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jnelson

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  1. jnelson
    Okay...just three weeks ago (after 10 months of trying to get back together with my ex of 5 years) I decided that it was FINALLY time to move on...over those 10 months she was a complete bit*h to me at times and normal at other times....very hot and cold.....THEN just yesterday she calls me in tears telling me she misses me so much and thinks about me all the time....tells me " I want to get back together"...she told me she tried to move on and forget about me but she just couldnt do it and she has been miserable for a while now.... Strange how things work...as soon as I finally decide to move on etc (after an argument we had where I finally told her how much of a huge bit*h she was being) she calls me and says she wants to be together...and honestly, for the first time since we have broken up she sounds like her old self again.....so if you are still trying to get back with your ex remember that it is very likely it won't happen until you are fully prepared to lose them.... Here is the catch....3 weeks ago I told her off...I had had enough of her BS and told her about it....a week after all of this I met a girl at school who I had noticed around the last couple years (she had a bf, i had a gf)...we have been hanging out a lot in the last two weeks and I know she likes me...she is really cool and I have a lot of fun with her...thing is, after this year she is going to grad school....and next year, I am going to be very close to the ex......what would you do in this situation? I do still have feelings for my ex, however, they seem to have faded quite a bit lately....I miss the old ex, not the girl she was for the last 10 months....but the new girl is really cool.....not sure what to do! haha never thought I would be in this situation...
  2. jnelson
    I'm guessing the internet...???
  3. jnelson
    I'm not sure how I would feel if my ex was with someone else and then wanted to come back to me...I mean, I definitely would like to be with her now but if she was with someone and then wanted to come back it would be a lot harder to deal with. I know that while you are apart you are free to do what you want, but it doesn't make it any easier when you try and get back together....
  4. jnelson
    Well said muneca... I can't say I really agree with kantore 100%...I think in some cases it's not worth it to try and salvage anything from the relationship and other times it is.... Hope75...you don't want to know my details...too long! Anyone else have opinions...??
  5. jnelson
    Which method is most effective in regards to getting back together with your ex if you are the dumpee....Do you think trying to maintain a friendship is best (perhaps slowly work your way back into the relationship, show him/her that you have changed) or no contact? I realize it depends on the situation and every case is different, but what have you guys found most effective in current/past relationships?
  6. jnelson
    tell him you are a snake!
  7. jnelson
    "If you really love her then you'll want her to be happy right?"...cmon..that's really great for you to say and im sure lots of ppl will say that, but who really means that? who really wants the ex they love to be happy with someone else? if you really love them you want them to be with you...when you hear ppl say that, I think they mean that they love them, but not in the sense that they would still love to be in a relationship with them....
  8. jnelson
    Anyone been in a similar situation? Alright...quick version...was with gf (now ex) for nearly 5 years...we go to different schools a long way apart...first two years of university we did long distance....end of last school year we broke up (me being an idiot - didn't cheat or anything)....spent last summer in different cities, saw each other about 5 times the entire summer (I stayed with her for a few days, she visited me a couple of times).....intimate when we saw each other....last month or so of summer I decide enough is enough, I can't keep being friends with her when I actually want more...do no contact.....day before I fly back to school girl calls tells me 'she loves me, misses me and wants to do it right this time'....I get to school, we talk on msn, she calls etc....she flies out to come and see me for a long weekend...things go great..the whole time we have been at school we have got along great..when she came to visit me it was just like we were together... fast forward....its been a couple weeks since she was here...the other day I asked her what was going on...told her I didn't want to get my hopes up (reconciliation) only to be disappointed....she told me she didnt want that either but she doesnt think we will be together at all during university (we have the rest of this year and next year left)....says she wants a bf she can see whenever she wants, something 'real' not just the internet or phone....this kind of surprised me since the last two years we were together she always said distance wasn't the problem...she said that she loves me and would love to be together under 'normal circumstances' - (in the same town)....so what happens now...things were great when we were friends the last month or so but that was only because I thought we were going to get back together sometime soon....now that she is telling me we won't be together, I don't really see a point in maintaining a friendship without any sort of commitment.... - we have been broken up for 7 months.... anyone else in a similar situation? what have you done or what would you do? Keep in mind that I do really want to be with this girl....
  9. jnelson
    So girl calls and says she wants to see me and misses me etc....similar to what she said in the first conversation.....so she booked a flight to come and see me next week..... What does this sound like to you? Does she want to get back together? She has hinted at it saying things like "I want to do it right this time"..."I know what I want"...but she hasn't straight out said that she wants to be with me....so when she is here what is the best approach? Should I just let things happen and not talk about relationship issues/ask her if she was seeing other ppl etc....or should I try and see what she is thinking? I know it is obviously a good sign...and if someone else posted this i could probably give them advice...it is a lot harder trying to analyze your own situation though....
  10. jnelson
    You are definitely right when you say that she needs to figure out what it is she wants.....Last night she called me...explained again how she felt so lonely and how she wanted to see me....it felt good speaking to her again like that, but I can't help but think this is a big (unintentional) game by her....What to do in this situation? Be there for her to help/listen to her? Tell her to get back to me when she figures it all out? By the way, I still do really love her...we had a good relationship for the majority of our time together
  11. jnelson
    An update since my last post....after that great conversation we had, we agreed that she would call me in a few days and we would set up a visit....didn't hear from her at all for 10 days...eventually she emailed me...asked me to call her. I didn't call her (instead I wrote back) asking how she was....she responded that she was very confused and how she shouldn't bring me into it.... She told me she missed me like crazy and she wanted to talk to me so badly....she also said she is very lonely and she 'f'ing hates it.......since then she has called me a few times and sent msgs daily... So...I guess mix maxster was right...she may have actually said all of this just to keep me in her 'grasp'...I really did believe that the conversation we had was the beginning of something new and better...I guess not. What would you do here? She is obviously very confused. I am thinking about sending an e-mail to her basically saying that I understand she is confused but one of two things should happen....either we should stop talking completely (no emails/msn/txt msgs/phone etc) and move on, or she should consider visiting sometime in the near future to see things go....I don't want to put any pressure on her, but I do not want to be strung around by her either. I am not in the position (yet) where I just want a friendship with her.
  12. jnelson
    how about you ask her what that means
  13. jnelson
    Being negative and unfriendly certainly won't do it...I guess that is why people say that.... The fact that it is giving them comfort is exactly what you want to an extent...you want to create as many positive moments you can with the person....this will help eliminate any negative experiences in the past... No one is saying you have to put your life on hold and cater to them....If you follow the advice and at the same time, do your own thing (improve yourself, meet other women etc.) this could very well help in getting your ex back....
  14. jnelson
    Mix Maxster - Good call.... I think she is between the telling the truth part (part of her wants to be together) and trying to keep me close part (she doesnt want me seeing other people)....I just have to figure out which one...she told me in the conversation that "she feels so much more mature now and she knows exactly what she wants"...she has told me 3 times in the last 5 days that she just wants to come see me and "we were so stupid".....so...she has my new number here (just moved in two days ago)...we'll see when/if she calls...she says she will so we'll see.....I'll know when we are talking what her true motives really are...
  15. jnelson
    Ex called.... here is my original post.... link removed Got the call from my ex gf last night...she called to tell me she loved me and she missed me like crazy...said the time we had apart from each other (broke up in april, lived 2 hrs away from each other this summer) made her realize that she really does want me and we should 'do it right this time'...she said she would love to come visit me soon at school (2000km)...she brought it up...I guess giving her space and allowing her to figure things out worked...we had tried being friends, but as many of you probably know, when two people love each other and have spent nearly 5 years together, it's very hard to be 'just friends'...I couldn't settle for being friends in the long run..... when she called she told me she was really happy to talk to me and it was so good to hear my voice again....I was very nice to her but didn't really show how happy I was.....The plan is for her to come visit and see how things go...I know it will be different this time though....she definitely sounded like her old self again...can't tell you how happy I am... I didnt sit around and wait for her though...kept myself busy with my friends, went to the gym all the time etc...cant stop living your own life beacuse of them....
  16. jnelson
    that's easy...make yourself look good...be upbeat, smile etc....dont go out of your way to make contact...if they initiate something with you be pleasant but dont give too much.....i have the opposite problem...NC while at schools 2000km apart...sure NC will be easy, but i want my ex back...i dont think being apart like that helps my chances....consider yourself lucky!
  17. jnelson
    sounds like she's being a sloot....what athlete is she dating?
  18. jnelson
    After a break up, would you tell your ex the truth if you were seeing someone else?
  19. jnelson
    she messaged me saturday afternoon...."just wanted to say hi. i'm not happy about how you spoke to me. I'm not seeing anyone else and I don't want to be accused."....In my reply I told her she was right, I was immature and what she does now is none of my business...a minute after I sent the message she tried calling me on my cell....I had my ringer on 'silent' and i accidently hung up on her...tried calling her back right away and then SHE didnt answer....I later sent another txt msg saying "I didn't mean to hang up on you - I tried calling back".............still haven't heard from her...this was saturday....
  20. jnelson
    why exactly is it that you want to get in touch with him?
  21. jnelson
    whether it was the right move or not, I sent her a text message on tuesday... I basically told her that she needs to figure out what she wants in her life. I said that I love her more than anything but its not fair for her to treat me like this anymore...I said when you love someone you don't treat them like this....if you are ready to go your won way without me, I respect that and all I want is for her to be honest and to tell me...I said if she wanted me in her life to show me with her actions and things would be so much better....one way or the other, something has to change and that we are both too old for this...I said for her to either treat me the way she says she feels (loves and misses me) or let me move on without you...no more games.... it's now friday and I still haven't heard back.....can't help but wonder what she is thinking...
  22. jnelson
    Alright...so a lot of people seem to like this no contact philosophy....I've had other ppl (friends of my ex) and some of my friends too who say that if I really love her, while I shouldn't initiate contact, I shouldn't NOT see her.....basically they say to not call her, not send her e-mails or text msgs etc., but if she does call or text to not sound too excited or get hopes up, but agree to see her - to be the guy she loved and show her I am doing well.....I think this may be a good strategy also....mostly no contact, just a little when/if she initiates..... so...when/if things get to the point where we agree to see each other again, what should happen physically? Every other time we have been together or seen each other this summer, it was like we were together...there really weren't any boundries....maybe that's part of the reason why things still haven't gotten better, I don't know....I do know that when we saw each other this summer, everything felt right....we both acted as though we hadn't broken up...one day we were together she joked about being my gf 'for the day'....
  23. jnelson
    I see what you are saying... I need to just back off completely and play it cool...if she decides she wants to talk to me (and respect me i.e. no lies etc.) then that's fine...we can go from there and keep it slow...you are right though, nothing is working right now because we both have different wants at this point in time....
  24. jnelson
    seeing as you were just dating this girl for 3 weeks before you left for two months, the possibility of working things out (long-distance) doesn't really seem like an option... I think the best thing is to accept that you both have strong feelings for each other and to keep in touch....date other people while you are apart, but remember each other also....over time, if the opportunity comes for the two of you to be together and you are both single then go with it...until then you gotta wait it out!!!
  25. jnelson
    you can't change anything about what has already happened.....how long have you known this girl???
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