brownigirl

We have been dating since October..but things moved rather slowly as my nephew died in November and I just wasn't in a place to put a relationship on the top of my priority list...and he was amazingly patient thru all of that, and did whatever he could. I would be willing to try and see it thru...but after those message I'm a little scared it could be detrimentle to my own mental health...I mean...I have been somewhat depressed since my nephews unexpected death and being his punching bag would not help.

He did see a doctor who gave him some pills to take, but he isn't seeing a therapist...and I really don't know if the pills are helping or not...he won't tell me when/if he is taking them...doesn't want me to worry..

No I don't want that...but I just worry that there are issues that we can't get past....and we are retaining contact...as far as talking on a daily basis we just aren't seeing each other...but talking seems to make it harder.

Okay...so here's the story...my b/f and I had been having a lot of problems..a lot of external issues that would have a huge impact on our relationship (ie. friends opinions...which shouldn't have an impace but let's face it, always does...you want your friends to like your sig. other and vice versa)...and so things weren't perfect and my b/f had been having health issues, panic attacks and such...so one day he was calling me right around the time I got off work, but my phone was dead, and I was at the grocery store...didn't think it was a big deal to be incommunicado for a little bit, but he was apparently trying to call me, and when he couldn't get ahold of me...he freaked out... * * * * *ed me out and broke up with me over my voicemail...he definitely wasn't in the right state of mind and immediately took things back and regretted it...but it hurt, he said very mean and hateful things, and things that played off of my insecurities about our issues (which he says he didn't mean...) and so now...we are on a break...we don't want to continue hurting one another but we don't want to break up...I miss him a ton...but I don't feel like I can do this anymore...I am going crazy..worrying about everything...but I truly don't know if we can work out these problems...I can't seem to forget the things he said and I just don't know what to do from here, is the break a good idea, should we give up and break up...I don't know what to do....I need advice..

So we finally got time to sit down and really talk about everything (for those who don't know the story see does one always fall first)...and he basically said that he wants to pretend like he never said it. Is that possible, is that the only solution? What's the next step that we should take? He seems to understand that I need more time...and I understand that he won't wait forever...but can you pretend like I love you was said? Is this just something that we are going to have to take day by day?

I think that is so important....every must know how to love themselves for who they are...and it's hard thing...so often people validate who they are by how others feel about them rather than how they feel about themselves. It's hard to let someone else really love you if you don't love yourself.

I appreciate that. I don't want to stop seeing him, however I'm worried that this awkwardness and hurt that he is feeling now will stunt our relationship, cause problems, and slow down the process of getting to where we want to be.

definitely give it a shot, get to know her better and see if your differences can mess well together. You'll never know if you don't try.

hmm...I have had loving thoughts about him on several occasions...but I am not confident that is that unconditional love that a couple should have...I need more time.

I would be sad...he is a great guy...he makes me laugh..and treats me better than any other guy ever has.

You are absolutely right..it does feel like a burden...but only because I do care about him and that he is hurting.

Thanks for responding...you reminded me...that while I shouldn't (and won't) do anything to purposely hurt him...it's not my fault so to speak if he is hurt because I am not in the same place as him...we all have different speeds.

so I have been dating this guy since the end of October...and he's wonderful...he treats me great...but I've been burnt in the past...so I am pretty guarded so things have moved slowly, not to mention the death of a loved one slowed things down, I was unable to give our relationship that attention that I would have normally...but this past weekend we got into a huge fight, over something small and stupid and it eventually came out that he is in love with me and it's killing him because I don't feel the same way, it's not that I don't think I could down the road...the thought has crossed my mind a few times...but I'm just not at that point yet...so now I don't know what to do, because it seems like the fact that we aren't in the same place is hurting him and our relationship...how do we get past this?