ONE SXXY LADY

Dogg on a sidenote..you could definetly use some anger management...the name calling is uncalled for.

I think many of you take this stuff WAY too seriously. I am not HURTING ANYONE. Chances are these guys have not even NOTICED I haven't called them. Have they called ME? NO....So who am I playing "games with?? You tell me.

Dogg..... You're entitled to your opinion...and somehow it doesn't shock me that YOU are attacking me. You have shunned almost any and every piece of advice from anyone suggesting NC on your ex..and look where it's gotten you. So if you wanna point fingers.....not a problem.

See I disagree.... NC IS to heal and move on BUT it is ALSO a way to step back and gain "perspective" of the person you are dating. The fact is that I have become the "pursuer" in these relationships..and this is simply my way of balancing the scales. Whats wrong with that? Who am I hurting? If ANYthing I think I am giving them BOTH the opportunity to either a) begin to pursue me again....or b) decide that I am not what they want. In the process I gain back some of my dignity here. For the record, if they both decide to NOT pursue this..I am completely fine with that. ..this is simply MY way of taking the bull by the horns and NOT getting too emotionally invested.

DOGG... RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha!! This girl spells T R O U B L E !! Holy cow!!!! You gotta admit though..HER life makes YOURS seem rather cozy doesn't it??? lol

Hey All! I have decided to try an experiment on two guys with this No Contact concept. I am dating two guys at the moment, (neither serious) BUT I like them both a lot. It's kinda weird but they are BOTH at that "lukewarm" stage with me right now. Meaning they don't seem OVERLY excited as they initially did about me, which is normal once you see someone I guess...but I am just interested to see which one reacts to my NC first...and how. This might sound mean and manipulative to some..but as I said neither are serious and it will give me a chance to step back and see which one is REALLY worth my time. As far as I am concerned they're both being knuckleheads for not appreciating me more anyway!! Ok...I will give them both initials.... There's T. Who I've dated the longest.... and C..... I've not contacted EITHER since Monday, so I am 4 days in already. I'm trying not to put a time limit on this....but I'll give it 30 days. Remember..this is JUST a test..lol I'll keep you posted...

Octopus.... Sorry for your pain..I KNOW it's tough..but it's good you posted here first. I am with Hubman on saying that you'll be moving out when you return. Then stick to it. Don't give HIM the chance to ask you to move...YOU make that choice. As for how to answer to him about if you'll be home..I would give a vague reply...maybe a short.."I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet". If that fails Hubman had a good reply with the work excuse. Good luck to you...please keep us posted.

Are you the fallback guy/girl? In my opinion...you're the fallback person if you have not required the other person to do ANY legwork in getting you back. ..meaning if they decide to call you out of the blue one day, and you just act like nothing ever happened, and welcome them back with open arms...then YES you're the "fallback". That said....I don't think ANY self respecting person WOULD or SHOULD allow that. Everyone needs to know they are accountable for their actions..and your ex is NO exception.

Hey Dako... I like older men who smoke cigars.. it's so "Tony Soprano" like..and I think he is sooo hot It's sweet that you were so in love with your ex..but not to worry, there are SO many beautiful good women out there, you just have to look in right places. Many times we find love when we least expect OR don't want it. It will happen for you again, you just have to be open when it happens. Best of luck to you!

I agree with Punkin. If you REALLY want to be rid of someone there is a million and one ways to do it. If your ex knows you will eventually talk to him at some point..he will keep trying. I agree with Kell too...change your carrier. Problem solved.

I understand whrn you break up with someone, for whatever reason...it's natural to feel disappointed , hurt etc. ..but when you have concrete solid reasons for a relationship ending it's easier to accept. Personally my hardest breakups have been when there is no REAL closure...or you feel like the relationship never really got a fair shot. It leaves me feeling "incomplete". Any of you guys feel that way too? In MY mind..because things never got to that point..I always think "what if"....I realize this is a destructive way of thinking....but I guess being able to fantasize about the way things could have been..is in a way, something that keeps me sane..and able to deal with it. Some of us have stories of the one who "got away" etc.... I'm interested in hearing some of those stories...

Hahahaa Capricorn I have done the pretend person online too. Its amazing the things we find out about people isn't it? He never knew it was me, and I doubt I'll ever tell him!!!!

Good luck Echo! You did the right thing, I think. At least he has something to ponder now instead of thinking he can just have things on his terms. You get what you are willing to put up with, so it's good you decided not to put up with that anymore.

AC? You didn't have sex with this girl for 4 years??? How did you last that long?? What were the reasons? I am just curious....

Dogg.. I'm sorry if you think I am "being direspectful"..it's not my intention. I know you're in pain I am NOT discounting that..but it seems like if you don't get the answer you want to hear, then you feel attacked. The truth is given in different ways Dogg...some people sugarcoat it..and some people are more blunt. My reasons for being so BLUNT in this case is because I think sugarcoating it would just feed false hope..and I think THAT would be doing you a disservice. I have seen several different variations of people telling you to "move on" and you seem to react most favorably to those who sugarcoat their replies. YES no contact WILL HELP...and YES there HAVE been cases of people who came back..but those are few and far between. I am a person who looks at FACTS..and the cold hard fact is that the chances of things working out are probably pretty slim..if at all. You can take my advice..or not. It won't hurt my feelings either way....YOU are the one who has to live with your choices. That said..I hope things work out for you.

I agree MoonDog...Dogg you can't take it as a personal attack if someone doesn't tell you what you DON'T want to hear. SuperDaves advice IS awesome, but like Moondog said...He hasn't said anything no one else has. We really DO wish you the best Dogg....hang in there.

DOGG... I KNOW she ISN'T dead..and I didn't say that to be mean..but losing someone you love deeply is like mourning the death of someone ..THATS what I mean. Chances of her coming back are very very slim..she TOLD you that. I have learned to take people at their word because otherwise you're setting yourself up for a fall. IF she didn't really say ANYTHING..or said she would think about it..then YES I would say MAYBE there's hope..but right NOW I just don't see that happening. Sorry thats not what you want to hear...take care.

Dogg..she hasn't contacted you because she said she DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU.. Take these words to heart. She has already told you she does not want to lead you on...her contacting you would be doing just that. Be glad she is keeping her word and NOT leading you on. You need to treat her as if she is dead....I KNOW that sounds harsh nd it's not be..but it is the ONLY way you can truly believe she is gone.

This is my handy dandy list of what NOT to do to get an ex back.......... 1) No begging, pleading, crying....sniveling, *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* kissing etc... It's pathetic. 2) No professions of love..especially if you haven't uttered the L word in quite some time..if ever. 3) Don't try to flatter your way back into their life " I saw your new haircut, it looks awesome".."That new outfit makes your butt look smaller". 4) DO not act jealous or upset about their new lover/companion.....making jealous or snide remarks. It's immature and makes them think thats the ONLY reason you're suddenly interested. 5) Do NOT do drive by's ..to their work, their gym, favorite bar etc...that's called STALKING. Do you want your ex to refer to you as "that psychotic stalker"??? Do this..and they will. Trust me. 6) I made this mistake....Don't tell your ex about your new love interest, or dating life in hopes they will be jeolous. They are smart enough to see through this ploy..and chances are they will tell YOU about THEIR new love...throwing it back in your face. Don't ask..don't tell. 7) Don't use a third party as a go between...to "put n a good word for you". Your ex KNOWS the kind of person you are...hearing it through another person is NOT going to reinforce that opinion..especially if they have decided they've moved on. Leave OTHER people out of your business. 8) Don't drink and dial.....Yes we've ALL done it.. and lived to regret it. Drinking only gives you the beer balls to make an idiot out of yourself..rather than a sober idiot. So if you pick up that bottle....stay fgar far away from that phone.... 9) Don't *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* about yur ex until the cows come home. This will alienate not only the cows..but your friends as well.... Friends get tired of telling you the same thing over and over and you NOT listening. If you ever wondered why your pals stopped returning your calls...this could be why. 10) And number 10....DO NOT disregard peoples advice simply because it's NOT what you want to hear. You will hear a lot of thing you don't like. Accept it and learn from it.

Just wanted to post a few thoughts and ideas that pop in my head from time to time while surfing ths site. I see a lot of things said..and I am just curious as to where these things are based... For instance..I have read that "if someone REALLY loves you or cares about you, they would be with you". Now is that REALLY true? Is it really that cut and dry? Isn't this forum about Getting BACK Together it's not called .."YOU'LL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER" I think to tell someone that completely crushes their hope. Hope is all some people have ..why destroy that? I personally don't believe that all reationships are supposed to be wrapped in a pretty package and served to us on a silver platter...if it's "meant to be". I believe the TRUE test of people that are meant to be together IS going through break ups...or trial and error. Hell it's EASY to be nice and kissy face..but what about when things aren;t so great? Life is NOT that cut and dry. It's not easy to love someone when they are being an a**hole to you, or to admit you are sorry when you are wrong about something, but we DO it because that's what it takes. What annoys me to no end are posters who have SOMEHOW managed to reconcile with their ex;es..and then they suddenly become a "professional psychologist" in thinking their advice is the be all end all....well here's a clue. You got LUCKY. It just so happens that what you did WORKED for you. Goody gum drop. Not everyone is so lucky in love..... Another saying I hate is "A good relationship should not be so much work"... What planet are you from?? Get real. A good relationship takes tremendous work...if only ONE person is making the effort, then of course, it's too much work! That's common sense. Another famous line..... "Move on"..yeah, I'll get right on it, right after I take these pills with this bottle of vodka. Who doesn't hate it when somene tell you to "move on" right after a break up? People..moving on is a PROCESS..it takes TIME. Have some sympathy!! Here's another gem... You're better off without them....Then why the hell aren't I laughing?? "It's not you..It's me".........Nuff said.... "I need space".....Yeah right...according to the restraining order it's about a thousand feet huh?? Feel free to throw in sayings that annoy you....

Who has a tendency to come back to their ex'es more often? Men or Women? Has anyone noticed a difference in the mindset there?

Gogh... Here's a tip...YOU be the one to end things first next time. Or if he wants to see you, say you're busy. Create mystery...he might feel smothered or bored. You disappearing might help that. Be busy, say you have plans...take a trip out of town. Stop relying so much on HIM to make you happy..that gets old fast. When you do all these things though...don't say it's because HE didn't want to be with you...just be sweet and say you'll be happy to see him when you get the chance.

Cinderella... Treating someone as you have known them a long time means they are comfortable with you....that is a good thing. Not every relationship has to have dramatics for it to be a great thing. Maybe he likes this "zone"...and if you try to throw a "wrench" into things he may not feel you are right for him. Men always move slower in relationships....women always want to know where it's going before the guy has even decided how he feels. I can give you a tip that may help you see how he feels..but this is NOT a game to play with him. Make yourself LESS available...take a trip out of town with girlfriends or something. When a guy has the time to fantasize about you when they are not with you is when they moe closer. If he asks you how things went..etc, trll him but let him wonder a little. Men LOVE mystery. Maybe you've just become too predictable and that can kill the passion in ANY relationship.

I hate to use this example but I thought it might help...Remember the movie Forresst Gump? When Jenny kept coming in and out of his life? He had to finally be rid of her...so what did he do?? He just...RAN..lol. And ran and ran and ran.......we all have ways of dealing with things...even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else. It took him 3 years (in the movie)and like a million miles, to get her out of his system, and she STILL came back. lol Ok so this isn't a movie....Just making a funny point...

Dogg as the other poster said...you are in the early stages of a breakup...you are in tremendous pain. We feel you, we really do. Post all you need to. Working out is a GREAT outlet for this....Allow yourself to really grieve this relationship...and then get active. If you need to lock yorself in the house for 3 days and do nothing but cry and post on here..do that...but try not to get caught up in it after that. It can become consuming. Start making goals for yourself...those help a lot. You will look back on your posts in a few months and be amazed at your progress....It just takes TIME. Hang in there...