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urbangentleman

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  1. urbangentleman
    Simone, well my friend my opinion is that it has just hit her that infact you are not going to be around anymore and that your actions with her stuff ( a good move) have now confirmed this for her.I think she's just testing the waters, i mean if she didnt want to wake you up then what was she doing calling in the first place????? She's seeing IMO, how you are reacting to her now that it's all said and done.Too late she cried!
  2. urbangentleman
    hey Play Brat, good for you....as i'm sure you know i'm on week 6, and yes it is still hard somedays, anyway keep in believing in yourself and looking after YOU! And if your having a bad day or whatever...PM ME. I couls use the support too at times. Thanks again Regards Urban
  3. urbangentleman
    How long have you guys been together? If your not in love with her, or not ready for a truelly committed relationship, and as you've stated you really care for her, then you need to be totally honest with her.If you look all around this forum there are too many stories of games and heartbreaks.I cant help but feel, if people where totally honest with each other about their feelings, alot of this destruction could possibly be avoided.Granted sometimes people are going to be hurt anyway, but lies hurt more than the absolute truth, well for me anyway. Besides, you never know what the future holds aor how it will turn out, so best to leave the bridges intact i say.Truth and honesty are one part of a relationship, but they both stem from a primary principle....and that is mutual respect. I think this should give you a way forward, and see the value in someone who has been honest with you about her feelings. Regards Urban.
  4. urbangentleman
    Roxy and pallybrat, thank you both. Wow!....very different opinions here , as everyone is truly entitled to. I see both positives and negatives in each response. Roxy.....I wonder how you can be so confident that she has not forgotten about me as yet? Anyway...thanks again guys, more for me to ponder. Regards Urb.
  5. urbangentleman
    Doc i think thats a good thing, even if your not perhaps totally ready, well it cant help.I guess it's going to happen sooner or later, and well who knows it maybe just what you need to head over the last of the hurdles so to speak.Is this the sanme girl that gave you the wrong number at the party the other night? And i think taht your friends are right, mine seem to be saying the same thing as do alot of others on here. I think sometimes we can get our selves in "the one magic person mode"....when in reality there are 6 billion people on this planet, so the odds have to not too bad i would think, that there are many magic persons. Talk too you in PM doc. Urban.
  6. urbangentleman
    Thanks for the replies all. We were together for 3-4 months.I have thought about if i contact and dont get a positive response will i be ok.Ofcourse i probably will be a little upset, but i think i am strong enough now that it wont set me back to square one. I have the feeling that if i leave it much longer, it may be too late to have each other back in our respective lives.I would rather have her friendship than nothing at all, because i respect her as a person and for who she is. Penny for more of your thoughts!? regards Urban
  7. urbangentleman
    Well she was the one to say give me a call in a month or too, and that she doesnt want to cut me out of her life all together, and she still wanted to be friends,Her exams finish tomorrow and she will have no pressure for 5 weeks because of holidays.I thought that this might be a good time to get in contact, as she will be more relaxed i think. What do i say?
  8. urbangentleman
    Well it's been 6 weeks NC today, and i'm thinking about calling my ex.The reason is i have healed somewhat and want her in my life, i mean we are not enemies and no bad words, fights, etc have ever taken place.She left me for lots of reasons, mainly i've come to understand because of issues in herself and not necessarily because of me or the relationship. I just wany her in my life, i mean yes i do want her back, but i'm not into all the games, and she knows i'm a genuine person.I miss her companionship, and we used to have a hell of alot of fun. I miss that and cant help nut think she must somewhere as well. So I think i'm ready to call her and can control my emotions, i'm just not sure the right way to go about it, or what to say. Please give me some logical advice. regards Urban
  9. urbangentleman
    Hi Simon....well i have been following your posts, actually the doc and you and i are all in that boat together i think.What i've realised today in myself is that, i am not going to call at all.Why?...Well 1 she left me.If somebody really, really wants you in their life after they have left, well then they know where to find me, and should know me well enough on how to approach me and how i'm likely to respond.I mean after all, emotions aside, if she doesn't know that then who the hell was she dating and sleeping with.Think about it. I'd say you dont need to play games, be civil , be mature, just return the stuff like you said, and keep the journey for yourself pointing forward.There is alot of great advice on these forums, some i have taken, some i have not.But at the end of the day, you are the one living in your sphere of the world, and it's really your decision.I agree she is baitng you, unfortunately for her, your about to go fishing elsewhere!....As the old saying goes sometimes my friend....plenty of more fish in the sea. (dont get me wrong simon, i hurt as well mate, just trying to get some humour back for all of our hurting souls). Good luck my friend, i'll track your posts, and hey, any advice to me, pm me. Cheers & regards Urban.
  10. urbangentleman
    Thank you to all again, who faithlfully reply.I just want to make one thing clear here, i am not crazy nor do i plan to post every otherday a new question.I just think it's my way of deciding on a point of action whether that be calling, or staying in NC and moving on for NOW. Reading all the replies that you respectful people post, is what helps me in the slow process for a rediness either way. thanks again, much appreciated. regards Urban.
  11. urbangentleman
    Hello Miss Lonely Heart....I feel for your predicament as i am in the same boat only 6 weks NC, and like you believe if there is ever going to be a chance, welcome NC doesnt breed relations if no one's talking???? I understand the healing concept as well but what is the point of no return?...Or do we never say never.It's so hard, but if it is to be believed from most posters on here, they say let them come to you if they dumped you.I know my girl is kind of shy and at the same time a long thinker and stubborn, so if i decide to contact her, it might be good, but it also might help.Perhaps we should pm each other and discuss this and see if we can possibly find another solution, although dont know what that could be.Or do we entrust in the advice on here, as we are here for a primary reason other than to vent and not feel so alone or abadoned? I'm split 50/50 on this NC issue, meaning i see the benefits as well as the downside. Not really sure i've helped here, but..... Urban
  12. urbangentleman
    Hey doc...i feel exactly what you just wrote.I think a part of me is tired of keeping on stressing or thinking and analyzing everything.The other part of me is not ready to let go at all.Perhaps we could percieve this as a sign of the healing process actually in progress.I too would like to hear from others that are perhaps in a more advanced stage than us, and relate the feelings, although i realize they will and can be different for everybody, as to what this means in the overall healing process. urban
  13. urbangentleman
    Do women when they break up with you and there are no 3rd parties, take longer to think and process about what they have given up than men do.Example NC for 4 weeks, yet she asked me to call her in 1-2 months.Why????...Is it time or? What are your experiences?
  14. urbangentleman
    Thanks chai, ... i think i need to go away and give this all some more thought for a while.I dont think that she will call me, because well she is a bit shy and feels guilt and pressure fairly easily at times.It's just not right that we wouldnt talk at all, i mean there have been no bad words between us at all.Thats whats weird to me here. Thank you for your opinion , i will read it again and make some sense of it all along with everybody elses.You may be right about power though.
  15. urbangentleman
    Hey Doc, Urban here.Well my friend fate works in funnt ways does it not.First off Doc, dont feel like your cheating, she left you, cant have your cake and eat it too.Don't use this other person, but there's no harm in having a date with her.I'm mean the reality is right now doc that you are a single man.But i know through our conversations with each other how you are feeling.Look if nothing else, this will boost your ego abit and it will occupy your mind for a while.If you go, just do yourself a favour and have fun, and as hared as it is, dont compare her to your ex.It's not fair to you or her. You dont need to tell her anything, just go with the flow. Talk to you soon Doc. Regards Urban. PS...I too am thinking of giving up completely????
  16. urbangentleman
    Sorry everybody, i dont mean to sound neady, i just feel really down ntoday.It's my b'day and i'm alone, normally this wouldn't bother me, i just reeling and hurting still from missing the the companionship of my ex.I miss her so much, the sparkle in her eyes, the touch of her skin, the smell of her soul, her disarming smile.Forgive me, i'm just having a rant and whoa's me moment.And i really miss the girls as well, little angels. It's so hard not being able to call her, because i'm trying to stay strong, for me.She's juat left the door open it seems and i really am not sure what to believe in at this moment. How does someone go from saying i reaally enjoy being with you and ofcourse i want to be with you, you have been so wonderful in so many ways, to ending the relationship a week later.I'm very hurt and confused.I find it so easy to give courage, strenght and advice to others, but cant seem to accept it myself. Your thoughts as always will be greatly appreciated. Thanks you again everybody, just having a tough day.
  17. urbangentleman
    Thank you again to all for your suppoet and emotional intelligence.I am my own worst enemy sometimes.The way i feel at the moment is that i miss her still.And i kind of agree that at some point i will need to make that call.She is by nature a shy person and this is perhaps why she hasnt called me.But i dont want her to know what she has put me through, because it really isnt her fault, it's my reaction to the loss of her.Shre knows how i feel about her, i just would like to have her in my life at somepoint, i mean we are not enemies in any way shape or form , and that bothers me as to why we wouldnt ever see each other again.I have shown her nothing but respect.I didnt think that i had fallen for her , but i have come to realise lately that i am in love with her, so that brings a new set of emotions to me on top of everything else. Not a good day considering it's my b'day today. urbangetleman.
  18. urbangentleman
    Danimal....you have been an inspiration for so many on here......but my friend read this....alphonsea posted this to me once and i have never forgooten it....read it over and over.Were all in this together.....pm me any time at all, i'll always share the pain and my thoughts with you....look after YOU right now. "Urban, stay tough my man! Don't contact her, please don't contact her. You are going to make yourself look needy and pathetic, and she will lose respect for you the more you hang around. Let her go! I'm not saying let her go forever, but let her go for now. Let me tell you something. If she really wants you, and really wants to have you in her life, she will make contact with you again. You will not lose her over a mis-understanding, or for the fact of you think she is waiting for you to make the first move. In fact the opposite is true. If you contact her, you're not going to get the response that you want. It's not going to help you move on, it's going to hurt you real bad. Trust me on this one, I speak from much experience. I broke off all contact with my Ex for 3 1/2 months. This girl emphatically told me that she would never call me again. Guess what? She did two days ago. She didn't want me in her life, so I granted her wish. All the time I beat myself up thinking, "wow, I must've not meant anything to her, she won't even pick up the phone to call me". And guess what, that was the exact right thinking. I was okay with that. I looked at this way. If I meant so little to your life, that you can't even make the effort to pick up the phone and call me, then you aren't the person I thought you were, and I definitely don't want someone in my life who doesn't want to be there. She took me for granted Urban, just like your girl is taking you for granted. For you always being there, and excusing her poor behavior towards you, she puts no value on you or the relationship. Sadly people want what they can't have and in her present mind, she can have you whenever she wants. You need to take that away from her, and you do that by controlling your behavior, afterall it's the only thing you ever have control of. Turn your back on her, do not be her friend under any circumstances (if you still hope for a romantic re-connection), and grant her the gift of life without you. Think about the worst that could happen; she never calls you again. Do you really want someone in your life that won't even make the simple effort of calling you on the phone? Don't be her doormat, she willl use you as much as you allow her to. Stay strong!"
  19. urbangentleman
    you are right danimal....just a bad anxious day...but pulled it together now.Appologies, and thanx for the advice.thanks to all.
  20. urbangentleman
    Hey there, i'm so sorry for your loss.It's a tough period for you in your life right now, but remember this somewhere in the world there are always people that are willing to love you, and when you go to bed at night, there is always someone out there to watch over you.And i'm sure that this person is your mum.Take care of yourself, and i think right now you need to get some sunshine and talk to some people, it will help with the grieving process.Even if you have to force yourself, please do this.The positive that will come out of this situation in years to come will be the things you learn but not realize right now, and that my friend will build you into a person of emense character and strength. And always remember ....the enaotalone community will always be here for 24/7. urban.
  21. urbangentleman
    Thank you both for the replies.Ican see both points of view....but i have got to say alphonsea...you've really just lifted my spirits and made me feel abit mor rational again.And what you say is largely correct i think. You people are amazing. urban.
  22. urbangentleman
    For those of you who have been following my posts....u'll understand. Today for the first time in 6 weeks i have cried and lost it.I am angry, confused , hurt, feeling used, worthless, every emotion you can think of.I've even had a panic attack, which i know how to deal with, but i haven't had one in 5 years..... I have not heard from my ex in 4 weeks since today, and i'm wondering has she moved on completely or is waiting for me to call because of guilt or what/ I don't know how much more of this i can take....i need answers. Fair enough if we had of had a bad breakup, but it was all very civil and mature and we even spoke on the phone about it for 2 hours 4 weeks ago. I haven't heard a damn thing since then when she left me with " I'm not saying what the future will hold as i don't know, but give me a call in a month or two. Am i just deluding myself hear or what do i do....I'm not sure if NC does anything for me here, when i need to know so i can completely heal, with no what ifs, or buts. Please everybody, throw your opinions at me Having a bad day. Urban.
  23. urbangentleman
    Thank yo for your advice,I just keep thinkinh that as time passes the dumper forgets you...is that true do you think? Or does curiosity eventually get the better of them? what's yours and others experience?
  24. urbangentleman
    Thank u all for the replies.Some days i'm good, somedays i'm not. Today, so far so good.And i've thought about what you have said.I will make contact in the future, but i relize i'm not ready yet.I wonder if she is confused right now, as every other guy she has been with has chased and stalked etc to the point of breaking in her house, cutting up her clothes, completely smashing up her car etc etc.I've done nothing, except walked away.Would this make you wonder what i was doing at somepoint???? I just wanted to show her what a real man with dignity and integrity, was capable of no matter how much he is hurting, wanting etc.I do miss her, but she has to feel me gone too i think.It's so hard because we live 10mins from each other.I'm going to enjoy my b'day this w/e with or without her.I not sure she even knows or remembers it is my b'day so i'm not going to be upset if i dont hear from her. Do you ever think too much time can pass?
  25. urbangentleman
    Hi Red, I sorry to here your problems right now.But i can tell you, i'm 6 weeks NC and i am getting stronger each day.It's tough my friend, but ask yourself what is a time in your life that something worse than this has happened, and where you got the strength and courage to pull through that.It didn't come because she was beside you, it came from your inner self, and that sort of thing never disapears because it's in your soul. This time is for YOU red. YOU....say it out aloud with me, YOU! Right now i know how raw this is and your searching for answers.Believe me and take it from others on here , heed our advice and your healing will begin and be smoother than some of the roads we have all traveled.This board is for all of us to share and help make it easier for the next.Much like what you learn in one relationship, you take forward and have a better one in the next.This is how you find your soul, and your soulmate.I hate to say it so bluntly , but you have to let go, the sooner you can do that, and i know ,believe me i have made everymistake in the past, but not this time round, it will get easier.If you truly want her back, this is the only way....let her go and heal.6 years wont just disappear over night, if it does, then you my friend dont want a connection with a souless heart like that. Re- read that red.You are a person to.This is the only thing in the world that will give you reflection and time to heal.You might just surprise yourself when you look deep inside. An old jedi once said to a depressed man to look out the window and tell him what he see's.He said i see children playing in the grass.The jedi then asked him to look into the mirror and tell him what he see's, he says just me. The jedi turned to him and said ahh, both are made of glass, and both provide reflection, yet this one allows you to see a silver lining. Think about that red....the silver lining is YOU. I hope this can help. PM me anytime, god knows i have my days to.We all do. Urban.
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