miscom

That is why I am confused - the sex life is great...not sure why he needs to masterbate and watch porn..... Sometimes I just wish he was a little more attentive, like affectionate -- nto hang all over me, but geesh!! Throw me a bone once is a while.... Am I too hard on him?

For me, it is not the business relationship that is the most important. I can only speak for me. I thought that I had let him know that the earlier subject is something I am not compfortable with as an every day occurrence, along with the fact that the "taking care of himself" bothers me. I am not sure why this is as I do it too...not like him though. Maybe -- BIG MAYBE once every two weeks. I think he lied about it too. Allbeit I am sure no one likes to just admit to it, but to lie... The reason I know he lied is b/c I checked Yeah -- I know -- silly me!! There is a setting on the computer, on the video viewing software that he changes....the repeat function. In the past he told me that he woudl use that when he would "take care of himself" I think that is what it is though -- the fear of being lied to, made a fool of..... The business is going well. At first, it was slow going and that was stressful. he works hard at the business and sometimes I feel guilty that I can not put in as much to the business as he can. Him working from home makes this much easier for him. I am not sure if I am getting more and more nervous as the time to really think about marriage rolls around or if I am just starting to really look at things differently because it is rolling around. All in all, he is a great boyfriend. There are just a few things I wish either were the case, or not the case..... He could be a little more attentive to me. Give as much energy to this relationship as he does the business and his hobbies Maybe I would not mind the issue of porn being a case at all....

Hello all! I need help with controlling issues. I am so hard on my b/f. He truly is a great guy/mate. We plan to be married soon, but I think I am too controlling and it is making me second guess the whole relationship. We have been together a long time and living together for almost two years. He rarely goes out with his buds, we are both busy with a business we started and our regular 9-5 jobs as well. He works 9-5 out of home and I am in the office most of the time and go on overnights sometimes for my work. I used to get upset when he would look at porn, because it was every day (I felt as though he was addicted) so we came to an agreement that he would get three days out of the week to "be a guy". I don't like when he masterbates to it though, and that still makes me a little angry. I know all guys do it, but I cannot understand why when we have a good sex life. I get upset when he wants to "give someone a deal" on something they want to purchase from the business saying, "We have to make money in order to give it away" (the business just started to take off, but I don't feel as though we are in a position to gie deals just yet). I got upset yesterday because he was supposed to compelte a 5 minute job on my car, but instead claimed he was too busy. Here he was watching porn for 1 1/2 hours. Not too busy for that though! I need help in allowing him to be him. I need help letting go. Are there anything helpful hints as to things I can do in order to either come to terms with myself, or coming to terms with him, or coming to terms with the fact that we are not right for one another. I hate to even say that, because 95% of the time, when we are "on", we are soo good -- such a great team. But that 5%, which I know is my contgrolling, jealous behavior, is killing me. I feel so bad sometimes, when I am on the road, thinking of how hard I am on him....I would have left somone like me a long time ago. Words of wisdom on ANY of the issues would be appreciated!

Can I just ask a question? How much is too much? How many times a week would be too many times to look at porn. Would you be considered an addict if you looked at it for about 10-60 minutes a day? Would you be an addict if you looked at it 4 x a week? I am just wondering.

Whew WHO!!!! I got a promotion and I begin my new career on Jan 2 2006!! YIPPEEEE!!!!! I am nervous and excited at the same time. I just had to get that out!

After you choose what you are going to do, sit down and work on the business plan. This took me about a month or so to complete. You have to do assumptions and projections and such, but you learn a great deal and you get a better grip on the business venture as a whole. While you are doing the business plan, rather in order to complete the business plan, you shoul dresearch your area and the business (i.e. competition, statistics, public knowledge, successes and failures researched...reasons for either...) SIDE NOTE - Make sure you choose your business type - research this (you can change later if needed) do you want to be a Partnership, Corporation (S Corp), Limited Liability Partnership... After your business plan is complete, and depending on what state you live or local municipality, you will have to complete forms in order to get a Federal Tax ID, and any licenses to operate within the state and city. You can obtain this information at the local Small Business Alliance in your area. There are so many out there.... Next - funding...if you have funding already, then great..... If not - the SBA offers many loans and there are even grants available to certain business types. We eventually got a lawyer to help us through as well as an accountant for the necessary paperwork. (too much) I believe after all the paperwork is filed, it is pretty much a waiting game after that. Good luck to you!!

I have talked to him again about the whole priorities and goals thing and it seems as though we are on the same page still, and headed in the right direction, but I made it clear that I am continuing to work towards a house and concentrate on my new job....seems like that part is back on track. BUT last night, the little friend was there because he had to borrow one of our cars for a few days. So we were all in the garage and when I was looking at something, apparently the guy grabbed my b/f's butt again. My b/f told me later and I got a little sickened. I told him that it is making me uncomfortable as it should be him as well. He was wondering why I got so flustered about it and so I asked him, "Do you want me to be happy about it? How do you want me to react when you tell me these things?" I put the shoe on his foot and let him think. I then suggested that he tell him that it is not a welcomed behavior....knowing that my b/f probably thinks that this will hurt their friendship, he is apprehensive to confront him. I offered to, even though I do like this guy, when he is being a guy. He is funny and all that and would help us out in any situation if we ever needed it. BUT this whole touchy feely thing is odd. I offered to let the guy know how I felt about it the next time he either said or did something and my b/f said, "No, I will. I will say something." Oh well, he is a grown man - I have to let him deal with it.

This friend has a different girlfriend (whatever) every few weeks...... The thing that gets me is that when this friend says this dtuff to my b/f, my b/f either clams up or giggles it off. It old him that he is encouraging it by not telling him that you are uncomfortable, if in fact you are....when I said that, he started telling me," I am not gay....this is ridiculous."...there are otehr occaisions that I found his friend's behavior a bit odd, but there are too many to list.....

Hello all! I will try to keep this short and simple. Recently, my live in b/f has changed in some way that I cannot put my finger on. Lately, he has been saying this, "You don't love me anymore." What? I don't think I have changed my behavior at all to make him think this. In addition, his priorities have changed as well. We have goals together..BIG goals, things like starting a business, getting engaged, buying a house.....Not less than a month ago he was well involved in all of these goals and very motivated. He began to hang out with this one guy....he is odd. I am not sure if this is normal either, so maybe someone could shed some light on this. This friend of his has grabbed my b/f's butt and has "joked" by saying (very often) that he wants to have sex with him....tells me that if I don't marry him, he will. He even got mad when my b/f and I went out to dinner and my b/f said, "Yeah, I will call you when we get back." The next day my b/f called him back and the guy freaked on him and said," What? Did you finally get done eating just now and you are calling back?" It is the weirdest thing. Me, my b/f and this friend all have the same hobby and we all plan to compete next year, but they are going to go into a greater competition in two years. That is fine, more power to them. But - to compete, you need to spend some money to be competitive....a lot of money. This is going to interfere with our goals. It is like this - since the whole friend thing has come into play, his priorities have changed and what we once were working on together is now non existant to my b/f. Any light anyone can shed on anything would be appreciated. Oh - BTW - I recently received a promotion and will be making a significant increase in pay. My b/f has made comments about spending more money on the competition stuff......just an FYI

I guess it is "the grass is always greener" type of thing. I sometimes wish that I had more in the chest area. I am not flat, but a few videos that my b/f has looked at were women giving pleasure with them....I have a hard time doing that..... Oh well......

My BEST first date was a comedy show! We were able to loosen up and get rid of those first date jitters really quickly. Afterwards, we stuck around and had one or two drinks together and talked. It was very nice and fun!

I know - I have been wondering if she was going to reply with all the advice and such that was going on..... She still around?

Nope - no anger here...just confused for a minute. Not sure why people keep thinking that I am the one who started the thread and that I still have a problem with him watching porn, I don't. I watch it, so as a result of the posts in this thread, I am one of hte sinners and immoral people. No anger though - everyone is entitled to their own opinions. That is the problem with writing things - the true emotion does not come through the black and white type. I was set back at one point, from confusion. The initial post was not even mine, yet the problem is. Still confused. I just watned to help whoever it was who started the thread by letting her know that she was not alone and I was able to overcome it. Why do I feel like a broken record? Anyway - I understand the point that you are trying to make, really I do. It is just a difference in opinion and beliefs and at first, I needed them to be explained. Accuse me of being confused, not angry - especially if you were in my postiion - whatever that means

But what don't you agree with what I said? His excuse that his weight has made him feel less desireable, libido down? What do you not agree with? So what you are saying is that if a man is having sex every day, which is not the case in my relationship, then he will not have the desire to look at porn? I read in a post here a short time ago where a man said that it does not matter if a man has sex on a regular basis, that he will still look at porn because men are just horny creatures. We women are suppoed to just accept that and move on. "Oh men, silly creatures!" Most of the men on this site have ridiculed women for havinga rpblem with it. When I was having a problem with it, most people were telling me that men and porn is normal. Now, all of a sudden, men are crawling out of the woodwork who don't watch or believe in pron, or who are reformed porn watchers.... So what is really being said here? Men watch porn because they are not satisfied with their mate?

JevonJ77 - But it was not my post that started this thread. Someone needed advice with a situation similar to what I had gone through. I am not complaining (anymore) and I know it is my own insecurities due to the fact that I would get angry if it wasn't even porn....any woman in the general vacinity would make my eyes widen. These are things that I don't have to rationalize, I have to get over them and become a more confident woman. Perhaps his weight has made his libido nose dive, I can understand that b/c I had gone through that as well, but I have since lost the weight. It is not that I want sex and think about it more than the average 33 year old woman.... it is the fact that I was insecure and thereforeeee wanted constant reassurance that he was attracted to me, found me sexy and desired me....the porn fed my insecrities. Do I condone porn? Well, I guess I cannot rightfully say much about it since I do watch an occaisional flick every now and then. But remember, this thread was not started b/c of my insecurities, it was started by another user who wanted some advice and I think that a few replies tended to lose sight of the fact that she needed advice and not holier than thou opinions. If you had gone through something similar and gotten past it, or gotten rid of it, then fine - but to judge and look down on morals and religious beliefs or lack thereof is simply not fair to her or me for that matter. It really is not that big of a deal to me anymore as it once was. I just wanted to try to let her know that she was not alone and someone actually overcame the issue.

I really cannot say that I agree. There was a point when I was the one who wanted to have sex more often. I am not sure - he says it is due to his weight gain, but he is usually tired by the time the night comes around and we have not had as much as I would like. His energy has decreased quite a bit since the weight gain, and I can understand that, and empathize. But what I really disagree with is the fact that more often than not, every one wants to put the pressure on the woman to please the man. Take care of him, dress up for him, dance for him, etc... I have yet to read a post telling a man to make sure he takes care of his woman, make sure you take care of her sexually, emotionally, and physically, dance for her, dress up for her. If there is such a post - someone link me to it - I would love to read it! Anyway - back ot the subject at hand. Porn is there, there is no getting rid of it....as much as some of us would like to. This subject will be on this forum until the end of time. Ultimately, it comes down to this - either you get over it, or you get over him. If it is something more of a religious belief - then chances are you are not goign toget over it and you will have to find someone who does not watch or like porn. If it is more of your own jealousy and insecurity (as it was me) then you still have a choice, but that choice is made from level of importance.

Ask yourself why it bothers you. More often than not, it is due to an insecurity of some sort. At least that's what it was for me. I had a terrible time with that plus the fact that his libido was "down" due to great weight gain. So that was all playing on my mind.... Anyway, I really thought about why I was mad and as I was getting mad, I would ask myself if it was worth the argumetn that it was going to cause... it rarely was worth it. One day, I just woke up (literally) and did not care anymore. Kind of had the whatever attitude. I don't know how or why, but it happened. I guess I just realized that it is a guy thing (not all guy thing) but it is a guy thing. I look at it as well. If that is the worst thing he does, then I am pretty lucky. Everything else in the relationship is great. We only fight when I get a jealous twinge or something and that is all my own insecurity and jealousy. Take a breath. If it really is something that you do not foresee getting past, or coming to terms with, then you should really talk to him about it. There is one guy on this forum that has quit looking at porn, I am not sure whyhe did it, but it shows that it can be done. If he knows how important it is to you, he will stop looking without slipping. For me, I just know it was my issue and I was being a hypocrit due to the fact that I watch it...I was the one who had to get a grip on everything. I wish you luck with this as I know exactly how you are feeling, I was there not too long ago! Chin up - you will be fine!

Tiger - you sound just like me. I can watch it, but the thought of him watching it makes me sad. Not sure why that is, and I have been trying to come to terms with it as well. When I see him look at a girl, I roll my eyes, which makes him angry and then it is this big "thing". It is not like he stares at pretty girls in front of me, but he does look, as do I.... I look at pretty girls and I look at cute guys...but I don't stare. I do know that it is my own insecurity that is the problem. I am working on that - it is an every day job. I am thankful that I have someone like him as I would have broken up with someone like me a long time ago. I get on him abotu stuff - porn and other women - all the time. Well, it used to be all the time, I have begun to lay off and that is actually helping. The minute I start to get a little upset with thoughts or whatever, I step back and ask myself if it is really that important, remind myself how much he loves me and those porn chicks are nothing but images. I look at how far we have come as a couple, how much we have accomplished together, as a team, and realize (again) that it is me that he loves, works out everything with, day in and day out. I think - when I watch it, does it affect the way I feel about him? No? Then why would it have that effect on him? Good men are hard to come by. Don't let these images or random people or even his friends ruin what took so long (not sure of your age or how long you have been together) to find. My bf has a girl friend that he has been friends with for like 15 years....at first -- I was hmmmm, but I have met her several times and we are very friendly. She has a fiance and the whole thing - think of it this way - when he goes shopping for a ring, at least he can get a female perspective without spoiling a surprise. Make the best of everything! Good luck to you!

The best advice I can give: Easy to remove clothing. Heels that you actually can move in Keep eye contact with him. Have a prop (feathers, scarf (silk), thigh highs that you would take off) Have a song that makes YOU feel HOT as well PRACTICE! Try to practice in front of the mirror, that way you will see what he will see and know if he would like it ahead of time. PRACTICE! Especially if you are going to pull one of those "must do yoga" moves... HAVE FUN!!!!

I have never been a REALLY religious or spiritual person, but I am willing to try anything at this point. It is just so frustrating and even dibilitating at times. I was trying to describe the beginning of an "episode" to my bf and the only thing I could come up with was it is as though I am standing outside on a nice day and all of a sudden it is a terenchal (sp?) downpour and I cannot move, I am stuck there. I am soaked with anger, rage, and/or depression, whatever set me off! I begin to think the craziest things and make up scenarios.. completely dillusional. It is almost scary to me - racing thoughts that are uncontrolable...if you can picture the stock ticker at the bottom of the MSNBC channel - that is how the thoughts are - fast and just don't stop. It is crazy!

But I do not know what it is or how to go about fixing it. For years now, as far as I can remember, I have been jealous, paranoid, irrational, depressed, felt helpless, worthless..... Sometimes I am normal...whatever that may be. I am usually concentrated on the "bad" or thinking someone is against me in some way, or thinking that my truly awesome boyfriend might be looking elsewhere because I act the way I do (untrusting, suspicious, angry). I was on the Internet today looking at Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Delusional Disorder and some of the symptoms (of course of all three) I had. Mostly with Schizophrenia. There was a list of symptoms or reactions during an "episode" (what my bf and I like to call them) and I asked him to answer Yes or No if it sounded like me. Well, there were like 15 symptoms and he said "Yes" to 13 of them. My question is...Does anyone have experience with this or anyone they know who has any of these disorders? What do I do? I have been in counseling of some sort of the past 10 years (off and on). I feel like I am spinning my mental wheels....not getting anywhere and I am TIRED of reacting the way that I do, thinking the way that I do, being the way I am. Anyone who can give me any advice...please!! I would appreciate it!

Good for you!! It is always uplifting to see the positive posts! You lean on people and this forum when you need it, but ultimately, it is all YOU and you are a stronger, wiser person because of it! I was just thinking about this very topic this weekend. Thinking to myself, " You never know what will happen as there are no guarantees in life. But I do know that I would be able to get through whatever happens." I thought back to what I have already been through in my life, as we all have, and realize that it always gets better. Anyway - I am glad to hear that you are up and over!!! Good luck with the new man!!!

Hey there! We probably have sex 2x/week on average. I would like it to be a little more, but what can you do? I guess, by reading some of the others' posts that it is of the "norm". I am 33 He is 33

Thank you. I appreciate what you have/are going through. Sometimes, I think I have made too big of a deal out of sex. I am not sure if it is the intimacy or the insecurities that I have which is making it important anymore. I am beginning to think that it is the latter, actually. I was trying to investigate why the porn aspect bothered me so much. I think it was b/c of the bodies and faces and what they were doing in the porn that is messing me up in the head. At 33, I am still attractive, but I notice things changing, normal things that come with age, I guess. I am in good shape, have all my teeth , long blond hair.....the whole thing. But images of these YOUNGER women ... puts my insecurities in high speed!! My thing is - I look at it and watch it, when I need a fix. So, why should I have a problem when he looks at it......again - my insecurities

That is very interesting and I wish that I would have seen that episode with my boyfriend. I will have to somehow incorporate that into a discussion..... He says the same thing - "It is a normal guy thing to do. I know married guys who do it and their wives don't care. Hell, I know marryied guys whose wives BUY them Playboys and stuff like that!" Of course my reply is, "So that makes them a better mate than myself? Maybe they don't care and that is their perogative. Maybe they are more secure than me. Whatever."