DiscipleOfChange

I'm just curious as to everyone's opinion here. This happened the other night as I was picking some ice cream up to take home from the local ice cream joint. Anyways, I walk in and the only people in there a bunch of high school aged girls. You know how it is: a girl or two behind the counter and her friends who had come to visit just chatting away. I'm standing at the counter for a bit and one of the girls, who obviously didn't work there, came over and asked me if I needed any help and I told her that I just had a question about the ice cream containers. She walked away as a girl behind the counter came over to help me. As she was helping me out, I overheard the other girl talking to her friends, not really giggling but you know... about how she had asked me if I needed any help. I was told by someone I related the story to that that meant she thought I was cute. I guess that's a nice boost for my confidence. I'm just wondering what people think. that's all the details I remember since I wasn't paying her much heed anyways.

So basically this is still about the same girl in my most recent post. We haven't been talking every night but roughly every other night and for a pretty long time, about 30-40 minutes each. I'm basically thinking of sticking to what I've been doing which is exchanging emails with her and calling her regularly. I'm not planing on making any serious moves until we get back. We talked tonite but my cell kept losing a signal. I really enjoy talking with her, even look forward to our conversations. I want to spend some more time with her in person when we get back before taking any bis steps but I do seem to get along with her well and she seems to enjoy talking with me, though right now it's just a friend thing, for long periods of time. I don't really have a specific question, just felt like ranting. Well, one question, moreso for the ladies but guys are welcome to comment too. In your experience, does the fact that she talks with me for long periods of time about casual/friendly stuff and sometimes there are comfortable lulls in our convos and sometimes she calls me if she missed my call suggest anything? My belief is that it's only a good foundation for now.

we've kept up our emails and last night I tried to call her but had to leave a message but she called me back and then we talked for 40 minutes. I'm definitely interested in being relaxed about this but I think I definitely will spend more time with her after I get back. If I can accomplish something by being genuine and myself then I'll be eve happier

The biggest tip is to not think about it and throw yourself in. Are you in college yet? If you are, then there are a number of things you can do. Introducing yourself to people on your floor and in your dorm is a nice and easy way of approaching new people beause at the start of a new semester, there are always new people on campus. An important thing to keep inmind is you can't second guess yourself. Confidence is a good thing and you need to feel strong enough to approach someone and introduce yourself. If they think you're weird for doing so, you don't want anything to do with them anyway. That being said, there is skill involved i approaching someone. Start with mutually amicale openers like : Boy, that was a boring/exciting class hunh?" or "It looks like this is going to be an exciting semester, prof so and so seems amazing!." After that, introduce yourself nad see how things go from there

Yes, I am on break but there is about 800 miles seperating us so getting together isn't an option. thanks for the reply

Hi All! Well, here's the situation: I've been exchanging long emails the past 6 days with this girl I got to know towards the end of the semester. In the Email before last, I asked for her number and she gave it to me and I talked with her for half an hour today. I think things might just be friendly at this point but I can't be sure, nor do I wan't to get ahead of myself. Example: When talking with her today, about 15 minutes in, when the covo had sort of come to a natural break, I say that I don't wan't to take up her phone minutes or time and she responds that her weekend minutes are free/that she had plenty of time. Also, when we finally did bring the call to a close, it wasn't a quick "okay, talk to you later" We actually took about a minute saying goodbye and I told her I'd call her again soon and she told me that she would keep emailing. Any feedback you guys can give would be appreciated. If you need me to clarify any details, let me know. thanks

This may be clichè, but actions speak louder than words. So as far as responding to him calling you beautiful, I'd say just give him a hug of gratitude or something. For saying something back to him, I don't see anything wron with "you are too" accompanied with a loving gaze

i think it depends heavily on context. As in, what you did/said. I mean, if a female friend of mine does something stupid or funny, I can laugh and it doesn't mean I mean I'm interested in her. However, it does mean, that he's paying attention, whatever that may be worth. Explain the context a bit more and we'll be able to help you out more

Generally speaking, or so the cliche goes, A true friend won't care what you have to say because they'll understand you for all that you are. Realistically, that's a bit flowery and I know from personal experience. One must be themselves and be bold but selectively so. It is extremerly easy to alienate friends by speaking your mind a little too much. I have a number of friends but I usually go to them to hang out. They never come to me and infact, my phone never rings for me. That doesn't mean I don't have fun though. It's important to be yourself but at the same time not be yourself to a snoody, obnoxious level. How do you become less risk-averse? There's only one way, by taking the leap, taking that step that you might have been hesitant to take before. That's the only way

I've been chatting with her on IM. I actually get her to "laugh" occasionally, which is nice. It's great that I have her SN so that I can chat with her regularly over break rather than have there be nothing for an entire month

I like what you have to say. In fact, it has inspired me to be abit more daring. None of this suggesting and dancing around the date idea. When I ask a girl, I'm going to come right out and say it.

I know women in general expect guys to make the moves but how do you learn to tell when a particular woman wants you to ask her out?

Well, this afternoon we hung out again and then we walked to dinner together. After I walked her back to her dorm, I told her how much fun I had these past few days hanging out with her and that I hoped we'd hang out more in the Spring and grab a cup of coffee. To my "offer" she said "sounds good." It wasn't icredibly enthusiastic so I don't know. I have her SN so we can chat over break. At least now she knows I'm interested, if she didn't already. I'm just so tired and spent from this semester I don't know what to think anymore.

Diablo7000 brings up a good point: being able to make girls laugh, even if it's a little snicker is definitely a good skill.

yeah. Her facebook doesn't say either way. I'm going to play it chill for a while and just keep doing what I've been doing. If an opportunity presents itself to be a bit daring then I'll take it but I want to establish a level of friendship first in which we can comfortably hang out. I'll just wait and see. I'll try throwing in little compliments here and there. The best thing for me to do is be chill and not think too much. I seem to come off as my most interesting self when that's what I do. So as long as I do that mindfully, it should be cool, whatever happes

Well, after a brief yet well-needed hiatus, I'm going back into the "dating" world if you will. Basically, the past three nights, I've hung out with this girl I met. We have just basically played pool but usually three games or so. I do enjoy hanging out with her and she is cute. I haven't really made any moves because I've only recently started hanging out with her. We get along well and even though we don't talk a whole lot, I'm a relatively quiet person and she seems to be that way too. Here's the thing: she hasn't mentioned a boyfriend yet but I can't tell if she's single or not. I have her IM and we chat occasionally. Winter break is coming up and I certainly need it to recharge and do some thinking. I don't want to move too fast because that has just proven too frustrating for me in the past. I will definitely continue to hang out with her and more than likely suggest us getting coffee when we come back from break. What I'm asking from you all is: I know a girl doesn't necessarily have to mention having a boyfriend for that to be the case but would a girl generally mention a boyfriend if she had one?

I think it's great that we're talking about this phenomenon. I myself open up much better when I'm in a small group and even more so when I'm alone with someone. Generally, I'm attracted to the wuieter, more reserved girls. Maybe because I find them mysterious and want to discover their personalities. When I have hung out one on one with these types of girls, they tend to open up and be relatively more vocal than when I hang out with them in a group context. I too agree that two shy people who would be really great for one another, might need a oush towards each other from friends. I may be old fashioned but I would generally think the guy should take that step rather than the girl but the important thing is that someone take the step.

Over the course of my time using this forum, many times I have seen guys post asking about conversational tips or asking how to casaully hang out with girls one-on-one or in small group settings. I'm not going to give you any websites or the like but rather recount something that happened to me last night. A bit of background information first: The girl I hung out with last night is a member of a club I'm in on campus which essentially has no purpose except for peopl to get together and hang out. A social club for anti-social types if you will. Anyways, I had never really talked with her in depth but she had been around at group meetings and the like and a bunch of us often eat lunch or dinner together at the dining hall. Case in point, she was just a person I knew nominally through a club and who lived in my dorm. It should be noted that my motivations were not emotioanl interest here Now the story: So last night, I go to the dining hall with nobody or plans of eating with anyone in particular. When I get my food I notice this girl and ask where she's sitting. She points over to a table and there's just her stuff there. So I go over and sit down. She's was having dessert and I was just starting to eat. We had a pretty pleasant conversation about our interests and the like and there were periods of silence but they were periods of comfortable silence. So anyways, When we're ready to go back to the dorm we make our way back and I ask what time she was leaving for home that night and I wish her a happy holiday break if I didn't see her again and she says she'll be packing up in her room and I could up sometime before she left. I told her I had a group project later that night but would come up in a little bit. Anyways, I wait about half an hour and then go up and chill with her, basically just sitting around making casual conversation as she's getting her stuff ready. It came time for me to go to work on a project and so I left and wished her a good break again. When I show up at my group meeting it turns out there isn't anything that needed to be done and so even though I had said goodbye already, I went back up to her room. We talked for another hour and a half and then her mom came and I introduced myself, shook her hand (to which her mom replied "oh, a firm handshake"---as an aside for you guys, a firm handshake is EXTRMELY IMPORTANT. Anyways, I continued helping with getting her stuff together and then helped carry stuff down to the car and wished her happy holidays a final time. What's the moral here: Simple really. You don't need to work any charm or go to any charm-school websites. you just have to be a gentleman and a casual guy. If you see a girl you know or would like to know better, go up to her, say hello. DO ask where she's sitting and join her. Go with the flow of things. Silence DOES NOT necessarily have to be a bad thing. Now nothing happened as a consequence of last night, but now I've spent a decent ammount of one-on-one casual time with her and thus developed a foundation of trust. I know I enjoy hangin out with her at the very least. An important thing to keep in mind is that spending casual time with a girl should not be about developing a relationship with her. It should be about simply getting to know her better and developing a sense of comfortableness with each other's prescence. ADDITIONALLY, Chivalry is not dead gentlemen. On that note, chivalry isn't about showing a certain girl special attention or holding the door just for someone your interested in. Chivalry should be extended towards every lady. Helping carry things, holding doors, these are all things which you should practice regularly. Feel free to Reply, PM or IM me. ~Mark

in response to Msnak: What I'm saying is that when I was doing the asking girls out routine it got to be too much of a roller coaster and never really led to anything. I also did some thinking and realized that while I did want to find someone, I also wanted someone to find me and so I wanted to not waste my efforts unless I saw something that could mean interest. In terms of still being single this technique has worked equally (un)successfully (not resulting in a relationship) thus far but I feel like I'm being truer to my real self and that real self is what I want to show the world and any women that might be interested. This isn't about a particular girl and it isn't that I wouldn't be prepared to take steps to make something happen. Rather, I realized that asking a girl to coffee within a day or two of meeting her simply wasn't working and felt like trying something else. A tactic reccomended by the way, by several people who are in serious committed relationships

I just thought I'd set down a few thoughts that have been going through my head... For anyone who doesn't know, I've been trying a different strategy with women for the past two weeks or so which involves me essentially just being neutral with things and just being there as opposed to trying to ask girls out. For the most part, it has worked well in that I've generally been happier and have noticed my being able to open up and make people laugh and enjoy my company more. I'd be lying, however, if I said I never felt like something was missing. Example: The other day, I went into the city with some other kids and on the way back since we were all beat, we all basically dozed off. Admittedly it was pretty close quarters but this girl and I was sitting next to kind of ended up leaning against one another and our legs were even up against one another. Once she woke up she shifted away. I'm not saying it meant anything, in fact it probably didn't; it was just what happens in a car with people moving around whe they're asleep. My point is: it ust felt so awsome being next to someone and I wish I could feel that more often. I'm sure it's worth waiting for but the fact of the matter is the waiting can be bearable for a while but I get spells of time when all I really want is to hold someone and be held for that matter. It would be an exaggeration to say there's a void in my life without creature comfort but it isnonetheless true that I wouldn't mind having someone to cuddle with. It also seems to be taking a little more of a toll on me now that it's the holiday season. If anyone has any thoughts or comments, I'd appreciate them.

a lot of times you can only do so much. After all, a conversation is a two-way street and so you can be doing a good job to keep a convo going but if they're not reciprocating than there isn't much you can do. Essentially, asking questions and then follow up questions is the meat and potatoes of a good conversation.

none except sign me up. Wow, cuddling would be so much fun. (tear)

dude, I hear exactly what you're tryin' to say. I'm 19, never had a girl either but you know what, It isn't so bad. Sure, I wish I had someone to hold when I'm feeling blue but the truth is man, these things happen if they're meant to. I don't mean some outside fore or anything but rather that if two people are for one another, they'll naturally be close to one another. I wish I could tell you what it's like and how waiting is worth it but I can't dude but I can say from looking at other people, it sure seems like it's worth waiting

Yeah. It can be tough like that. I'd say that at least on a minimal level, every guy is still attracted to an ex-crush even when they're just being friends. This attraction doesn't necessarily influence the guy's actions but it's still there.

The sucking only lasts temporarily if you're smart about it though. Once you get over it, which is something you need to do anyways, it gets better.