hellokittykitty

My ex's -ex used to do that to him and still does. She dumped him and moved on to a guy she's been dating for year. Even though she has no intentions of ever speaking with him again or getting back together with him. She turned all their mutual friends against him... Now that I am the ex, I can see why she does it. He pretends to be the innocent guy, who did nothing wrong. Doesn't admit he might be at fault, he thinks she's the bad one because she dumped him... but in reality it's the fact they spent 3 years together and when she dumped him because he had been putting himself over her for over a year he wouldn't admit he was at fault. I am really angry at him now, I used to hate her, but now I see the true guy he is and I don't blame her for purposely trying to hurt him back the way she felt when he wasn't paying attention to her.

I did it Scout, I broke NC... I called - he never answered, I am sure it was on purpose. He hasn't called back. Now I guess I know for sure he wasn't being sincere. Which your all right I feel worse than ever. I honestly thought he was being sincere. Now I am angry that he didn't just end it. Why did he have to say all those things about still having feelings for me, caring about me and wanting me to still spend time with him. He actually said he wanted me to still spend time with him and his friends. I feel like such a bloody idiot.

I broke it and called. He never answered, hasn't called me back. I honestly thought he ment what he said that he wanted to keep spending time with me... we had tickets to a concert this weekend... thought I would make sure he still wanted to go or I would give the ticket away... I guess I got my answer. I am hurt that on top of everything, I've just found out he couldn't even be honest to be when he was ending it.

your right. I broke NC tonight, saw his jeep in a lot by a coffee shop we always go to. He's probably there with someone else. When I got home I called him and it just rang no voicemail came on, I'm pretty sure he answered and then hung up so he didn't have to hear my voice in a message. I feel so low, I don't care about anything. I hate myself and I hate the way I am.

After 4 very long days I broke NC. I called, no one answered and his vmail did not come one, I'm pretty sure he just hung up on me. Worst of all I was driving home from my class and I saw his jeep in a parking lot by a coffee shop we always go to. He's probably there with someone else. I feel so low right now, I want to dye. Why was I so stupid to believe what he said to me was true. I am worthless and I don't think I can trust anyone again.

what should I do??

thanks - it's a bit of a weird situation. I've had guys break up with me before, but none that said they didn't want a relationship but still wanted to keep spending time with me and getting to know me.. and I especially don't have any exs that have said they still want me to hang out with them and their friends... I mean, what the HELL is that??.... if it is over say so or say lets be friends or something lame... don't ask me to hang out with you friends still???!!!

I can see what your saying Scout... but a question... don't you think that he may not really want to be the first one to break NC because if he does he might think I might misconstru him and think that he wants to get back together? that way it's me not him and he can't be blamed later on... maybe he's waiting for me?... or maybe he doesn't care about me...IM SO CONFUSED!!!

Do you even believe in fate?... it's a crock. I thought my ex relationship was fate. He dropped me and said he wants to keep getting to know, but the jerk hasn't called. I guess it was all lies.

I've DECIDED TO BREAK NC! I have thought more about this and basically if my ex ment what he said about being friends then you won't be a jerk when I contact him, if he is then I know it's all for show and I can say F you and move on.... Hurt NOW or Hurt LATER! If anyone thinks I shouldn't do it... POST now for forever hold your posting. Tomorrow will be BNC day.

Go with your GUT!... things happen in mysterious ways sometimes. If it turns out that theres no hope, then you learn and move on, but at the very least you know.

Dogg, I feel so bad for you. My ex and I were only together 6 months but we spent a lot of time together. He told me he wants to still see me but yet he hasn't called in 4 days. We used to call/text/e-mail or see each other EVERY DAY and now just like that he forgets about me and doesn't seem to give a * * * *. I am so hurt and heartbroken. He's the first person I ever really trusted, I put all the insecurities aside and went whole heartedly into this and what did I get... a big NOTHING!! I am learning that people are selfish, and they don't care about anything or anyone but themselves...

I would appreciate as many opinions on this as possible... These questions are really for anyone to answer: 1) Have you ever broken up with someone or had someone break up with you because they felt it wasn't the right time to be in any relationship (with anyone) and they needed time to figure life out, BUT said you (if you broke up with them) or they (if they broke it off with you) wanted to keep getting to know them and spending time with them? 2) If so, did you actually mean what you said? 3) If so, how did it work out/is it working out for you? 4) If so, who made the initial contact after it was said, and how much time did you wait? I thought my Ex was being sincere when he said this to me, but we haven't talked since saturday when he said this. I know everyone will say keep NC but I think since it was his idea for the break he may be afraid to call because he will think it's leading me on into a direction he can't proceed in right now. Today has been the worst day by far, I saw 3 of my ex's friends today. They were all really nice, none of them mentioned him, but I felt so sad. I was nice back, but still after I talked to them I went and cried. Today is a very bad day... we always spent wednesday's together and now we won't be for the first time in a very long time. I am a mess. PLEASE HELP ME

Real Talk - this is my exact same situation... my ex has been through a lot and has so much to figure out in his life. He told me that he can't be in a relationship with me or anyone right now because he's got things in his life he has to sort out. He wants to remain in my life and not lose what we have. It is killing me but I love him and I am giving him his space. Only time will tell but I am not going to walk away and not be around for the future. It's a risk but I am taking it. I truly believe sometimes people need a break to realize what they had, so don't give up!

It's day 3 and I am feverishly trying to keep myself busy... I accidently made contact today ... I sent a mass e-mail out to everyone in my e-mail address book and his was included. I have thought a lot about our last conversation and I do want to stay a part of his life. He told me he doesn't want to lose what we have, he wants to keep spending time with me and keep getting to know me. His last words were he'll call me when he can and we'll get together... he seemed sincere... I am planning on calling him Thursday... by then it will have been 4 days on NC, knowing him he is probably expecting me to have called or texted by now. I know your all gonna say don't do it, but I have a sense of calmness about it and I am okay with calling... because he said he wants to keep spending time together and he wants me to continue hanging out with his friends and he with my friends and doesn't want to lose what we have.... is it bad if I break NC?.... if I don't I am thinking that he will assume I don't want anything to do with him. I once old him that I wouldn't be friends with an EX... but since he made himself clear about staying in contact is that wrong??

The most alarming thing to me about him is (I hope this makes sense) is when he is happy it is like he is "overly happy" and when he's not happy, he just has no emotion... I am also concerned because of his inability to know what he truly wants... it prevents him from making a clear decision and I often find he lives sorta in a "dream world"... not making fun of him but...he's very unrealistic. Also, I know he ended it with me but he told me a few weeks ago that "everyone always gives up on him when times get rough, and it's never a good result".... this one line is what is preventing me from not considering staying in "NC".... I feel like maybe in a week or 2 he's gonna be like, hey... she hasn't contacted me... I always said I'd be there for him and he's told me he doesn't want to lose our communication and our friendship. He says he still wants to keep getting to know me and wants me to stay in contact.... so in a way I feel like he will just think I let him down like everyone else... and thats not true...

First, I kinda broke NC... I accidently sent a mass e-mail out to everyone in my e-mail address book - himself included... did I just break NC...??? bad?? Second, I thought a lot about this. I really do want him in my life. I do feel like we are ment to be together but this was just not the time. I am thinking about calling him on Thursday - we last talked on Saturday, made plans for this weekend....although the last thing he said was I'll give ya a call... I usually take the lead on things, it's always been like that, it's just the way it is. I know I am gonna get blasted from all of you because your all going to say stay in NC... but since we left off with him saying he doesn't want to lose what we have and he wants to keep getting to know me and spending time with me, I don't feel bad about calling... am I wrong??

I ACCIDENTLY BROKE NC... NO REALLY!! Did I break NC?... I sent out a mass e-mail today of pictures from my vacation last week... to everyone in my address book... himself included... is that bad?....

GREAT QUESTION DN!! I don't believe in love at first sight, only lust at first site. I honestly think sometimes people need to take their time. There have been a few times I haven't felt the same thing for someone who has feeligns for me, but when they went away, I missed them and I discovered I really did want to be with them...but then it was too late. Right now I am dealing with someone who has feelings for me but he's not at the same level and I know he wants to just be friends and see how things go. It's killing me, but I love him so I will let him have his time and I pray that he will love me back the same way I do... but right now he doesn't seem to love anyone, not even himself.

right now I don't think he's capable of knowing what he wants or doesn't want. He didn't tell me he didn't want to see me anymore, he asked for us to lower the expectations a little because all he can give to me right now is what he's been giving... so it's a bit different than the average break up... anyway... we'll see ... I may contact anyway if it turns out bad then I know for sure he's just trying to blow me off nicely.

I understand what you are saying. If she takes the opportunity to call you, then tell her at that time, hopefully that will work!

Some of you have been following my story... my ex ended it on saturday telling me that he needs time to figure out his life (he's been through a lot and continues to go through a lot) but said he still wants to see me, keep getting to know me, etc. he doesn't want to lose what we had. This is my 3rd day in NC - last time we talked we made plans for this weekend to go to a concert - he said he would call this week and we'd get together, I know I am crazy, I haven't heard from him yet, I know it's only been 2 full days ... he seemed sincere in what he said .... but if I don't hear from him by friday...should I take the first step and contact him about the concert of just forget it?... because of everything that's going on in his life, I have always sort of been the one to take the lead on things... I once told him I could never be friends with an ex, but this situation is a bit different... I don't want him thinking I am gone for good... I do believe he still needs me even if it can't be in that way...

Elecktra!! ... that is what my ex has said to me. It hurts ... my ex is such a genuine, well meaning guy but just the same as you I want something that I can't have right now or possible never.

I met a guy last July, we hit it off so well. I truly believe we are ment to be together. He has a really complicated life - he works full time, he also has to run his families business because his father is ill and can't do it - so it's like he has two full time jobs, plus his dad is a vegetable due to his illness and he has to take care of him. On top of it all he has had to put up with extreem emotional and verbal abuse from his parents all his life. He was in a relationship for almost three years, his ex broke up with him and told him she had doubts from early on. He then found out she cheated on him during their relationship. He is still hurt by that. She's been dating someone else for a year and a bit, but she continually says bad things about him to their mutual friends. She's turned a few of his friends against him and he really doesn't like her now, he sees she was never who he thought she was. We were having a great relationship, until about a month ago. He started to get distant from me and his friends. He became very moody, unable to form opinions or able to concentrate enough to get things done, sometimes angry and seemed very confused. He has a hard time making decisions, often says one thing and then does another. I would talk to him during the day and he would be fine, I'd talk to him at night and he'd be in a bad mood. Basically he became so cold. I often asked him what was wrong, I knew it was stress but he wouldn't talk anymore or open up other than stress. I asked him if it was me and he would say no, I asked him if I should back away and give him space becasue he was acting like he didn't want me anymore. He wrote me an e-mail and thanked me for being there for him, then he told me that people always give up when times are rough and he didn't want me to go away. he said "I think something is here between us and I want to dig a little deeper and see what it is... only time will tell". Then last week I got upset, we had plans and he forgot about them, we got in a fight and both said mean things. He told me he had no feelings for me, and never knew if he ever did. He was such an jerk and so mean to me... I've never seen that in him before. He started acting distant right after he started to spend a lot of time with my extend family. AFter a birthday party we had and at that time we sang happy birthday to him as well since his b-day was a few days away. (End of November) Then on Saturday he broke up with me and said he couldn't be in a relationship with me because he couldn't give me what I want. He said he needed to figure out some stuff in his life before he could think of a relationship. I am devastated. ... he then went on to tell me that he has feelings for me and cares about me, just not in "that" way... but he still wants to keep "getting to know me" and spending time with me. He wants to do it on a low key level because he knows if theres an expectation of a relationship then it will be the same as before when we were fighting about not spending enough time together. He told me he still wants me to hang out with his friends and he wants to hang out with mine, he told me that he'll always be here for me and knows I will be for him. He said he doesn't know if we will get back together or not but at the very very least we will be good friends. He doesn't want to lose our communication or what we had. I am very hurt by his words. I think he is sincere in wanting to still be around me but... I am soooo hurt that he said he didn't have feelings for me and never knew if he did...yet he told me just two weeks ago he did... how can a person change his mind so quickly... am I making excuses for him? or does he sound as confused to you as I think he is...?? Did the fact we were getting serious and he didn't want a relationship scare him off?... or is his background of emotional abuse kicking in and preventing his true feelings.???

it may just be as simple as that he is just afraid of screwing up again and getting hurt. It may be exactly what he says, he needs time. He might be distancing himself from you because he knows you'd like more but he can't give it to you right now. If he keeps being around you he knows you'll want more... give it time, try to relax and be a friend when he needs you. Don't go overboard on him but be there as a friend.