gypsy65

PS. He hasn't looked at my pictures or read my email in a week and a half! That bothers me too. If I need to move on, that is what I will do, but it is hard.

OK, I haven't heard from him in going on 3 weeks! I haven't called him because I don't want to chase him. He said he would call me "soon." I am feeling really angry and it is harder and harder to believe that he cares about me at all. Should I call him and be very casual and see how things are going for him? Or should I have faith and trust that when matters are better that he will contact me. I don't want to be a burden or an obligation on him. He had another court date on August 25th, I guess I had an expectation that he would want to call me and let me know what happened. I own that, that was my fault for making an assumption and I don't want to punish him for not living up to my unspoken expectations. In my mind though I just can't understand what is going on! I got good advice from one of the posts on here that said I should offer him my friendship and that way it leaves the door open and wards off him ending it himself if he has been thinking that he should due to circumstances. I have considerd doing that, but have hesitated because I don't want him to think that I am subtley trying to end it with him. He doesn't know me well enough to know that I wouldn't do that and besides that if I tell him I just want to be friends it sounds like I made an assumption that there was more than that and that isn't the case, I haven't even me the guy in person. I hope this is making sense. I am so upset right now. I don't know what to do. If anyone reads this and has some advice for me, I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT. I feel stupid being so sad, but I am... Thanks.

Really, you should relax and give it time. You have to realize that your actions came from a place on instability and needieness...this makes you look desperate and will lower your attraction in his eyes. I wouldn't call him for a few weeks, seriously. I know it is hard, but your focus needs to be on yourself right now and how you can bolster your own self esteem and change these self depreciating actions. Once you are able to come from an attitude of loving yourself and valuing yourself and can be certain that if he lost you it would be HIS loss, then you can call him! No more hysteria, no more calls, no more begging, no more clinging. HONEY YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT! Hold your head high! I have been where you are when I was much younger and insecure and I did the same things you have done and I learned the hard way...The good thing about owning the ways we act inmature at times is that we can make the decision to grow up and be secure with or without the affections and approval of the one we adore...Again, you are a worthwhile person, let your actions and attitude express this to the man you love! Best wishes.

I agree with Misery...Why are you trying to make mad someone you say you care about? Stop the games, be true to your word, and act from a place of integrity...if you do that, then and only then will you have ground to complain about someone you suspect is playing games with you...just a thought...

According to John Gray, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, each gender has specific needs that they need fullfilled in order to feel loved. Women need to feel respected and men need to feel trusted. So, your response that you don't want to call her too soon because you are concerned she would feel you didn't trust her to call when she said she would is a typical Mars statement. LOL.. Has she explained why she is so busy? I get real busy too sometimes, but when I am interested in a man I always suggest a time that WILL work for me. I agree, the games suck! If she has declined an invite from you to get together on the pretense she is busy and not ever suggested a time when she won't be busy, I would say she is not interested...Just my opinion...I wouldn't call her Friday. It is human nature to want what you can't have. I read somewhere and believe that if someone is acting distant and aloof that only thing that will turn their head around is if you yourself start acting even more distant and aloof. I am in the same boat as you, so I have a lot of empathy for your situation.

I will venture a big YES! She likes you, she is shy, you are moving, ball is again in your court there....Don't keep us in suspense, LOL, Whatcha gonna do?

Hi Cactus; I am sad to hear about your experience on line, but it is a fact that people can pretend to be anyone that they want to on line. For that very reason I will not even engage or entertain the idea of a relationship with anyone long distance. If Mr. X did not live here in my home town and was not just away for the summer months visiting his children I would not have considerd him at all. Relationships are complicated enough without the extra burden of miles in between. It just seems to me that it is too difficult to build and maintain a strong foundation for a relationship in this manner. On the other hand, I am a great person and am loyal, honest and loving and I am certain that I can't be the only person in cyber land who is! I have met some very nice people out there and have met some less than desirables as well...it is a hit and miss. My concern with online dating is the number of married men looking for an affair, but advertising themself as single. As your experience would indicate there are woman out there that also have agendas that are less than honorable. I can't imagine what would have been this girls motivation for treating you the way she did. At best she sounds inmature and insecure, not a great or healthy combo. Nothing parallels the importance of meeting in person in order to get a better idea of who they are and where they are really coming from....I emphasize friends FIRST... Until that happens I think it is wise to be cautious. I know I am... Best Regards,

I hear what you are saying and I guess it becomes an issue for each individual to decide for themself. The first email I sent him from work had a banner from the company in plain sight. I wasn't trying to be sneaky, but as with anything this technology could be abused! As for me, in this situation, I don't feel bad. Fact is, I met the guy online, and have never met him in person. There have been some concerns for me regarding his being honest about his feelings for me. He has an x there in San Diego and I was not certain if that relationship has truly ended. Another concern was that since his words of affection (saying he loves me) weren't corresponding with his actions or lack therof (not calling me), I was ready to walk away. The fact that his has re opened my email and looked again and again at my pictures is the only reassurance I have had that he may indeed have feelings for me and be interested in pursuing something with me on a deeper level. Although I never intended to use the program is this way, it has turned out to be something of a source of comfort for me. I agree that some of these programs go too far and I personally wouldn't use them - I am referring here to programs like key loggers that moniter ALL internet activities and key strokes so that one can gain access to anothers email accounts, im's, etc. For me this is going too far. Perhaps for others, such as yourself, I have crossed a boundary already. This may be a great new topic - is it EVER ok to snoop? Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think that the program I used is moral issue, at least not for me. You made an excellent point and it was well taken. As for me, I didn't intend to track his emails, never suspecting that he would open them so many times! That feature just turned out to be a perk. I simply sent him an email from work and wanted to be certain that he received it as we had had a few problems with some of my emails sent from my home not reaching him for some reason. Again, a banner was clearly displayed. I chose that option knowing that he could check it out for himself. Thanks for so honestly sharing your thoughts.

I guess what I said about the email program sounded bad. It isn't like that. You can't use it to spy on someone, it only tells you that someone has picked up your email, guarantees delivary and lets you know how many times it was read...We use it at my place of employment and is totally legal...Thanks for the info though and for sharing.

I don't think you did anything to betray Mike. You guys aren't dating exclusivley and he hasn't asked you to stop seeing other guys, he only said he doesn't want to know. If Mike isn't giving you a committment you are free to do what you want. Until you have a ring on your finger you don't need to feel guilty, I don't think.

You didn't mention a few things, like how long ago you broke up, how long you were together and why did she say she broke up with you? A lot depends on her reasons for ending the relationship...check out link removed Not knowing all the details I can say only that I feel for you! A broken heart is one of the hardest things to go through, without a doubt! It is hell on earth, but with time the pain DOES lessen. I gather that your breakup was fairly recent? You said you were having difficulty going out with other girls and that you still miss your x terribly...Maybe it is too soon for you to be back on the scene. Perhaps your time could better be spent doing something worthwhile for yourself...get a hobby, engage with friends, anything that could help you feel better about you, regardless of her opinion of you...Rejection is sometimes best overcome by finding ways to feel good about ourself, NO MATTER WHAT anyone says, does or thinks. I heard a saying that really helped me when my true love left me, it was "Don't cry because it ended...smile because it happened." From this experience you can learn a lot about yourself and you can use it as an opportunity to learn and grow and become a better person which will increase your self esteem. My therapist told me one time that if someone doesn't love us most often it is not a reflection of our lovability but rather a reflection of their inability to truly love. It helped me. Hope it helps you.

The way I see it is that it really doesn't matter what her motivation is for making these kinds of remarks to you, the fact is is that you are uncomfortable with them. How you proceed in this instance depends on how important this person is to you and how much you feel you want/need her in your life. If this is someone whom you feel close to and want to remain close with then I would sit her down and let her know how you feel about her comments. You don't have to tell her that you feel she may be hitting on you, that would only make her defensive, you could begin by giving her the benefit of the doubt and stating, " I know you mean it as a compliment and you are only trying to be supportive of me, but I need to let you know that those types of comments leave me feeling..." and then state your feelings and ask her to stop. If you wanted to take it a step further you could say something like, " I am telling you this because you are important to me and I want to feel comfortable visiting with you, but if you continue with these types of remarks I would feel inclined to keep my distance." This comment throws her a compliment, lets her know that you care about her, but also establishes a zero toloerance for her behaviour/remarks.

I work as a rape crisis counselor. This man is a sexual predator and it sounds like he may be sadistic as well. This type of behavior is called stalking or harassment and it is illegal! I would suggest you consider your options of reporting him, and getting help. Don't erase his messages...save them as evidence...This man is dangerous. Let close family and friends know that he is doing this, seek support and do everything you can to protect yourself...I would also check the sex offenders registry in your state. I wouldn't doubt if this man has a record of sexual assualts and stalking.

I wouldn't contact him. Let him contact you and make solid plans. I would throw a curve ball in there and when he suggests the first time for a meeting, tell him you are busy and that such and such time and day would work better for you. When you do meet, keep it up beat and light, don't discuss feelings, don't tell him you miss him, you love him, you want him. If anything imply that you are moving on, but would still like to be friends...then make yourself scarce! When he calls, keep it short, light and sweet and be the first to end phone calls, chats or end in person meetings. Men like to pursue and be the chasers...when a woman pursues a man it can be viewd as pressure or needieness or clinging...NOT ATTACTIVE.. come from the attitude and belief that you are a great catch and that you have a life! Make him miss you. Don't do the same old song and dance with this guy that you have been doing for so long.If you keep doing what you have done, you will keep getting what you have gotten. Miss it up..send him mixed signals and DON'T let him know how desperate or sad you feel. That is what friends are for. Play it cool. He may love you but have forgotten that and so he began taking you for granted....Check out link removed Good luck to you.

You may want to check out a site called link removed would suggest that in your situation you agree to be friends with her, but make yourself scarce, and don't be available to her! Create some competition and start dating others or haning out with girl friends, anything to give her the message that you aren't lamenting her decision...give her time, and give her space, don't tell you miss her, you love her, or anything else. She wanted time...GIVE IT TO HER but agree to stay friends! It could shoudl be casual friends, don't hurry to return her calls or respond to her im's for at least a week...the longer the better...Let her wonder if she has lost you. When you do talk to her, keep it light and up beat and don't disucuss feelings, also be the first to end the contact and keep it short, no more than 5-10 minutes, then say you have something to do, don't say what and end the call. This well do a few things for you, first of all it will leave a foot in the door so that you don't lose complete contact with her, it will give her time to miss you if you keep a friendly distance from her, and maybe then she will start thinking about you and wondering what you are up too. Wait at least a few months before you initiate any contact, and still keep it light. If she really wants to do some soul searching you can guarantee that you and your relationship will be a part of that soul searching if you keep her guessing what you are up to and wondering if she has lost you for good or not. It sounds gamey, but like I heard, "If you don't want to play games, you don't want to date." Until you have a solid committment from her, which sounds like what you want, don't let her know she has you. It is human insinct to want what you can't have. I hope this helps...