Mjane
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Everything posted by Mjane
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Uh... I don't want to point out a Clinton... but oral sex.. penetration... once you get naked or near naked.. it's all sex..
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It sounds like everything went really well. And I liked his response... he might be making a bit of a big deal out of it, but he might have sensed he offended you in some way and wanted to make amends. I think this is great. I saw the guy I'm dating last night too... it's been about six weeks now and we are going super, super slow... and I'm liking it... it's relaxing and I'm just not stress about it...
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Don't say that. My best dates have always involved exercise. With the current guy I'm dating, our first date we mountain biked at night in cold weather. It was great!!!
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When I said I give him the opportunity... I'm talking about I sensed him withdrawing and I asked him several times if he wanted to keep seeing me... I did not act in a certain way to get him to break up with me... IMO.. guys do this more often than girls.. because they are afraid of being the bad guy so they treat a girl like crap in hopes she'll dump him...
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This could go a million ways... he could be a typical clueless guy and doesn't realize he should call the day after sex #-o But he could also be 40 -- scored a 20-something hot babe -- yipee. I'm stil verile Or he might just be busy... time will tell on this one... if he doesn't return your call... then he's explained himself.. you were a score :shocked!: This is what happens when you have sex too early... [-X I'm not lecturing.. I've made the mistake myself.. but hopefully not again. I hate the feeling of insecurity and anxiety that builds as you wait. Take care of youself. I just love all these new smilies. :silly:
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This is what I figured. He and I have not spoken of any past relationships we've had... which I like. I've already made it clear to him that I have a need for personal time and space because sometimes I feel like I have very little personal time for me. I do think insisting on going on a boys weekend after only a month of dating is a bit extreme. But hey, not everyone I've ever dated has been a winner Thanks for responding
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Hi all, I am dating someone new that I met in September, but we didn't start dating until mid-oct when we ran into each other at an event. It's going nice and slow, mostly because we are both so busy. We see each other about once a week for a date. And we don't really contact each other between dates except to make arrangements. Anyway, this week he came to an event I went to but I didn't know he was coming. This friend was telling us a story about the girl he was seeing who lives with her mother. I asked him if she's ever lived on her own? And that's when the guy I'm dating cut in and told a story about a girl he dated last year for a few months who also had never lived on her own. After a month of dating, he said he was going away with the boys and she insisted on coming along. He said, no way, and then said the relationship went downhill from there. Was he just sharing a story or trying to set some boundaries with me? I am probably more independent than him! He has twice shown up to events he knows I'm going to, but I don't know he's planning to come. He knows I'm also all about having my own personal space, time and privacy. Anyway, I'm probably just being paranoid. He probably shared the story because it went along with the conversation?? Thanks for any input.
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Jadtt, I am in the exact same position as you I am dating this guy that I met back in September. We went on our first date three weeks ago and have our third date Saturday, although we've seen each other at a couple of events in between dates. He hasn't kissed me yet, but I worry about having the same conversation. I've already decided what I want to say .. I don't want to have sex outside of a committed, exclusive relationship... and I don't think we are anywhere near that stage yet I think that's clear enough that if he's only looking for sex, he'll disappear fairly soon . But I don't think he is otherwise he would have made moves on me already... it's a difficult conversation to have... but it's important to do early so when you are making out, he's not disappointed when you put on the brakes.
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I just want to clarify... I've never disappeared on anyone... I always END a relationship. It's a really hard thing to do and I most recently told a guy in July... we only went on two dates... but I told him I didn't see a future with him. I don't mislead people. And I don't just hope that he'll get the hint if I never answer the phone or call him again. I had a guy do that to me earlier this year... he didn't have the GUTS to end it. And I gave him the opportunity a couple of times and he never took it. I think guys-girls-aliens who break up with people by disappearing are some of the biggest COWARDS on this planet. It's much crueller than actually breaking up with someone and it takes longer to get over.
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duplicate. had problems posting.
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The guy is a flake and is just stringing you along. This is a case where you have to pay attention to his actions and his words... both of which are very disappointing.
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I've been the victim of the vacation dump twice in the past three years... but as I was reading this thread... I realized that I did it too. About three years ago I was dating this guy for about four months... I broke up with him 6 weeks in because it just didn't feel right, but then I had second thoughts and we got back together. So... about two months later I went on a ski trip and I met these two great guys.. and it got me thinking... there are other interesting, single, attractive men in this world... hmmm... and then another month later I went to visit family ... and that's when I realized I just couldn't date this guy anymore... we just weren't right for each other. So I returned home and broke up with him about 10 days later... I procrastinated a bit...
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As a rule of thumb, guys pay in the first few dates. And a lot of guys want to do this. In 99 per cent of the cases, the guy picks up the check, I reach for my wallet and he says, I'll get it. And I say, thanks a lot... blah blah blah. My offer to pay my half is genuine. But it makes it feel special, makes him appear sweet and kind when he wants to pay.
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I'm going to generalize here.. but I think the key .. for women dating men.. is be receptive but don't pursue. So, can you call a guy? Yes. but sparingly. Make sure he's the one initiating most of the contact. So, return all phone calls and I see nothing wrong with an occasional phone call to say hi, with no expectations. Like once every few weeks. If a guy wants you to contact him, it could be he's lazy or too nervous to make the first move. If you are interested in him, call or email. But just the once. If a guy is interested in you... then he usually pays on first dates... you can always pull out your wallet and offer to split the cheque... I do this... but 8 out 10 wave off your money and pay it. But I know guys appreciate the offer .. or at least I've been told that... just remember to thank him a few times for buying you dinner. I love it when guys open car doors for me... but it's more common in Texas than up north where I am now. If that's the way he was raised, great. But if he doesn't do it, don't be offended. Some guys never got into the habit. In the beginning, make sure you go on "dates" meaning you go out. somewhere. anywhere. But don't get into the habit of hanging out in your or his apartment just yet. Courtship is about making the evening special and watching DVDs is best left to a time when you've already gotten to know each other. When it comes to sex, kissing, etc. pace yourself. Sure it's okay to make out. But try and keep your clothes on as long as possible... or at least as long as you can tell whether the guy is dating you for sex or for a relationship. A good, normal, sweet guy will wait to have sex with you when you and he are ready. Don't let yourself get pressured. And try and avoid getting "carried away." The frequency of contact can vary greatly from man to man. Some call daily. Others every other day. And some once or twice a week. I'm dating a guy who has never called me to talk. Our phone calls are always functional. Time, place, plans... but we tend to exchange an electronic message daily. I saw him twice this week, but essentially we are on the once a week dating plan. We are both very busy and I don't even think we can squeeze in a date next weekend as we are both going out of town Try and keep your expectations in check. The best way to do this is date more than one man at a time. Comparison data is very helpful.
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Diary of a recovering exboyfriend
Mjane replied to rionmccloud's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
But people aren't straight with you. Me neither. That's just the way it is. How bout guys who say they will call and don't? How bout guys who break up with you by disappearing, never to be heard from again? Everyone isn't kind hearted. That's why we must recognize the hints, signs, and protect ourselves. -
Diary of a recovering exboyfriend
Mjane replied to rionmccloud's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I'm not going to go into details about my hellish year... but I know one thing that makes me feel like crap is wishing/wondering/analyzing about a relationship... if a girl doesn't return a call or two... then write her off. you need this to keep up your spirits because all these unreturned phone calls are going to start getting you down. I also have spent the past two weekends by myself. So, I'm there with you. Can you spend more time with your son? -
Dear troll who lives under a bridge While you got that billy idol thing going, I can't see why you wouldn't get at least one gal a month interested in you, especially if they paid the big bucks too and were interested in meeting a serious match. But I've heard a similar story, I can't remember in what city. But here is what the person found out... a lot of people become unsatisfied with these services because they don't get the quality or quantity of matches promised. But guess what? Once a person stops paying their profile still stays in the databank. That's probably why the service called those girls, but the databank. I've heard similar complaints about eharmony. People have said they've never gotten any matches. I did it for three months when I lived in Austin. I got matches, but only went on a date with one person.
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actually hoppy, if you knew this girl just got out of a relationship, then you are responsible for some of the blame. It's only common sense that when you meet someone who just got out of a relationship that you should stear clear of them. People become vicitms of rebounds because they date people who are still recovering. I went on this date with this guy and when he told me he was still separated.... I told him right then and there.. that I couldn't date him because he hadn't been divorced for a year. You gotta set some standards for yourself and stick to them. If you feel like you are having similar experiences with women, perhaps you are dating the same women over and over and over. And this would be your issue. Have you ever heard of unconscious attraction?
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if you actually want to date this girl... as in dating that might lead to a relationship... start doing the planning. Ask her out. Do things within your budget. Give her clear signals that you want to get to know her better, not just her lips.
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Don't tell him you aren't attracted to him. Always break up with kindness. Just say you don't think you two are a good match. I broke up with a guy this week for this very reason. He was smart, kind, sweet. But I was not attracted to him. And after a few dates, I just couldn't muster any feelings. But I do wonder how much chemistry is the right amount?? The most chemistry I've ever felt, or almost, was in June when I was dating this guy who... I just loved being with him... talking. flirting.. whatever. even cruising the bookstore. we had a blast. he decided he couldn't date me anymore and gave me lame reasons why. I was very hurt. Ever since I've been saying to myself.. chemistry is overrated.. chemistry is overrated... I mean he and I had great chemistry but he was willing to let that slide by because of his hangups.
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I have a therapist and he's great. I know he does phone sessions, although I don't think he likes it. But -- I would ask around. Get recommendations. I've talked to a lot of people who didn't think therapy helped them. But I've had four sessions now and I like and trust my therapist, but I also took a class at the institute before I chose him for therapy. It's very uncomfortable telling someone your intimate emotions, how you think, what you feel, all those deep, dark, weak thoughts. But I will admit, after my first session I felt better. You gotta realize that having suicidal thoughts is a huge warning sign for you. It might even be appropriate to go on some drugs. I had passive suicide thoughts ... meaning... I knew I was putting myself in a dangerous situation (getting in a car with someone who was drinking.. and I knew I could die) and I had these thoughts and didn't care. My doc thinks I need drugs.... i'm taking a wait and see approach. Take care.
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Thanks again for your support. I think my therapist told me that I have been separating myself from my feelings and suppressing them. And now that I feel nothing, I need to get back in touch with my feelings... I think that's where the EFT comes in. This guy (bf of a new friend of mine) told me that I spend so much of my energy packaging, compartmentalizing my feelings into a tight, manageable spot, that I have nothing left. He went through something similar when his mom was dying. So, intellectually I know what's going on, but how to break down those barriers and change my suppression habits is another matter all together. I guess in the old days I would feel the feelings, deal with it and then move on. The reason my therapist introduced EFT to me is because I demanded he do something after I had a panic/anxiety attack when i felt a very mild feeling of rejection. It's like my fragile ego can't cope feeling anything negative anymore. It's all very confusing because I've never gone through anything like this before. My feelings of hopelessness are somewhat overwhelming. Has anyone else gone through this? I've spent the past 8 months coping and now I feel like I have nothing in my life worth anything. I know that's the depression talking, but it's also a pretty rational assessment. Other than my family, I really don't have anything.
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Thanks for everyone's posts. Y'all been so nice. I do exercise -- mountain biked twice this week -- and do running. Actually, I mountain bike so I don't have to think.... that's one of my issues from this disasterous year.. I am obsessive thinking.. I did job search while my employer was threatening to fire me... I even had an interview... and got a call yesterday for another job... this is my mystery... I was able to function at a high level while enduring all that pain .. that now that it seems over (god please) I have collapsed. It's like I was a house of cards that blew over two days after the tornado destroyed the town. Guyplus, I think you have me beat, but it's all the same. I have no hubby or kids, which is part of what makes me all depressed. I distinctly remember during the funeral both my sisters had their husbands to lean on, and I had no one.
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Thanks. I've dealt with pain before but never in this kind of tidal wave. How will I know if it's over? Oh, and the irony of the job thing? Two weeks after I became permanent I got a promotion. I didn't see it as a promotion but everyone I worked with did and made a point of coming up to me to congratulate me!! I was not happy nor excited to get the promotion. I felt nothing. My therapist says I'm depressed and should go on medication. Am I dumb to think I can beat this without drugs?
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I'm just putting up a woe is me note hoping it will make me feel better. Tell me, is the following too much for one person to bear: 1)boyfriend breaks up with me 2) had to leave great job and friends to move back to where I grew up 3) returned home, unemployed and mother goes into hospital for terminal cancer 4) mom is hospitalized for 2 months. 5) I get a job, but 3.5 hour drive away 6) I move to a new city where I know no one ... mom dies 10 days later. 7) start dating a guy I think is really special, but he eventually disappears on me never to be heard from again. 8) 2.5 months into my new job and they threaten to let me go because I'm not a star yet. 9) the threats to fire me continue for 5 months, ended June 10 with me becoming a permanent employee. 10) a man I go on a few dates with and have great chemistry tells me he can't date me. Now I feel dead inside and am very depressed. Those 10 things all happened in the past 8 months. My sister tells me she doesn't know how I managed to hang on. Neither do I. All I know is I feel empty. I have few, if any emotions left, other than a grey cloud of depression that hangs over me. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't enjoy my job, in fact I am very resentful they made my life hell during the one of the most difficult times in my life, dealing with the loss of my mother. I have had 4 therapy sessions and my therapist taught me EFT -- emotion freedom technique -- which I have yet to use by myself. Anyone done it?