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sara-pezzini

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  1. sara-pezzini
    shy soul,thanks also for your input but you got it,and him very wrong!! I know that I am ready for this now,never felt this way before and of course at the time I will be nervous but so will he,because even though he has some experience, he is not pressuring me into this,he doesnt even know that I am thinking about doing this,and when it happens I'm sure he will do anything to make me feel comfortable too,but in way it will be his first time too,so I want to make it memorable for us both... so this is just a little background info,there are more reasons to want to do it this way,but I can't go into them here... so with this info,do you think he will appreciate it??won't I scare him?? and everyone...thanks for the replies!!! it seems that my idea is good and timewise,I now know I shouldn't make him wait too long,but just a little curious,will the backmassage also turn him on,or can I make that as long as I want to???? and if at the time I get the idea that he is nervous or not turned on,I will leave it at the massage,but hopefully it will turn him on or I will get the idea that I'm doing something wrong!!! and that will be embarrassing
  2. sara-pezzini
    thanks for the tips!!!I won't make it last too long!!! but the only problem is I can't do it right now,because he went to his home country to visit his parents...so I have to wait until he comes back!!and I miss him very much,but planning this is fun!! when it happens I'll post the result!!!!!!
  3. sara-pezzini
    well the whole idea is to get him to relax....the bath,the music and the massage we are comfortable around each other,and already took a long time to get to know each other. of course I would tell him that nothing will happen that he doesn't want to,he can tell me to stop at all time,and if anything makes him uncomfortable I won't do that...but knowing him he will love this,the only thing is that I don't have any experience and am not sure if a guy likes it if a woman takes the initiative like this.. if he gets my textmessage he will kinda know what is going to happen right??so if he doesn't want to he won't come and to Ilse...funny how things do work out in the end right??back in May everything was so hopeless and now look,I got him!!! and look at what I'm planning
  4. sara-pezzini
    Hello everyone,I want to surprise my boyfriend and I have a special evening planned and I would like to know if it sounds good,because it will be my first time!! he respects me and knows that I don't have any experience so he hasn't tried anything yet,he really wants to take the time to get to know each other and be comfortable with each other first,so it's just hugs and kisses so far...and I really feel ready for the next step,but don't just want to say this to him,but show him So here is my plan: in the morning I will send him a textmessage,to come to me in the evening if he wants an exciting surprise,and to call me 15 minutes before he gets here so I have time to prepare everything. When he gets here I want to blindfold him and take him upstairs,where I have a bath waiting,the bathroom with lots of candles,a glass of wine,and some music that I will make a cd of myself,to relax him... then leave him to bathe,and tell him that when he is finished he has to put the blindfold on again and call me. that gives me time to prepare the rest... then I will lead him blindfolded to my bedroom,and to the bed(with black satin sheets for the occasion)the bedroom is also filled with lots of candles,some scented. I will tell him to lay face down on the bed,and give him a very long massage,with massage oil,leaving the blindfold on. after that he can turn around and I want to tie his hands to the bed with a scarf(of course only if he wants this!!) then tease him kiss him,feed him some juicy fruit(so that he doesn't know what is in front of him,my lips,fingers or fruit ) caress him,tease him with my fingernails and a feather(my kinky side has awoken!!! ) then finally remove the blindfold and untie his hands and let him take it from there!!! does this sound good??? will he like this??? will it get him in the mood??? anything else I can add??? of course I will be wearing sexy lingery,but he won't see that until I remove the blindfold... I have this all planned and am excited just thinking about it,but will he like it too??? thanks for your input!!!!
  5. sara-pezzini
    well to be honest I did it once,I was in love(or at least at the time I thought I was)and he had a girlfriend and I wanted to see what reaction I would get,maybe that he would be a bit jealous or disappointed,but unfortunately he was very happy for me that "found someone" so it didn't work at all,and now I wouldn't do something like that anymore...
  6. sara-pezzini
    things happen very quickly now!!!I had an amazing week,still can't believe that this happened... after a year of conversations only at work or on the phone,while I had asked him out many times,but he was always afraid to actually go through with it,always afraid that I would come to close or want something that he wasn't ready for.. then came last thursday....we were at work and he asked me if I wanted to get a drink after work,well of course!!! we went and had a great time,we talked very much,and pretty soon it was to late for him to catch the last train home,so I offered that he could sleep in my guestroom,thinking he would be scared off again,but he gladly accepted and we went to my house,and we spent half the night talking,until he fell asleep on my couch,and I was afraid to move or turn off the lights,because that would wake him. so I spent an hour just watching him sleep,and it was the happiest hour of my life,and to me it was very moving that after all he has been through,he felt comfortable enough around me,to just fall asleep and not be scared of what I might do(because I already told him once what I wanted and that caused him to panic,didn't know then what I know now..) after an hour he woke up again and I suggested that we go upstairs,because a bed is more comfortable than a couch... and in the morning when I had to wake him,he told me he had slept very well,which is unique because he has many troubles sleeping!! and he wants to do this again real soon!! so I already was extremely happy,but now even more so!!!!!!! was the best night of my life,so far....
  7. sara-pezzini
    thanks!!!!! and ilse...mmm lekker!! still can't think of anything else \ didn't know I could be this happy and am very glad that I didn't react to the pain that he caused me then,but really thought about why he did that,not many people would have done that and it made him see how I really am...GO ME!!!
  8. sara-pezzini
    for those of you who have read my posts Never been kissed,and Not sure,just need advice...about how I thought that my boyfriend used to have been sexually abused,a little update... He was really scared of what was happening between us,felt the same way about me but still kept me at a distance,and it was very confusing for me... one time when I came too close to him he pushed me away and didn't want anything anymore...very painful!!but I thought that something was not right and decided to give him space,be friendly but not come too close and let him initiate contact.. Well that was a very good decision because slowly he opened up to me,trusted me again and appologized for what he had said,now he always initiates contact and he finally told me what has happened to him in his youth,which was very painful to hear because it really was what I already feared. This has always caused him to push people away and keep everyone at a distance,because he feared that when people got to know him and his secret,they would leave him...No one has ever been there for him,and no one has ever loved him and he didn't know how to react to that. We really became very close now and he thanked me for my beautiful presense in his live,it meant a lot to him *sigh* And finally yesterday,all of a sudden he stood behind me,and when I turned around he put his hands on my arms and kissed me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!it was just perfect and very sweet and meant a lot to me,that he finally had the courage to do that,after I have waited patiently for sooooo long!!! So now I am extremely happy and can think of nothing else all day!!!!!!
  9. sara-pezzini
    this would absolutely NOT turn me off!!!!!!!!!because i am in that situation with someone right now too,he has never had a girlfriend or has any experience,and he is 32,and neither have i....so i find this very beautiful that we will be each other's first!!!but of course it also makes it a bit complicated because we are both inexperienced and shy.......so we are still at the hand holding stage but that can also be much fun and much tension!!!and I'm sure that there are many girls out there who feel the same as I
  10. sara-pezzini
    thanks for the advice,and very true also.... Also I have a "secret"that I cannot talk about,to anyone,but I do have the feeling that I can tell him and that he will understand and be sweet about it,but I want more closeness before I tell him.....so that probably answers my own question something to think about...............
  11. sara-pezzini
    well sort of boyfriend means that he knows about my feelings for him and I know about his feelings for me,but he needs time and space right now,he has told me that he wants a friendship first and then when we get to know each other better build it into a relationship...he is afraid of the intimacy part,even kissing...and he doesn't let people get close to him. He has called himself my boyfriend that is why I also call it that,but it's not yet a real relationship.....and I know that this will take a lot of time,but I just wanted some people with experience in this,to let me know how the best way to proceed is...I've never had these strong feelings for anyone,so I don't want to get to carried away and in my enthousiasm scare him off..... I know that there is a huge taboo on men being sexually abused,so I just wanted some ideas on how to handle this.
  12. sara-pezzini
    hello all, Don't know if this is the right place to post this.... I have a (sort of)boyfriend,there are many issues between us but that is too much to get into right now,but I have very,very strong feelings for him,and he feels the same way about me,and we are in a sort of relationship but for now without the intimacy. Which brings me to my question...I have many reasons for believing that he has been sexually abused as a child,he hasn't really said it but hinted about it,and I know that for guys it is even more difficult to talk about.. So what can I do?how can I get him to open up?How can I let him know that I am there for him,that he can trust me,that I won't judge him and so on...He has all the signs of PTSD,and I have found out that when I come too close,he backs off,so I don't want to scare him away or be too direct,but how do we get that trust between us that he needs to talk about it? Do any of you here have experience with guys who have been abused?? The story is a bit complicated,I know and I'm sorry,don't know how to write it more clearly. anyway thanks in advance for any thoughts or suggestions....
  13. sara-pezzini
    one more thing,also you already said to him that you knew he wasn't interested and that was fine with you.....well that is a very mixed signal for a shy guy!!!!!!he can even think that you were kidding and didn't really mean it!!!
  14. sara-pezzini
    well I can only give the same advice,if you are desperately in love,you have to do something about it!!because if you don't do anything you will never have him and can you then live with just his friendship?I don't think so...because these feelings will only grow,and will then hurt you and keep you fantasizing and wondering about his feelings.so that is a situation you don't want to be in,believe me,just ask/tell him and also explain to him your doubts and fears because I am sure that to him you are also sending mixed signals and since he was alreay hurt once,maybe he is scared to meke himself vulnerable...and thereforeee just does nothing to avoid getting hurt!!!that with the song can be a coincidence but I don't think so...maybe it was his way of giving a hint...I do think that he absolutely likes you,otherwise he wouldn't do those things,I think it's only the fact that he is scared....and you are scared and then it leads to nothing!!!one of you has to be brave...I would maybe write him a letter telling and explaining everything(that is what I did)because that gives him time to think,he doesn't have to react immediately to your face,which is probably scary for him,and would maybe cause him to say something strange again....I'd say just do it,because this situation drives you crazy...and at least knowing how he feels will give you peace of mind!!
  15. sara-pezzini
    then I would say,go for it!!!!!what is the worst that can happen?he might not like you in that way,well then at least you will know that instead of always wondering....people told me to forget about my guy too,because it took very very long,but my feelings are just so strong that I couldn't walk away...I wrote him a letter telling him that I was in love with him and he didn't really react,I really scared him with it,but after a few weeks he began acting the same as he used to,he obviously got used to the idea,he started to be more selfconfident and happier,and giving me all kinds of hints that he felt the same way about me,he just can't express his feelings,but I held on,didn't give up when everyone told me to,because to me it felt right,and well now finally it is right!!!!he is now my boyfriend,still there are some problems that I won't bore you with,but I now know for sure that he feels the same way about me and sees me as his girlfriend...So by not listening to anyone and following my heart,was the best thing I ever did,so please don't listen to people who tell you to give up,try first!!!!!!!tell him how you feel,ask him out for a real date and don't think too much about what he said!!!GO FOR IT!!!!!!you have nothing to lose only much to win,and this will not happen if you don't try!!!!especially since you already know that he is shy to try anything!!!!
  16. sara-pezzini
    then I think he meant it slightly different then how it came out so I wouldn't think to much of what he said,my guy is also from a different culture then me and sometimes he says things that sound very strange,but now I know what he means by it but that took some time!!I think his actions speak louder than his words,I think he is confused,maybe a bit scared but I also think that he does like you,be a bit careful with him,get to know him without him feeling the pressure that you want more,just try to be his friend for a while...but basically listen to your instincts!!because they are usually right!!!
  17. sara-pezzini
    well it could be that he is shy or just carefull after being hurt once,when you say his english isn't very good,do you mean he is from another country?because then it is also possible that the words came out of his mouth differently then he intended...from experience I know that a shy guy who is afraid to get hurt again sends mixed signals and it takes a LOT of effort to break through their "wall"if you know what I mean...hope this helps...goodluck!!!
  18. sara-pezzini
    little update...still no kiss but I am pretty sure that it will happen soon!!!!last week I have written him a letter in his language(he is not dutch,from another more closed culture,with a very difficult language!!!)that letter took me 8 hours to write with the help of an online translation site...basically I wrote that I like how things are going with us and that I like spending time with him and that I'm falling even more in love with him...and that we can still take it easy and that I don't want to scare him or pressure him but that I want more,not jump into bed immediately,but that I want to kiss him and touch him and hold him ,but that I am a little nervous to do it because I am very shy and because I don't really know if he wants to either,and that I know that it is hard for him to talk about his feelings...and that I found a way around that....if he says nothing about this letter to me this time than I am going to assume that it is okay if I kiss him and that then i am going to assume that he wants to kiss me too!! that way he doesn't have to say anything and I make it easier for him and he knows exactly what I want and what is going to happen,unless he says that he doesn't want it!!I thought that was very clever and brave of me!!!!! and when I saw him again we were not alone but he told me that he was very impressed with my letter and had a big grin on his face all night!!!!!!and this was tuesday and no textmessage or phonecall that he doesn't want to so I will see him again this tuesday and I assume it will happen then!!!!!!!!!he has had the time to get used to the idea that I will kiss him,and if tuesday he doesn't say anything about it then I will say didn't react so I can kiss you now?and then kiss him I will probably be more nervous then I am now,writing it down but so will he,at least he knows what I want and what is going to happen!!wish me luck and I will let you know if it happened!!!
  19. sara-pezzini
    wow it sounds exactly like my story,so I can't really give advice since I also don't know what to do!!!but what I can say is that you are really brave for telling him you like him,believe me I know how difficult that is,and after you done so you kinda expect things to happen by itself and it is confusing when it doesn't!!! but i'd say take the time,enjoy every moment with him and don't worry because it all sounds very good and i'm sure that first kiss will happen soon,maybe he is just as nervous and confused as you...as it is the case in my situation goodluck!!!
  20. sara-pezzini
    why not already ask her out but also tell her about your busy schedule?then if she says yes,and i'm asuming she will,you can both find a time when you can go out,even if that means it will be in two weeks...goodluck!!!
  21. sara-pezzini
    thanks to everyone for answering,it has helped me a lot and I decided to wait and see what happens or maybe give him a hint in a conversation that I want to kiss him,and see what he says,I get braver and braver around him ,and continue to surprise myself!!!so far I have done many things that a year ago I never would have done!!! Ilse no I am not italian,sara pezzini is the name of the character in one of my favourite tv series ever that we live in the same country,and yet communicate now in english I am going to call him this afternoon because there are some other issues that we have to talk about...namely that a few people from work found out about us ,and if I have the nerve I will bring up the kiss!!!
  22. sara-pezzini

    Fear

    sara-pezzini replied to ECD's topic in Dating Advice

    congratulations!!!!! I'm happy for you and I think that being his friend right now is a great way to get started,that is how it started for me too!!!!!and at least he is honest about it and you know that you judged his character right!!
  23. sara-pezzini
    well I have a joking way of asking for you,not a very good joke but when you're with her and you accidently hurt your finger for example,then say if she would give a kiss on it to make it better...if she doesn't then that's fine but if she does kiss your finger,then smile and say how much that helps,and that you have pain here too(point to your lips)and that maybe she can fix that too.....I know not the greatest line in the world but who knows!!
  24. sara-pezzini
    reading your story again I really think that she has the same doubts and fears as you,because girls often want guys to take the initiative,kiss them first,say i love you first and so on...so that they don't have to show their feelings first and be "safe"like that...maybe you can watch a romantic movie with her,just the two of you,and then put your arm around her,pull her closer and if she responds to that,kiss her,because I'm almost convinced that she is waiting for it too!!!or next time you're with her when you are saying goodbye kiss her on the cheek,to get that bit of intimacy between you two again...and you can always do what I did,ask her if you can kiss her
  25. sara-pezzini
    maybe she is insecure,thinks she is a bad kisser or something like that,maybe she sits at home thinking,"why doesn't he kiss me anymore...I want to kiss him but don't know if he will like that"so I suggest that indeed you talk to her,you can even bring it up as a kind of joke,or when you snuggle just kiss her!!goodluck!!
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