DiscipleOfChange

yeah, I posted that back in January. All irrelevant now.

This may sound curt and some here may disagree, but dances at your age seem far more important from your perspective than they will years down the road. Moreover, don't knowck your height at your age because I'm 20 and still 5'4". In short, don't worry about it, a girl turning you down at a dance is far less of an ego blow than many other of life's right hooks.

How do I cope with not having found a girl and there not being prospects over the summer? Well, I suppose I do my best to keep my mind off it by working. I also realize that I've come a long way this year and will continue to learn skills and what not and that eventually, I'll meet a girl and things will fall into place. It sucks that these things come so easy for other guys but whatever...I know people think I'm a decent guy and that I have a bunch of female friends and right now, while not ideal, it suffices.

I realize it has been a very long time since i posted on this forum. I suppose that's simply because I haven't had too many crushes or what not of late. I just wanted to post about something that happened the other night. I was over at my two lady-friends room and saying "hi" like Iusually do every night. I thought I'd tell them about this really great thing I discovered. Basically, you take a pen or blunt object and lightly drag it accross the back of your neck and if it works, you get the most incredible sensation. The long and the short of the story is I got to tickle both of them off and on for about 20-30 minutes. I felt really great, not just because I got to give each of them "a good time" and learn a new tickle move myself but because it showed me how comfortable they felt around me and what good friends we were. I just felt like sharing this nice story with you

Well, I'm finishing up my 2nd year at university and will study abroad next spring. I've come a remarkably long way this year with regards to being social and interacting with women and approaching them, which I'm very happy with, but still don't have a significant other. I know well the strains long distances can put on a relationship, especially new ones. I know looking for a relationship doesn't get you one but I guess I don't feel it makes sense even thinking about one now, at least not until I come back. I don't mean that, of course, because I'd worry about temptation. Heck, I'd never cheat and one-night stands arent my bag at all. I just wouldn't want to find something and then lose it for a semester. I guess there's also the issue of next summer being my planned European Adventure of Self-Discovery. Does what I'm saying make any sense to any of you? Got any ideas on the subject?

interestingly enough--some might say paradoxically--the best way to get over a girl is to start liking another. Sure, getting over a girl may take a couple of days or a week but it happens. Being around her certainly doesn't make it easier.

This is just a short blurb that I wanted to share with you all. Tonite, I had a tiny heart-to-heart with two of my close female friends about love and what I was searching for and what not. I found out that one of them was looking for the same thing, exactly the same thing. I also learned that neither of them had been in relationships. That surprised me because I thought for sure they had been. So if it comes as any solace to the rest of you, like it did for me, people like us certainly arent alone with our feelings.

So case in point: There's a girl I'm interested in and I've told some of our mutual close female friends and they all approve. I have gotten a valentine's day card and a box of chocolates for 5 of my female friends (the girl in question is amongst them). I was thinking that back in elementary school, kids always asked each other to be their valentine. Looking back, I don't even know what a valentine really is. I thought, though, that it might be really sweet to also get a rose and after giving the group as a whole the card and chocolates, turning to her and saying: "There's something I wanted to ask you...and as I hand her the rose...would you be my valentine? I know it might seem silly as a 20 year old but what are your thoughts?

Hey friends, I just wanted to talk about my current situation and see what you thought. So basically, I'm crushing on this girl right now but I'm trying to keep it controlled as I figure out in my head why I'm attracted to her beyond the physical. I just worry that there might not be another reason. She is part of a group of friends I hang out with, specifically a group of girls I'm friends with who I talk to about girl advice on occasion. I've confided in two of her firends, essentially to inquire asto her availability status and perhaps set up some potetntial support structures. Anyway, we aren't super close so that isn't the friend issue. In fact, I've transitioned from friend to crush to friend before so I guess the only thing keeping me from asking her out and what not is making sure I like her for enough good reasons. I suppose another question I have is that when people don't neccesarily have a lot in common, how similair do two people have to be for something to work out?

writing this now with a clearer...sober...head, I have a bit to add/clarify: It isn't so much a core values thing. In fact, we probably agree on a lot of basic stuff. She and I seem to have different leisure activities. I suppose the only thing that concerns me most is the potential of making things awkward as far as a friendship is concerned. I've confided in two of our mutual friends about my interest in her but explained to them that I was still figuring it out in my head. One of them even offered to ask her is she felt the same, an offer I turned down at the time. I'd prefer to tell her myself and hear it from her. Anyways, I guess I'm still working on figuring out what I like about her more than the fact that she's cute. I'm not saying it wouldn't work, actually, I'm not quite sure. Which is why I'm still sorting it out. I suppose the key would be, if I decide I really am interested in her, to proceed in a casual manner so as to assure a stable friendship afterwards, both with her and our mutual friends.

I'm in need of a rant. I just need to set down a bunch of stuff that's been swelling in my head. I'm not even sure where to begin... ...A few days ago, I fell for a girl who's a bit of a friend of mine. I made up a nice card for her birthday. The more I think about it though, I realize that she and I have so little in common and that maybe I'm just crushing. That makes me think even more, that maybe I really do need to always have some object of my affection... ...I recently read a passage from The Third Man and found a particular line especially poignant: "We never get accustomed to being less important to other people than they are to us." Pessimistic though my view may be, sometimes I feel like although people sincerely appreciate me, they did fine without me before they met me and would deal perfectly well otherwise, too... I don't know...I'm just kind of on an emotionally low hover tonite

For those of you that are interested here's where I stand on my current interests: I'm in some what of a transitionary period I suppose. It's safe to say that I'm interested in two different girls right now. Possibly one more than the other. This particular one is one of the several lady friends I've gotten to know this year. Ordinarily, these girls are curious when it comes to who I'm interested in and indeed they asked who I was interested in at the moment. For obvious reasons, I didn't say. In a sense, I'm stuck, so to speak. I could tell one of them, which may very well pay off as far as advice goes. However, there's also a good chance she might hear word of it. Now, I'm in college but gossip knows no age boundaries, especially at my school. I suppose what I'm asking from you all is whether or not I should confide in one of the girls. Let me know what you think.

ummm...all I can say to that is "Manwhore at 14?" come on dude, get over it. You've got a lifeful of rejections ahead of you, just like the rest of us. You have to learn to take the bad when it comes. Besides, isn't valentines day 3 weeks away?

For quite a long time, I've been of the opinion that physical appearance plays a large role in attraction and I might even add that it plays an essetial role in developing a relationship. I still stick to that position but I don't like it. I suppose this stems from a current situation of mine which I'll discus in brief here: Basically there's this girl I've been hanging out with a fair bit recently whom I started talking with in Emails and over the phone over break. We're completely friends by any standards and I 'm not saying a relationship is developing or anything. I don't know exactly. Anyways, what I can't stand, what I hate about myself is that I'm beginning to think that I'm not attracted to her physically. She's a great person and we get along just fine and talk and all. It isn't even really an issue since we're just friends right now. I just hate the fact that the only real thing that would keep me from easily developing something with her is that I'm not attracted to her physically. I'd appreciate any advice, comments or suggestions people have. Thanks

I haven't posted one of my rant/advice things in a while and though it was time for another one. this post is for those of you out there who are struggling with the concept of relaxing about relationships, being single, etc. I'd say that for a good number of weeks now, probably about 6 or 7, I haven't been directly pursuing anyone with the intent of developing a relationship. I can say this for sure, I feel a lot more relaxed and comfortable hanging out with people and thos epeople seem to notice my laid-backness. I suppose a good way to begin to approach being relaxed about love and not being in a relationship is thinking of it in terms of an apathy of sorts. By all intensive purposes, that may be the best way to think about it. Women don't like guys who are desperate, many girls and women, no matter their age, will attest to this. What's more, if you're thinking about love and being a lonely single, you can't focus on those aspects of your life which define your character. This doesn't mean that you have to make a poit of not pursuing a relationship, because that would just be the opposite of being desperate. You really have to not care. This might be especially geared towards those of us who are college aged. Women in college, for the most part, seem to favor casual relationships. this doesn't mean short flings necessarily but college-aged women don't want a relationship to consume their lives every single day, so it seems. I suppose that's all for now, I lost my rythm...

I think it might help us to know a few more details such as age, context of the situation, etc.

For those of you who have been following my latest posts, I thought I'd keep you all updated. Nothing has developed yet, although we have been spending a bit more time together and last night she came down to my room and we played some cards for a half hour or so. We did watch a movie the other day. I was hanging out in her room and she just popped one in to her computer. We;ve been eating together a few times as well. An interesting this is people I'm friends with have noticed that we've been spending time together and curiously enough, someone started a rumor that I was holding hands with someone. Nothing dramatic to report, I know but I just thought I'd keep you guys posted.

I wouldn't tell her on msn. In fact, I would "tell" her by showing her. As in, coming right out and saying "I like you" o matter how you phrase it or how you build up to it is always awkward. By paying her extra attention or doing any one of those things that indicates interest however, will tell her how you feel. Trust me on this, you don't need to worry about how to act to show her you're interested because if you are, it will show.

Ummm.... Here's my two cents on the issue. You will likely hear advice for and against your plan. I say that if this is your first time asking her out, planning on the evening ending up with a cuddle session is sweet but a bit too idyllic. Of course, things are different at your age than they are at mine. I think that as far as the first time you ask her out is concerned, you want to choose something comfortably public with a degree of privateness between the two of you. Asking a girl out on a walk, at night and bringing a blanket is an obvious sign that you're planning on making some sort of moves that night. I'm not saying don't go through with this plan, but think it through first. You wouldn't want to turn her away by being too bold at first and putting her into a potentially awkward situation.

So, in one of her latest emails, this girl I told you all about last time said that she had a great idea wihle she was watching clips from this one movie. That idea was that we should watch a movie or two before classes start and that I could show her one of the movies I told her about earlier. Just thought I'd keep you guys informed.

I suppose I was asking to see what people thought of the expression she used. Of course I'll go with my gut and naturally I know more about the situation but that's true of everybody who uses this site. I just wanted some perspective

Just to clear some thing sup since I feel there's some confusin. The two of us HAVE met before, in case that might change how some of you responded. Infact, we go to school together. Additionally, I don't think there's sexual interest at all. In fact, without being with her in person, I can't be sure of anything. I'm not fixed on one mindest or another right now. I think at the very least, there's interest in the sense of friendship. Afterall, we exchange decently-sized Emails and have spoken on the phone over break a couple of times, some of which have been initiated by her. So, I hope that helps clear things up

Okay, this is a simple question of interpretation. This girl I've been emailing with for the past two weeks and whom I've spoken with on the cell several times for 40 minutesd apiece, used the following towards the end of her most recent Email "Anyways, can't wait to see you on Sunday..." Aside from the nice, long emails and phone chats which as far as I can tell have been completely platonic, I can't see any clear signs of attraction. I'd just like to see what people think.

Interestinglly enough, the old cliche, "be yourself" has its merits. I would advise against showing any serious forms of attraction at first, especially since you haven't spoken before. I also have to tell you, having survived high school myself, that most girls aren't interested in younger guys at that point in their life. Additionally, starting a conversation would be easier if you had a class with her or were in a club together so that you could have something to start a conversation with. Otherwise, I would suggest seeing if any of your friends are her friends as well and finding a way to have them introduce you to her. In any event, good openers are always simple and open-ended. Try something like asking her how to get to an obscure place in the school. Then after she tells you, introduce yourself and explain that you're still fairly new to the school. She'll probably introduce herself at this point but if not, you could ask her name, what grade she's in etc. None of this is guaranteed to work and trust me, no matter what anybody says, this isn't an easy aspect of life to understand and master. On the issue of her not liking any given aspect of your physique or character, answer me this: would you really want her if she didn't like you for all that you are? If there's anything I can impart to you at this point in your life it's the importance of having a defining sense of personality so that you stand out as unique apart from the rest of the crowd. Unfortunately, high school is a world within itself. Even in high school, however, standing out as unique will make people notice you and those who you'd really want as friends will appreciate your uniqueness. hope this helps ~Mark

It's interesting because I didn't even think twice about it until later that evening. The strange thing is, she did look familiar but since she didn't greet me by name, I figured it was just a resemblance. It's always nice getting little confidence boosters like this and all I have to is not be so oblivious all the time, which as some of my closest friends point out, is one of my chief traits. Besides, she was a high school aged girl and I'm halfway through university already. Thanks for the feedback guys!