starrrr

Okay...well...when we first started going out..he actually asked for pics of me..and when I went into his room, it was a nice surprise to my pictures on his mirrors...not framed or anything, but jus stuck on the side of his full length mirror in his room.... This made me smile, and happy to think he sees my face everytime he looks at himself in the mirror.... Ofcourse he put it down when we've broken up...but it hasn't been put up since.......whats up with that? Now what...still no offense?

LOL Well i've given him already some of my best pictures, ones he's chosen himself of me. So I know he has pictures of me..... But they're just prolly locked up away somewhere in his closet or somethin collectin dust... But thanks for the reply! you've jus given me a good xmas present idea...thnx! But i'm still curious to what you guys think of this...did it just not cross his mind to put up a picture? Is it no big deal? I've talked to some girlfriends of mine who are in serious relationships, and they *gasp when i mentioned he didn't have a picture of me in his room...made me think he's suppose to! So i'm jus curious what do others think....

I'll first address our relationship's background..For a 1yr n a half we were together, then broke up when I moved for college. A month later we got back together, and stayed together again for about 5-6 months, and broke up again because issues mainly stemming from insecurities and the distance...it seemed official, i initiated NC, but month later i got contacted by him. We stayed in contact and 7 months later we're together again... This time around, we decided to start with a clean slate! We've taken what we've learned and decided to treat this time around as a brand new start...we're both at a better understanding of each other, and trust for each other have greatly increased. I love him very much and he says he loves me very much too... Now my issue is.... He doesn't have a single picture of me in his room..i've let this go thinking he'll eventually put one up...but its been 4 months now or so and...still no picture. I've never said anything, and try to not make a big deal out of it...cuz i keep thinkin he'll evetually put one up! But to this day, no picture of me! I on the other hand have pictures of us posted on my room, and it was one of the first things i did when we started going out again. Now is it just my girlish side acting up...or what?? Why does he not have a picture up of me........is it reasonable to ask such a question in the first place? And ofcourse I really don't feel like asking him cuz then he'll end up putting my picture in display just because i said so...I want him to do it if he wants to..... I'm just curious on what you guys think of this.... Thank you in advance for the replies....

Im a college student at a pretty good university..When I first came here I thought it wouldn't be a problem to keep up with my grades and study. It seemed pretty simple enough since all i have to do is study, eat and that's pretty much it. And if i do my work on time then I get to treat myself and go out. But i never did think about the inner struggles that I had to face.......now I am just downhill from here. This week i've had 5 exams and two papers due by friday. All within a period of 4 days... I believe i'm smart, I mean I can understand things. I just need to read the text, prolly several times over and routinely and I should be fine. It all sounds easy, but.... Still, I am doing horribly. I never thought it would be this hard to struggly to study and fight the urges to do other things that's not i guess productive...All the things I WANT to do are not what will help me. My major is in the sciences, and I've never liked that subject. It was always my least favorite. Well then I should do somethin else right?? But then i'm studying to be a nurse because it is such a FOR SURE job. And besides I don't know what else to do.....I hate how everything in the world really requires MONEY to live a good life. But now i'm pretty depressed because I don't understand why am I acting like this....CARELESS. It is like i have big goals for myself but I can't seem to accomplish the small ones first to reach my ultimate goals. It's so hard to sit down and study everyday. I just get so stressed and it's the worst feeling every. I'm screwing myself over and I can't seem to stop myself. I've read self help books in the past 3 years trying to get myself out of this situation. It all tells me that it all starts within myself..... It all sounds simple enough, but I can't seem to get that first step to improve myself. Or I do, then regress back to my old ways. I figure I lack MOTIVATION. And i think this has stemmed from my perception of the world. For a large part of my high school days, I did not CARE about a lot of things. It was a sort of way to numb myself so I wouldn't disappoint myself or so I wouldn't face any sort of stress in my life........ But life is catching up with me. Life evidently has a plan for me...I am in a good school, have parents paying for me for my tuition, food, and other neccesitiies. I have all the tools I need to succeed, but now I just can't seem to DO the work. I want to change....I want to go back to when I was younger when my grades meant everything to me. When I actually cared about things to motivate me to work. Has anyone before really screwed up with their life with what they had...i.e school, yet was able to make a 180 complete turn around?? If so...how....and how do you deal with yourself? How do i get motivated? How do I get myself out of this slump? I would say i'm just being lazy, but I'm actually a hard working person....I guess it just has to really mean somethin for me first........It's easy to say, "Just stop being Lazy and just get to work!" And i'd ask "How?" And I can jus hear the answer..."JUST DO IT!" I want to care....and i can just hear "IF you really wanted to then you would..." But this is why I am here, i truly believe I have some problem, issues within myself that I don't know quite how to deal with it. I've been wanting to change for soooo long now but it seems i've failed to do so. I've written on my journal for so long and its all about "i wil change, this is what I will do." And I list it all....but... I just seem to get worse myself in a worse situation than I was before.......I've been told before by a good teacher that we need to stop looking at ourselves as VICTIMS. And to just ACT, be proactive and take charge of our lives..... But how do you change ur mind set????? I never did quite understand when i was younger when they say "I am my worst enemy." But it now rings so much truth than ever. Any input, similar stories, advice, anything would really help....thank you in advance....

I just want to say thank you all for takin the time to read my lONNGG entry and for replyin, i really appreciate. It stopped me from jumpin to assumptions and making a bigger deal than it really is...I was just realllyyy hurt and just kept thinkin how could he do that...but u guys pointed out a different perspective, and yea i do understand it more now. I definitely always try to be understanding that's why i turned here first...But we did talk already actually and it was fine...I expressed how i felt hurt and everything else, apologized for not sticking to original plan, and he said he didn't think it would hurt me..he says he didn't mean to... And now, well we've moved on, and we're back to being great. Thanks again!!

Well, i guess i thought he would've understood the rush of it all for me that day and expected him to help me out...sort of do it as a team and we both try to accomplish seeing each other. I did call him throughout the day letting him know what i was doing and what was going on. I told him why I couldn't leave. What happened to us both trying to accomplish a similar goal, seeing each other? Does it really matter the means... I guess i'm sort of naive to think that if we both loved each other the means wouldn't matter...and that we both would like to see each other and sacrifice what we can for each other. It if was the other way around, I would've gone to see him. The way I've been communicating with him was very thoughtful, i called him often letting him know he was on my mind and that i was lookin forward to seein him. But again, i jus felt as bein disrespectful for leaving, and i thought he would understand that and would help me out by instead him coming over...and lessen my stress of planning on how to go to his place because 1) i dont have a car 2) my parents would get upset that i left to see him when they think that my BF should come to see me, they believe the man comes to the women, not the other way around...thats how i was brought up and 3) i'd have to come up with a lie to leave so they wont get upset but then they would try to contact me to make sure i'm home soon enough so i can make it to the bus station on time 4) i dont want to have to lie 5) i could always make him drop me off to the bus station which is wat i wanted so we could stay out late but my dad did not want that 6) everyone (the parents, my own and family friends) would think its strange that I have to LEAVE my friends house just to SEE HIM like why do we have to be ALONE when he can jus come over... There's jus a lot of factors...and I figured him jus comin over would've jus made things easier...i thought he'd understand that i do not have bad intentions, that i really just wanted to see him but it got out of my own control... I guess it was jus wishful planning when i planned of spending half time with him and with her...I told him that so he won't make any plans that night if there was a possibility that we can see each other. When i told him my original plan i really thought it would work, but i didn't realize my friend was havin a dinner party at her house that i just couldn't leave. There was jus some unforeseen circumstances and possibilities i left out, is that not common? I didn't realize that people cant make bad judgement and mistakes and that they can't be forgiven...... but instead jus given more a hard time? So instead i'm punished for not sticking to my original word..... But yeah that was jus the way i was thinking it, but thanks for the replies and for givin me a different perspective....and how he possibly have seen it. I understand, it was jus i really thought of it differently...its strange how two people can really look at the same situation really differently.. Anyways i've talked to him, and we're fine..it really isn't that big of a deal but i was jus seein if what i thought made sense or if i was jus crazy for thinking the way i was thinking......

Girls, is there more than one kind of orgasm? I'm guessin there's different kind of levels/degrees? Because i have observed that when I have masturbated, the orgasm i got from it was beyond compare to the one I think I get when i have sex with my bf. I would like to comment that my BF is just more than I can ask for in bed, he has a great body, great size, knows how to foreplay, has stamina, and jus everything else. I only say "I think" when i talk about my orgasm during sex because it feels nothing like the ones i've reached from masturbation... So is there such a thing as clitoral orgasm and then the Gspot orgasm? Do other females feel this? Clitoral orgasm which i get more from masturbabtion is just a great feeling, I feel that is what is close to a man's orgasm when i compare his facial and body expression compared to my own during masturbation. I literally clench and see fireworks (no not really but that's how good it is..i jus feel like a firework goin off) when orgasm and right afterwards i get a tingly feeling just spreading throughout my body, mainly from groin region all the way down my legs to my toes....its as if I can jus feel all the blood flowing back towards the rest of my body. This tingly feelings usually lasts atleast for a minute... Now the orgasm i get from sex is different in relation to the intensity...and I want the same orgasm during sex but i can't get it. I try clitoral stimulation at the same time while he is inside me, but...it doesn't seem to work. The orgasm i get from sex is just different to me...I know i orgasm because I just scream out of pleasure but do not see the fireworks.... Any females get the orgasm i described from masturbation during sex? If yes, i would like to know what position and just how.....or is this all just me? Thanks in advance. And for guys, does the intensity of ur orgasms also differ at times? Because at times when my bf orgasms, his chest just turns all red....and at times it doesn't. And i assume and guess the red chest turning orgasms are the intense ones...... hmm i should ask him huh...duh.

Yeah I know this really isn't THAT big of a deal, but i decided to come here first and get different opinions before I make my own assumptions and make any hasty decisions or opinions.... Thanks for all the replies...I never did look at it as giving us "alone" time. And it wasn't necessarily that I was having too much of a good time with my friends, I jus felt that i shouldn't leave jus like that. I think it might have somethin to do with my upbringing? My mom has these weird things we should do or not do jus out of respect...I felt I was being disrespectful by leaving...jus to have "alone" time with my bf, like it would be sellfish or somethin?? I mean i offered that me and him can chill outside if he didn't want to come inside and have "alone" time. That way atleast i was still around and not gone... And well I jus did come into town last weekend just to visit him, and yesterday my best friend jus came into town and I won't be able to see her again till holidays, she just got out of boot camp and would be around for only 13 days. This was the only time i could see her.... Even if we weren't able to get alone time, didn't he still want to see me, nevertheless? Did that matter that much that he jus decided not to see me? I arrived home around 1pm then went directly to my friends house to say hello. We chatted for awhile and caught up, please understand this is my BEST FRIEND, she knows we very well like no other..i've known for almost ten years. And then i had to go home, take shower, and spend time with MY own family for a little while. Then went to friends house again (next door) around 430pm so we can hang out some more. Then her, our other best friend, and I decided we'd go to get some coffee like old times and jus catch up. Our other best friend jus got off work, had to get ready, and all that stuff before we left. We didn't leave till around 530pm. Then we went to get coffee and best friends mom called us to come home because they were having a sort of dinner party for my best friend. So we all got back home around 8pm, and we were all hanging out at my friend's house. And i really wanted to see my BF, but again i felt like being disrespectful to my best friend, her parents, my own parents (they don't really like me seeing my BF), if i left the dinner party. SO instead i invited him to come over......This is why i wasn't able to stick to my plans...unforeseen circumstances....I thought he would UNDERSTAND... This past weekend i've been stressed, and was not able to come earlier to town because of other RESPONSIBILITIES that i could not get out of....ive been traveling around, not getting much sleep, etc... I was just suggesting a possibility. He was not an afterthought, I couldn't see how else to see him "alone." Unless i just left everyone, but as i said i felt that would've been "disrespectful", is that weird and stupid to feel that way??

I love my bf with all my heart...and he says he loves me too. BUT why would he refuse to come see me? Here was the situation and i will try to make it brief. We are 3 hours away and I came into town yesterday to visit my best friend who's jus been away for 3 months. I was only going to spend 12 hours in town since i have class the next day. I told my BF that i will spent half time with best friend and the other half with him. It didn't work out that way. I called him at 6 and told him i was still with my best friends, and i'd call around 9 to see if i can still come over his place. Turns out, i couldn't quite just leave my friends house around 9pm. She lives next door to my house, all our parents were also there, family and friends, my other two best friends and their boyfriends were there also. I couldn't just leave them all behind, so instead I called my BF and invited him to come over... But he refused. I was confused and asked if he was scared or somethin to be around everybody he didn't quite know and i know he'd feel uncomfortable but he said no it wasn't that. He said that I'm the one breaking plans and I need to stick to my stated plans (of comin to his place to see him). Anyways, i dont have a car and i figure it wouldn't be a problem if HE came over instead...I even suggested we can jus chill outside the house if he doesn't want to come inside, but he said no and that i couldn't convince him. He jus kept sayin how he knew this was going to happen, me not sticking to my original plan. He even said I was making excuses when I explained why I couldn't come. So anyway, i didn't want that to ruin my last night with my best friends and told him goodbye and let him go without making any fuss or anything... Then later that night at 1130pm, my best friends volunteered to drop me off at the bus station and wait with me there till i leave. They even told me to call my BF so he can come along and that i will see him for atleast a little while. Reluctantly, i called him and got exactly what i expected... I told him what was goin on and if he wanted to come along, he was hesitant and finally said no because he had work in the morning...i thought it was strange that my best friend's BF was the one dropping me off when i have my OWN bf. It was also strange everyone was asking "oh where's ur bf?" and i'd have to say.."oh he's at home"...."oh okay..." Anyways, i could not help but sound SAD and UPSET over the phone, once he sensed that, i noticed he was sort of getting MAD because I was making him look bad. I already know what he will tell me, he'll say that I put him in that situation just to make him look bad... When really, i just wanted to see him. If he loved me, wouldn't he be crazy about me? Crazy enough to come see me even if its jus a few hours?? And lose maybe a couple of hours of sleep just to see me? My friend had class the next day, i had class the next day, everyone else seemed to be sacrificin somethin... I dont understand.....I love him and I know he loves me, but why is he doin this? I want to feel more connected with him, but it is hard when i feel he is not crazy about me....then he will get mad if i start questionin his feelings for me and will tell me I act too much like a baby......when really i'm really HURT by this...does he not understand that? It is just that I can picture guys, certain ones, who i know would come and see me, but its strange my BF won't... Please help me understand this, and how can i possibly handle this? Why was he being like that??...One issue we have between us is COMMUNICATION, but how can I communicate with him about this?? How i feel? Isn't it common sense that he should've came to see me? And ofcourse i would get upset that I didnt get to see him, and upset at HIM cuz he refused when he had it in his powers to come see me... Now i really don't think i was asking too much.........right? or wrong.... Thanks in advance for replies..

I just want to share a similiar experience. My BF always use to say things like I could do better than him. He doesn't understand why I am with him because for 1) he's not goin to school 2) been gettin in trouble before 3) thinks he's not smart enough for someone like me..(I'm goin to a pretty good school) Anyways the main difference between us two was I have a lot of things going for me in my life right now, and it is completely opposite for him. He is tryin, i might add... He has attempted to let me go in the past because he believed it was for the best...because he thought i deserve someone better who's got things straight with their life... But I didn't let that happen, i simply tell him that I know I could prolly find someone better than him jus like he can find someone better than me.. he's not perfect, and point out that i'm not either...but he's perfect for me. I say this over and over to get it in his head, i don't have to be in this relationship if i didn't want to.... He's jus feeling insecure...jus let him know that you love him very much, and wouldn't want things any other way. Tell him that you want to be with HIM and nobody else......just say what's in your heart, and he'll realize he's making a big mistake....

Hey jus wanted to say im happy for you! yay Wish you the best!! Tell us how it goes..

Hi, yeah those guys are up there said some pretty wise words, i agree with them. I just want to point out that ur BF is MALE and yes he will think about other females......its inevitable. But you should trust him that he will not carry out his dreams and go making them reality.... Guys will think about other females...but worry when he starts acting upon those feelings... If he's religious, instead of telling him to pray to stop making him have those dreams, instead pray he won't act upon them or something....to give him strength to resist...because his actions he can control, but not his dreams....

What do you guys do to vent when mad at ur significant other? How do you blow off the steam? Sometimes i want to go on and on when my BF and I are on an argument, but i realize he gets restless...cuz he's restless, he gets out of tune with the conversation, and my attempts of communicating are in vain....i just want him to understand, but he just wants me to just drop it. What is the best way to get things through you males? What is the best way to explain things to where you guys will listen and actually try to understand? My situation is that my BF smokes.....weed. He's best friends do it all the time...i know he wants to get away from it all, but he makes it seem he's stuck. The fact he smokes wouldn't bother me as much if he had some goals...he's not goin to school and is only working part time. I don't know how to talk to him because he gets so defensive...I understand he doesn't quite have the $$ and feels he's too behind with school....and i know, people tell me to drop him cuz i can do better....but he says he does want to go back to school, to do something with his life....(he comes from family that didn't grad from college, older sis n parents didn't go to college, etc..) But i love him for him, for who he is, he's a good person but in a bad situation....i know this weed thing is not him and jus does it to get things off his mind, to get away...he does try to keep quiting, and atleast cuts down on it and not do it everyday...... I also hope that me being in his life will give him motivation and drive to do better...I am currently going to school myself. And i realize the motivation has to come from within himself.....but it gets really frustrating sometimes...how can i help him out without coming out like nagging at him and soundin like his mother? I realize "oh if he really wanted to he can do what he sets his mind to.." I always believed that too...but its not as easy as it sounds, esp. after talking to him.. what can i do to continue to steer him to the right direction? any wise words would be greatly appreciated..

Hello, umm i dont know but i just want to point out that there must be something he really sees in you if he is still in this relationship though it is long distance (8 hrs. i think that's far!), u guys have been only together for 5 months!, AND u guys barely see each other...i dont think any guy would just put up with that sort of relationship.....unless they really see something there....how did u guys meet anyway? and how long have u guys known each other before hooking up? And next i just really want to point out that you really need to be EXTRA CAREFUL with your INSECURITY, cause that could simply be a cause for him to break up with you...atleast that's what happened to me with my bf when he broke up with me 7 months ago..(now we're together again , and i'm definitely doing MUCH BETTER without my insecurities in the past, it was out of control...) I guess it was sort of a self fullfilling prophecy that i had a problem with..i mean i literally worried that he didn't love me as much, and i guess that belief i had sort of played a causal role in bringing out what i feared into reality....after we broke up, he told me it was because of my insecurity... Now i realize that overcoming that insecurity is a problem in itself....you won't ever get that security you want cuz u can't just go looking and asking for it (or they will be bothered and annoyed by it, trust me...) they have to give it freely....so anyway you either need to go ahead and decide for yourself to trust him and how he feels for you....trust that he truly does care for you, though it may not be the "love" like how u feel, but in the meantime i suggest working on urself to just become a better person in whatever aspect in ur life that needs improvement and give him more reasons to love you by showing ur true potential...and just be HAPPY because people like to be around Happy people and prolly fall more easily for them also..so do watever u need to do that makes u happy, and that happiness has to be somethin you can do for YOURSELF, not somethin someone else has to do or say or whatever..and everythin else should fall into place.....

Thanks, i appreciate you hearin me out and givin me advice... Yes i do HOPE it WILL turn out well... As they say....Whats meant to be will be. 8-[

I took the advice, and boy could it be worse than what i expected.... No jus kiddin. We are back together....He just came up to visit me, and we've come to the decision that we'll work hard to communicate more efficiently and effectively....I called him and he was very surprised to hear from me....He just kept talking and talking during our conversation...expressing how he's been, what he's been thinking, that he was glad i called, that he didn't think i'd ever call, etc... I am learning to believe him, and let go of the past and atleast this time around, we can make a new ending for us...since the last one kinda sucked. Hopefully an ending together, or whatever it may be..jus hopefully one that is just not as hateful as the last one and not filled with bitter words and tears.... I'm learning also to be more optimistic about our relationship and to just live at the moment and not worry about our future, and to not dwell on pick on him for things he doesn't do the way i WANT him to...and to just let him please me in the way he knows how...... I love him and so there is no point to hold grudges anymore...i'm givin it my all.... so CHEERS for chances to make things right again.. =D>

uhh sorry to say but i really don't think there's an antidote.. It's all up to you...and what you want...if studying is your priority then forget her, distract yourself by keeping ur head in ur books...But i think you want to give this a chance... LIVE life with no regrets.

I'm soo sorry to hear that. I know how you feel, or atleast i can relate, i've had those words spoken to me also from someone i dearly care about and love and it hurts....it's crushing. I personally felt as though my whole world just collapse...even with just the thought of losing him....... But...time goes on...whether you realize it or not...you probably know that already...read it somewhere already...cuz its TRUE.. What i just want to say is that you should find someone else who will be proud to bring you home, although as you say you don't have a steady career or not, just YOU as a person should be enough reason to introduce you to his parents. His parents opinion shouldn't matter that much, unless he really tries hard to impress them....or somethin. [by BF also is not someone my parents wants me to be with, he's not even goin to school, etc, but i love him and believe in him, and will stay with him no matter what my 'rents think...its my life.] But going thru a similar situation in the past, i can forecast that things will just get more confusing, frustrating, and you will continue to get hurt. My best advice that i can give you is to take this break....and work on yourself, why not take the steps to get you back on a career? Take this time to get away...make time for yourself. Really question what do you really want in life...to be happy with what YOU already HAVE or continue wanting and waiting for something that is NOT guaranteed to you?? Atleast if you take the time to work on yourself, you'll start feeling good about urself, and realize that you can be HAPPY being YOURSELF BY YOURSELF, and the improvement and gains you'll work on is yours TO KEEP forever and no one can take away... If you take this time to think about things, and learn more about what you really want and what you are willing to take and how much can you really handle and put up with, then you'll have clearer direction when deciding what to do when it comes to you guys. In the end, only you can really depend on yourself. And who knows, once you start getting a better understand of yourself and become a better improved version, you'll be more ready to take on the relationship in the future if the chance comes again...or atleast if you guys don't work out, you'll be ready for the next guy that comes around......you'll be a held together strong women on her own two feet who knows what she wants and you'll become a women that they'll just be crazy about..... Stay strong...don't let the texting get to you......if he thinks its best to take a break then do it...let him experience it and let him decide what he wants.

Good Luck! Tell us what happens! Definitely prepare yourself for this conversation so as to not get manipulated or get distracted to really getting what you want to know.. I hope the best for you also!

It seems to me you're upset about ur situation, you complain to him about it, he gets upset cuz he really can't do anything about it, and he's already stressed out about school on top of it all...what i see here is you want his attention...attention he can't quite give you at the moment... I say give him time, let him know, preferably through email so he can read it during his free time and not through the phone, that you just miss him, talking to him...and that you understand his situation and you will be understanding...tell him good luck with ur studies, have a good day, just lil things that may help him out with the stress and just showin you care and are thinking about him......and it should make him feel good, and when he feels good, he'll picture his feel good feeling with you, and will maybe make him call you more often...... To sum it up, don't add any more stress in his life about you guys not communicating much or whatever. Obviously he's not as concerned and has his mind in school, so instead just do some nice things for him instead without thinking about getting anything in return.. Yeah it sux, you miss him and all, so why not express it in some positive way instead of arguing and pointing out how you guy aren't talking..... And then just give it time....and see how things turn out...

You sound like me not too long ago... I hate playing games also..all i can tell you is if you want it to stop, you'll have to do it, not him. What i mean is you can always leave the relationship...if you are not happy. He won't stop anytime soon I will tell you that. Only you know your full situation and all the details, so it's really up to you if you are really willing to put up with all this? Don't you want to be with someone who wants to grab ur hand, who wants to kiss you jus randomly, who can't wait to introduce you to their parents. etc....? Apparently he's not doing all that...so i suggest you have a talk with him, tell him how you feel and then see how he reacts...or figure out some other system to find out exactly how he really feels for you...if it is the same... From his reaction and response, it should help you decide from there what you want...to put up with it, or to move on and maybe find someone else who can treat you the way you want..and deserve.

Okay... Im thinkin about taking your advice..i'll call him and let you know what happens.

wow i sound angry huh?? well i guess cuz i am........... I just want to say that i appreciate everyone's comments...i really do. I take them all into account, and they are all very helpful.... I guess, it's just hard for me to be able to forgive him... Thanks for this forum and everyone, that's what i realize my problem is. It's hard for me to forgive him, for what he did...cuz its hard to believe him now...... I do love him, i really do.... Talk to him, or to just dump him completely? Its like the obvious answer is to talk to him if I love him.... But on the other hand, if i love myself i should not talk to him..... It comes down to....Do i listen to my heart....or to my head??? Because i've been listening to my heart and all i got was pain and hurt......and my head is really telling me not to talk to him....but deep down in my heart, its callin out to him.......... .....this is frustrating..... DN, you think i really should talk to him?

How am i being demanding? It is taking A LOT for me to be strong and not just fall for his words again. I love him, but i love myself too. After being told by someone who you yourself love to death, and would've done anything for tell you that it has NOT been TRUE LOVE for them and for them to confirm all your fears, that it was just "physical attraction", after SHOWN THEM how much you love them, would just CRUSH YOU and don't tell me it wouldn't cause you to shut down also and expect a lot more than an email to convince you otherwise......... I've written here about us 6-7 months ago...and things has not changed. He's had plenty of chances to be with me, but he just turned away. Even when he did, i remained by his side and stayed true to him because he was going thru a hard time (things he brought to himself).....I was there for him to listen, comfort, and support, and helped guide him. When he had the chance to do the same for me, again he turned away instead....and on top of it all he tells me IT WAS NOT TRUE LOVE. I mean, how much more can a person take............... Love.... DN, and anybody else.....you guys think i should really call him and "communicate" with him? The last time we talked was after he hung up on me....and i tried about 100x afterwards to call him right after to "communicate" with him but he never PICKED ME UP....He just sat there, listening to me TRYING to talk to him, but instead he REFUSED to answer his phone. THen he sents me an email tellin me it was best we don't talk or see each other anymore.... Why did he even hang up on me, cuz he was being a a$$ thats why, being "too proud" as what he says........ He left me, crying, hurt...and completely alone. Now after an email, he just expects me to believe more of his WORDS?

RAYKAY... I just want to say he broke up with me. These past 7 months we havent been together, and i feel he has been stringing me all along, shown by an incident that happened which caused me to not want to speak to him again. A couple days later after not speaking to him, he emailed me tellin it wasn't true love for him. And I accepted that..... and when he sent that email askin for a chance because he's made a "mistake", i replied back tellin him he's really hurt me and convinced me that it wasn't true love for him.... DJEDIX.... Youre right...i dont think he doesn't know what he wants. I mean if he doesn't know if he wants me or not after 2 years.... come on now.... I also don't think he'll change....or he will TEMPORARILY, then go back to actin like an a$$ because he'll not know what he wants again.... So for us to get better, a drastic change needs to happen, so for this dramatic change to start, he needs to do somethin drastic first....to even convince me he will change, that things will change... To be honest, IM NOT EXPECTIN him to do anything, i dont expect him to beg or anything. So what i'm doin won't backfire. As i've said, i'm convinced it ISN't TRUE love for him, so i already expect he wont do anything..... I guess i am venting jus how dare he even write me that email talkin bout he made a mistake...If he knows me well enough which i think he should if he does truly LOVE me...and after 2 years..then he would know that i'm really hurt, and that he needs to SHOW me. But HE DOESN"T so he wont do anything. And so far, he's provin me right still...