starrrr

Thank you!! Exactly. I've learned my lessons already... I mean he could atleast call is what i think...i mean seriously, atleast if he called me then we could talk...I probably wouldn't have answered right away, but eventually i would've answered and hear him out...then we could talk about it...but still i'm tired of TALKING, WORDS...if he showed me, if he did something, then it's something we both can share. It's goin to take balls for him to REALLY throw out his pride and for him to do somethin, but it'll show me we can weather any storms later on in life together, that he won't chicken out...and it'll give me confidence in his words again..... Guys..any response?? It seems the females are the only ones feeling me on this one.....

confusedgrl..thats what i was thinking...i want the romantic stuff...its been way too long. and DN... Its not inessential. I want change in our relationship. Im not trying to be conditional, i realize it may sound i myself have pride, but that's pride i have currently gained back. I've gotten real strong since he first broke up with me. I reached a low in my life i don't ever want to be in again...and i've put up standards on how i want to be treated now. And he f$%#ed up. Atleast his past actions back up and go more in accord with his first email the one when he told me it wasn't TRUE LOVE for him...than his email about how he does love me. I dont see any actions to back that one up..... I'm afraid i'll just give him a chance, and i'll just get disappointed...again. I already gave US a chance twice in the past, and where did it take me? He broke my heart the first time and continued to hurt me still. Should i really give him another chance to take a stab at it?? I do love him, and yes i do want him back. But tell me why it didn't feel enough......... I guess i am testing him, to see what he will do...to see if he's really true to his words... Am i going about it wrong?

There's a choice? He is scared. He is not grown yet, and cleary does not know what he wants. You can either sit around and wait, and get hurt here and there in the meantime...or stop any sort of contact with him to get yourself back together BUT NOT TO GET HIM BACK...There's NOTHING you can DO to get him back, trust me. He's going to have to come to that conclusion by himself if he wants to be with you or not. That way, it's for SURE true. I say you should get some time for yourself to become YOU again, the person you were when you didn't NEED anyone in your life except yourself. That's the only person you can count on...Nothings gauranteed in life, except what you work for. So let him figure it out on his own....without you having to do anything. He should already know he care and love him...now let him decide what to do.

I know this is longgg...but it is FREAKING INTERESTING, its MIND BOGGLING. PLEASE READ AND SOMEONE GIVE ME COMMENTS TO CONVINCE THIS LIL VOICE INSIDE OF ME THAT IF HE REALLY WANTED TO BE WITH ME, HE WOULD DO MORE THAN AN EMAIL....so sit back, relax, and jus read... Heres the background...Ex and I were together for a year and a half. The last six months was long distance since i moved 3 hrs away for college. We have not been together these past 7 months since he broke up with me because we were arguing to much. We stopped talking for a complete month, but then started talking again. This whole summer we've been acting as if we're together again. He hasn't been seeing anybody and so haven't I. We've been talking almost everyday. He also came up to visit me and stayed with me for a week. He even continued to tell he loved me and cared about me... Anyway, i stuck around even tho he broke up with me because he said we were eventually going to get back together. He said i was the only girl in his life, but first we needed to start over and learn to communicate, and he needed to get things straight in his life. (trust me, he was in a sh*tty place of his life) He knows i wanted to be with him and how deeply i cared n loved him...But anyway by the end of the August his life was starting to get on the brighter side of things...BUT we were still not together and I felt that he was even starting to become distant from me...the same feeling i got right before he broke up with me.... To make things short, about 2 weeks ago he acted like a jerk and i got fed up with him. He was already in a thin line with me, and he knew it too...I told him i did not want to see him ever again nor ever talk to him again after he did wat he did, and that he was just like every other guy out there....i felt he played with my heart by just stringing me along... And i meant everything i said, i was TIRED of it all. I was always there for him when he was DOWN, and i did it all because i sincerely loved him. Even when i knew there was a chance he would not get back together with me...but now his life has gotten better he wants to act like a damn jerk after everythin ive done for him???!?!? wat an ahole So then he wrote me an email starting it off with "This is not a sorry letter, but a LAST WORD letter..." He said that i was right. That we shouldn't talk or see each other. That he couldn't help but feel that it was NOT TRUE LOVE for him as the months passed and that it was just physical attraction...[the nerve of him!?!?! this is after two years of telling ME HE LOVES ME] and he even said..get this..." I AINT GOT LIE THOUGH, i did feel love for you and cared about you..." He also said we could've ended this without the tears and angry words...and that i should take care of myself. He even ended it with "bye babyy muahhh"...At this point he knows i hate his guts...He even said so and that he'd understand that..... So then i never replied and i blocked his email. I heard what i needed to hear. Now he could take care of himself and now summer was over and i needed to concentrate on my studies anyway. Next day he wrote another email with a different email. It just said "Sorry to bother you but jus lettin you know i dropped off ur CD at ur house. I had to use this email cuz other one is acting up" That was all... So i replied back telling him he could not send an email because i blocked him. I even said that he WAS botherin me and i did not appreciate it. I told him he did not have to email me back bout the CD and that if i wanted it back i could've asked for it. I told him he could've thrown it away or anything as long as he did NOT CONTACT ME. I told him i was only replying to remind him not to contact me because i meant it when i said i did not want to SEE or talk to him again. He replied back simply with "okay you want to be Ms. Harda$$, you got it..." I replied with something along the lines of.."im not tryin to be hard a$$ but you WERE botherin me, and i mean everything I said. You said you'd understand. I meant it, i dont want to talk or see you again. Do not reply back" So i blocked all of his emails. I was not playing games. He has hurt me alot, let's just say he does not treat me right. I believe i am worth much more than how he treats me. I believe he knows that too...EVERYONE else seems to know it also..for the record he never cheated on me, but he jus acted like an a$$ still. A week later i GET ANOTHER EMAIL from an email he made up cuz i blocked all of his. THIS TIME IT WAS EXTREMELY LONG AND HE POURED HIS HEART OUT. HE SAID HE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE AND THAT HE WAS AN IDIOT FOR SENDING HIS FIRST EMAIL. HE SAID EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS WRONG AND CONTRADICTS WITH HOW HE REALLY FEELS FOR ME. HE APOLOGIZED FOR ACTING LIKE A JERK IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THAT HE HAD TOO MUCH PRIDE AT THE TIME, HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT AND INSTEAD HE SHOULD'VE SAVED WHAT WE HAD. THEN HE SAID HE'S DOING ALL THE THINGS THAT TELLS HIM HE LOVEs ME TO DEATH HE SAID ALL SORTS OF THINGS LIKE HE CANT STOP THINKING BOUT ME, HE TALKS BOUT ME TO OTHER PEOPLE TO MAKE THE EMPTY FEELING GO AWAY, THAT THE DAYS WERE LONGER AND DARKER WITHOUT ME...THAT HE KEEPS HOPING ITS ME WHEN HIS PHONE RINGS, THAT HE FEELS A VOID IN HIS LIFE THAT COULDN'T BE REPLACED BUT BY ME, ALL THOSE OTHER CLICHE THINGS PEOPLE SAY....yadda yadda yadda HE ASKED FOR A CHANCE TO PROVE HE WAS TRUE TO HIS WORDS. THAT HE WAS FIGHTING FOR ME. HE SAID HIS PRIDE WAS OUT THE WINDOW, HIS HANDS TIED BEHIND HIS BACK, AND DOWN ON HIS KNEES. HE SAID HE WAS READY TO DO ANYTHING TO GET ME BACK. HE JUST KEPT SAYING HE JUST MADE A BIG MISTAKE AND THAT HE WAS GOING TO STEP UP AND ACT LIKE A MAN LIKE HOW HE SHOULD'VE HAVE DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE, HE SAID HE MADE A MISTAKE AND THAT'S HE'S ONLY HUMAN.........ETC ETC ETC....and he's jus asking for a chance. I personally still feel its all BULLSH*T..Im SOOO Tired of his WORDS...that was all i ever got from him... I actually finally emailed him back a couple days later tellin him that i still believe he has too much pride that will continue to get in the way of us. That it would take FULL commitment from him to make us work that i dont think he can or WILL give me. I told him it was too late....[/i]and that WORDS will just not do...and i ended it again with the fact that i can't talk or see him right now...... What would you have done? Then i blocked EVERYONE's email to make sure he can't send me one. But anyway...here is my QUESTION. >>>IF HIS PRIDE WAS REALLY OUT OF THE WINDOW, THEN WOULDN'T HE HAVE CALLED ME INSTEAD OF EMAIL ME????? ISN'T THAT SOOO IMPERSONAL??? If he was really sincere don't he think he would've done it in a way that was more personal than thru an email? I am really willing to give him a chance, but he needs to SHOW me that he really wants to be with me. Does he not get that?? I mean if a guy really wanted to be with someone, wouldn't he go OUT OF HIS WAY TO SHOW IT and not just do it in WORDS??? Even though i told him it was too late...{note that i told him "words are not enough"}, if he really wanted to be with me then he wouldn't take NO as an answer right? That he would just PROVE it to me and not HAVE to ask me permission first to PROVE it to me?? And coudn't he AT LEAST GIVE ME A CALL?? Even though i prolly woudn't answer but at least it shows to me that he has really put his pride down?? For me to even consider givin him ANOTHER chance (he's had many chances to prove himself true, trust me..), he needs to drive over where i am (only 3 hr drive), look for me, (not hard to do) and TALK TO ME IN PERSON...SHOW ME. To prove he's words true.... Guys, wouldn't you do that?? I mean DO YOU NOT KNOW TO DO THAT?? Thats not mind reading, its common sense to me...am i right?? I realize he may jus be lonely or watever, he wants to go back to wats familiar, no body wants to be forgotten, etc but no one can possibly be that evil to pour their heart like that and not mean it right?? But then if he mean it...he would do more wouldn't he?? HELP ME....

Thanks guys again for all the replies..it really helps reading them.. But its okay now, i've decided i'm not going to hope for us to get back together or anything anymore. I've come to accept that he is not the one for me, and i am not going to waste any more of my efforts in trying to rekindle any sort of romantic relationship between us. We tried it and it didn't work...simple as that. I have decided that i am able to be just friends with him, but this was only after i have accepted that he's not the one for me. It's completely changed my perspective of him and just the relationship we have with each other. I accept he doesn't want to be with me, if he truly did then he wouldn't have gotten "scared" or whatever after just hearin me say that i'm willing to be more than friends and to work on our relationship. If he really wanted to be with me, he would've been glad to hear that... But he doesn't want it to be exactly how it use to be, us being a couple....instead he just wants us to be good friends..Besides, i believe deep down that we're not going to work out anyway in the long run due to certain circumstances in each of our lives...we're both headed in different directions anyway. This is just too much drama for me, and i am tired of it. I'm young, and i need to put my efforts else where instead of this hopeless desire for us to be together. I just keep getting disappointed, and i'll take it as it's just not meant to be. I can't say i didn't try...that's all i can do. But i am okay now, it's been a couple of months since we had broken up and i've come a long way from then. So i am takin this much better than i thought.. We have been talkin on the phone just as real good friends, and it's great. I actually don't feel any remorse towards him or anything...I accept it, and there's no point in being bitter. For me to "end my misery and the pain, is to end my wants and desires..." And that's what i've done. The distance between us really helps in moving on...I feel i'm there already...i just hope i keep it up!

thanks again for all the advice... but you guys...i just made a fool of myself. This whole time i've been thinking he wanted to get back together, but really he just wants to be "lovers and friends" and not a "couple." Basically he just wants to be f^ckbuddies, is what i said...But i could've sworn i heard him say he wanted to get back together..that he wanted to hook up again... But i guess i've heard it wrong, i've been hearing what i wanted to hear, it seems... How could i have been soo stupid?!? Can you guys believe that? He really got me good too..writin me "gushy" letters, tellin me he "loves me..", that he misses me... He says he wants to be friends and "lovers"..like Lil Jon and Ludacris says.."lovers and friends..." This was after i told him that i made up my mind that i wanted us to be more than friends, that i wanted to start all over again and work on our relationship...and then that's when the confusement started...that's when he basically said "hold on...you're moving too fast..." and that that wasn't what he had in mind.....i was thinking one way, while he was completely thinking something else... I was right all along..our relationship didn't work because he didn't love me as much anymore...not like how it used to be..this just proves it. But after the shock...i'm really not that surprised.. My heart officially has been ripped apart, shred to pieces, chewed on, spat out, and stomped all over....

DN is right, all of you guys are right...and i guess i needed him to tell me that.... It is hard to FORGIVE him...because i did what i could to save our relationship, i talked to him, i tried to communicate with him...but he was already at a point he didn't seem to care anymore... I guess we both felt we were each being a victim... But i guess i'm also just denying what i really feel...that i do love him and i do want to be with him......its a wonder how still now after everything he still makes my heart skip a beat just talking to him...and i'm just all smiles when we're on the phone... But that's only after we have talked bout it, what happened...there's still a lot i believe that needs to be discussed... I do feel that this "break up" was good for us because it's allowed me to step back and get a hold again of reality, and not be so caught up in the tangle we got ourselves in...I'm more able to be open and be up front with him more than ever since i feel i dont have anything to lose anymore, and thus allowing me to communicate more effectively..now i do see the importance of just letting him know what i feel and not expect him to "read my mind" or anything... I just hope we keep it up, and not take things for granted again... Wow, thanks guys, cuz i wont do the whole waiting for him to prove crap. But at the same time i'm not just going to run into his arms right away... Im going to take it slow...the distance helps on that. But yea, i've decided that we will just start over again..."start fresh." wish me luck!

Hey guys thanks for all the replies! I appreciate them..and boy u guys post fast...I LOVE IT. But i would like to say that i am still in love with him, but i guess i kind of lost that trust that he won't hurt me...I mean i already had that fear in the beginning but overcame it because i loved him and the only way we were going to work was when i let my fear go...but then in the end, i do end up hurt...deep down and at this moment, i do feel he could be the one. I do feel that, and it scares me though just how strong it is... And just knowing how strong i feel for him, is also how strong the kind of pain he can cause...... CHAI714, you do have a point there...i feel that i do want more affection from him, something to show me that he truly does want to be with me, no question asked, and that he won't bail out again when things get rough...i want him to prove it....how exactly i dont know..thats up to him.. But i don't know about the whole manipulation thing, it sounds to me like playing games, and that is the last thing i want to do...i'm tired of that...but then again you do say as long as i have good intentions... And i do..also if i give him doubts about how i feel, it'll make him feel as if i've moved on...and then he'll try move on... So I told him i did want to get back together and i still loved him, but i have doubts because i'm afraid of getting hurt again......and i finally told him that i just needed to take it slow...and still figure out what i really want... This whole thing is even harder, because we're 3 hours apart...we have been doin the whole long distance thing for the last 7 months of our relationship...that had also put a strain in our relationship n did play a factor in his decision to break up with me.... But so far as time goes on that i don't hear from him or see him, it makes me feel that maybe i am okay without him...but i still don't know, ofcourse life moves on, but talking to him again has brought this old kind of happiness i only felt with him.......it seems this is one of those situations that in time, we'll just see what happens... But i would like to say that i am in love with him...and i guess i just feel that he needs to prove it somehow that he is also.... And him jus sayin he wants me back doesnt seem enough...(and he has came to see me also..and written me letters, talked to me about it...etc..) but i dont know, it all still isn't enough for me. Its complicated, because i dont even know what i'm lookin for to convince me to give him another chance.... I just feel that he's gotta do somethin to compensate for all the excruciating pain i went through, so it all wasn't just a waste... Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Ex is now trying to tell me that he never broke up with me because he stopped loving me, he says he thought it was best at the time since all we did was argue all the time.... This is after a month of NC...we've been talking a lot lately now about our situation and what happened...and it simply came down to the fact that we didn't communicate. He says he had felt pushed, and when that happened, he just pushed back...and broke it off. And now i dont know if i should give him another chance or not...because it seems to me that if he really loved me and cared about me he would've stuck around instead of letting me go...and i just think about all the pain i put up with and emotions i went through, and it makes me not want to do it again... But then again..i do love him sooooo much...he says he can respect the fact that i don't want to hook back up, and if we could just be friends...and that whenever he thought about us getting together he would "slap himself" so he won't hurt me anymore..... But lately we have just been actin as friends...but even with just that we cross the borderline..I know if we acted just as 'friends' that we'll just end up acting like we're a couple, just without the label... And i don't know if he deserves that much, why would i be nice and give him another chance...when he wasn't even thinking about how i felt when he broke up with me............he knew i was hurting. and just let it happen... And this is the guy who says loves me? and is suppose to care for me??? Where was he when i was hurting...where was he when i needed him the most..... Out somewhere thinking it was for the "best.." when he should've been by my side... I know people make mistakes, but is giving it another chance really the best choice now? or is it not? I fear i'll just end up getting hurt again.....

I completely agree with this topic, there is no method...you can't sit around waiting nor can you manipulate the situation, you gotta let things happen naturally... And that's what i have done since my last post in here..we had tried being friends at first but that didn't work, i couldn't handle it, and so i initiated NC to give myself time and the chance to fully accept and move on. And it's funny that right when you pick urself up on ur OWN two feet and finally start movin on, is when they show up again asking you back...... I haven't made the decision yet... And for you Pixie, it is possible, anythings possible...but all i can say is don't sit around waiting for it and putting your hopes up. Just be friends and simply that, get that thought of you guys being together out of your mind, cuz it'll drive u crazy, and just really be FRIENDS and do NOT TRY TO manipulate the situation or anything...just be real and don't do anything you'll regret, you don't want to scare him away and lose a friend also......and things will fall into place...

wow you guys post fast.... but anyway, i see what you guys are saying. I've thought of all that too [the whole whats meant to be will be], but sometimes its so hard to make sense of anything when your head is not clear. But yea...i guess only time will tell! But i'm definitely not sitting around waiting, i'm going to move on still and really try to forget about us. I can't control what happens in my life but i can definitely only control my reaction and attitude towards it all. And im takin it us things happen, we simply didn't work out....

It's all so strange. Yea he also told me who knows what will happen in the future, we might be together again n yadda yadda...he also told me when we broke up that the next guy i'll be with will be real lucky to have me...Yea i also did think he was just being nice to me, making it easier on me...and i guess i'll just stick to that. I Won't even hope for us to get together anymore, i'm tired of getting disappointed. He's crazy also to think i'm that strong that he can tell me he misses and loves me and expects me to go on with life normally afterwards. It completely kills me inside. Our problems we definitely could've worked out. But i forgot to mention he also said that he just "doesn't feel the same anymore..." And so that's probably why he didn't stick around for us to work on our issues, instead he just threw in the towel...he seemed so sure then. But now he's all unsure...it's ridiculous really. I go to college and have a lot of responsibilities, and this is completely weighing me down. I don't have time for this! My head knows it, i jus wish my heart realized it too.... I would also would like to know if i can be as happy again as i was when i was with him but without him...Being with him really has been the best times of my life, i was genuinely happy for the first time out of my 18 years of existence. He brought in this new found happiness that i never even knew existed. We both benefited from our relationship as i learned to love, and as he learned to love AGAIN [he was also heartbroken by his first love]. It's a bit ironic to me cuz it seems i've taught him that he CAN love again, and that's how he probably feels about us. He'll just find another love after me....Well i guess i did my service to him, and he's definitely reinforced my old philosophy in which i won't give my heart away unless the circumstances and conditions are to our benefit...but then again sometimes you can't help it! But basically, i wont EXPECT nor HOPE for us to get back together. But i'll still love him no matter what, even after this. He can't help the way he feels, and i want him to be happy anyway. So if he's happier not being with me, then that's how it'll be. As for me i guess i just have to learn to be happy without him and find other sources...[not from guys for sure!] And also, i like the "i guess" add on after you said "life moves on..." Nice touch...a bit discouragin tho! lol But yea i realize that life does move on.....when he broke up with me i thought it was the end of the world!! literally! My drive and motivation for life was yanked out of me. But then i wake up the next day and i have so many things to do...besides sulk around [tho thats all i wanted to do...and still want to do]. The weeks after i jus felt like a zombie, being tugged along by the other things goin on around my life [like school, friends, family...]. Thanks for sharing your story, yea they sound pretty similar. I guess it is my decision if i just want to sit around waiting and making it more painful for me or I can just forget about us ever getting back together and MOVE ON. And i definitely want the latter... Yea there's also guys out there, but i've decided to not go that route. And i dont know, i dont like being around other guys because they just make me think how they're NOT him. For now i'm staying away from guys, [unless they're really hot ofcourse..lol] but yea, wow writing in this forum really does help. I already feel better jus after writing these posts... I want to say i don't want to talk to him anymore and take the NC route, but to be honest i cant do it. I figure i'll just talk to him as friends and NOT bring up the US issue anymore since there is no US anymore. I just want to talk to him because i enjoy it, and not to manipulate him or try to convince him to get back with me or anything! And if he tells me he misses n loves me again...i'll jus tell him "back at cha!" lol But no i'll jus smile and nodd and tell him me too and that's it. I'll think of it as telling of my girlfriends i miss n love them. I tell them that all the time but doesn't mean i want to get with them.... I hope this works! AGain thx for everythin...i'll keep ya posted.

My ex broke up with me because he says that "we simply were not working out..." We were at a point where we were getting into a lot of arguments, mainly brought up from me because he was starting to act disinterested in our relationship. I would also like to mention we are doing this long distance relationship thing...and we've done it for 7 months till we broke up. [we were together for a 1 yr and half] I would also like to mention this guy is my first love...I completely fell head over heels for him....We broke up for 3 weeks agp...and its not a secret i'm the one taking it the hardest [we both know it]... At first, i begged him not to do it, it was real pathetic but i couldn't help it. The week after i couldn't do anything...I didn't communicate with him but finally did after a week and even saw him...I coudln't take it anymore. He told me that i'll be okay...that i'm strong...basically he was telling me to move on...and that's when it really hit me that we were OVER. So i did my best to move on, while we stayed friends....I really jus thought of us as friends. But a week ago...HE starts tellin me he misses me...out of the blue! Then he tells me again..and again...and he also starts sayin he loves me again...jus like old times. The first couple of times i didn't read into it and took it as NOTHING. Thought of it as jus normal for him to miss me.... But it's finally taken a toll on me and slowing me down from moving on!! And can u believe he also told me that being friends was a good start for him to see how he feels?!!??!! I was totally dumbfounded when he told me this...it took me a couple of days to bring it up...and all i get is an "its going to take awhile for me to know..i wont know right away..." and then he says.."i shouldn't have told you that.." after i pointed out that he was startin to confuse me..... I just want to ask him....wtf, do you want to be with me or not!?? Make up ur mind!! So what is he really jus stringin me along, and having me as back up or somethin? I mean, are people really that cruel? and/or stupid to not realize that its making it HARDER for the other person?!!?! You say the heart will want what it wants....I told him he better not be sayin those things [missin and lovin you...etc...] he tell me jus to make it easier on me and he replies with.."i wouldn't say it if i didn't feel it..." Will he jus eventually grow out of it and stop telling me these things...and is this jus his way of makin it easier on him? Are people really that inconsiderate....! When he tells me he loves me and all...it really seems genuine......n i dont know what to do. He's being an a**hole isn't he....? But i hate to think i love and STILL love an a**hole!! I'm not that stupid to be with one [i'd like to think]...i also want to mention, we're both pretty young...im 18, n he's 19 [if that matters]. so i'd really like to know...what's your intake of all this? Is there really not chance of us getting back together, unless he FOR SURE without a doubt know he wants to be with me?? Is that the only way this would actually work? Is there such a thing as falling BACK in love with someone?