jnelson

Beec - thanks for your response! I see where you are coming from with the whole needy thing. I guess I just wanted things to be how they used to...when I said I wanted us to talk as often as possible, that was only after we both agreed we wanted to work things out. Nonetheless, I see your point. My only demands for her was that we communicated. I figured this was especially important since we were two hours apart from each other. I mean, she wasn't even telling me when her days off were without me asking.....is that actually too demanding, or am I justified in wanting to know that? what do you mean by saying "I would see her, be friendly and not get back with her"? I think that might be the best strategy...thanks again!

Alright......I was with my Ex-girlfriend for 5 years before we broke up....We attend different universities 2000km away. This wasn't too bad for us, however, as we managed the first year and a half with only minor issues....only at the end of last year (March) did things begin to break down (mostly on my end). We began fighting constantly etc. and eventually she said she couldn't take the fighting anymore. She was devastated. It didn't really hit me until the school year was over and I came back home. Because of our breakup and also the fact that she doesn't get along well with her mom, she decided to move 2 hours out of town for the summer to live with her dad. I was upset about this, but we weren't together so I couldn't really do anything. When I came back home I realized what a mistake I had made. I love this girl more than anything and I would do anything to go back to where we were. Unfortunately when I told her all of this (beginning of summer - end of april) she said that she was still too hurt and she needed time as she didn't want to get hurt again. In the meantime she came up to visit me and other friends. When we were together, things were just as they used to be. I slept over at her house, once we rented a hotel room, we went out for dinner etc. Things were normal.. she still said she loved me and missed me but didn't want to get back together for fear of being hurt again. Then I find out from her brother that at the end of April she had a guy go and visit her at her Dad's house...someone she met through another friend...he doesnt go to the same school as her...when I asked her about this, she completely denied everything. She became defensive and blamed me for being controlling, falsely accusing her etc. Eventually, a week or so later she did admit this. She told me that this guy was strictly a friend and nothing was happening between them. She said she regretted even talking to him and she had stopped talking to him because he told her that he started to like her... Later on in the summer (early July) she invited me down to visit with her...things were alright although I was still thinking about this other guy thing....while I was there we had a pretty good time...we spent a lot of time together and slept together again....we talked about being together again...I said that because of the distance, if we were to get back together it would be better if we talked to each other as often as possible...everyday if we could (we always spoke daily before)...she said that she was super busy with work (she worked 5-6 days a week, 12 hours a day, often until late at night) but she would call as often as she could. I agreed. Over the next 10 days we spoke twice...I didn't even know when her next days off were....I felt worse than I had before...I told her that it wasn't going to work like this and we shouldn't speak anymore (I felt it would have been too hard to just be friends) A couple weeks had passed without talking to each other and I gave in and text messaged her..."Hey how are you? Hope things are well, miss you. love ___"...she wrote back saying she was happy to hear from me and she missed and loved me too....the next day I said I would be back in town (my town) and if she wanted to get together for a visit we should...she said she'd "really like that" and agreed..... So...we were supposed to get together yesterday....she msgd me in the morning saying "Im not coming up today. Long story. I'll be in town Sunday. Sorry"....making sure everything was okay, I called her...I asked her what was up...she told me it was a 'long story" again and she'd tell me later....I asked her where she was...she kinda hesitated and then told me the name of the town she is living in....she said she was with her good friend (female)....but I heard a guy talking in the background...I told her this and she said she was at her friends house and her friends relatives were up......point is, she was avoiding all my questions and lying to me...I could just tell from the way she was speaking to me that something was up....I told her she should just be honest with me and that if she was seeing someone else or interested in someone else to just tell me...she told me twice that she wasn't seeing anyone. She got mad that I was asking her so many questions and she eventually hung up....it could have been bad reception on her cell, but I dont think so...she purposely didn't tell me much..it was almost as though she enjoyed it.... This isn't the first time something like this has happened either (bailing out on plans)...a couple of months ago we had planned to go out for dinner @ 5pm and she never called me until 7pm....is this her way of trying to maintain power? So what happens now? She tells me she loves me and she misses me...she says if she knew that things would be the way they were she wouldn't hesitate to be back with me. She says all of this, but her actions clearly indicate otherwise....I know actions speak louder than words....I really don't know what to do. I know she really does love me but its just so confusing. I can see her calling and apologizing to me once she realizes what is going on and she gets out of her own little world that she's currently in...she is not the same person at all that I loved for 5 years.... What is she thinking? What should I do? She told me she would be in town this weekend coming up....I don't feel like dealing with her anymore if she is going to treat me like this and I hate being lied to....no contact? meet with her and get some explanations? Is there any chance of things working out in the future???

alright...so she txtd me this morning saying "I'm not coming up today. long story. i'll be in town sunday. sorry"......so...when i got home i called her back to make sure everything was okay.... when i called i asked her where she was...she wasn't at home....she told me she was over at her friends place....i asked her if everything was okay...she said that it was a long story and shed tell me later....i could hear soemone talking in the backgroung (a guy) I asked who she was with, she said her friend and her friends relatives....only heard the one guy though..... point is, she didnt want to give me too much information...she hesitated when i asked her where she was, didnt tell me who she was with (honestly)...I knew she was lying... she told me she would be in town on sunday...i guess that doesnt matter anymore...i dont want to keep in touch with her when she lies to me....everytime things start to get better (we start talking, arrange to see each other etc. ) she goes and messes it up like this....is this a way of her trying to maintain control? why would she do this?

that's a good idea...I will give it a try then..just make it seem like I dont really care and I've moved on...

Alright...thanks for taking the time to read this....I am pretty confused here.... Long story short - I was with a girl for nearly 5 years. I am 21, she is 20. The last two years we spent apart from each other due to different schools...far apart....things were great until the end of this school year. I was an ass, didn't treat her right etc. At the beginning of the summer I realized what a mistake I made...I told her how I felt, how I completely regretted everything that happened and how I would love to try things again. She said she couldn't because of how hurt she was - she was afraid to get hurt again (the break up really messed her up)....We are from the same city so we are normally together in the summertime, but this year (after the break up and everything + the fact that her and her mother dont get along) she decided to move with her dad for the summer, 2 hours away from here....she got a crazy good job there and she works 6 days a week...long hours.....she came up a few times this summer....when we were together in person, it was like nothing had really changed...we rented a hotel room together (yes, we slept together), went out for dinner, movies, etc....she invited me down to her place to visit her..I went and things were pretty good too....the thing is, all of this is making things more complicated. She told me she loves me, and if she knew things would be as good as they were before our rough ending she wouldn't hesitate to be with me. She said she wants to start off as friends again and see how things go. Anyway, the friends thing didn't really work...I was hoping for more than a phone call a week...she said with work she was too busy and she would call when she could....I had to respect that but it isnt really what I was wanting...I told her it was too hard for me to be friends without more of a comittment....I said that to have a great rest of the summer and I'd call her in a couple of months on her b-day or something.....this is where it gets interesting.....when I told her this, she started to cry saying thats not what she wanted....a day later she called me saying she wanted to see me before I go on vacation...I said that it wasn't a good idea and there really wasn't time for that...she called me again a couple days later (the night before I left) to wish me a 'safe trip'.....since then (3 weeks) I have been thinking about her a lot...I know I said I didnt want to talk to her but that's not really what I want....I gave in and sent her a txt message "hey, hope things are going well. miss ya. love ____" ...she txt messaged me saying she " its really good to hear from you, i love and miss you too" ...I replied "I'll be back in town in a bit if you want to get together, we should"...her response "id really like that, let me know where/when".....so....this is where it's at now...we agreed to do something tomorrow....she is/was supposed to call me this weekend....its now sunday.....i do really love her and i still want to get back with her, but i don't know if seeing her tomorrow is a good idea. she says she loves and misses me, but doesnt want to get back together....if she calls today should i answer her call? im not a fan of playing games at all, but she calls when its 'convenient' for her and when she 'has time'....i know she could have called friday or saturday but its almost like she calls at the latest possible time just to keep me guessing....on more than one occasion this summer she was supposed to call me to arrange something where she 'forgot' to call..... I don't know whether or not I should see her tomorrow..I'm not sure if there is any hope here of getting back together or if I should just move on. I think she is really confused.....but before I go back to school in a couple weeks I have to know one way or the other....100% together or 100% single......what do you think?