hellokittykitty

I am dying inside... I just sent a really long PM to someone I don't even know in order to keep me from contacting him. I really feel the need to tell him why I am angry at him. It kills me inside to know I am so sad, crying and devastated when he is just happy with things they way they've turned out. He broke up with me on saturday and then went to a surprise birthday party... I stayed home and cried... have been for 2 days... I wrote an e-mail to him, never sent it. I am waiting for him to contact me and then I'll tell him face to face, he says he still wants to see me, but he could have just said that to come off looking like the nice guy... I am worried that he said that with no intentions to follow, unless I call him and then he'll see me just because he feels sorry for me and wants to pretend he is the nice guy here... I am so sick right now... I can't stop crying

P.S. I know you miss her... and she will miss you too... once she realizes what she lost.

What a terrible thing to do to someone (referring to New Years resolution)... I am a girl - so I will answe your question: I think she moved on so quickly because she wanted attention, not from you but from someone else. She probably likes drama and so she creates it for herself. This girl does not seem sincere and maybe she didn't ever appreciate you like she should have. I think you will hear from her again, when she needs something or wants you back because she realized what she lost. Some people live their lives only for themselves without a care in the world for anyone else. It is disgusting that people are like that but they are. In my opinion she is young, and on a different level than you - emotionally, maturity and mentally. She's trying to figure out who she is and hurting people in the process. It's not you, it's her... not cliche, just honest.

hoping to...

I'm gonna sound negative... sorry... I found love when I wasn't expecting it. He is the one for me, but he decided he couldn't be in a relationship because he needed to get his life together... what a cruel joke to give someone love and then take it away...

"Call me arrogant but I don't believe that love - and it was in her eyes just a few hours earlier on New year Eve can disappear just like that. I think her heart's just sheathed itself in it's armour like it was when I met her. At least I hope that's the case! " I agree with you on this. Sometimes I think people distance themselves from a relationship because they don't want to get hurt. It's sounds like both of you are under stress from outside things and it's affecting your relationship. My advice as a girl - Love is not about how much you make out, how you kiss or even how much sex or physical contact you have... not matter how much you want it. It is about truly enjoying the person your spending time with regardless of what your doing or where you are... relax, don't worry about not kissing, having sex etc.... just relax and enjoy the time you spend and tell her that... those things mean so much more to a girl than physical things do!!

Elecktra, this is very similar to my case... I feel for you. In my case we met and started dating, he told me that he couldn't be in a relationship with me or anyone because he needed to sort life out for himself and get things concrete before he could think about his personal life. He told me he wants to keep getting to know me and keep spending time with me just on a lower key level without the expectation of a relationship because he can't give that right now... needless to say I told him all along how I felt for him, last week we got in a fight, he said really mean things to me and told me he never had feelings for me... and that he didn't ever know what he felt about me. I don't believe it, he was angry and he put his defenses up because he knew if he told me how I felt I would push for a relationship he couldn't give me. We are trying to be friends but he hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted him. I am miserable... but.... I think you shouldn't give up hope. In your heart if you like him there is nothing to say that he won't realize that one day and decide he wants something. If you truly believe it's a waste of time then you need to distance yourself and not contact him. NO ONE deserves to be treated with disrespect. Call people back, BE HONEST ... if you can't be friends or you don't feel anything, just be honest....(I'm talking about him) He sounds immature and he needs to figure himself out. It's not you.

I think they act like that both as a defense mechanism and also to deflect any possible wrong doing they may have been responsible for. It is easier in my opinion to act like you hate someone than to admit wrong doing - whatever that may be. You may also feel defeated so you hate them because you have no other reason to hate them.

I am not sure if your doing the right thing. I would call her and ask her to get together for coffee and tell her straight out it's not to try and get back together it's just to talk. Meet each other at a place that has no special significance, like a coffee pub etc. When you are there with her, be open, honest and communicate in a non-accusing way how you feel. Ask her straight out how she feels and what she expects from you. Sometimes people break up with people because they think they need a change, when the make that change they see that their life really isn't any better ... sometimes it takes being away from someone to realize what you miss or don't miss. I believe in second chances if the person is really sincere and willing to discuss and accept the problems you may have had in the past that caused the breakup. Knowing the truth about how each other feels will end the confusion and help you both make a clear descision on what you want... both as together or not together. Give this a try... let us know what the outcome is.

Some of you already have read my story - see "does this make sense" thread if you havn't... Anyway, this is my second day of NC and I am completely breaking down. I can't seem to stop thinking about him. I remember all the fun times we had and I don't know if we'll ever get back to that. I see the same vehicle he drives even if it's not the same colour and I burst into tears. I try to go places and I am sick to my stomach that I am gonna run into him and he'll be with someone else... even though thats not why we even broke up. I am so sad right now, I have a picture of us from my Christmas party on my desk. I can't bring myself to take it down and I am on the verge of tears... please help me... I am so close to breaking NC ... I know I need to let him come to me but I don't know if I can do it...

Thanks everyone. I suppose when you point the finger at someone you need to realize that there are 3 fingers pointing back at you... not that this is my fault but I do see I put a lot of added pressure on him that he didn't need.

I wanted to tell him why I felt he used me - he promised me he would always be honest regardless if it was good or bad... when we were fighting he said a lot of mean things, as did I... I apologised he doesn't see that he did anything wrong... I want him to know the hurt he's caused! If we are to move on he needs to know.

I wish I could do what your telling me but I have such a weakness. Maybe I am a fool but I still feel in my heart this will work out for us. I can't explain it, I just feel that it will. We were together for 6 months. Honestly if I hadn't started the fight I don't think it would have come to this. He is known for making rash decisions and "reacting" instead of listening and then thinking before he reacts. He is a nice guy, maybe he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he has, I don't know but there is so much more I wanted to say to him but now I don't know if I should. We are both 28 years old, were not kids but we haven't dated very many people. We haven't been having sex for a while because we both kind of feel that at a time in our relationship it was expected not valued. Anyway, too much info... I am so miserable and heartbroken I don't know what to think and I am more confused than ever.

this sounds like my ex, before we broke up he started distancing himself from me and his friends... he's moody, one day he loves his job the next he hates it, one day he calls and texts me continuously the next I don't hear from him. He's mad at his friends, then he's hanging out with them... etc. I know he comes from a lot of family emotional abuse and I think he's reached his breaking point. It sounds like theres something more going on here and he might need help and you may not be able to give it to him, he should talk to someone professionally.

DO IT! Sometimes you don't realize what you have until it's gone. If he's the one making an effort to be friends again then do it. If it was just you then no... sometimes people can be stupid and they think they need a change, but when they do make the change they see that their life isn't any better. They realize what they had and now value it even more. Give it a chance but be careful you don't bring up the "relationship" aspect until he initiates it. If he doesn't then you know what he really feels and you can then be sure to move on.

Hot Soup! I understand you, your not alone!! I am 28, lost my job and had to move home. My father killed himself and it's made our lives a living hell. You don't realize how many people care about you until it's too late. Things will work out for you. Maybe you should make a radical change. Move cites, get out of the small town. Try something new where you are forced to get over your shyness, thereforeeee gaining confidence. I met the love of my life, he doesn't feel the same as me, it breaks my heart because I was so sure, more sure than I have ever felt before. I feel horrible, but I know somehow things will get better. Hang in there!

I met a guy in July - we hit it off. It was very funny they way we met, I honestly feel like it was ment to be. My father had passed away 1 month prior, I absolutly did not want to go out but my friend harassed me until I agreed to go out. I did and I met him. He was the DD for his friends that night. They all left and he decided to stay, he doesn't even know why. He just decided he wanted to. We ended up talking, and then I gave him my number. Long story short we clicked, ended up dating and had an amazing relationship, both as friends and lovers. I honestly feel this was supposed to happen and we met for a reason. I've never felt anything like this for anyone. About 1 month or so a go he changed. He has a really busy life, 2 full time jobs, a sick family member who he has to care for etc. plus his family life is not the best. About a month ago he started saying things like his life was lacking something, he started to get moody and he stopped spending time with me and a lot of his friends. We've always had good communication but he won't open up, he says he's too busy and he doesn't want a relationship because it's "just one more person he has to worry about"... sometimes he does try hard to be with me but most of the time it's all me. I feel so distant from him and I hate feeling that way. Friday we got in a fight, I told him I felt used by him, he was so hurt that I said that and he was devastated. He told me he ment everything he ever said and did and did not agree that I was used. Yesterday he called and this is what he said... does this make sense? anyone else have this? "Before you say anything or before your mind starts to wander let me just say this to you, Your not going to loose me, I am going to be here for you. I just cant be in a relationship with you or anyone right now because I need to sort my life out. It's not fair to keep you along when I don't know how long this is going to take. I still have feelings for you, I still care about you, I just can't be there in that way right now. I want to keep getting to know you, I want to keep spending time with you, I just want to do it on a more low key level, where we don't have the expectations of a relationship because I cann't be there in that way for you right now. I want you to continue to hang out with my friends and I hang out with yours. I hope I am explaning myself to you. We can still call, text e-mail and hang out as much as we want, I just want you to understand that it can't be what you want right now. I don't want to lose our communication and what we have so far, but that being said I don't want you to just be friends with me because you think were getting back together. I'm not saying we will or won't get back together but at the very, very least we will be good friends. Then he proceeded to make plans with me for later this week and next weekend... this all started over a fight that I started last Thursday... what the hell is going on??

It can happen! Anything is possible! Maybe it was just bad timing, sometime time apart can give you both an eye opener and a reminder of what it was that attracted you two in the first place. You know the age old saying, sometime to truly appreciate what you have found, you need to loose it first... Or if you love him, let him go... if he comes back you will know. I feel for you, My guy just told me yesterday he can't be in a relationship with anyone, because he has a lot of things he needs to get straightened away in his life first. He's been emotionally abused by his parents for his entire life, he got into a relationship with someone else for 3 years and she did the same thing, then dropped him and continues to talk bad about him. I really feel we met for a reason but he wants his space and I have no choice to give it to him. Maybe I am a fool but I still have hope it will work out. If you truly love him let him know and see where he chooses to take it.