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herewegoagain

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  1. herewegoagain
    Fantasia - I agree with you totally on the fact that How are we supposed to show them that we are better, more confident, changed, etc if we never get to see them? Especially, since my ex is already seeing someone else? It just seems hopeless.
  2. herewegoagain
    All of you have good points. I'm also sick and tired of all the senseless analyzing of everything that happened since my breakup. Heck, she went directly to someone else and I still hope she comes back to me. How stupid is that - do I have no pride? You all are right, there's nothing we can do.
  3. herewegoagain
    rich and noggy - good points from both of you. Rich - I want to believe that she'll call someday, although I am not counting on it because I'm trying to move on. Also, when we broke up, she said i didn't treat her right (didn't tell her she looks nice enough times, didn't appreciate her, etc). So that makes me think that she was definitely fed up with me. But then again, i think she was LOOKING for reasons to break up with me because it made her feel less guilty so she could jump to the next man. And of course like a dummy, i apologized for all those things (which probably made her think she was actually right about her decision to break up). Does that make sense? I'm not sure if she really thought that bad of me, or just said those bad things about me just to justify breaking up. what do you think? Noggy - also good points - Why would she think of the old bike when she has a new one? Good analogy. But remember, new bikes get old, too. And hopefully if our ex's want us back someday(old reliable bikes) we'll be strong enough to make the PROPER decision.
  4. herewegoagain
    I agree with you all, and i know now that my ex gf cannot be alone (I should have known this from the start form her past), and she would have never had the guts to leave me unless she had someone else waiting. I still can't undertsand what happened - One day she told me I'm the one for her, etc, then literally the next day dumped me and soon started dating her new man. Another point is that I thought that after being together for 4 1/2 years, she would have worked things out, or at least tried to. Again, she would have, but her new man seemed better to her.
  5. herewegoagain
    I don't now if this is good or bad, but I'm positive that if my ex didn't jump to a new man so quickly (within days) she would have given us a chance. At first, she said she just wanted space, but after a week of her space, she found a new man (or already had him waiting). My point is, it's a shame when a person just does not give herself/himself time to be alone for a while to really think about things. It seems that a lot of people just give up too easily because they want to experience the new person and have fun with all the "newness." I know my ex gf has no regrets about me because she is having the time of her life right now with her new man (I've seen them out together a couple of times already). She did not give herself any time at all to think about things. rather, she jumped in the sack with a new man so quickly. So to many of you on this forum whos ex is not with someone else yet - that is a good sign because i guarentee they are at least thinking of you. But if you are in my situation - IT's BEST TO MOVE ON. It's hard, but we have to. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
  6. herewegoagain
    Noggy - i wonder tha same thing because i believe my ex gf totally programmed herself to think I am the bad guy. I honestly believe she has no remorse or no feeling for me anymore, even though we've been together for 4 1/2 years. I still hope, but I don't think she will ever come to realize that I am a decent guy, who would be good for her. Especially because she is with her new man for over a month now. She's the type who loves to be wined and dined, and she is having a ball right now with her new guy. But I 100% believe this - She would definitely had called me to work things out by now if she did not have a new man. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing, but if it wasn't for her new fling, we'd be together right now - I'm that sure of it. So what I'm trying to say is that when there is someone else involved, it distorts her feelings for me. In fact, she probably thinks of me less and less because her new guy occupies her thoughts. I'm sure this is true for a lot of people's situations.
  7. herewegoagain
    Jerhico - wow, that is some story. Thanks for your insight. Good luck to you also, and keep the faith.
  8. herewegoagain
    I'll be honest with you - I know it sucks but you have to leave her be. If she comes back to you, then fine. I know it's hard because you want to talk to her everyday, but just leave her be for now. My ex gf started dating someone else immediately after/during my breakup, and she does not want anything to do with me. If she does in the future, then i'll have to see, but I'll never contact her again. It will have to be her to initiate contact. If she does, that's fine. If not, then the heck with her. I know it sounds harsh, but that is the attitude you have to have in order to get through this. I'm trying to get it in my thick skull that my ex is a piece of garbage for seeing another guy during our breakup. We were together 4 1/2 years and she jumped ship when things got tough. Would i even want her if/when she comes back? Who knows. You have to think of this also - will you really want her back after she is screwing around with another guy? Be honest with yourself. Again, i hate to sound harsh, but if you keep on wishing for her, you'll never get over this. You know what they say - "they always come back when you don't need/want them to." Good Luck - every situation is different. Maybe yours will work out. Just see how it goes.
  9. herewegoagain
    chai714 - i tend to agree with your statement on how someone can't just turn off a switch after 3 years or so. But my gf left me for someone else after 4 1/2 years. I think she was already seeing him while we were still together. Anyway, I guess she got bored with me.
  10. herewegoagain
    That's a tough one. If you are sure that she knows how you feel about her, then you might not want to send her a letter or anything else. I sent my ex a letter last week, which was about 4 weeks after our breakup. I just felt like i had to tell her everything I was feeling so i would have no regrets that i didn't have the guts to tell her. She is also with another man, and i did let her know that i still care for her and would be willing to talk to her if she ever wanted to talk about us again. I got no response from her, which is what I expected. I'm not sure if the letter helped me at all to get her back some day, but i felt better that i sent it. Also, the letter may have pushed her away even more. Who knows.
  11. herewegoagain
    Wow - that is a tough one. I also lost the feeling of being attracted to my ex gf and i didn't really know what to do about it. Finally, it caught up to us, and she dumped me. Now, of course, I want her back. So my advice to you is, if you make any decision about her, think about it carefully and make sure it is a decision you can live with.
  12. herewegoagain
    Tiger - very good post. When you were dating your ex, could you see any signs that she still liked her ex? And you said she took him backed after HE begged her? Wow, that is kind of unusual - because usually, the dumper will try to contact the ex that they dumped if/when they want to reconcile. Thanks for your insight!!
  13. herewegoagain
    Yeah, we'll see. I'll just have to wait and see how things work out. That's the hardest part - just waiting.
  14. herewegoagain
    some of you know my story - my gf, instead of wanting to work on things, left for another guy. I know in MY mind I have to get over her (very hard to do), but I was just talking to some friends about the subject of - Is someone REALLY over his/her ex when they dump you and immediately "fall" for someone else? Can they really just turn off the switch? To answer my own question as in my situation - the answer is DEFINITELY YES. I see my ex out at the bars a lot with her new man, and they sure do seem close. I guess this is almost good for me to see because it will force me to move on a little quicker. I just wondered if any others had an answer to my question.
  15. herewegoagain
    Cajun - I know how it is. My ex gf broke up with me after 4 1/2 years, and went straight to another guy. I still love her, too, but she does not want anything to do with me. She is happy with her new guy. Like you're feeling now, I ask myself, "How can she turn off her feelings for me after 4 1/2 years together?" You already told her how you feel and how you love her, so now you need to just let her be and try to move on. I know it's hard, but you have to. She may call you after this "rebound" thing ends with the new guy, but who knows. The best thing for you to do right now is to not contact her at all. I know it's hard. It's been 5 weeks since my breakup, and i still feel like talking to her everyday. After I knew in my heart that I told her everything that I needed to say, I am not going to contact my ex for a long time, maybe forever. So do not continue to beg her and chase her. That will only push her away further. Believe me, when my ex first walked away from me, I called and left her about 10 messages, and she didn't return my calls. So I quit all the calling, emails, because i know it will not help anyway. So after about 4 weeks of no contact with her, i sent her a letter last week. I was not mean, but very honest about how I felt about the situation, etc. The only reason i sent the letter was because i wanted her to know that I still care about her and love her. A lot of people here probably do not agree with sending a letter, and I suggest that you do NOT send her a letter, email or anything. Just let her find out on her own what she wants. I know it's hard. I feel like contacting my ex right now - but I know it will not help the situation - it will only make it worse.
  16. herewegoagain
    Rich - i agree. i know you know my story. I was just referring to how people say that we should contact our ex and act cool, etc. But that is definitely not a good idea now, and maybe forever. But like we discussed this past week, NC is definitely the way to go. But my question is, do you wait until you are totally over her to contact her? If we did that, then why in the world would you even contact her if you were over her? I definitely understand what you mean, though. I'm definitely doing NC but I have to quit saying to myself "When should i contact her again?" Hopefully, I will not even want to contact her at all.
  17. herewegoagain
    RayKay - how long was myJoy in NC before he contacted her? When he first contacted her, was it just a hello and how are you doing? I've read through that post, but not all of it. thanks.
  18. herewegoagain
    Also, as in Anon's and my case, how in the heck could we contact our ex when they are with someone else? Because right now, our ex's show no interest in us. MyJoy and others always say - "when you contact her or meet up with her, act cool, confident, don't beg, etc." That's all good, but HOW IS ALL THAT POSSIBLE WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR EX WILL NOT WANT TO MEET/TALK TO YOU ANYWAY? SHE (IMMEDIATELY) WENT TO SOMEONE ELSE!! myJoy and others don't understand when they say don't even think about her new man, and don't mention to her that it bothers you, be supportive, etc. I think some of you people live in a dreamworld. How the heck are you supposed to do all these things without being able to see her or talk to her? Think about it - why in the world would she want to even talk to or see me when she is totally having fun (about 5 weeks now) with her new guy? Obviously NC is the only way to go, especially after she knows exactly how I feel about her.
  19. herewegoagain
    I hear you - I can relate to everything that poem says. Did you make that up?
  20. herewegoagain
    definitely a good sign!! i wish i had the same situation as you.
  21. herewegoagain
    Guys are a different breed. My girlfriend left me for the same reasons - I spent too much time doing other things, and she said i didn't tell her that I loved her enough, didn't tell she looks nice enough, didn't hug her enough. I don't think he means any harm by it - I really believe that he thinks that he is doing nothing wrong.
  22. herewegoagain
    anon - excellent comments. I do have to assume it is over for sure, but like you know, it is hard. At least she sends you emails, though. That shows that she is still thinking about you. My ex will never send me an email - even just to say "hey" That's how messed up i am - it would make my freakin day if my ex emailed me and said Hi, or anything.
  23. herewegoagain
    anon- Like you said, you are in the same boat as me. My ex doesn't contact me at all. Does your ex contact you at all? How long has been your NC with her? You may have aready told us, but i don't remember.
  24. herewegoagain
    Rich - right you are. It's so hard to move on, but i know i have to force myself to do NC for as long as possible. then maybe after a few months or longer, i will not even care about her - hope so. Thanks
  25. herewegoagain
    As some of you know, my gf broke up with me about 5 weeks ago, and we've had basically no contact. I sent her a letter a few days ago (on a different post) to tell her all that i feel one last time. I was honest with her about some things I didn't like, but the letter was mostly about how I've learned things, etc. and wished her the best with her new boyfriend, and that i still care for her, etc. Before this, I only emailed her a couple of times a few days after the breakup telling her how much i love her, etc. Thus, now that i have sent the letter, is there any other strategy besides NC? I am starting no contact now and forever, but was wondering if and when someday I should initiate contact. Anyone have any input?
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