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jabean

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  1. jabean
    I know who I am. But in that I know that I will constantly be growing and changing, for that is the beauty of life. If you are really interested on a path of self discovery, start by spending time every day just listening to yourself...your thoughts, your wants, your beliefs (almost as if you were an outside observer). This will give you a start on recognizing who you are. There are also a lot of great books out there that can help with this. But do that when you are ready. Browse through a book store and see what pops out at you as interesting. Read it, apply it and see if it fits. I agree witht he other poster that sometime we learn about ourselves through hardships, but that doesn't have to be the only time. Age doesn't mean a thing, and neither do life experiences. If you have the desire to learn about you, then start now. I did when I was about your age too. And I'm still learning every day.
  2. jabean
    I very similar thing happened to me recently. The trouble is, as happy as they seemed, we can never know what was going on in their minds prior to the fights, etc. I don't know what to suggest you do. You will need to find what is right for you. But I know what I am doing. I am letting go, and working on myself right now. It doesn't mean that the wonderful feelings I felt for my man are gone. Quite the contrary. But I figured I could either make myself miserable wondering, worrying, and continuing to seek a conversation (that he's unwilling to have--not returning my calls either); or I could work on feeling better immediately. I am choosing the latter. I am choosing to look at this as an opportunity for growth and personal development, that I might not have had, had I continued in the relationship. Work, definitely; but I know the results will be great no matter what they are. Best of luck to you.
  3. jabean
    Just have fun with him no matter what you do. One month isn't very long to be dating someone, and by making a large production out of it you could be setting up bigger expectations than anyone in a month relationship can meet. Just enjoy your time with him. If you want to feel special, then maybe just try doing something different on your date with him. Like if you always go out to eat, try live music. But I wouldn't pull out the card and special places quite yet. It's a little early. If a guy made a big production out of one month with me, I'd be a little uneasy with it. Too much too soon.
  4. jabean
    I'm sorry, but that is just plain rude. It's not a miscommunication. He knows he's standing you up, and he knows it bothers you. It shows a lack of respect for you, your relationship, and even himself. He doesn't want to spend the gas to see you? Ugh...yuck. After four months, I'm sure you really like a lot of things about him, but you aren't engaged to this guy. You haven't built up a ton of history. Cut your losses. Hard to do, sure; but you are worth so much more than that!!!!!!! As a side note, if a guy is more than 15minutes late (without a phone call) I leave. I go anywhere but stay home. Your time is just as important as his, if not more so, because it's YOURS.
  5. jabean
    Part of life is growing and changing your ideas and ideals as you learn more. So there should be no fear in coming to a different conclusion about God or your spirituality. Over my life, I have changed my mind and developed more reasoning over time. It is a process like anything else in life. Feel good that you are questioning and exploring...it means you are growing. You will come to the right conclusion for you. You'll know it, and when you do, there will be no questions. Good luck in your quest.
  6. jabean
    Yes, guys, and people in general need space sometimes. It sounds as if he is battling a lot of his own demons with depression, self-esteem, work. This relationship would require you to be very strong and dominant, as he has a lot of issues. Is that the type of relationship you feel you desire? I was in a similar boat not too long ago. My guy left me suddenly, with no fore warning, no previous fights. But he too has a lot of unsettled issues. As much as I love him, I have to look at this as a blessing (even though it hurts). Love shouldn't have to be so much work. Require so much planning. Sure a little compromise. But when you get involved with someone that has so many issues, it becomes like a second job just maintaining the relationship. I hope things work out for you in your best interest.
  7. jabean
    Well, it seems to me you have two ways of approaching this "date". And ultimately, you will have to do what your heart and gut tells you to do. Sit with both scenerios and see which one feels right in your body. 1) You could approach it as a time to have fun. That means you DO NOT talk about the relationship or lack there of. You DO NOT rehash old issues. You treat it as a "first date". Like it's someone brand new and you want to have fun with them. If he brings it up, listen. But if the two of you were bickering a lot, you don't want to fall into that pattern. This might help rekindle a flame, but you will need to continue from this point, and in this frame of reference afterward. It can be very difficult to do if you are harboring a lot of hurt feelings and insecurities. 2) You could seek closure and have a "TALK". Expect that it may be the end to the romantic side of your relationship. Get the answers you are looking for, and let go for a while. In the future you could be friends, but don't look for that right away. It takes time. Usually months, until all the old feelings of deeper connection fade. I wish you the best with whatever is right for you.
  8. jabean
    Fifi, Geez after reading you list, I think we were dating the same guy. You know I never really thought about it before. But yeah, a lot of times I'd call and he wouldn't answer then not call back for a couple of days, and I'd call again. He knew I hated this and still did it too. I'm just so tired of being angry and sad. I really want to get over this, I do; but I get those little delusions too. Like, well, maybe if he just saw me he would change his mind. He haven't seen each other in over three weeks, and broke up over the phone after two. I guess there's a part of me that just can't believe that he would do that, that he doesn't care. But he doesn't. Sorry for venting here. I'm having a horrible day with all this, and I don't know how to get myself out of it.
  9. jabean
    Well, I wish I was on the fast path. It's funny how it cycles. I start feeling okay...than BANG Im back in the anger, sad mode. I just wish I knew what happened, what went wrong. But I guess I'm not going to get those answers. It really does hurt.
  10. jabean
    Nope he chickened out I guess. Left some vague message on my phone about kinda getting the flu from his root canal. How do you get the flu from a root canal? Absurb. Just pi**es me off. If he didn't want to meet he should have said so. UGH...it's so hard to let go. All I wanted was a adult breakup (meaning at least face to face calm conversation), or enough stress relief that we could be friends. I got nothing. Funny how things can go from great to nothing so fast. Not sure I will ever trust another relationship again.
  11. jabean
    imaweirdo, Yeah it's tough. I've got the "date" with him today. Let's see how positive I can remain. Wish me luck and keep seeing a pleasant meeting. I am determined to approach this like a first date (although he doesn't know that). Keep me posted with your progress with the NC and self-improvement.
  12. jabean
    Yeah I do too. We are supposed to meet after work today for a quick coctail. I will see if I get any anything. Keep positive thoughts for me.
  13. jabean
    If you did sabotage your relationship it was probably because some where deep inside you knew he was not the one for you. I've done that before. ANd after the pain subsided, I was able to look back and go...yeah I did. ANd these are the reasons why........ Time can give you perspective. BUt during the course of the healing it can be very painful if you sabotaged or not. It does get better. Day by day it does.
  14. jabean
    I have a copy of that ebook too. Yeah, NC can be tough, but it does help. I'm really focusing on changing some things about myself, which I might not have started still happily in bliss. Not sure if it will bring my fellow back into my life though. His past pattern with relationships is when it's over, he doesn't have further contact. We didn't have a bad falling out/break up, so he might talk to me. But I am taking this time to figure out me. That is the best advice of the book. And the funny part is, that now, even when I think I want to talk to him (call him up), I get these flashes of how I'm really feeling, and I know I don't want to talk to him until I don't care so much about how it works out. It's strange, really it is.
  15. jabean
    Well probably a lot of people are not hanging out in bars just to meet someone anymore, and are using online services instead. So in that way, it probably has changed dating. Plus, it can speed up the process of getting through the bad dates that are sometimes arranged by friends, co-workers, etc. On line, you can check out the basics of a person's interests, career goals, etc. and at least see if there are some common interests (things to talk about) before agreeing to a date. So, in that way it may be helpful for people who are "looking to date." My experience with online services hasn't been all that great personally. But I know couples who met through them that are very happy together. I guess to each his/her own.
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