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lost_puppy

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  • Birthday 12/31/1971

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  1. lost_puppy
    Well, I'm back from the wedding. Just as I thought, the long drive down gave me too much time to think about things, but at least on the way back I had company (my bandmates). It was actually a pretty fun time, and reminded me that usually when I'm playing, I don't think about emotional problems because I'm concentrating on making music. More motivation to get more gigs! That's a great encapsulation of how I feel. It's funny that based on past experience, we always "know" that the feeling will pass and that we will eventually get over our exes, but in the moment, it's difficult to see that happening. It'll happen though, I just need to keep myself busy in the meantime. Thanks again for all the thoughts, advice, and just the support. LP
  2. lost_puppy
    LOL, that's funny. It's worth a try... But can you believe this? I was actually scared to come home last night from the subway because of the irrational fear that I'd see them again. This is getting a little ridiculous. I don't even think I was this paranoid when she first dumped me. Anyways, I'm going to DC this weekend for a wedding, maybe it'll take my mind off of things, but I'm thinking the long bus ride will just give me more opportunity to reflect... Oh well. Time. That's the only solution.
  3. lost_puppy
    Hi icme, nice to see a familiar face here. Yes, I knew it would happen eventually, she lives in the same building as me after all. And although it's not pleasant I'm kinda glad I got it over with. I knew she's the type to get a new boyfriend right away, and also to get deeply involved with him, but now having actually seen her with someone brings it into reality. All the old thoughts of "wow, this really is over, I can't believe it, I can't accept it" are all coming back. It's frustrating that I felt some progress, and then there's a major setback like this
  4. lost_puppy
    Yes! She's toxic! She sounds like she can't make up her mind, and I'm afraid that her behaviour may be habitual and this situation will repeat itself when the two of you are "together". It's too bad you feel so strongly about her, but I agree with DN that you should stop communicating with her, gat over your pain, and wait for a better, more faithful woman to come into your life.
  5. lost_puppy
    That's very true. And of course she doesn't mean to cause me any pain, I know that she still cares about me and that if we were still in communication she'd be trying to help me feel better. But of course, I can't be in communication with her. Not for a while anyways... Time. Time heals all wounds.
  6. lost_puppy
    Thanks for the replies. DragonGirl, that's a good question. I don't know why I'm sad. Maybe it's just pain that I'm interpreting as sadness, I don't know. I suppose I do want the best for her, but honestly, just thinking/knowing that she's happy doesn't really help me. Hopefully this is just an initial reaction and after a few days go by I'll be in a more rational state of mind. Right now I'm still frazzled by the experience...
  7. lost_puppy
    Hi. I haven't been on this board in a few months. My girlfriend dumped me last September (my original post is [link removed [/b] if you're curious), and I initiated NC shortly afterwards for my own sanity. I was definitely starting to feel better, in part thanks to this forum (which is also why I stopped visiting this forum). But then just tonight, I saw her with her new boyfriend. Now I remember how I felt those first couple of weeks, because I'm feeling it all over again! It's frustrating, and I know this feeling too will eventually pass, but I'm sad and anxious all over again. That's really it, I guess I'll just have to wait for time to heal this old wound that was just reopened Thanks for reading. -LP
  8. lost_puppy
    Yeah, I think it's dangerous to start NC thinking that it'll get your ex to miss you or call you or hurt or whatever ... NC is for YOU and You alone. That being said, I'm sorry you still have a scar (sounds like a pretty big one ), but I really do believe it will fade and eventually dissappear. It might take a very long time (I just broke NC with my ex-ex from over 4 years ago but it feels fine now ... hope it doesn't take that long with my latest ex). But it will happen. Just keep living your life, you know it'll be without him, but right now, all you need is YOU! So rock on with your bad self!
  9. lost_puppy
    I don't think (at least for me) that I can speed up my recovery. I believe in everything taking its own time. Sometimes it sucks to "wait" like that (after my last relationship, it took me 2 years to start another one), but you'll be ready only when you're ready. I guess I'm kinda fatalistic in general... But maybe it's less stressful to think of it that way - "hurry up and wait" as opposed to thinking that there's something I can be doing to speed this up... Just my own thoughts... LP
  10. lost_puppy
    Yeah, as Nik said (I think, the post is a little confusing), I'd mention your concerns to her, but be prepared to be dismissed. But at least for your own mental well-being, you should tell her that you're concerned for her. If she's not willing to accept any advice, I wouldn't push it. As far as not having any interest in putting in the effort to "get" another girl, I totally understand. How long has it been? For me, it's only 2 months, and the last time I was dumped, it took me almost 2 years to find another girl. I move slow, lol. But the right woman and right opportunity will come along when you least expect it, don't try to rush it, just be natural. If you don't want to ask a woman out, buy her gifts, think of fun things to do, and whatever else dating involves, then don't do it yet! Just hang out with friends and be comfortable. Your friends will bring their female friends and who knows if you'll hit it off? But definitely don't rush things, take it all at your own pace. Good luck... LP
  11. lost_puppy
    The following is an account of my experience so far ... I don't know how much it applies to others, so let me know if you agree, disagree, or anything in between.... So a common question is "how long until I heal?? How long before I'm back to normal?" And I'm realizing that it's not like one day you wake up in the morning, stretch, and say "hey, I'm healed!" It's a slow process, but the good news is that you can see progress. This is where the good days/bad days come in. Right after I was dumped (2 months ago), every day sucked. I missed her, couldn't get her out of my mind, and I just kept hurting. Then last week I had an especially bad day (involved standing in front of her door for 10 minutes than finally being able to pull myself away without knocking). But thinking back on it, the reason seemed bad was because the days around it were, well, not-so-bad. So basically, I went from having all bad days with a couple of good days interspersed to now, where I have both good days and bad days, kinda skewed to the good side ( ). Hopefully, the number of bad days will just get less and less until suddenly I can't remember when my last bad day was. Anyways, that's an overly simplistic way to look at things, but I'm trying to come up with things to tell my mind so that I can keep on keepin' on, until time heals my wounds. Bad day - You constantly think of him/her You cry Your heart feels like it's in a vice etc, etc.... Good day - Suddenly you realize that 5 minutes have gone by without thinking of him/her You're not in physical pain You're able to smile etc, etc...
  12. lost_puppy
    You don't want to contact your ex when you're in a confused/stressed/emotional state of mind. Cuz then everything will come out wrong and you'll regret it even more. You want to make contact when you're in a rational, logical state of mind and not too emotional. The good part? When you're feeling like that, you probably won't want to make contact at all! So ride out this emotional storm and tell yourself, Ok, I can make contact, but not just yet, wait till I'm more in control. Don't know if that helps, but I thought I'd give it a try... LP
  13. lost_puppy
    racoon, are you me??? Seriously, I'm in NYC too ... been NC for 6 weeks .... and yesterday I felt exactly the same as you ... I put it up to being depressed by the elections (OK, let's leave it at that and not get into politics), and I even called my cousin and asked (in these exact words) to "talk me off the ledge"! LOL. Other than that, I have nothing really to add. I especially liked icme's advice. Good stuff. Personally, I KNOW I'm not ready for contact yet. I'm not there emotionally. We live in the same building ( ) so I walked down to her door and stood there for 10 minutes. I knew she was in there, I could hear her and smell her cooking. Luckily I didn't knock on her door. I was all shakey and stressed and I went back upstairs and it took 1/2 hour for my body to return to normal and my heart rate to come back down. I'm defintiely not ready to face her in that state. Then today I woke up and I was like "damn I'm glad I didn't do that." I still miss her terribly, but I know that seeing her would've made things worse. Basically, you just have to consciously stay strong and resist for a few minutes or hours, then your natural strength will kick back in and you'll become more rational. That's how you got through those first 6 weeks. Just don't do it! Keep posting here (I almost did yesterday but instead I saved my post and looked at it this morning and said "awesome! I don't even need to post it now!") and we'll be here for ya. - LP
  14. lost_puppy
    jr, Sounds a little like my situation ... I live in the same building with my ex. She dumped me and made it clear that there's no way we would get back together ... so that probably made it easier for me to realize that I need to move on. I've initiated the standard "no contact" policy (mostly because I know that technique works for me, but also because you'll find many people on this forum strongly recommend it ... see the link in my sig), and it's actually been pretty easy to avoid her so far (1 month). Actually, today I ran into her roommate in the laundry room, but it was a quick "hi, how're you doing, bye". I don't know what will happen if I actually run into my ex... I do understand what you mean by having a wound ripped open when you see your ex in the elevator ... I guess there's no good way to avoid that (can you take the stairs instead? I actually ended up using the other staircase in our building because it's farther from her door...) If you know that things will not work out between you two, then for now I do recommend you try to avoid all contact, resist calling him, etc ... it'll help you heal faster and maybe afterwards you'll be able to contact him in a more rational way and start a true friendship. But that can't happen right now because there are still too many emotions involved. And perhaps don't rule out the possibility of changing jobs? Or maybe a nice long vacation? Good luck, and keep posting. LP
  15. lost_puppy
    Rich, How interesting ... all of a sudden my ex is trying to contact me too (but indirectly). If you want, check out my post link removed And I feel the same as you. I wish she'd leave me alone. But the good thing with me is, I think she understands that I need NC now, and hopefully she'll stop trying to contact me. I'd try to get your ex to realize that, too. Good luck LP
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