around the stomach/waist area. Is he trying it on with me? Or am I reading too much into this? Is it normal for a friend of the opposite sex to behave in this way?

Hey, I was just wondering... if you and your ex are on 'good terms' and agreed to 'friendship' after he/she broke it off, is it considered 'normal' for him or her to invite you out shopping out of the blue some time later? I may be reading too much into this...but please read my story to help me figure this out!! Basically, me and this guy where never really 'official' for a long time at all. But we have had a "thing" for like 8 months. He fooled me once, by stringing me along and ending up going out with someone else a few days after we broke up. Then a couple months down the line, he fooled me a second time by asking me out but then having a new girlfriend a few weeks later claiming "we were never really official" and apologising to the point of begging me to forgive him. I came to the conclusion this guy isn't a bad person, but is just deeply confused and has the typical brain of an 18 year old teenager. Anyway, the second time we 'broke up' wherein he gave me the 'its not me its you' speech, we were on good, speaking terms: we see each other at college everyday. A month later, he asks me to go shopping with him. . I made an excuse that I was busy at that time, and he then said okay fine I'll miss my lecture and we can go earlier. . Okaaay... So, we go, and the whole time, he is flirting SO MUCH. Okay, I know that a bit of flirting is something everyone does, and is totally harmless and meaningless most of the time. But the way he went on I was beginning to doubt the fact he still had his new girlfriend. E.g., "Oh you look so pretty when you do that... stop it, you look so fit right not... stop being a tease... you're hot when your strut you're stuff". OkaaY.. I'm not even a girl that is 'all that' at all, definitely no angelina jolie! He is known to be a 'flirt' with girls. But does someone with a girlfriend say things like that to another girl?! I saw him yesterday and we talked for a while whilst we were supposed to be doing work. He was very touchy feely: waist, stomach etc. I asked him casually about his girlfriend, and he did confirm he had one. We were talking about 'in college' relationships and he said 'imagine how awkward it would be if we went out and broke up and all our friends were divided'. Anyway I'm really confused. Is the guy trying it on with me again? Or am I reading too much into this? Please help me figure this out!](*,) xxx

I'm sure she feels something and just doesn't show it. Because I felt the same way as you when my ex broke up with me, but then I realised; I am pretending I'm all happy and chilled out with everything, and so to him, he can't see any sorrow in me right now, so that lead me to think, then how can I expect to see HIS real emotions if he IS upset a little bit? See? You can't read a closed book.

Yup! Love is a space where all emotions can be experienced. This guy made me change threads that many times! He's put me on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 8 months. I don't know I just thought I'd post to evaluate on everything, and try to figure out myself what I am feeling. Because ever since the break up, a couple of days ago, I've not yet cried like the first time, but I am filled with all these different feelings I can't quite identify. When we broke up I never thought we'd get back together because he made it clear he doesn't want a serious relationship, and that I deserve better than to be messed about, he's not the one for me etc. etc. Anyway, a couple of months down the line he'd broken up with his "new girlfriend" he got, and then we started to re-connect. A couple of weeks after we reconnected we made out a few times, he told me how much he's missed me, how much he adores me, that he thinks he's ready for a serious relationship now, that he connects with me on a different level, and I kept telling him I didn't believe him, but DESPITE this, he kept trying to convince me that its true. In the end we concluded that "we'll take it slowly". After this evening, he didn't call me back. For three weeks. We went back to college after that, and I was so angry at myself for falling for it all again, and even more angry at him for pushing it that far. I had to be around him unavoidably because of our registration, and I decided to blank him. I wasn't rude, just very cold. He tried to make small-talk with me, as though nothing ever happened between us! Asking me how my holiday was for example!! Anyway, then i found out from someone else that he has a new girlfriend. I could not believe it. So then I bumped into him again and he said "please dont be cold with me, can I at least say I'm sorry" with the most guilty look on his face. I was like FINE whatever. I told him I know he's in a relationship and he was like " but we weren't really going out though ". In response to this I reminded him he actually said lets take it slowly. (Is it me or was he THAT close to cheating on a girl, ie. me?) He insisted we talk about it so we went for a drive and he explained to me that kissing me was a mistake and that he's so sorry, and I was like WHY DID YOU SAY THOSE THINGS?!!?! Why did you try and convince me for all that time?! He said he really wanted to make me happy (shocking i know). Other stuff he said was that he said he doesn't know me that well (what the hell!?) and that we are similar but don't connect (what the hell?!) and just so much stuff, that he deserve so much better because he's not relationship material, this relationship he's in now is not a serious one. There were lots of things obviously I said to him which he just really had no answer for other than a look of complete guilt, but insisted how sorry he is and how he wants us to be friends. It's weird because I realise all his bad qualities and its the second time I've had him so it's like, less painful that before and plus I was expecting this for three weeks anyway. I feel quite offended though, that I was a "mistake", and that he thinks I'm so insecure that I NEED him to make me happy. Also that he told me his friend liked me so why not go out with him (that was one of the worst things he could say). What do you guys think? I mean it's hard to figure out when this guy is lying and when he's not, and when there's all an act going on, and most of all WHY? I'd reeeeeeeally appreciate replies even though this has gotten long because it might help me figure out what emotion to feel right now

Hey..... I was just reading an article and it said that only 98% percent of women are happy with their bodies in the UK. So its not just you, and i bet you that most of the things you worry about are not even of significance to other people (ie men). I went through a phase wherein I was OBSSESED also with my body and diets, constantly thinking "shall I eat it...shall I not" and trying to come up with new diet plans etc. etc. Anyway, now I'm really happy with myself and don't think about it as much and try to make the most of myself. I do a lot of exercise etc. and eat well so I don't gain weight. But I think the most key thing, is to make the most of yourself: go out and buy a load of clothes that really flatter you, and hide parts of you don't like. This boosts your confidence so much. As for the boob thing, I totally have had/STILL HAVE this problem, I always stress about guys being turned off. But I made a mistake and started wearing padded bras all the time, I still do it because I can't just STOP wearing them! lol, its a bad idea, because once you start wearing them you have to wear them all the time, and also when you get with a guy, its so embarressing and such an anti-climax! But it's true, a lot of guys don't care unless they are REALLY SHALLOW and you wouldn't want to be with a guy whos like that anyway. And this is more common than you think, some of the hottest women have small boobs: gwen stefani, kate hudson and others. Just try to accept yourself and be grateful for what you do have X

I've only read like 2 or the 3 of the replies given but I'm sorry just because you werent EXCLUSIVE!!! That does not justify his actions. You guys were kissing and hugging, just because there were no words said, doesn't mean you guys didn't have something, and I can't believe he CAN just let that go with NO WORDS SAID! He reminds me of a guy I know. Player player PLAYER UGH the thought of him makes me feel SICK how that guy PLAYED WITH MY HEAD for HOW MANY MONTHS. I suggest you just act like you dont care about him. Why would you want to be friends with him? I understand you dont want awkardness, so just be polite but don't necessarily be FRIENDLY. He doesn't deserve a friend you have every right to be mad. Forget him you deserve a guy who genuinely likes you and would climb a mountain for you, not this fake * * * * *.

You can't that's why this ones tricky lol. I mean you'll find out eventually, but its hard to figure something like that out early on. For starters you should see how he behaves with other girls, and compare that to how he behaves with you, because some guys are 'naturally a flirt'. Hmmm that's all I can think of... sorry lol good luck

lol dont ask... a) I fell for him before i knew everything b) he was my first bf c) he charms me right off my feet like no one else can

Hey DN thanks for response, yeah cos like i said, i know he has a big ego because I can tell, but he's not openly vain, he tries to be sweet and modest around me... But I dunno... how about a normal guy even, does flattery work on them?

lol thanks for replies! yeah I know i AM on the verge of giving up, but i just thought i'll see if I can lure him because he's nearly there. He never admits to being a player and claims hes 'not like that anymore'. Who knows lol i guess i'll have to find out.

Hey, basically, there's this guy...... I've been attracted to him since we first met, and we sort of went out, but then he broke up, and now he's come back and I don't know it's as though he stiillll doesn't want to commit to me because I dont feel he's 100% there and INTO ME badly. I am on the verge of just giving up, but just thought I might ask to give it a last shot if you have any ideas; how do you charm a guy who already thinks he's hot stuff? (He has this 'player' reputation too). Although he does actually act modest and humble so he seems sweet infront of girls. Anyway, I want to make him feel THAT way about me, that I feel about him: I want to give him butterflies like he does me. So for starters I thought I'd have to do the same thing he does to me BUT then realised that wouldn't work, because he whispers sweet nothings into my ear, telling me he adores me, that I'm beautiful and makes me feel wanted etc. etc. All that flattery makes me go weak at the knees! BUT I thought if his ego is already inflating what can I do?! Guys of this type, what do I do?!

Thanks so much for all your advice!!! Wow fairy that analysis! lol! It's true...I suppose your rite. It was kinda funny lol. Oh but it felt like it meant so much its just the way he kept trying to persuade me he meant what he said that made me think aww. But wow can the guy lie to THAT extent?!!? He still hasn't phoned Maybe he thinks there's no reason to phone... Are you sure I shouldn't text him? I really need to straighten things out...aaargh lol

After already having made out... HIM: I SO want to see you in the holidays ME: Yeah but you say stuff! You lie like a rug! HIM: What?! You really don't trust me at all do you ME: Well... how do I know if you really like me... HIM: I do, I like you soooo much, I ADORE you ME: Hmmm After a bit of pondering and same sort of talk... HIM: I dunno... do you want to go out with me? ME: ...ok... HIM: But... you have to trust me for it to work... ME: Well what do you expect?! With everything that's happened between you and me. HIM: Mmm it's just before I wasn't ready for a serious relationship, and now it's different. When we kinda broke up I really missed you. (he broke up, 2 months ago). ME: But you went out with someone. HIM: That was not serious that was like nothing. I really connect with you. ME: hhmm... I don't know if you mean stuff you say. HIM: I do, I adore you. But I think love comes with time. ME: yeah. HIM: But also, I'm going to uni soon and i dunno, i dont wanna break your heart. ME: mmm... HIM: But I dunno maybe if I do end up loving you it wont matter. Maybe I wanna try that. ME: hmmm... I'm really confused HIM: Me too. How bout we take it slowly. ME: yeah. OK that was 2 days ago and he STILL HASN'T CALLED me or anything... What is this guy playing at? And am I his girlfriend now...? What do you think all this means...? And shall I call if he doesn't...? Pleasssse help!!! XXX

I cannot believe what has happened. I went out with a guy at college, and it was never really official, for a few months. He broke up with me unexpectedly saying he's not ready for a serious relationship, and that I'm not the one for him. I was devastated and felt like he really messed me about. When he had this 'girlfriend' a few days later, I knew that it was officially over and I had lost all hope of anything ever happening between us again. We saw each other everyday but we were rather distant. Then things didn't work out between him and his new girlfriend, and without knowing this I just asked him to do this thing for me for drama, and we ended up re-connecting, but I wasn't sure if it was just me who felt it. We started talking more again, he started flirting with me again, it was just like old times. This carried on for a couple of weeks. Then last night he asked me to go to a bar with him, since loads of our friends were going. We ended up talking loads, then we kissed, made out... and then he started talking about everything and told me that he really wants to see me more when I'm free, and I told him he always says things like this and called him a liar (but not in a rude aggressive way, just in an 'im being totally sweet and honest' way), and then he said he means it, and that he adores me and that we connect on a deeper level, etc. and that before he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Then I brought up his new girlfriend he had, and he said it wasn't at all serious, it was like 'nothing'. Anyway, then he said he would want one with me now, the only problem is that I need to trust him, and also that when he goes to university he doesn't want to break my heart, but then he said if we really end up loving each other it might not matter. I kept being sceptical of whether he really meant what he was saying, because of all the stuff that has happeend between us, but he kept reassuring me telling me he adores me etc., and that he missed me when we broke up. I was reciprocating the hugging and kissing etc. but I wasn't being as 'into him' with what I was acutally saying compared to all the stuff he said to me. I left the bar as a very confused girl! Also, its the next morning at 2pm and he still hasn't called...do I text him? I would really appreciate advice on any aspect of my situation right now! XXX

No no no! Because I CAN be a really loud person but he'll be drunk and wanting to have fun and I dont want to be all sober and boring! Like we get on really well in college but I want him to see that I can be loud too like him too! Seriously! I need this advice because I need him to know he can have a good time with me, he's never asked me out clubbing before !! thanks ! X

Hey! Okay I need advice majorly! This guy that I'm interested in has asked me to go clubbing. I have a flirty friendship with him within college, and have had for the past good few months. But it's only ever been, in 'innocent old college'... but I know for a fact that he's a really LOUD out-going person, and when he goes out at nights, what he sees as a really good time is going totally OTT, getting pissed and have a 'jokes time'. But what exactly does this entail? He gets bored pretty easily, so I really want to make it so that I'm loud OTT etc. so I need advice as to what to actually do!? Every other time I've been clubbing with other friends (not that often), we just dance a little, sit down have a drink, dance etc... that's it really lol. The obvious would be telling me to get drunk, but the problem is that there's no way this can happen since I go home afterwards. I can probably have a drink to loosen up though, or pretend i'm drunk. So please please guys, tell me ideas on doing wild, loud, fun stuff etc. Thanks so much!

Hey guys thank you so much for all your advice it means ssoo much to me! I can see where you're all coming from and it's funny because when he was with his new girlfriend I had lost ALL hope of him EVER changing his mind, and I thought even if he did, I'd love to just reject him and hold my head up high. But now that he's actually started showing interest again, I'm doing the opposite. Love is SO BLIND because like you guys all said, I should wait for a guy who IS crazy about me etc. etc., but I can't stop my self feeling this way it's almost masochistic but I can't help it! He invited me to go clubbing on the weekend; I think I'm going to assume it's officially over if he doesn't try anything that night.

Okay I had like a thing with this guy at college for 5 months. It was never official, but he ended what we did have, really swiftly and suddenly after stating he's not ready for a full-on relationship etc. etc. etc., 'its not you, its me', and 'i'm not the one for you'. Anyway, like a week later i found out he's dating this new girl and has this 'girlfriend'... Was CRUSHED. Just over a month afterwards, she broke up with him. He's started flirting with me like he used to, and giving me "looks" sometimes, which made me think maybe he'll give it a go with me now, since its over with her! But, despite the touching, flirting, etc. he hasn't properly tried anything on me. Its been 2 weeks since he broke up with her. People have told me I shouldn't get back with him because I'm better than a backup plan, but thats not the point, the point is, if he's not tried anything, am I not even GOOD ENOUGH for a backup plan?! I mean he's just been chucked, and I was nearly his girlfriend before he got with her... SO WHY NOT?! It's really degrading and I keep asking myself what I'm lacking! If he doesn't fall into a REBOUND with me now it means I have no chance with him ever, right? I looked at his phone today and the background of his phone was still a picture of THEM together... and i thought okkaay it was awkard because he knew I saw it. Anyway, then he says 'hey why don't we take a picture together'. So now there's one in his phone of us. I don't know whether stuff like this meaningless or not Opinions will be greatly appreciated xxx

Thanks so much for your responses. I see what you're saying, and i know that practically it would not be good for me to get back with him, and that i should stay away. But i just can't help it! Like, before we broke up i was the happiest person ever, and I LIKE feeling like that. Even having nearly got over him, i wasn't that happy, I wasn't DEPRESSED, but I wasn't HAPPY either. But when i'm with him its a really amazing feeling. But then again i don't want to be used as a backup plan! Don't know what to do, my heart is saying one thing, my brain another...

Broke up with this guy I was never really official with for 5 months, a couple of months ago because he didn't think we were right for each other. When he was breaking up it was a pretty definite break-up; he made it seem like he'll never change his mind. Although it was VERY sudden, we had never had a 'just friends' relationship to start with, it was pretty shocking for me and i've found it the hardest thing in the world to deal with. Didn't see him for a while. We go to the same college, but before we used to make the effort to spend time with each other, but after the break-up this wasn't the case obviously. He had a new girlfriend immediately after. Now, a couple of weeks ago he broke up with her, and without knowing this, I just asked him to do me a 'work-favour', and it was as though we re-connected on that day. Now I see him a lot more and he gives me the same flirtatious looks like he used to...subtle physical contact... Hmmm... I keep thinking this can't be for real...but I don't know... i get the same vibes as I used to... am I reading too much into this??

I'm so sorry you have to hear this but he's just fake. He just one of those who don't mean what they say... Another reason why you should leave apart from the obvious he's a plank, is that you'll deal with it better knowing you left rather than him break up with you. Because I was with a commitophobe and I was CONVINCED he'd make us official eventually: I didn't doubt it because of what things he told me. BUT when he broke up I felt so naive. Don't let that happen to you. XXX

It's called a break up because its broken and it breaks because it was no longer working. If she broke it she won't fix it, but she'll never forget of course she wouldn't, because as far as she knows you might have forgotten, but you haven't! Just because she's not showing it doesn't mean she doesn't care. But hope all goes well with this new girl because when something breaks you buy a new one, dont dwell, good luck XXX Also, just to say to WCasket, you made this huge generalisation: It's very narrow-minded and derogatory towards women. I'm the complete opposite and am going through major post break up trauma, as are many other women, so I don't think you should make such a sweeping and totally wrong generalisation just because you've had a bad experience.