Jump to content

lost_puppy

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    50

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by lost_puppy

  1. lost_puppy
    Well, I'm back from the wedding. Just as I thought, the long drive down gave me too much time to think about things, but at least on the way back I had company (my bandmates). It was actually a pretty fun time, and reminded me that usually when I'm playing, I don't think about emotional problems because I'm concentrating on making music. More motivation to get more gigs! That's a great encapsulation of how I feel. It's funny that based on past experience, we always "know" that the feeling will pass and that we will eventually get over our exes, but in the moment, it's difficult to see that happening. It'll happen though, I just need to keep myself busy in the meantime. Thanks again for all the thoughts, advice, and just the support. LP
  2. lost_puppy
    LOL, that's funny. It's worth a try... But can you believe this? I was actually scared to come home last night from the subway because of the irrational fear that I'd see them again. This is getting a little ridiculous. I don't even think I was this paranoid when she first dumped me. Anyways, I'm going to DC this weekend for a wedding, maybe it'll take my mind off of things, but I'm thinking the long bus ride will just give me more opportunity to reflect... Oh well. Time. That's the only solution.
  3. lost_puppy
    Hi icme, nice to see a familiar face here. Yes, I knew it would happen eventually, she lives in the same building as me after all. And although it's not pleasant I'm kinda glad I got it over with. I knew she's the type to get a new boyfriend right away, and also to get deeply involved with him, but now having actually seen her with someone brings it into reality. All the old thoughts of "wow, this really is over, I can't believe it, I can't accept it" are all coming back. It's frustrating that I felt some progress, and then there's a major setback like this
  4. lost_puppy
    Yes! She's toxic! She sounds like she can't make up her mind, and I'm afraid that her behaviour may be habitual and this situation will repeat itself when the two of you are "together". It's too bad you feel so strongly about her, but I agree with DN that you should stop communicating with her, gat over your pain, and wait for a better, more faithful woman to come into your life.
  5. lost_puppy
    That's very true. And of course she doesn't mean to cause me any pain, I know that she still cares about me and that if we were still in communication she'd be trying to help me feel better. But of course, I can't be in communication with her. Not for a while anyways... Time. Time heals all wounds.
  6. lost_puppy
    Thanks for the replies. DragonGirl, that's a good question. I don't know why I'm sad. Maybe it's just pain that I'm interpreting as sadness, I don't know. I suppose I do want the best for her, but honestly, just thinking/knowing that she's happy doesn't really help me. Hopefully this is just an initial reaction and after a few days go by I'll be in a more rational state of mind. Right now I'm still frazzled by the experience...
  7. lost_puppy
    Hi. I haven't been on this board in a few months. My girlfriend dumped me last September (my original post is [link removed [/b] if you're curious), and I initiated NC shortly afterwards for my own sanity. I was definitely starting to feel better, in part thanks to this forum (which is also why I stopped visiting this forum). But then just tonight, I saw her with her new boyfriend. Now I remember how I felt those first couple of weeks, because I'm feeling it all over again! It's frustrating, and I know this feeling too will eventually pass, but I'm sad and anxious all over again. That's really it, I guess I'll just have to wait for time to heal this old wound that was just reopened Thanks for reading. -LP
  8. lost_puppy
    Yeah, I think it's dangerous to start NC thinking that it'll get your ex to miss you or call you or hurt or whatever ... NC is for YOU and You alone. That being said, I'm sorry you still have a scar (sounds like a pretty big one ), but I really do believe it will fade and eventually dissappear. It might take a very long time (I just broke NC with my ex-ex from over 4 years ago but it feels fine now ... hope it doesn't take that long with my latest ex). But it will happen. Just keep living your life, you know it'll be without him, but right now, all you need is YOU! So rock on with your bad self!
  9. lost_puppy
    I don't think (at least for me) that I can speed up my recovery. I believe in everything taking its own time. Sometimes it sucks to "wait" like that (after my last relationship, it took me 2 years to start another one), but you'll be ready only when you're ready. I guess I'm kinda fatalistic in general... But maybe it's less stressful to think of it that way - "hurry up and wait" as opposed to thinking that there's something I can be doing to speed this up... Just my own thoughts... LP
  10. lost_puppy
    Yeah, as Nik said (I think, the post is a little confusing), I'd mention your concerns to her, but be prepared to be dismissed. But at least for your own mental well-being, you should tell her that you're concerned for her. If she's not willing to accept any advice, I wouldn't push it. As far as not having any interest in putting in the effort to "get" another girl, I totally understand. How long has it been? For me, it's only 2 months, and the last time I was dumped, it took me almost 2 years to find another girl. I move slow, lol. But the right woman and right opportunity will come along when you least expect it, don't try to rush it, just be natural. If you don't want to ask a woman out, buy her gifts, think of fun things to do, and whatever else dating involves, then don't do it yet! Just hang out with friends and be comfortable. Your friends will bring their female friends and who knows if you'll hit it off? But definitely don't rush things, take it all at your own pace. Good luck... LP
  11. lost_puppy
    The following is an account of my experience so far ... I don't know how much it applies to others, so let me know if you agree, disagree, or anything in between.... So a common question is "how long until I heal?? How long before I'm back to normal?" And I'm realizing that it's not like one day you wake up in the morning, stretch, and say "hey, I'm healed!" It's a slow process, but the good news is that you can see progress. This is where the good days/bad days come in. Right after I was dumped (2 months ago), every day sucked. I missed her, couldn't get her out of my mind, and I just kept hurting. Then last week I had an especially bad day (involved standing in front of her door for 10 minutes than finally being able to pull myself away without knocking). But thinking back on it, the reason seemed bad was because the days around it were, well, not-so-bad. So basically, I went from having all bad days with a couple of good days interspersed to now, where I have both good days and bad days, kinda skewed to the good side ( ). Hopefully, the number of bad days will just get less and less until suddenly I can't remember when my last bad day was. Anyways, that's an overly simplistic way to look at things, but I'm trying to come up with things to tell my mind so that I can keep on keepin' on, until time heals my wounds. Bad day - You constantly think of him/her You cry Your heart feels like it's in a vice etc, etc.... Good day - Suddenly you realize that 5 minutes have gone by without thinking of him/her You're not in physical pain You're able to smile etc, etc...
  12. lost_puppy
    You don't want to contact your ex when you're in a confused/stressed/emotional state of mind. Cuz then everything will come out wrong and you'll regret it even more. You want to make contact when you're in a rational, logical state of mind and not too emotional. The good part? When you're feeling like that, you probably won't want to make contact at all! So ride out this emotional storm and tell yourself, Ok, I can make contact, but not just yet, wait till I'm more in control. Don't know if that helps, but I thought I'd give it a try... LP
  13. lost_puppy
    racoon, are you me??? Seriously, I'm in NYC too ... been NC for 6 weeks .... and yesterday I felt exactly the same as you ... I put it up to being depressed by the elections (OK, let's leave it at that and not get into politics), and I even called my cousin and asked (in these exact words) to "talk me off the ledge"! LOL. Other than that, I have nothing really to add. I especially liked icme's advice. Good stuff. Personally, I KNOW I'm not ready for contact yet. I'm not there emotionally. We live in the same building ( ) so I walked down to her door and stood there for 10 minutes. I knew she was in there, I could hear her and smell her cooking. Luckily I didn't knock on her door. I was all shakey and stressed and I went back upstairs and it took 1/2 hour for my body to return to normal and my heart rate to come back down. I'm defintiely not ready to face her in that state. Then today I woke up and I was like "damn I'm glad I didn't do that." I still miss her terribly, but I know that seeing her would've made things worse. Basically, you just have to consciously stay strong and resist for a few minutes or hours, then your natural strength will kick back in and you'll become more rational. That's how you got through those first 6 weeks. Just don't do it! Keep posting here (I almost did yesterday but instead I saved my post and looked at it this morning and said "awesome! I don't even need to post it now!") and we'll be here for ya. - LP
  14. lost_puppy
    jr, Sounds a little like my situation ... I live in the same building with my ex. She dumped me and made it clear that there's no way we would get back together ... so that probably made it easier for me to realize that I need to move on. I've initiated the standard "no contact" policy (mostly because I know that technique works for me, but also because you'll find many people on this forum strongly recommend it ... see the link in my sig), and it's actually been pretty easy to avoid her so far (1 month). Actually, today I ran into her roommate in the laundry room, but it was a quick "hi, how're you doing, bye". I don't know what will happen if I actually run into my ex... I do understand what you mean by having a wound ripped open when you see your ex in the elevator ... I guess there's no good way to avoid that (can you take the stairs instead? I actually ended up using the other staircase in our building because it's farther from her door...) If you know that things will not work out between you two, then for now I do recommend you try to avoid all contact, resist calling him, etc ... it'll help you heal faster and maybe afterwards you'll be able to contact him in a more rational way and start a true friendship. But that can't happen right now because there are still too many emotions involved. And perhaps don't rule out the possibility of changing jobs? Or maybe a nice long vacation? Good luck, and keep posting. LP
  15. lost_puppy
    Rich, How interesting ... all of a sudden my ex is trying to contact me too (but indirectly). If you want, check out my post link removed And I feel the same as you. I wish she'd leave me alone. But the good thing with me is, I think she understands that I need NC now, and hopefully she'll stop trying to contact me. I'd try to get your ex to realize that, too. Good luck LP
  16. lost_puppy
    New twist of events ... So my ex emails my sister. Kind of a standard "I miss him but I didn't think we were right for each other ... and I'm sad that I had to dump him ... but you and I can still be cool ... " Of course my sis forwarded it to me, and since she knows I'm NC, she deleted my ex's email without responding. So apart from the email itself setting me back a bit in my healing, I thought it was pretty sneaky of my ex to write to my sis, since obviously she would forward it to me ... it's like my ex is contacting me but still respecting my request for NC! How annoying. It also leads me to believe that she put her best friend up to writing to me ... just to get news from me or something. But since I shut down her best friend and my sis is not responding to my ex, hopefully this'll be the last I have to deal with this, and I'll be able to take my time to heal. So here's the whole email that my ex wrote my sister: "I just wanted to write to you, because I really like you, and I hope we can still be in touch. But I will understand if you you don't want to communicate with me. And this may seem strange, but I want you to know how much I miss him and how painful this is for me even though I'm the one doing the breaking up. One of the most painful parts is that I've torn myself away from a whole family that I really liked and loved being with. I miss you and your parents and your grandparents and cousins. I felt so welcomed by all of you, and I was just starting to feel really comfortable with your parents. You have a really wonderful, caring, vibrant family, and I guess I want you guys to know that I appreciated that so much, and I miss you all. Right now I'm so lonely and sad, and I think about him every day, and a lot of the time I feel like I've made a mistake. It's really only when I visualize the future that I'm pretty sure that I have to do this. I have to take the loneliness and the pain and the emptiness, because I don't think I am the right person for him to marry and I don't think he's the right person for me to marry. I'm guessing he has shared with you the list of reasons for breaking up with him. But it was a weird decision to make, because I love him and I was happy overall. Paradoxically, I feel like I'm breaking up with him because I love him. I want to do what is best for him. I guess that's trite, and it sure doesn't feel like what is best for him right now. I know he is suffering a lot. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I don't expect a response from you. I just wanted to get this out to you, to tell you that I miss you and hearing about your life. Also, you might want to tell him that I wrote to you, but maybe he doesn't want to hear about this at all. I think he pretty much wants to shut me out of his life completely right now, and I think he was right to decide that."
  17. lost_puppy
    Ooh, now I'm starting to feel bad ... I don't want to "shoot her down" or anything, I mean she's a really nice girl and all that, but right now I definitely do need to be away from my ex and all reminders of her ... it's gonna take me a good while longer to heal .... And plus, I wouldn't want to put her in the position of dating her best friend's ex, right? [/self justification]
  18. lost_puppy
    No you're not insane ... in fact, I'd think you were insane if you DIDN'T think about your ex most of the time! Yes, everyone goes through this ... I think even our dumpers go through this, at least for a little while. Everyone heals on their own schedule, so take your time, don't go by what you think should should be the "right" time ... one day you'll realize that you're over her and life is back to normal again LP
  19. lost_puppy
    Oops, I see I should have checked back in on this post a little earlier... 1. I have absolutely no interest in my ex's best friend (in fact, one main reason I was even good-natured towards her when I was going out with my ex was because my sister told me that I should always stay on the best friend's good side, cause best friends can often make or break a relationship ... as Gauchori implied ... ) 2. I agree the most with Johnny Table's first post. Talking to best friend is basically a direct pipe to ex. The two of them are very very close, and I know that best friend wouldn't do anything to risk that relationship. 3. Honestly, I didn't even consider the possibility that best friend is interested in me. I guess that could be. Come to think of it, we do have a lot in common, but see point #1 But thanks for the responses! Now I'm leaning towards thinking that 1. best friend is at least a little interested in me and 2. ex might be checking up on me (or maybe best friend is taking it apon herself to report news back to ex .... "hey, C, guess who I just saw?") Oh, and finally, to address one of DBL's points, if best friend is indeed acting completely on her own accord and is putting all this stuff at risk, although I don't want to jeapordize her situation at all, I'm still glad that I made it plain to her to back off. Sorry, I do need it right now
  20. lost_puppy
    So my gf of 2.5 years dumped me about a month ago (has it been that long? I guess one painful day melds right in with the next...) and I initiated NC about a week later (she wanted to stay in contact, but I know that I need NC to heal). Some days are ok, some aren't, but all in all I'm definitely making progress. So here's the "interesting" part. Her best friend writes me an email: > So, I don't know if you want to hear from me, and if you don't that's > okay, I wouldn't be offended if you didn't even answer this email. I > would ask how you are, but I imagine you might still feel pretty bad, > because I've been dumped by boyfriends and been totally devastated, > and they were never relationships as long or as serious as yours. > Anyway, I'm just writing to see if you want to go do something fun > sometime, because I think you are smart and funny and my > interest in you as a person extends beyond the fact that you were > C's boyfriend. But if you don't I understand. The weird thing is that we were never that close, certainly not the person I'd call up to just hang with. So my first impression was that she was put up to it by my ex, but then I realized that my ex probably doesn't even care enough to go through all that trouble. But anyways, I just wrote back, "Thanks so much for your email. It made me feel really good. However, for now I think I need to respectfully decline your invitation to hang out. I'm sure you understand. I do enjoy hanging out with you, and maybe hopefully some day in the future there will be a time when you and C and I can all hang out!!" She hasn't written back, so I'm hoping that she realizes my need for NC. And I think I conveyed that *I* will be the one to say, let's hang out. So what do you all think of that little incident? LP
  21. lost_puppy
    Hi Soulfully, Happens to me too. Not necessarily seeing things that remind me of her (though that does happen!), but even just going for a few days of not really thinking about her and feeling like I'm progressing, healing, feeling happy .... then suddenly one day I wake up and just can't stop thinking about her all day, everything reminds me of her and makes me sad ... But hopefully as time passes those days will get rarer and rarer, till one day they're all gone ... .... still waiting for that day, patiently ...
  22. lost_puppy
    If he is your first serious boyfriend, then I would suspect that fact has at least something to do with the way you're feeling. When my very first gf dumped me, I felt like I had lost the absolute perfect girl and that I would never again find one that perfect. When I met my next gf, I realized how far from perfectly matched my previous ex was. Now that my second gf has dumped me, I feel the same way ... this second gf was definitely the most perfect girl for me, I'll never find another ....... but, based on what happened with my first gf, I'm able to rationalize that the second one is actually NOT necessarily "the one" and that there's a good chance I'll find someone better. It's hard to convince my emotional side that that's true, so for now my rational side has to sit and wait for the day when it can tell my emotional side "I told you so." Read through some of the NC posts here, you'll see why I think that perhaps it's not best for you to "fight" to get your bf back. It may end up pushing him away even more, especially if he's set on his NC. At the very least, read the post in my sig, it helped me a lot. Good luck, LP
  23. lost_puppy
    I totally agree with Carter. Some people take longer to heal than others, and circumstances are also a factor. I remember a few years ago it seemed to take me forever to recover from a breakup, but this last breakup seems to be going a little quicker. At least I've returned to relative sanity quicker, though the pain is a dull ache that may remain for a while. Six months is not too long. Keep NC going and focus on your life. You'll forget about her soon and the memories will be pleasant, not painful. LP
  24. lost_puppy
    Hi Michael, To me, the email you sent seems a tad harsh, BUT, I don't know the background of your situation and I tend to be an apologetic softie anyways ... so I'm sure there was nothing out of line with that email. It's good that you told her in no uncertain terms that you would like to maintain NC. I had to tell my ex that too (in a note taped to her door), and now that she knows that I need NC, it's been great for my healing process. Every communication, every time you hear about her or see her, will be a small setback, but it sounds like you're making great progress forward. You'll be back to where you were in no time at all. And happy birthday!! -LP
  25. lost_puppy
    K_N_AZ, even though you initiated the breakup, it sounds like she has had time to think about things and wants to be apart from you, at least for now. I think the worst thing you can do at this point is to beg and pour your soul out to her. Definitely let her know that you'd like to give the relationship another chance, which I think you have already done. But maybe compose a letter to her. Very rational, just to let her know that you want to work things out, and maybe some specific points that were wrong that you're willing to change. I'd wait until the 3 month deadline to send this to her (and definitely NC until then!!) But after that, you should respect her decisions, whichever way she may go. That will be your last honest attempt to get her back, so whether that succeeds or fails, you have nothing to regret for the rest of your life. Again, even though you initiated the breakup, if you guys remain broken up, it's probably something that was meant to happen, and would've happenned somehow in the near future... I'm very sorry to hear about it, and perhaps things will work out in the end, but if not, then put yourself in NC lockdown and allow yourself to heal. We're all here for you. LP
×
×
  • Create New...