Mjane
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Is it normal to think about meeting sumone special everyday?
Mjane replied to Aussierocker's topic in Dating Advice
Society tells us we aren't complete unless we are in a relationship. And then we are admonished for not being independent enough. I have spent every day for the past at least 20 years wishing I was in a relationship. Sometimes I have been, others not. I recently told my sister that I will always feel like a part of me is missing unless I get married and have a family. It's a goal I have yet to accomplish and it definitely feels like a missing piece. -
Call her so you can set a date a week or two ahead if she's got exams. It's the guy's job to pursue a girl so don't wait around for her to call you.
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Her confusion stems from not knowing where she stand with you. She's sending mixed signals because she doesn't know what's doing. you got great advice. Ask her out on a date... make it clear it's a date... none of this hanging out business, pay for the dinner, hold her door open for her, make her feel special and if she responds positively then you have your answer.
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I don't know how old you are. Or what kind of women you go for. I think if you have the same "repeat" experiences ie: the chicks go for the wild guy and leave you in the dust -- then the problem isn't so much the women it's the kind of women you are attracted to. Broaden your horizons. Ask women out you wouldn't normally go after.
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mgirl, I appreciate your responses. I actually don't believe in fate. I think you make your own happiness and you make success. Finding the right person is all about timing. I've realized this. I was just having a very weak time last week. I'm much calmer now. I have a complicated situation. I started dating someone three months ago, but we have hardly seen each other the past two months... sounds weird I know. But he's going through extreme stress. I've been through something similar so I know how little time you can have for a relationship when you are struggling to find a job. I just get down on occasion when long periods stretch between hearing from him. And while I'm dating other guys as well, I haven't found any one to replace P. I knew he was special when I met him. And the more guys I date, the more that fact is reinforced. That makes me sad but also reassures me that my instincts about him were right. I will have to give up on him eventually if he doesn't come around. I just pray he gets a job soon and we can put this behind us. Doesn't that just go to show it's all timing?
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I even have straight teeth. I am a bit sarcastic... who isn't? But I don't put people down or say hurtful things. In fact I make people laugh. I will get beyond this. I have to.
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Just when I'd about given up he calls. But I was out and I returned the call but have not heard back. Sigh. A factory worker did ask me out... or at least he has my phone number.. we'll see if he calls.. I will go out with him to broaden my horizons. I met a couple on an airplane sunday who told me I should emanate a more positive glow. Are guys really attracted to that? I try and be funny, witty and a bit sweet. Should I just be sweet and forget about the rest? Ok that's a bit extreme.
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Hope, I've done tons of online dating. Actually met P from an online web site. If i'm attracting or attracted to the wrong guys... the only thing they have in common is I really do go for smarts, professionalism, education. Maybe I need to date a factory worker. Actually this factory worker did ask me out, but I was convinced he was gay so I never contacted him. I figure he just wanted a cover because he was from an Italian family.
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gogo, we had dates face to face.
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Hey Apollo, I don't go for looks. I am always going for what's on the inside. But these guys.... I don't know what the deal is. Are the smart guys so emotionally stunted they don't know how to have a relationship? Is it my age group? Are all men in their 30s totally messed up? Dumb guys bore me. I don't go for players. I go for guys who can hold a conversation. Although, I do have to be attracted to the guy.
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Thanks for your support. I've been feeling like this for a while, probably because this relationship was going nowhere. But I also haven't been too successful replacing this guy.
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I just need to vent. I have just given up on a guy that I thought was super promising. But after two months of barely hearing and seeing him. I reached out for the last time this week and he has yet to respond. I am so tired of failing at love. I'm not even that picky. You just gotta be male, smart, funny and caring. Is that too much to ask? I am just so frustrated and sad and fed up!!! Why does it never seem to work for me? Maybe I should stop picking smart guys, although I thrive on mental challenge. What's the key? I've read tons of books about what to do, but nothing seems to work for me. I'm just so down. I don't know what to do anymore.
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It happens in stages. According to MV -- most women decide if they want to have a relationship with a man after a few dates. Guys take longer to make the decision. But that's only dating to relationship. I say knowing if someone is the one depends on how much time you spend together and how well you get to know each other. You could know in 6 months or a year. Most people know in the 18 months to 2 year mark whether they want to get married.
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I'm sorry that I don't agree with advice about "not looking." I'm always looking. There is nothing wrong with it. Single, I suggest you try this. Go to a bar. Anywhere. The goal is not to pick up anyone. It's not to meet anyone. The goal is simply to practice your flirting skills. Key. Smile. Be genuine. Be charming. Nothing fake though. Crack a few jokes. Try and be witty. The best way to strike up a conversation with a stranger is to make an observation, something amusing that can lead to a conversation. Keep the conversation light and jokie. I flirt with people all the time. Men. Women. Day. Night. It adds fun to my day and it makes me feel good. Have you not wondered why some seemingly ugly guys have girls? It's mostly because they are charming. It's not an inbred skill. It can be learned.
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Do you know how to flirt? I find this a key missing ingredient in decent, nice, kind men who are normal looking, but lack a romantic life. I have met tons of men who can chit chat or you can have normal conversations with... but it comes off dull because there is no flirting. Flirty involves body language as well as witty remarks. Flirting can be as simple as touching a girl on her arm, bumping into her or brushing up against her while you are talking. Being witty involves trying to be light, funny, entertaining without bitterness, etc. Do you do this? I found in my 20s one of the reasons I didn't date much is because I put up walls around myself and didn't even know it. I knew how to flirt, but often closed myself off to advances. It took me years to open up. I now take a lot more risks than I used to. I think that's key. Being open and taking risks. Assume you are going to get hurt or rejected, then blow it off. If you are accepted then it's a pleasant surprise!!!
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ha ha. I meant normal in the sense of your dating history...I think it's positive you've had a couple of short relationships... don't worry about not having a long relationship... I haven't really either... I figure I'm saving that for the guy I'm going to marry.
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ceema, your totally normal. I think going with 24+ is a good idea. Wait till they are out of college.
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you never said how old you were Ceema.
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Ceema, Did you say she was 20? Give her a break already!! I agree it was a stupid remark, but she's 20... she's not even an adult... just out of her teens... she probably hasn't dated too many men... how old are you?
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StandTall, you should really REREAD muneca's post. It's like you seek some answers to what's going on but you aren't listening to what anyone is saying. If she hasn't dated much as you say, I'd put money on the fact that maybe she's embarrassed by what she did. If she's as unskilled as you said, I'd bet she thought the best way to get in good with you was to make some kind of strong sexual move. This would explain HOT and COLD. People make mistakes and do and say the wrong things all the time, especially on first dates. I remember once in college, I totally fooled around with this guy the first night I met him. We didn't have sex, but pretty close. And I am soooo not an easy chick. Anyway, we started dating and I said to him I wanted to take a step back... and he totally didn't understand... so I broke it off... It didn't mean I didn't like him, but I wanted to move back and start over. Iit wasn't any game playing. I just wasn't comfortable with where everything was headed. Now I don't get myself into those situations. Give the girl a break.
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Jabean, I've been where you are ... and am sort of there now... firstly, I'm going to generalize here so don't get mad at me, but some men can't handle conflict... it just is... you can't figure it out and usually it turns out they are messed up... my x broke up with me when he returned from a business trip... the previous week I had some frustrating moments with myself.. but I pushed him away which he didn't like.. did tell me he didn't want to be with someone who reacted that way... oh well.. people do get upset... no one is perfect. His reasoning was he extrapolated the incident and figured he and I would spend the rest of our lives bickering!! I was blown away at how he blew the incident out of proportion, but that's all in his head. It took me a bit to move on because I really liked him and up to that point he and I got along amazing. But alas, there are things out of our control. The other point I wanted to make is the guy I started dating in January -- I haven't heard from him in more than two weeks -- but he recently found out he's going to lose his job -- so he's stressed. He hasn't answered an email I sent last week -- and while i'm hurt and don't really know what to think because I did not get a warning or explanation.. i figure he's struggling with his pending job loss and needs his space. Before our last date, I hadn't heard from him in 10 days. And when I asked him about it, he said he still wanted to see me, but didn't want to dump his problems on me. I'm hoping he's of the same mindset and I'm not being a fool. But I am dating others to protect my heart. We'll see how this plays out.
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Al, the best photographs are not studio shots. Or that's my opinion. I think they look very fake. But I agree a good photo is essential. A closely cropped photo in good light taken at a good angle is all you need. It would help if the surroundings were nice too. Can't you get a friend with a digital camera to take some shots?
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My divergent point of view here is that I do think she was interested in Ceema and was expecting some declaration of something. She probably just threw out the I'm dating other people comment because she didn't want him to think she was attached already. Make sense? It was a stupid, silly move on her part. I would date her at arms length... meaning... beware. Ceema, you saying that's the first time you've been asked that only supports my opinion that people don't ask that on the first date. It's just weird. It's just so strange that if I were a guy, I would have been very turned off and probably wouldn't call her again. Uh, dating. Am I the only one who thinks it sucks? I know life is supposed to be about the journey and not the destination but god I really, really, really dislike dating.... I do so much of it... and it's so time consuming... and I just over and over and over meet guys who are not right for me... ugh... losing faith here.... What do you guys think of this one... I went on a date Tuesday and fairly quickly into the conversation this guy tells me he owns his own company.... works all the time ... and hasn't taken a paycheck in four years because the company doesn't make any money yet ... That says to me this guy is going to be stressed about money all the time... stressed about everything all the time... my immediate reaction was he's got too many problems... Too judgemental of me?
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I am usually very careful about not exchanging too many emails before we meet in person. I don't do long distance. And I try not to reveal too much personal information other than pleasantries, hobbies and what's in my profile. I know the pitfalls of exchanging too much information too quickly. It's not healthy or natural. I just use the web site to make an introduction. I'm very pragmatic, but that's because I'm serious about dating and finding the right person. I'm not looking for fake, cheap intimacy.
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I'm only talking about people who meet in person and just use the online dating sites as a matchmaking service.