I know this isn't the best avenue for venting about my pain, but it's one of the last places I can turn to for help. I know this might get long, so I appologize in advance. I'm 23 male to give you some info about me.
December of 2003 I met the girl of my dreams. She was every thing I've always wanted and we both fell in love immediately. Within months she talked about marriage, getting a place together and so on. We spent a ton of time together. I felt very strongly that she was the one. We dated until October and then she went away to grad school in the fall (long distance). We broke up not because of distance but rather that she was dating someone else the entire time we were together. In fact she was with him 6 months before she even met me. (They were doing long distance when we met)
Obviously we broke up and didn't talk for a month or so. Then she started calling, sending emails, cards and so on professing her love and appologies to me. I knew I had to have my guard up and I took things slow. We didn't get back together but things slowly started to go back into the old routine. Since she was still in school, we didn't see much of one another. It stayed this way throughout the winter. I was dating other girls and what not, but my heart wasn't willing to care about any one else but her.
Then two weeks ago she came to visit me. She told me she wasn't with the other guy hadn't been for months. The fact that I love her so much and was basically willing to do whatever it took to make it work, I listened. She said all the right things and conviced me she do any thing to make it work. After that weekend, she wrote me a long letter, ensuring that I knew she was for real this time.
Well, Monday I got a call from the other guy. Some thing I wish I got months ago. Talk about drama. He said I need to know they never broke up and that she has been lieing to me since day 1. He only found out about me because he saw some e-mails we sent one another. It was good to find out the truth about a lot of things and vice versa. So basically this girl was with both of us for the past 18 months. Crazy how she actually pulled it off.
She of course called me later that day and appologized and the like. She said I need to work all this out, but I still want you to be the one I want to marry. I love her like crazy but I just cannot trust her the way I should. I don't think it is ever possible.
I have never loved someone so much in my life, yet I'm in denial that she actually did this to me. I keep telling myself I have to move on and cut her off, but a part of me does not want to give her up. I just cannot imagine a life without her in it. Also, its tough to swallow that her and this other guy might work it out. I don't want her to end up with him, when i still want here her with me.
The past few days have been a mess. No sleep, appetite, energy, enthusiasm or any thing. Moreover, this great weather doesn't even cheer me up. I know on paper it's obvious what to do, but I just can't seem to do it. All I am asking is if you have ever been through some thing like this (ha I doubt), please talk to me. I need to know how to deal with this and how am I going to get through it.
Thank you so much for listening and please send your advice
