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ONE SXXY LADY

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Everything posted by ONE SXXY LADY

  1. ONE SXXY LADY
    She said she wold "TRY" to tell him tonight?? Not a good thing to say... I would want to be there when she tells him...if she has no problems with doing this while you're present, then that would be a positive start. If she has a problem with it...I would worry.
  2. ONE SXXY LADY
    Cinderella... Some men just like to TALK in terms of the future...it's not uncommon for guys to do this. Maybe he IS considering a future with you but that is not the green light for you to put your foot on the gas pedal of the relationship. Have the read the book "The Rules"? The advice in that book is very old fashioned but they make some very good points about letting the man lead. Men can date forever....even if he SAYS he wants to live with you, they suggest it isn't a good idea, because that doesn't make them propose any faster. If anything it makes it worse. Read that book if you haven't already...it couldn't hurt.
  3. ONE SXXY LADY
    Men are supposed to KNOW when someone is "the one" instantaneously?? Yeah I guess if they are listening to the "little head". Seriously..there is NO way anyone can know when someone is "the one" instantaneously. Those are called whirlwind relatonships..and rarely work out. Most people are on their BEST behavior the first 3-6 months of a relationship...how could you know you wanna marry someone you've never even seen angry? Or had an argument with? THESE are the things that determine the potential of longevity...because the passion fades. This is why they say they the best bases of a relationship is friendship. Thats a good start...be his friend and stop focusing on the WEDDING DATE...you are making a grave mistake by doing that. Give it time...
  4. ONE SXXY LADY
    Hey Dogg... I am sorry this happened..but I agree with Chai..telling someone how you feel about them is pressure, even though it may not seem like that to you. I don't care how much you SHOW someone you care..as soon as you utter the WORDS it somehow becomes an obligation to reciprocate. Are you SHOWING her you care? I mean REALLY care..about HER needs or HER wishes? Something tells me you're not..you are not allowing her any breathing room...no naturally she is going to lash out. Disappear from her life for a good 2-3 months. Don't worry that she will forget you...TRUST ME...she WILL NOT forget you..but for NOW you must respect HER wishes and what she wants. Put your needs aside. Focus on YOU and NOT her, there isn't a damn thing you can do or say to change her mind. Also..STOP replying to her if she contacts you...it des NOT mean she wants to get back together, it could mean she's bored, needing attention, lonely..whatever, but it is not YOUR job to be there when this happens. She made her choice and she has to live with it. Dogg you are SO much better than that...you deserve MUCH MUCH better...let this girl go. It's whats best for you.
  5. ONE SXXY LADY
    ps..OCD... If she doesn't answer..yes, leave a brief message.
  6. ONE SXXY LADY
    OCD... Calling her should be ok, I think. Don't discuss the relationship, the break up.. etc. Just "catch up"... Don't make excuses for not talking to her in the store the other day..just say it was good to see her. After all if she wanted to talk to you in the store..she could have....Oh and...end the call first.
  7. ONE SXXY LADY
    Dogg.... I am NO expert, I am just posting advice about MY situation so don't take my advice as gospel, please. Limited Contact is ok...as far as I am concerned ..AS LONG AS both people are making the effort and it is beneficial and NOT detrimental to you. That means if you feel more bad than good about the contact then it is NOT working. Lets face it...some people are just self absorbed and only thinking of themselves when they play with peoples emotions....and some people just like playing games. If you feel this is happening..then Limited Contact is NOT for you. However if they seem to be making a SINCERE effort to be in your life and concerned for YOUR well being..then L.C is ok. This does NOT mean things will work out..but it means things could move in a more positive direction.
  8. ONE SXXY LADY
    Yes I would say it's ok.....especially if she is mutually contacting you. It can't just be ONE person always making the effort..that automatically makes it lopsided. I have read your posts..and you are handling things respectfully..and maintaining your cool...BUT you are having enough contact so that she SEES this. Doing NC is like snuffing out the flame in a fire..Limited Contact keeps the embers burning just enough to keep interest alive. Otherwise it will burn out and fade away.
  9. ONE SXXY LADY
    No Bounder..you're not an idiot. Just be smart if you DO give her another chance. Be cautious. Keep her at arms length...because she might ONLY be motivated by the fact you are seeing someone else, and she can't stand the competition. I would continue dating the other girl too...and make sure yoUr ex knows it. Don't drop everything just because your ex called you...remember , she hurt you before...
  10. ONE SXXY LADY
    I have realized something in the last week...since I started talking with my ex again after months of N.C and that is I don't think I want him back anymore. I think the IDEA and the challenge of getting him back were more appealing than it actually happening....so if you GET your ex back..be prepared to be let down. You might not be so happy if it happens. Especially if you HAVE gone through a period of NC. If you did no contact dilligently and for the RIGHT reasons...chancs are ..your ex is NOTHING like you remembered. MY advice if you truly want your ex back...and that is try Limited Contact..but ONLY if it's beneficial for you both...not if you're being hurt by doing it. I suggest this because doing strict no contact truly DOES change your perception of things. In my opinion..strict NO CONTACT shold be done if you are 100% there is NO chance of you getting back together and you WANT to move on completely... Just wanted to throw that out there....
  11. ONE SXXY LADY
    Coolsome.... I know my ex is seeing someone else (so he told me). I am just curious why you're planning to do this , knowing she has interest in someone else? Are you hoping to change her mind?
  12. ONE SXXY LADY
    There is nothing wrong with asking people about their past....a persons past is a big part of who they are today, and how it shaped them. I personally LOVE hearing stories about people's past...like childhood crushes, etc..their idiosyncrasies. I think it's important to limit the line of questioning however...for instance some might not want to discuss their alcoholic father/mother..because for some that is a painful reminder of how imperfect their lives were. I think it's good to leave the door open if THEY want to discuss those subjects,but you must respect them if they don't want to.
  13. ONE SXXY LADY
    I started talking to my ex after months of NO CONTACT. We are now doing L.C. It takes effort on BOTH parts to make it work. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and let them know that you are back because you WANT to be ...and that they are not doing you any "favors" by remaining in your life. I did this recently with my ex. I am trying hard to leave the past in the past and it is HIM who always reminds me of how I screwed up..I basically told him to knock it off because that's simply NOT fair. Whatever you do...if you get back on L.C. with your ex..is to NOT dredge up the past...nothing good can come from it. Keep things light, positive, fun. Don't get terribly serious, saying how much you screwed up or how sorry you are. That is not forward movement..after all showing you ARE a changed person speaks volumes more than TELLING them.
  14. ONE SXXY LADY
    Awww Capricorn..I feel the pain in your post I am soooo sorry!!! I know it hurts I really do.....Please try to calm down. I am not going to tell you to "move on" or yUu can do better...blah blah blah. Thats not what you need to hear right now. I understand you need to vent, you feel betrayed. I would too!!! I don't understand how he could rip your heart out then ask you to come visit him AFTER telling you he has a g/f. That's low. Something doesn't sit well with me here...it's almost as if he was hoping you'd react that way. Maybe he is trying to hurt you because you blocked and ignored him. People do stupid things when they feel desperate..but at your expense. It's wrong and it's mean. I would decline his invitation....according to him he's no longer available...That's ALL you need to tell him. Let his "g/f" visit him...
  15. ONE SXXY LADY
    Excellent question Patience...... I don't thnk an ex should be giving you the same attention as when you were dating before. Many times restarting a relationship is very scary. I think being even more cautious the secod time is important..some ex's may even subconsciencly 'test" you without realizing it. It also depends how long you've been apart. Have you had suffiecient time away from the relationship to heal?
  16. ONE SXXY LADY
    Patience I am attempting to have a "friendship" with an ex...I am not sure how it will go. He has said he's seeing someone else...so that limits a lot of things. I refuse to interfere with their relationship...so who knows? Being friends with an ex is kind of iffy........if one likes the other or is still "attached" it's going to create friction because the one atached is constantly going to be let down and kicked in the teeth.The dynamics change from romantic to "friendly" relationships. The part I expct to have trouble with ..is being treated just like anyone else..and no one special. I am not sure I'm ready for that yet. So how do you TELL the other person you can't handle the friendship without coming off as pushy or pressuring??
  17. ONE SXXY LADY
    DG...Did he say what made him come back? What was his reasons for suddenly changing hs mind?
  18. ONE SXXY LADY
    Farewell....she did you a favor. Don't feel like a fool. We all get our hopes up. If she told you she did it simply because she was jealous and wanted to manipulate you..then what does that say about hER? I think she's hurtful ,selfish and vindictive. Anyone who CARED about you wouldn't maliciously hurt you..or even try to meddle in your relationship. Focus on your new relationship....if your ex bothers you again..tell her to get a life.
  19. ONE SXXY LADY
    This is very similar to my situation. My ex is seeing someone else now too, but I am ok with that. I past that part and am hoping to resume a friendship with him. Echo, just be cool and calm. Discuss things with him as you would a close friend that you respect. Don't get too clingy or discuss the past. If he brings it up, then answer briefly but don't harp on it. The past is the past..Say hello from time to time and just keep it light and positive.
  20. ONE SXXY LADY
    I understand Dogg... we ALL do. Look how you feel AFTER you contacted her though...you are beating yourself up.Hey it's ok...don't judge yourself so harshly. Your ex is NOT as perfect as you remember her. She has many many flaws..you just want her back right now because you're hurting. I can't say what she's thinking..no one can. You were in NC for ONLY two weeks. That's barely any time, right after a break up. You have also not made any changes for yourself. You need to work on you...the rest will follow. If you are stagnant and talk to her in another two weeks...she will think "yep he's exactly the same as I remember him when we broke up". People change. Maybe she changed and you didn't. It happens all the time. Now is your chance to work on YOU.
  21. ONE SXXY LADY
    Thanks a lot for the advice guys! This is new territory foe me..but as I said I want him to be happy if he wants to pursue this new relationship. I don't want him to think I am trying to influence him either way. After the replies I think as Chai said...no more than once a month....initially though I am waiting a couple months..just to check in. I am thinking that should be sufficient time to discuss new things.
  22. ONE SXXY LADY
    That's EXACTLY what I am telling you Dogg.....it's not what you SAY that will bring her closer..it's what you DON'T say. I mean..look at how she is treating YOU...and see how it's affecting you?? She's doing NOTHING and it's making you crazy. The same rule applies for her.....In fact, you may need to be even MORE strict with NC..BUT the rewards will outweigh the negatives. For starters...you will gain your self esteem back by not feeling constant rejection...that will in turn make you stronger either way. Dogg..you are feeling like this right now because she didn't give you what you wanted. Not getting what you want is often a blessing in disguise. Go into DEEP , strict No Contact. She WILL notice I promise you....but you have to stick to it. No sitting by the phone, or checking your emails. Stay busy! Give yourself one FULL month of NC...and then see where you are.
  23. ONE SXXY LADY
    I never said a guy was a pig for liking big boobs....Most guys DO....I mean come on. The difference there is that women can at least ENLARGE their breasts...guys have penis pumps....what are ya gonna do?
  24. ONE SXXY LADY
    Dogg...just to add...I just began contact with an ex after months of No Contact. I would still love a chance with him but my feelings are a lot calmer and more neutral than they were initially. I HAD to step back from him to gain my emotional "balance" again..otherwise he would have never come back around. When he saw I was "moving on"..he felt safe enough to allow me back in his life again. I had to let him feel that REGARDLESS of where the relationship was going...I was OK with it. No pressure. No drama. Not sure if that helsp..but I thought it might.
  25. ONE SXXY LADY
    Hey Dogg..... How long since the breakup? I think I missed your original post. It's ALWAYS easier to give advice than to take it...but I'll give you a womans perspective. Your ex already KNOWS how you feel...you've told her. She needs to not feel so sure about you. She needs to think that she could lose you to someone else..this doesn't mean tell her right NOW you met someone..because she will see that as a ploy. You HAVE to wait it out...a few months maybe. Let her go..for now. If she contacts her..be busy, but polite. Brush her off. She needs to wonder.."damn why isn't he pursuing me"? Maybe he met someone else? Hmmmm... Basically when she takes a step toward you..you take 2 steps back...as if you're being cautious. Because you SHOULD be. She burned you once..she can burn you again. Ths is about putting the ball back in your court. Right now she has the ball..but if you wait and be patient..she will GIVE you the ball back, you just have to WAIT it out. Get busy....I mean REALLY busy. Make lists of things to do..and cross them off...that helps me a lot, and makes me feel like I am accomplishing things. This is not the end of the world..it's merely an adjustment. You can do it.
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