emma201279

ok, i've decided i might let this one slide, cause i realised it was actually only one text message he sent her that day (well it was actually 3 in one if u see wot i mean)....tho i don't kno wot it said. but still, i don't think this is sumthing i will ever be ok about. there isnt anything else that wud make me feel like he's cheating on me or being unfaithful. and if i hadn't seen his phone bill, i wud have never known he was still contacting her. so do i just turn a blind eye?? i wish he wud just be honest with me. but at the same time, i know the reason he doesnt tell me he's contacted her is probably cause he knows i wud get upset... like i am now. its tough

ok, so i just watch his actions? until when? if i don't tell him about it, then won't he just keep contacting her?? i need to tell him that i'm not guna take this lightly...if he continues to keep her in his life then no dout its guna cause us to break-up. i don't want to spend my life being paranoid in this relationship-having to watch his every move. Everytime i see her number on his phone bill...the more i feel i have to watch him, and the more paranoid i get. i just want to trust him and how he feels about me

ok, so wot would you do, if you're boyfriend kept contacting his ex-girlfriend? so here's the thing, they went out with each other for only 2months , 6years ago...however after they split up they kept being best-friends and have kept contact ever since. i have being dating my b/f for 2 years. last year i found out about her (acidentally heard an answering machine message from her, confronted him, and he told me about her). after that, i told him i wasnt confortable with them still contacting each other, and he said he would only contact her if she contacted him first (i.e he sed he didnt want to just ignore her if she txt him or sumthing, cause it was rude), which i said was ok, cause i assumed she wud get the message eventually. so anyway...a year has gone by, and there had been a couple of instances where i found out they contacted each other. each time i found out , i wud end up in tears and we wud have an argument about it, but we sum how sorted things out. me and my b/f have just moved in together. i though the contacting her would stop but it hasnt. i looked at his online phone bill(i know -terrible), and i saw that he had texted her yesterday . and hasnt told me about it. i'm so sick of fighting about it, i don't know what to do. the thing is this girl aint no ordinary girl, she's stunning, and a lot prettier than me. i don't understand why my b/f and her stil contact each other...because i've heard shes apparently going out with a rich footballer atm, and my b/f told me that he had already told her about all about me and him living together. whenever i found out they contacted each other , he would always make it seem like it was her initiating the contact, and he was just replying....but that makes me wonder, cause surely no girl wud keep contacting a guy unless she was getting sum reassurance back (especially when she's going out with a footballer!). wot do i do? confront him? get upset over it AGAIN? or walk away? he says its all me whos making this a problem (and i do admit myself i am quite an insecure girl), and that i should trust him, and that i have nothing to worry about . But at the end of the day, (regardless of whether it is me just being paranoid or not)...surely if he cared about how i felt..he wud just stop contacting her all together?! i don't know what to do. also we're in a one year lease on the flat, so i kindof feel trapped. like i can't really do anything about it, and just have to put up with it. we've been thru so much together. i'd hate for us to end over a couple of text messages...but i just can't do this anymore.any advice wud be great. thanks for listening x

im so upset at the minute, and i feel so rejected ..but i dont know why exaclty. it just feels like my b/f has only ever wants me when he cant' have me! we've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now...and during the year we always seen to contact each other etc and make effort to see each ther like once every 2 wks...but now im on my summer holidays bk home for a couple of weeks..and i thought we'd be seing each other loads since we'd be in the same place....but i get nothing..im mean he makes the odd phone call here and there but thats it.and in general it just feels like he hardly ever contacts me or want to see me much... and wen im the one who makes contact to meet up or wotever..he'l go alone with it and all...but after that i wont hear from him in days! wot kinda relationship is that. i just feel so insecure at the minute, which i HATE ...its my worst nightmare. i hate being the clingy one in a relationship but it feels like i am at the minute. and the thing is..i dont kno whether the reason for me wantin to see him all the time is actually because i desparately miss him or necessarily want to see him, but if its possibly because i want to sort of remind him off me..so he doesnt forget bout me or go off me.i kno its terrible. i just feels like theres no communication at the minute.. i always feel insecure during the times wen we hardly communicate or chat about proper things. i need a lot of reassurance as well bout how he feels bout me..and mostly he gives it to me wen i ask. i think i shud talk to him ..but how do i do its so i dont sound like a desparate insecure g/f?..thats such a turn off to anyone! oh and anutha thing...we're gettin a flat together next month...as he's moving to wer i'm studying ... but if this is how he acts now ...wots it guna be like wen we see each other everyday?!.. i dono maybe im just overreacting ...i kno for a fact that if u asked him if if there was any problems between us and our relationship he'd prob be like ' nothing at all'...grr its so frustrating

ok, so heres the thing. me and my b/f have been together for about 2 yrs now (with a break inbetween of 3months...u can read my previsious post u u really wana get all the info )...anyway its been a long distance relationship all that time (as we went to different universities) and we wud see each other every wk or 2. Anyway my b/f just got a job in the city wer im studying at university (the main reason he wanted the job was too be closer to me)....so we'll be moving into a flat with each other pretty soon...which is the thing im really scared about...i just dont kno if im ready for it. i mean i love him and love being with him...but im worried it cud actualy damage our relationship rather than make things better...its goin to be such a change from being in a long distance relationship ...wer we hardly ever saw each other ( and missed each other inbtween)...and the gud thing bout a long-distance is that ur other half hardly ever sees ur bad side..so wot if livin together makes us get sick of each other? or if we find out stuff about each other that we don't like and the relationship turns upside down? i know it sounds silly...but im scared that moving in wit him cud actually cause us to break-up?!...andi really dont want that! i just feel really pressured atm... like we HAVE to make it work..cause we'll have a one years -lease on flat etc, . i just dont wana feel like were stuck with each other. the thing i liked bout our relationship before was that...we just saw each other cause we wanted no pressure ...didnt have to look towards the future of anything!... everyone keeps saying ' living together will either make you or break u'...but i dont want it to break us...just want things to stay the same ....i dont know whether im scared of committment ...or im too committed?! xxxx

yeh shes right...ur definitely not alone!....ive been very insecure in my relationship before, and it has caused a lot of problems.now i realise its silly to overanalyse about think like other girls etc..hes with U for a reason, not because he has to be with you, but because he wants to. reading ur post and other peoples comments have been really inspirational to me aswell! i hope you can be happier with urself and in your relationship....cause u deserve it....we all do! so dont be scared of rejection or that u'll get hurt...just be yourself and love like uve never been hurt before...and if this guy is the one for u, he'll love you no matter what.

but DN....shudnt there be a compromise? isnt that wot relationships are about? doin the best u can to make each other happy?

well surely if you u wer seing someone new...and ur ex wantid u bk ...u wudnt keep meeting up wit them....that wud give them even more of the wrong idea and just lead them on wudnt it??...unless hes jusrt keepin his options open?

yeh miracle...i think you're right...its also not just the fact that im not sure i trust him...but his ex...well shes got a bit of a reputation for dating many many guys and cheated on some...she actually cheated on my b/f too u kno!...however my b/f always said that he never really thought of her as his ex because they went out for such a little time...he thort of her as a friend...tho i dont think, their 'friendship' was always entirely plutonic (until i came around anyway) but about controlling him...thats wot i think got to me..the fact that he met up wit her anyway, knowing i wudnt be happy about it....and then he prob felt guilty and needed to tell me

yeh i agree wit that, theres no point in tryin to control someone....most the time theyll prob go against u or resent u for not giving them your freedom.

i think its actually frustrating him about how much we do actually talk about it...coz im always bringin it up in conversations. im constanlty asking for reassurance whihc he most the time gives me...i guess i just gota decide for myself...can i deal wit this..and is it worth splitting up over?

so u think its ok for me to tell him to not see her again....or is that to do wit my own insercurities?? confused!

to be fair he didnt actually lie to me or go behind my back...because the first time we spoke about it...i asked if he contacted her often..and he said he only gave her a text once in a while just seing how shes was gettin on wit uni etc... and that if i didnt want him to do that he wudnt...and i said...'well i dont wana tell u wat to do...but it does upset me '...tho i didnt actually say to him dont even see her or talk to her again...just said it upsets me that they talk in general ya kno..

i'm feelin a bit bit down and depressed atm..i think i hav a hard time trusting my b/f. basically ive had a problem for ages with my b/f's ex-girlfriend contactin him and them still being friends( because i kno how caught up he was over her in the past)...however they only actually wentout wit each other for 4months..5yrs ago!..but one thing that makes me feel down is that shes much better lookin than i am...so anyway a couple of months ago i spoke to him about my concerns and that i didnt think it was appropriate for them to still be friends. He reassured me of how he felt about me, said they hardly ever spoke and that if i didnt want him to contact her again he wundn.t.....so everything was fine after that. but then....last wk...my b/f told me he had gone of for a drink wit her (as she had randonly rang him sayin that she wantid to catch up)...he said he felt it was important to tell me because he wantid our realtionship was about honesty. he told me pretty much everything that happened...basically that they met up , chatted for 2 hrs, talked about family, friends etc, and then he went home. he even told me that he had spoken to her about me and how he much feels for me. wen he first told me i wasnt too bothered, as it meant a lot to me that he was honest wit me about it (as he cud hav easily not told me)...so things wer ok ...for a bit...then wen we wer together the other day we ended up talkin about it again...and i just got really upset about it,...just the fact that he had met up for a drink wit her in the first place with him made me annoyed... he said he didnt like seing me upset and asked me what i wanted him to do about it and i said 'ok, don't see her again'(because i kno if he did it again it wud just make me upset again)...and he was like 'ok' and said he wasnt really bothered about seing her or not. but now im really worried about whether that was the right thing to say....and feel quite bad about it. i dont like tellin my b/f what to do, and i'm worried that he now thinks i dont trust him...which is not good in any relationship....i think i trust him but then why do i get so upset about it?? im so confused bout things.. i always assume the worst. i just dont want this trust issue i seem to hav sabotage our relationship...i really want to trust him but its hard ...i kno it must b frustrating for him aswell thinkni i dont trust him (when he hasnt done much wrong)...i just feel really confused bout things...need help about how to put things right xxx

hey, ive been in a very similar situation to you. my b/f broke up with me last summer (not because he didnt love me anymore but because he had to concentrate on his work..u can see my previous threads iv written to see my situation). anyway even though he sed he still had all those feelings for me, i was still really hurt at the time by the fact that he let me go in the first place. we got bk together not long ago as he basically realised from being apart what a mistake he had made and how much he wanted to be with me - regardless of his work., and things have been gud so far. however i also had sum trust issues with him as i was scared that id get hurt again..so i understnd how u feel. ithink the best thing to do is try not to let it get to you. your b/f obviously does really love you or he wudnt have come back to you. if he's cheated in the past then i wudnt blame you for being worried...but he hasnt cheated and as you said she probably isnt doing it now. i know learning to trust someone is better said than done however. i understand you're going to be more cautious about things becuase he did hurt you in the past and it can be difficult to forget that.but dont let this overrule you're relationship, otherwise you'll never be allowing yourself to love and feel for him to your full potential..and that wud be a waste. i realised life's too short to always worried about things like that. just try and be confident in yourself and the way he feels about you....but dont blame yourself at all...it's totally understandable.

ok so i think i've got a serious issue with trust. well it all started when i found out that my b/f still contacts his ex (after us being together for over a year)...which he had never told me about (i found a bday card she sent to him etc.) anyway i was pretty concerned about it cause he had never told me he still contacted her (and i know she meant A LOT to him in the past) so talked to my b/f about it and how i felt and he reassurred me i had nothing to worry about, that they hardly ever spoke as it was, and that if i didnt want him to contact her he wudnt. i sed that i didnt want to tell him what to do,but that it did upset me to know that it was often him that intiated the contact. anyway after we had a long talk about it he reassurred me that i was the most important person to him.i thought everything wud be fine..... but then.. last week i found out my b/f's password for his email address and his online phone bill.....BAD IDEA. i wish i had never found out what it was, because i constantly keep checking them to see who he's been contacting etc...even though i keep checking it regularly i don't actually seem to find anything that wud suggest he's being unfaithful etc.I feel so guilty about it, because i think one of the most important things about a relationship is about trust and honesty. he's never cheating on me it the past, and i don't think he ever wud- so why can't i just leave it alone?! i just ned sum advice on how i can tackle this issue and how i can trust him and the way he feels about me. i wish i cud cause i dont want things to get worse or end over this. thanks for listening emmaxx

thats lovely!

yeh same thing happened to me and my mate. realise its tough especially when ur not in a relationship yourself. i think the begininig of most realtionshps r like that tho- i kno i cud never stop talking bout my b/f wen we first startd goin out- but that only lasted so long and also i tried not to talk about him too much with my mates coz i knew that wud prob piss them off... i think its just coz he's a new part in her life and she jus wants to share her happiness with her friends, it wont take long before the honeymoon period is over don't worry. i the meantime id try spending time wit other ppl coz u dont want to offend your mate too much.

hi, i was just guna ask a general question about being compatible with someone. i'm a gemini and as my sign says i am most compatible with aquarius, libre aries and leo. ive found in the past some one my strongest relationshps have been whith ppl who i a supposed to be the most compatibility with. except im a bit worried that i often depend too much on or look too much into starsigns..... like if im gettin on wit a guy or i start seing sumone (or even if im making a new friend!) and i find out from their starsign that theyre not compatible with me...i find that i hardly make much more of an effort with them coz i always think it probably won't last anyway coz were not compatible. does anyone else ever think like this?? i dont want starsigns to predict my realtionshps with ppl but i find it really hard not too! am i obsessed?!

btw i really like your little quote

nah i dont think guys reevaluate as much as us girls to be honest! its probably gut instincts they go for, altho ia aint a guy so i maybe wrong. i wudnt over-analyze things especially in the early stages of dating anyone. just go with the flow and see wot happens.

i agree with jadett.....its how u feel bout them , if you both conneted on the dates etc. instead of wondering whether he's interested in you and if he's guna call...u should be thinking about whether your interested in HIM . and if u are and he isnt...then his loss...just move on to the the next one. and believe me there'll def be at least one that stands out from the crowd.

i don't know why this guy is acting like this. it's kindof childish to flat out ignore someone.. but its probably coz he doesnt know what else to do. i don't think u should let it get to you. you obviously do have a big influence on him otherwise he wundt make such an effort to ignore u. i'd just give it time , then try talking to him one more time. if you get no response then i would waste my time on him.move on and be happy.

any one agree with this? 'The reason why ex's tend to cum back after no contact is because theve gone from hearing for you loads almost everyday in some cases- and they know they can basically have u whenever they want. but wen u start no contact it kinda shows them they can't have you so easliy, that your getting on with your life.....and as we all know people tend to want the more scarce unavailable things in life rather than the ones that are easily available....ya get my drift?'

thanks for your advice guys! its really helped a lot. i know he cares about me it's just hard for me to totally understand his actions as it's not something i personally would have done. i always thought relationships were about compromise ya see. i've always known how important his degree was to him and how hard he works and ive always given him plenty of space when he needed it.i just don't know how this year would have been so different coz i already knew how little i'd be seing him but didn't think we'd break up! i just don't know how he cud have made that risk loosing me forever...i mean for all he knew i cud have met sumone else and moved on by now.... (which i havent btw) i guess i just want to be convinced that he really does love me and wants to be with me before i get my feelings involved again.